Sexy Captain's Curse
by C.Queen
Summary: When it's suggested that the captains and vice captains are lacking in sex drive, both sexes are eager to test the theory out and prove it wrong. But just who will test it out with who?
1. Sexual Difficulties

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original characters and the situations I put them all in. Everything else belongs to somebody else and that's just the way it's going to stay for a long while. Thanks to all my loyal readers out there, I hope you enjoy this little fic muahaha.

Sexual Difficulties

"This is the last time we let her talk us into one of her little parties." Nanao Ise muttered under her breath, her annoyance plain as she shifted a very drunk, very unconscious Yachiru Kusajishi against her shoulder. Carrying her fellow lieutenant to Captain Zaraki had not been the way she'd intended to spend her evening off. All she'd wanted was a quiet night out but no, her fellow lieutenants had deep sixed that idea. Than Matsumoto had challenged a guy at the bar to a drinking contest and it had all spiral out of control from there.

"I can take her if you'd like." Momo Hinamori offered shyly, having only had juice while the older women had helped themselves to more alcoholic beverages at the restaurant they'd just vacated. "I really don't mind."

Shaking her head Nanao wasn't about to turn Yachiru over to Hinamori, just because it was annoying to have to carry the little chomper. "I have her, thank you."

"Well, we'll certainly never volunteer to try someone's homemade whiskey again, at least without testing the alcohol level first." Smirking Rangiku Matsumoto slugged a friendly arm over Nemu Kurotsuchi's shoulder. "Of course Nemu here totally out drank those guys. I mean, man, you just downed that stuff without even really pausing to take a breath. It was friggin awesome."

"I was simply created to absorb harmful substances easier than the average person. I cannot get drunk, as I tried to explain to the man that issued the challenge." Unused to being shown affection Nemu Kurotsuchi didn't quite know what to make of Matsumoto san's exuberant behavior, especially when it was directed at herself.

"Must be nice." Doing some muttering of her own Rukia Kuchiki was only one of the five women who wasn't a lieutenant and who thankfully wasn't more than a little tipsy. Of course Ise hadn't drank enough to even become a little tipsy and Kurotsuichi couldn't get drunk but still, this was not what she'd expected when she'd agreed to run to the restaurant to deliver a message to Lieutenant Matsumoto for Renji.

"Yeah, it would be so nice not to have hangovers." Matsumoto agreed with a grin, before pointing to a set of steps. "We should sit there. They'll come through this way before they leave." There had been some sort of important, top secret captains meeting tonight and the idea was to camp out here until the 11th Division captain came past so that they could hand Yachiru over to him. Part of the reason for the impromptu party had been to celebrate her move to a new place, and none of them knew where it was.

Taking a seat on one of the bottom steps Nanao looked at her watch, estimating the wait time. The meeting was due to finish in about twenty minutes, she could only hope they were done on time for once or she would seriously consider leaving the pink haired trouble maker on the steps. How could Yachiru not have realized that there was no way she could beat Nemu san at a drinking contest? "You can all head, I have no problem waiting alone with her." Well she did, but there was no reason for them all to sit around, bored out of their minds.

"Naw, I've got nothing better to do anyway." Taking a seat on the steps too Matsumoto was pleased when everyone chose to take a seat as well. "Anyway, this gives me a perfect opportunity to get you guys' take on something I've been thinking about recently."

Rolling her eyes behind her glasses Nanao didn't even have to think about what the topic could be. "This is going to be about men, isn't it?"

"Well yeah but certain men in particular. I'm working on this theory that the more their spiritual powers develop, the lower their sex drive gets. I think that's maybe why all our captains have a serious lacking in the sex department."

* * *

Stopping dead in their tracks five division captains and acting captain Hisagi swallowed the greetings they'd intended to extend in the direction of the five females who were camped out on the nearby steps. Instinctive taking a step back into the shadows Captains Zaraki, Kyoraku, Ukitake, Hitsugaya and Kuchiki all went stock still, Matsumoto's words freezing them in place.

* * *

"Huh?" Blinking in surprise Rukia opened and closed her mouth several times before she blurted out what the other three conscious three women were thinking. "Why the hell would you say that?"

Shrugging Matsumoto wasn't the least put off by the looks she was getting from the other three. "Well think about it. None of the captains or vice captains are involved with anyone sexually. When was the last time you heard of any of the men of either ranking even dating someone?"

"My captain goes through women quicker than you go through jell-o shooters."

"Yeah but do any of them stick around?" Matsumoto countered, having indeed given this a lot of thought. "When has Captain Kyoraku ever had a relationship that lasted a week? I didn't say they weren't capable of getting dates, just that their sex drives are so bad they either can't get any or worse, don't even have enough to try and get some."

Rukia's defense of her older brother was immediate. "My brother was married!"

"True, but she passed away and have you seen him with another woman since? I mean, even if she was the love of his considerably long life, you'd think he'd still need a booty call once in a while."

"There is certainly evidence to support your theory." Nemu agreed, shocking the others even more than Matsumoto's original statement. "She is correct in her assertion that the men who achieve high ranks within the divisions tend to be without sexual partners or simply limit themselves to brief encounters that go no where. I hadn't thought about it until she brought it up but I would put forth the suggestion that in order to properly form a thesis we must first look at each man individually and compare."

Intrigued despite herself Nanao nodded. "I suppose you have a point. Well the first division captain and vice captain are all pretty old and I've never seen either of them with female company."

Snickering Matsumoto had to smirk. "They're probably too old to get it up anyway."

Now there was snickering all around, except of course for Nemu who didn't understand the comment, much less the humor of it. "Well after that is Lieutenant: Marechiyo Omaeda of the second division."

"EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" Was the general consensus from the rest of the female population, even Nanao who was usually too polite to express herself in such a juvenile way.

"Lets skip him. Talking about him and sex in the same sentence is just too wrong on too many levels." Grimacing Nanao quickly moved on to the next captain, who was little better than Omaeda but for different reasons. "Are we counting Former Captain Ichimaru as well as Kira san for the third division?" Looking over in Matsumoto's direction Nanao caught the wince the other vice captain quickly hid at the mentioning of her ex lover.

"I'm sure Kira's just fine in that area." Blushing brightly Hinamori stuck up for her friend, very embarrassed over the whole conversation. She couldn't believe they were even talking about this. What if anyone overheard them? She'd just die of embarrassment.

"But he doesn't date either, at least not someone important enough to introduce to either of us." Matsumoto pointed out with a knowing look on her beautiful face. "And as for Gin...well he was screwed up, no question, but he was amazing in the sack. Then again, maybe he came to the same conclusion I did about the captain's curse and got out while he could still get it up."

* * *

All the men wincing at the amusement that little comment caused the men wouldn't have moved if their robes were on fire. Well maybe Hitsugaya would, but he was young yet and probably didn't care to hear how he measured up. Unfortunately, the other men couldn't say the same, even Captain Kuchiki.

"I can't believe she said that." Captain Hitsugaya Toshiro muttered, embarrassed over his vice captain's crass comment. Not that he was surprised, Matsumoto didn't exactly have anything resembling modesty that he could tell.

"Poor Kira." Vice Captain Shuhei Hisagi muttered, feeling sorry for his friend as Hinamori once again tried to defend their mutual friend while the other girls pointed out every failed relationship the guy had ever had that they knew about. The list was short but painful.

"And now it's Aizen's turn." Captain Byakuya Kuchiki pointed out, already bracing to have to go over and separate Hinamori from whoever was the first to throw a stone in her former captain's direction. This was not going to be pretty.

* * *

"Well next is Captain Aizen if we're counting past captains as well." Unaware that Nanao and Matsumoto had both been teasing Hinamori about Kira to avoid bringing up the traitor Aizen Nemu brought up the dreaded name without a blink. "If one was going with Lieutenant Matsumoto's theory one could argue he left for the same reason that Captain Ichimaru though that would be unlikely as he has clearly shown that his motives were otherwise. He also showed a lack of carnal interest in Lieutenant Hinamori, who was obviously interested him in a romantic sense. To have not taken advantage of that would suggest a lack of desire for sex on his part as men don't tend to be that picky when it comes to available sexual partners." Watching Hinamori go the approximate shade of a tomato Nemu sent the girl a curious look. "Are you all right, Lieutenant Hinamori? Did I say something wrong?"

Since Hinamori obviously wasn't capable of replying since she was dying of embarrassment Nanao took the question instead. "She's just a little embarrassed over your..frankness."

"Oh." She didn't understand what she'd said that was inappropriate but Nemu figured an apology was probably in order. "I apologize for embarrassing you, Lieutenant."

"On to Captain Kuchiki and Renji then." Eager to change the subject since talking about Aizen meant thinking about Gin Matsumoto decided a change in captain was necessary. "And before you tell me neither of them have a problem in that area, Rukia, I have to point out that you've never slept with either of them so you wouldn't know for sure AND that being married doesn't make you good in bed. There are billions of housewives who will testify to that fact."

Opening and closing her mouth Rukia couldn't come up with any proof, which worried her more than she wanted to let on. "Well maybe Big Brother is just honoring my sister's memory, or doesn't want to upset me by letting me think some other woman might be taking my sister's place." Yeah, that sounded good. "And Renji..we'll we're like best friends. Of course he isn't going to tell me about the women he's been with..but I'm sure there's plenty."

"But given your brother's sexy good looks and angsty aura you'd figure the girls would be crawling all over him." Shaking her head Matsumoto just wasn't buying Rukia's argument. "He's rich, gorgeous and titled, no way he wouldn't be getting laid if there wasn't a good reason not to."

"She does have a point." Nanao agreed, the idea of a man giving up sex for loss of his wife just too romantic to be real. Guys just didn't do that. "Captain Kuchiki is a very appealing man. Why isn't he remarried or at least seeing someone?"

"You're interested in my brother?" Blinking in surprise Rukia gave the eight division vice captain a considering look. Could she maybe set the two up, Rukia wondered, seeing a way to prove her brother's masculinity within her grasp. And hey, her brother could do a lot worse than Lieutenant Ise.

* * *

Feeling eyes drilling into him Captain Kuchiki wasn't surprised to look over and see Kyoraku glaring daggers in his direction. It was no secret that the eighth division captain was desperately in love with his studious vice captain, or that said vice captain had turned down every overturn Kyoraku had ever made in her direction. Amused, Kuchiki turned his attention back to the women, where his sister was trying heroically not to do some blushing of her own. Lieutenant Ise..hmmm. No, but it would be vastly amusing to let Captain Kyoraku think he might be.

"Touch her and you're dead, pretty boy."

Raising an eyebrow Captain Kuchiki wasn't overly worried. "I'll keep that in mind."

* * *

"Uhm...Captain Komamura and Lieutenant Iba are next." Hinamori pointed out shyly, since the argument about Captain Kuchiki was really going nowhere. Besides, she didn't like the way they were talking about him, like he was only good looks and money. He'd always been nice to her, even when others had regarded her with suspicion due to her connection with Captain Aizen. He deserved better than to be talked about this way.

"Uhmmm...I don't really know either of them well."

"Me neither." Matsumoto agreed, echoing Rukia's statement. "Well the one has the head of a fox...finding a woman similarly endowed has got to be like finding a needle in a haystack. Plus, Iba is a former member of the 11th division. Those guys would rather fight than do ANYTHING else. I bet they don't even have sex, they just fight or think about fighting twenty four seven."

"They do seem to be unusually focused with battle. Perhaps they're like early Roman and Greek civilizations? Choosing their sexual partners from their fellow comrades since they were largely away from home and available women? While there are women available there are few in the 11th division and they tend to only associate with each other."

Silence followed Nemu's suggestion.

"Well that one guy, Yumichika Ayasegawa..." Rukia began, blushing at the thought. "On second thought, lets just not go there. Lets just move on, since we've established none of us know the seventh division men well enough to pass any sort of judgment."

"Then I guess we're up to my captain." Adjusting her glasses Nanao tried to think objectively. "Well he certainly likes women, he chases after them every chance he gets. I also understand he had quite the reputation when he was in the academy. Of course that was centuries ago, it's possibly that the captain's curse as Matsumoto called it has hit him and that I am simply unaware of it since I never associate with any of the women he brings around in his pathetic attempts to make me jealous."

"Maybe he's all talk?" Rukia suggested, thinking of many of the young men she'd met at Ichigo's school while she'd attended. "From what I've seen, men feel the need to brag about their women even when there's really nothing to brag about. Actually, I'd be more suspicious about a man that needs to brag than one who keeps his past relationships to himself."

"That is true...hmmm...I guess we'd have to ask some of his formers to find out." Not that she intended to ask any of her captain's bimbos any such thing. "Well, at least we should give him points for trying to have a sex life...that's more than most of the others on the list."

Everyone agreeing on that point they moved on to the ninth division.

* * *

Patting his best friend sympathetically on the shoulder Captain Jushiro Ukitake knew better than to offer Shunsui sympathy, especially since there really wasn't anything he could say that would have Kyoraku feeling any better about what had just been said about him.

"At least they didn't speculate that you were gay." Captain Hitsugaya offered lamely, since he left he should say something. This had all been Matsumoto's idea in the first place.

"Ah man." Tuning out what was being said about himself and his former captain Hisagi figured he was better off not knowing what they thought about his sex drive, which was fine god damn it. Wasn't it? All this evidence was starting to worry him. Just how long had it been? "Those of you who have yet to be judged..run, don't walk." This was just too much for any male ego to take.

* * *

"Well my captain's next but I don't think he can really count since he's so young. Actually, that's why I wanted your opinions. I don't want him to end up like the other guys. He's going to grow up to be a total hottie and since I'm never going to have kids it's up to him to provide me with godchildren to spoil."

Since defending Aizen, Kira, Renji and Hisagi had gotten her nowhere Hinamori was glad she didn't have to try and defend Toshiro as well. This was all just too mortifying for her, especially when the men they were talking about were ones she cared about. She was just too embarrassed to think about them in a sexual way. Especially Toshiro. "I'm sure he'll be fine, he gets along really well with women."

"He does." Nanao agreed with a nod. "He treats us like equals and never takes advantage of his rank the way some do. If any of the men stand a chance of getting married it's Captain Hitsugaya."

All the women nodding it was generally agreed upon that for the moment no judgment would be passed on the well liked young captain who was shorter than all of them with the exception of the still unconscious 11th division vice captain.

"Well...I guess that brings us to Captain Zaraki..."

Understanding completely Matsumoto gave Nanao a knowing look. "Now there's a hard man to figure out. Though I gotta say, if he were to put as much effort into sex as he does fighting, the women would be lining up on the streets for a taste of that, weird hair and all."

"No kidding. You could pretty much say the same for all the men in the 11th division." Nanao said with a small smirk. "But I don't know, I'd say sex isn't even on that man's radar. He gets off beating the hell out of people, not rolling around naked with them. I'm not even sure he realizes there are two genders in this world."

"He is very intimidating." Nemu added thoughtfully. "I would imagine it would take a very like minded woman or man to interest him, one who would challenge him on and off the killing fields."

"Like that's going to happen." Was Rukia's muttered opinion.

"Miracles do happen." Nanao pointed out, even though she understood that the chances were very slim. "Anyway, he can put up with Yachiru chan for long periods of time, that says something about his patience and temperament. He might be..on the brutish side...but I suppose he's the same as the men from the seventh division. We just don't know him well enough to judge. He's not exactly the chatty type and he keeps to himself all the time."

"True...okay, we'll hold off on a decision about him until princess there wakes up. That mean Nemu's father is next." Everyone turned to give Nemu their attention as they waited to hear her response to Matsumoto's prompt.

"My father has never shown any interest in any woman. I think though, that if he felt he had a problem in that area, he would have researched this all thoroughly. If you like, I can go into his files and look for further information on the subject."

"Yeah...Captain Kurotsuchi and sex are just two subjects I don't want to think about in relation to each other." Matsumoto began with a faint grimace. "All those in favor of moving on to our last division say I."

"I!"


	2. Facing The Facts

Disclaimer: As always, I own nothing but the original characters and the situations I put them all in. Everything else belongs to somebody else and that's just the way it's gotta be. Thanks for reading and enjoy!

Facing The Facts

Since everyone couldn't get away from the idea of Nemu's dad and sex fast enough, they were all eager to move on to the thirteenth and final division of the Gotei. Since she knew Captain Ukitake best Nanao figured she might as well get the ball rolling. "So that leaves Captain Ukitake. Personally, I've always thought he was more the type girls marry once they're done trying to change bad boys. He's...a gentleman."

"That's one way of putting it." Matsumoto agreed with a little snicker. "He's the sort of guy that you could walk over to butt naked and he'd offer you his robes to cover up."

Kind to a fault Hinamori once again found herself standing up for yet another man brought to the chopping block by the other women. "I think he's a very sweet man." Shooting them all scolding looks it was plain Hinamori had long since stopped thinking this was remotely funny. "And there's nothing wrong with being a gentleman."

"They didn't say there was." Rukia pointed out, finding the girl just a little bit annoying. It wasn't like they were saying anything that nasty or perverted. She'd heard men do a lot worse, talking about women and their assets, or lack there of. "And I think that he's a great guy. I bet the only reason he isn't married is because he's sick."

"Good point. Coughing up blood does tend to kill the mood. Well that and sometimes he can act just a little bit...well...no offense to the guy but when I first met him I thought he might be gay. He and Captain Kyoraku just have this vibe going..."

Knowing exactly what Matsumoto meant Nanao gave her a look of understanding. "Yeah, they do, but trust me, it's totally platonic. I thought the same thing when I first joined the eighth division but after watch them for a while, you can see it's more of a brother thing than a romantic thing."

* * *

The "brothers" were now both feeling a despair neither was sure they'd ever surface, much less recover from. For Captain Kyoraku, the idea that his Nanao chan had ever thought he might be gay was just too much to take after everything else. As far as he was concerned, his life and ego had both come to an abrupt, painful end at the hands of his beloved lieutenant.

Captain Ukitake was equally depressed over the idea that people in the past had assumed he was gay, though not to the same extent as his best friend. It was the fact that people had thought he and Shun were lovers that really freaked him out. Even just the idea...

"I told you to run." Hisagi commented with a shake of his dark head, sympathizing with their predicament, even while being relieved to know he hadn't been the only one to be wrong about the eighth and thirteenth captains in the past.

"Well at least they're done." Was Captain Kuchiki's opinion on the whole fiasco. "Now we can stop acting like idiots and leave before they realize we've been spying on them."

* * *

"Well that's all the male captains but I think we're not taking into account one very piece of data that is relevant to this brainstorming." Nemu interjected now that the discussion had quieted down to a more contemplative mood.

"And what's that?" Hinamori asked, pretty sure she wasn't going to like the answer.

"We are failing to take into account our own lackings as fellow members of these divisions. It's not simply the men in the divisions who are lacking in companionship and sexual relations. None of the women in any of the divisions has ever been married, while Captain Kuchiki and former Vice Captain Shiba were married at the time of their partner's deaths. It could be argued then, that the women are even worse off than the men. To not look at ourselves just as critically would be to render our observations pointless."

Silence descended as the women were forced to face what they'd been trying hard not to think about up until Nemu had brought it up. "Well it's not that we don't try...we just all have really bad taste in men." Matsumoto finally came up with, sounding just a little bit defensive. "And having bad taste in men is better than losing ones sex drive any day."

"No, lets be honest." Nanao interjected with a weary look on her face. "We're as bad as they are. I can't remember the last time I had a date worth mentioning. I could blame it all on the fact that I'm doing the job of two people instead of one but still..I don't even care that I'm single most of the time. I don't even really think about it except on Valentines Day when I'm not getting anything other than my captain's latest attempt to prove he's even more of a thoughtless pig than I thought he was the year before."

"At least you get it from someone who cares about you as a person. Everyone that gives me something is just trying to get me out of my robes." Rolling her eyes Matsumoto definitely wasn't in any hurry for February to roll around. "And I could use Gin blowing up in my face as an excuse but really, I'm just not interested in any of the guys that hit on me. I guess I just like my bad boys too much and there aren't any real ones left."

"Why do women like bad boys so much?" Nemu asked, this making no sense to her at all. Wouldn't a good man be the more attractive of the two?

"Because we're idiots." Was Nanao and Matsumoto's simultaneous answer, the two looking at each other in surprise before bursting out into laughter.

* * *

Feeling just a tad insulted Hisagi scowl was plainly visible, even in the dark shadows. He was to a bad boy, damn it. He'd beat the hell out of anyone who said differently. He had tattoos damn it. He swore and cursed and drank and..what the hell more did they want?

"Well at least they're not just picking on you guys anymore." Surrounded by guys in various states of ego repair Captain Hitsugaya was too amused to leave now. It was rather amusing to watch the once proud, confident captains of the Gotei reduced to sniveling, ego obsessed babies. Even Captain Kuchiki had winced a couple times.

"Someone who was dismissed for being too childish to be treated like a man has nothing to smirk about."

A hot resort was barely held back as Hitsugaya stared up and into Captain Zaraki dark, knowing eyes. No, better to just keep his mouth shut and go back to enjoying the way the others were suffering. He didn't want to miss a minute of this because he was too busy wiping the floor with Zaraki while the others tried to stop them. That could get really ugly.

"Well I'm going." Flashing out Captain Kuchiki headed home to wait for Rukia to return. Then they were going to have a little chat.

* * *

"Well can we just agree with the idea that we women are as bad as the men, without critiquing each other so that we all feel the need to go home and whip out a container of ice cream?" Only half kidding Matsumoto didn't even want to think about having her own sex life analyzed. That would just be way too depressing. "I think the real issues should be about finding a way to get ourselves out of this slump and get some action."

"Why would we want to do that?"

All eyes turning to Nemu none of them knew just quite how to respond to that since Nemu looked dead serious. She couldn't be serious, could she? There was just no way.

Since she could tell she'd said something wrong Nemu tried to explain what she meant a little better, in the hopes of understanding their reactions. "What I mean is, none of you has ever expressed a desire for motherhood at this time so why would you be seeking out sexual partners now? Wouldn't it make more sense to go looking for a partner when you're in a position of wanting children? Or do you want children now?"

Since Hinamori was busy going red as a tomato again and Matsumoto was obviously struggling not to burst out laughing Nanao sighed, acknowledging that she was going to have to be the adult here. Damn. "One doesn't have sex just for reproduction purposes, Nemu."

"Oh." This was a novel concept and one Nemu wanted to explore further. "But I don't understand that. When intercourse was explained to me it sounded like a terribly messy, uncomfortable process with little benefit aside from the continuation of the species. Is that not right?"

"Oh boy." Was all Rukia could think to say, trying not to imagine just what the girl might have been told by her creepy father. Not that her lecture on the subject had been that informative either. No, it had been pretty brief and to the point. Don't have sex until you're married had been the just of the whole thing.

"Ah well...help me out here, Matsumoto. No, on second thought, don't help me." Lifting up a hand to stop whatever Matsumoto had been about to say, Nanao schooled her features into serious lines and prayed to God she wouldn't screw this up. "Sex can be messy and it can be uncomfortable, but it isn't always. It can be a very enjoyable experience provided that the two people involved care about their partner and the other's pleasure as much as their own."

"Yeah, then it can be better than Rheo Thompson chocolate."

Nanao, Rukia and Hinamori stared at Matsumoto in shock, Nanao being the first to regain her voice as she croaked out, "No sex is better than that chocolate. There is NOTHING better than that chocolate."

"Oh there is. I've had it. why do you think I put up with Gin anyway? It sure as hell wasn't for his sparkling personality and looks."

"Why are the evil ones the only ones who are that good in bed?" Rukia asked no one in particular, still reeling at the idea that sex could be better than her favorite chocolate. It just didn't seem possible, especially given the horror stories she'd heard from other girls about the lousy men they'd been stupid enough to sleep with.

"I think it's wired into their brains." Was Matsumoto's suggestion. "They do tend to be perfectionists after all, with a big need to prove they're better than everyone else. Plus they need constant ego boosts which drives them to great lengths to prove just how amazing they really are. Bless their evil, evil souls."

* * *

"They must really like that chocolate." Listening to them argue over whether sex could really be better than that Thompson chocolate Hisagi was really glad he'd never slept with any of them. If he had, and they'd thought a stupid bar of chocolate was better than sex with him, he really doubted he'd ever get over it. That was the sort of thing that left a man impotent for life.

"They tend to descend on those chocolates like ravenous wolves." Hitsugaya agreed with a knowing look. "I bribe Matsumoto with it all the time."

"There's an idea. Give Nanao san those chocolates, Shunsui. She obviously likes them a lot." Trying to be positive, which was quite the undertaking considering everything, Ukitake tried to find a silver lining in all this. "And at least now you know most of her relationships in the past fell flat. That means you don't have to worry about old lovers getting in the way."

"You really aren't helping."

"Sorry."

* * *

All the women sighed over memories of all the men who'd done them wrong or worse, bored the hell out of them. "Why is it so hard to find a good man? Why can't I just wake up one morning and run into a decent guy who will make me happy?"

"Because they're either married, gay, or can do better than us?" Was Matsumoto's cheeky response to Nanao's sighed question.

"But Captain Kyoraku is a good man and he cares for you very much, Lieutenant Ise." Nemu pointed out, stopping whatever Nanao had been about to say. "Why don't you chose him?"

"Because he's never seriously persuade me. Oh he flirts and gives me presents but he's never made a concrete effort to win me over. Heck, you could probably do a better job wooing any of us than the men in our lives, Nemu. At least you'd think about your approach and take our personalities into account."

Taking that as a compliment Nemu smiled with a pleased look on her face.

"Hmm...now there's an interesting theory. Okay, Nemu, if you were Captain Kyoraku and you were courting Ise, how would you do it?" Matsumoto asked, genuinely curious to see what the girl would say. After all, it wasn't like romance was something Nemu knew anything about.

"I'd do my share of the paperwork and make her aware of how valuable she is to myself and the division. I'd insist on walking her home every night and I'd bring her lunch from her favorite places when we were working together. I'd buy her lilies since they're her favorite flower and I'd never buy her inappropriate swim wear or lingerie because I'd know she'd find it tacky and crude. I'd always be on time and I would take care with my physical appearance as Ise san values such things. I'd take her to quiet, personal places as she doesn't like loud places or crowds and when I told her I loved her I would not do as the real Captain Kyoraku does and make it sound hesitant and joking. I would be serious because I would want her to know I meant it and was willing to risk rejection by not leaving myself with the convenient out of claiming I was joking. Should I continue?"

"No, you proved my point nicely. See, she could do a better job than he does."

* * *

"Is that why you won't give him a chance?" Rukia asked, having always wondered along with everyone else why Ise and Kyoraku weren't a couple yet.

"Exactly. If he honestly felt for me what everyone thinks he does he'd step up and be a man about it. Captain Kyoraku is a lazy bum and the only time he gets off his butt and does anything is if it really matters to him or I make him. If I really mattered, he'd make an effort. I do care for him and I could probably even learn to love him if I let myself. But why should I let myself if I don't have to? I want a man who would fight to the death for me and want to die if I did. Who would drag me back by my hair if I tried to leave him. I want a man who won't take no for an answer damn it and who loves me enough to risk everything if it meant he could have me."

Understanding completely Matsumoto gave her friend's shoulder a pat. "And I want his brother."

Nodding Rukia was in complete agreement with them. "I think we all do. Well except maybe the hair part, not that I have enough to drag me by."

"You know, I think we should make a pact." Matsumoto suggested, a determined look coming over her face. "A promise to each other to do something to better our current horrible, nearly non existent dating situation. We'll each promise to help the others in any way we can and we'll ..I don't know...lend moral support when needed. We should all set a goal, with a week's deadline to get us on the right track."

Suspicious as hell Hinamori looked at the older woman doubtfully. "Like what kind of goal?"

"Whatever feels right for you." Nanao suggested, since she had a feeling they'd be more likely to get cooperation from the younger girls if the goal was a personal one instead of something the more...outgoing vice captain came up with. "It should be a step that's a little out of your comfort zone but not enough that we're going to have to hold a blade to your back to get you to do it."

"My goal will be to rethink my take on sexual relations between the sexes, research it and then try and find a man my father wont kill and see if he'd be willing to let me test my results on him."

"Just start small though." With horrifying visions of the girl propositioning some guy on the street Nanao laid a restraining hand on Nemu's shoulder. "Like a date or a kiss."

Since this seemed important to her friend Nemu nodded her agreement. "And you, Lieutenant Ise? What will your goal be?"

Thinking about it Nanao took a deep breath before replying. "My goal for the week will be to improve my appearance and after hours wardrobe. If I'm going to catch a man I better make more of an effort to be seen as attractive and available. It's time I let my hair down a little, both figuratively and literally."

"My wardrobe could use some work too." Rukia admitted, thinking of the plain, serviceable clothes that made up her current wardrobe. "And I'll reevaluate the men I know and try to think of them as potential dates instead of just the guys I hang out with."

"My goal is to go on a date with some guy and not spend the night comparing him to Gin and all the other guys I've dated and shouldn't have. And heck, I'll go one step further and only go out with a guy that my captain would approve of. That should be interesting."

"And my goal..." Hinamori finally said, after much prodding from the others, "Is to go on a date too."

"Then it's settled." Matsumoto announced as she held her hand out in front of her, the other girls placing their hands on top of hers. "We promise to complete these goals one week from now or die trying."

* * *

Sharing a look with the other men Hitsugaya had only one thing to say. "This is going to end badly." 


	3. The Testing Begins

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original characters and the situations I put them in. Everything else belongs to somebody else and that's just the way it's gotta be for the time being. Thanks to all my loyal readers out there and I hope you enjoy this latest chapter.

The Testing Begins

Having made their pledges the girls became lost in thought once more, trying to figure out how they were going to go about keeping their promises to each other. Matsumoto figured she had it easiest, since all she had to do was ask her captain to pick some guy out for her. It would be a cold day in hell when she couldn't convince a guy to ask her out, she thought with a rather feline grin. Hinamori was also thinking she had it the easiest, having already decided to simply ask Toshiro to go out with her. They were practically brother and sister after all, so it wouldn't be like he'd misunderstand her intentions or anything. She just didn't want to date anyone. She was waiting for Aizen san to return and there would be no one else trying to replace him, she thought firmly. Nanao, on the other hand, was busy trying to figure out when she was going to be able to make time to go shopping, much less show off her new clothes. It was the last days of summer after all and getting her captain into the office on such days was harder than getting Captain Soi Fon to smile. She'd just have to do some very careful juggling, since she'd given her word, Nanao decided. Rukia wasn't overly worried, since it wasn't like she didn't have time for shopping, and it wouldn't be hard to think over the merit of the men in her life. She'd have to come up with some lists, ones with points system so she could evaluate them on every level. Yeah, she'd do that when she got home, Rukia thought to herself with an air of satisfaction. Lastly, there was Nemu, who was busy complying a mental list of all the men she knew who were a match for her father and who her father couldn't kill for various reason. It was a distressingly short list. She would certainly have her work cut out for herself, Nemu thought, hoping she would have time to meet the challenge.

"Well I've had enough waiting." Getting to her feet Nanao wiped the dust from her robes with her free hand, never one to be comfortable just sitting around. "I'm just going to take her to her division office and leave her there. We either missed the captains or they're still going at it. Either way, I need my sleep if I'm going to get done what needs to be done tomorrow."

Looking at her watch Hinamori agreed with the older vice captain. "That's probably best."

"Well then, see you guys all later and good luck. And remember, anyone runs into trouble, you've got back up." Giving them a thumbs up Matsumoto grinned before flashing out, the others doing the same except for Nemu and Rukia, who chose to walk together since they were headed in the same direction anyway.

* * *

"So who are you going to set Matsumoto up with, Hitsugaya?" Hisagi asked curiously, once the women were out of sight and it was safe to talk without whispering. He was close enough to dying of embarrassment already, without them being discovered on top of everything else.

Shrugging Hitsugaya figured he'd have his work cut out for him, trying to find someone that he not only respected but wouldn't be easily corrupted by his vice captain's looks and huge breasts. He'd seen a lot of good, intelligent men take one look at those suckers and been rendered mindless for hours. It was really sad, how easily men seemed to fall prey to her...charms. That was probably one of the few positive things that could be said about Ichimaru. At least the evil son of a bitch had never been led around by the nose by Matsumoto's breasts. No, he couldn't even recall catching the jerk looking down her robes the way most of the men tended to do at least once a month.

"Well I pity whoever Kurotsuchi san sets her sights on. He'll end up locked in some cage somewhere with her old man doing God only knows what to him. They'll never find anything but pieces of his body. If that." Smirking Hisagi couldn't help but snicker a little. "Who ever it is, I hope the poor bastard knows what he's getting into."

Captain Zaraki simply raised a dark eyebrow. "Like that ever stopped a man before?"

"Good point." Wincing, it wasn't hard for Hisagi to come up with a lot of examples of stupid things he'd done for women. The long list wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the number of times those stunts had gotten him nowhere with said women. Everyone lapsing into silence Hisagi finally brought up what everyone else was thinking. "You guys don't think they're right...do you?"

Since he'd been skipped over Hitsugaya stated the affirmative no man had wanted to hear. "Well what can you guys argue in your defense? I mean, none of you guys have girlfriends right? The closest thing any of us have to a woman in our lives are those of us with female vice captains."

Since that was hard not to argue, Ukitake went for the best defense he could come up with. "Well you heard them, they're just as bad as we are. My third seat Kiyone is constantly trying to set me up with her sister and she's always complaining that Vice Captain Kotetsu never brings home men. I've never seen Captain Unohana with a man either."

"Well that takes care of the fourth division women." Hitsugaya agreed, nodding his head wisely as if he had near the experience of the other men with women. "And the only other female Captain is SoiFon... enough said."

"Why enough said?"

Everyone looking at Captain Zaraki with surprise it was Shunsui who finally blurted it out. "Oh come on, it's so obvious! She might as well tattoo Yoruichi san's name on her forehead. There isn't a man alive that could interest that woman."

Okay...the time to get out was now, Ukitake thought as he opted to leave before things got any worse. If that was possible. "Well I'm going to head home then, my keepers are probably already worrying themselves silly." Smiling faintly Jushiro looked over at his best friend questioningly. "Will you be all right, Shun? Care to come back with me for a drink?"

"No, I'm going home too." He had a lot to think about and a lot to do before morning came. Tonight had been an eye opener in more ways than one and Shunsui was many things, but a fool he was not. It had become plain to him that he was going to have to shape up and shape up now, or else he was going to lose the most important person in his life. For Nanao chan he was going to have to, dear God, become more respectable and to quote her, manly. This was going to take some doing.

Now it was the men's turn to split up, with everyone heading home except for Captain Zaraki, who headed for his division's office to retrieve his vice captain.

* * *

It was early morning at the Kuchiki household and Lieutenant Renji Abarai worked hard to hold back a yawn as he made his way down the hallway. Unfortunately, his captain was a notorious early riser, and expected those who worked under him to be the same way. Oh well, maybe he'd catch a glimpse of Rukia while he was around, Renji thought, trying to be optimistic. He missed her and hadn't had a chance to pay her a visit, since Captain Kuchiki was currently running him ragged. Lifting his hand to knock on his captain's door, Renji paused when he heard voice speaking, his captain's and Rukia's.

"Captain Kuchiki san and his sister are having a private discussion. You are to wait for them to finish before entering."

Whirling around to see one of the servants Renji nodded, more out of reflex then actual understanding. Watching the servant walk away, Renji waited until the servant was out of sight before moving closer to the door, hoping to catch some of the conversation. It had to be important, if his captain had given orders that they not be disturbed. Was Rukia in trouble? Fighting back the urge to burst in, since that would just make things worse, Renji forced himself to stand there and wait, hoping that there was nothing serious wrong. If his captain started yelling at her though, he was going in and to hell with the consequences.

He must have been standing there twenty minutes before the door slid open, Rukia appearing before him, looking surprised to see him. "Renji. Good morning."

"Good morning." She looked fine, Renji thought in relief, taking in his best friend's appearance. Her cheeks were pinker than normal and she looked a little out of it but was the same otherwise. Whatever her and his captain had been talking about, it hadn't upset her.

"I'll leave you and my brother to talk, he needs a distraction it seems." Smiling wryly Rukia gave him a little smirk as she stepped around him to move out of his way. "Better head in, before he realizes you're out here talking to me instead of giving him your reports. I'll catch you later, all right?" Not bothering to wait for an answer, Rukia turned to walk down the hallway, calling out her good byes as she went with a small, backwards wave.

"Bye." Was his lame response, watching her until she turned a corner. Turning to enter the room she'd just vacated Renji's eyes caught a hint of white on the floor, causing the vice captain to look downward at several pieces of paper, neatly folded, that had fallen on the ground. Leaning forward Renji picked them up, unfolding the papers as he straightened. Recognizing Rukia's handwriting and that it was a list of some sort, Renji figured it must have fallen out of her pocket when she'd slid past him. Tucking the papers into his robes Renji headed inside, closing the door behind him. He'd seek her out after the meeting, to return them.

* * *

Well that had been a strange meeting, Renji thought an hour later as he scratched his head, still trying to make heads or tails of it all. It had started out the usual way but around the half way point the questions had taken a weird turn and he had no idea just what his captain had been trying to find out exactly. Why would Captain Kuchiki want to know who Rukia hung out with while she was here, in the Soul Society? His captain had never asked him that before, or what he thought of her friends down on earth. It all seemed to be about her male friends for some reason. His captain had been too vague and offhanded, something was definitely up. Could it have to do with his meeting with Rukia earlier? He'd ask her, Renji decided, pulling out the sheets of paper from earlier. Studying the folded pieces of papers Renji wondered what they were for, especially since they'd been names with numbers beside them, in columns under other numbers. He hadn't really looked at it, other then to check that it was her writing and not his captain's. But what if it was for his captain? What if Captain Kuchiki had dropped something Rukia had written for him? Maybe he should see what it was first? Rukia would be annoyed with him if it wasn't something she was supposed to have back. Besides, it wasn't like she had to know that he'd read the thing. If it was personal, he WAS her best friend. Who better to be trusted to keep secret something private then the person who was always there for you? And wasn't he just coming up with a lot of crap to justify his curiosity, Renji thought even as he unfolded the pages once more.

Stepping out into the sunlight he studied the first page, finding it to be a list of names on the left, his own at the top along with Ichigo's, Ishida's, Chad's and other men he knew were friends from her school or in his or her unit. There wasn't a single female name on the list, Renji noted, not sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing. Well, at least his name was first, he decided, taking that as a good sign. At the very top of the sheet were the numbers one through twelve, and below each of these numbers was another number, that varied person to person and seemed to be between one and ten. Studying his own, Renji saw that he had a lot of sevens and eights, with the occasional higher or lower number. Not a ten in sight. At the very end there was total points and he was not at all pleased to see that Ishida and Ichigo both had totals that were higher than his own. Damn it, what was this thing? Remembering that there were more pages Renji went to the next page; and got his answer. The next page was entitled "Things to Consider" and there were six categories listed, with each having a heading and then a description of what fell under that heading. The first heading was 'Familiarity', the description asking how well she knew the man and how well he knew her in return. The level of closeness and bond between them. Flipping back, Renji was relieved to see this was one where he'd scored a nine. The only one he'd scored a nine on actually. Going down to Ichigo's name Renji was annoyed to see that he had gotten an eight, which didn't seem fair since he'd known Rukia so much longer than that idiot had. Actually, why hadn't he gotten a ten on this one? No one knew Rukia better than he did. And Ishida had gotten a ten on...flipping through Renji found number six which was, not surprisingly, under 'Intelligence'. He had gotten a six on that one. Reading the whole thing through it was numbers three and eight that really killed him. He'd gotten another six for attractiveness and a seven for sex appeal. He needed to sit down.

* * *

He was still sitting, wallowing in the pits of despair, half an hour later when Rukia, on the search for said list, happened to stumble across him sitting in the grass, in the gardens outside her brother's rooms. "Renji? What on earth are you doing? Do you know what my brother will do to you if he finds you lazing around out here?" Hands on her hips Rukia looked down at him with a disapproving scowl.

"This is yours."

Surprised when he held out three pieces of paper Rukia took them, smiling in relief when she saw what they were. "You found them! I was so worried that I'd dropped them in my brother's room and that he'd pick them up." Refolding them Rukia put them back into her pocket, patting it reassuringly, as if to assure herself that they weren't going anywhere this time. "Thanks for picking them up for me. Now you really better get up, you know he likes to take tea out here."

"What's that list for?"

"Oh this? This is part of a sort of pact I made with some of the vice captains. Basically we're trying to improve our social lives and part of my goal was to take a closer look at the men in my life and see which ones were worth dating, if I wanted to date any of them." Since he was her best friend Rukia knew she could trust him not to blab about this to anyone. "I wrote this up last night and thought I'd take it with me, stop in at the tenth division on my way back. Matsumoto san's met a lot of these guys after all, so I figured that she'd be the best person to give me a second opinion on my ratings. It was harder than I thought it would be, deciding who deserved what, and what categories I felt were important enough to include. I'm still debating if I should have given more points to the important headings, rather than just one out of ten for each of them."

And here he'd thought things couldn't get any worse. Famous last words.

"Are you all right? You look a little sick." Frowning Rukia leaned forward to place her hand on Renji's forehead. "You're a little warm. Do you feel ill?"

"I've been better." Was his weak reply.

"Is that why you were sitting on the ground? Why didn't you say so sooner?" Back to scowling at him Rukia grabbed him by the arm and tugged him to his feet. "Come on, you're going to the fourth division. Men, you always drag your feet when it comes to admitting you're less than one hundred percent healthy. Like it's manly to not be able to admit you aren't Superman."

"Who the hell is Superman?"

"I don't know, but Karin chan says that to Ichigo all the time. It means you aren't a super man I guess."

And the hits just kept coming. All the way to the forth division.

* * *

Arriving exactly ten minutes before she had to be in the office, Nanao opened the door, stepped in, and nearly had a heart attack. "Captain? What are you doing here?"

"I'm doing my paperwork, Nanao chan. What does it look like I'm doing?" Her captain grinned at her, doing his best not to stare at the subtle alterations to her appearance she'd made. His Nanao chan was wearing earrings, Shunsui noted, and a touch of eye shadow and lip gloss. So both of them were putting their transformations into effect, one step at a time. Well let the games begin, he thought, with inner glee.

"But you're never in the office..ever..unless I make you or it's winter." Hand over her heart Nanao walked across the room to his desk in a daze, shocked to see that he was doing exactly what he said he was doing. Her captain was doing paper work. Without her making him. Had hell frozen over while she wasn't looking? "What did you do?" That was the only possible explanation Nanao could think of, her hands automatically going to her hips as she prepared to give him hell. It had to be something big, for him to have dragged himself out of bed before noon. He had better not have lost some forms again because if he had he was in so much trouble...

Mildly insulted that she assumed that he wouldn't be doing paperwork unless it was to bribe her, Shunsui simply gave her a winning smile, "I didn't do anything bad, Nanao chan. Unless you don't want me to do my paperwork?"

Looking closer at the scroll Nanao was really starting to get worried. He'd actually taken care to write legibly, and the thing wasn't full of spelling and grammar mistakes. Since when did her captain write reports she wasn't embarrassed to hand in? Yes, something was seriously, seriously wrong. "Does this have something to do with the meeting? Did you volunteer to do something stupid?" Oh God, he had, and now he was going off on some suicidal mission and this was like a good bye present, a final gift before he went off and got his stupid ass self killed. He wasn't allowed to do that! Only she was allowed to do that. "You aren't going without me!" She practically yelled, leaning forward to poke a finger into his chest. "And that's final!"

"Going where?" He asked, thoroughly confused but happy that she'd want to go with him.

"Whatever suicidal mission you volunteered for, you idiot! I'm going with you so don't even think about trying to leave me behind. I'm your vice captain and if you're going to go off and die then I'm going to die with you whether you like it or not. Do you hear me? Are you getting this? Don't even think about trying to give me the slip because I'll hunt you down and kill you myself, understand?!"

"I hear you...but I'm not going on some suicidal mission. I just thought it would be nice if I tried to do more of the paperwork, since you've seemed so stressed lately." Watching her turn a particularly lovely shade of red Shunsui couldn't help but grin. "But I do like the idea that you can't live without me. I really liked that part, Nanao chan."


	4. Measuring Up

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the original characters and the situations I put them in. Everything else belongs to somebody else and that's just the way it's going to stay for the time being. Thanks to all my loyal readers out there, I hope you enjoy this latest chapter!

Measuring Up

"And I never said I couldn't live without him." Nanao muttered, more to herself than her amused audience. "I just said that it was my duty to go into battle with him. Stupid captain, twisting my words around." Stabbing her chopstick into her noodles harder than was entirely necessary Nanao had been doing a lot of muttering about her captain since she'd arrived to join her friends for lunch. "As if he were to die for. Gerald Butler is worth dying for. Big difference between the two."

Patting Nanao on the shoulder Matsumoto gave her an appropriate sympathetic look, even though she agreed with the generally population's opinion that Nanao and her captain were made for each other. Nanao was pretty much the only person who refused to realize this and nothing anyone said appeared to sink in, nor would it, until Nanao was good and ready. "Well that's Captain Kyoraku for you, only hearing what he wants to hear."

"Exactly."

"Well I wish you guys had woken me up." Yachiru mumbled, her childish face in a pout. "I would have had lots to say about the guys! And I missed out on what you guys said about my Kenny!"

"Like I told you, we didn't say anything bad about him." Well that wasn't exactly the truth, but close enough as far as Matsumoto was concerned. Besides, the last thing this day needed was for one of them to set Yachiru off on one of her little rampages. She liked her face the way it was, thank you very much. "We just talked about how men in your division tend not to be interesting in dating, that's it." Which lended credibility to Nemu's theory about them all be gay, but that could just remain unsaid for now.

Yeah, her men were such idiots when it came to women. Yachiru doubted very much that they even realized women had been put into the world with a purpose other than to provide them with more people to fight with. It was sad really. Not that she wanted her Kenny to start to dating, cause that just wasn't allowed. She'd bite anyone who tried to get her claws into her captain, who was like a father to her. No one was good enough for him as far as she was concerned. Not that she really needed to worry, since her captain never showed any interest in any girls anyways.

"Excuse me."

All the female heads turning they looked up expectantly at Kira, who smiled back at them hesitantly. "I was just wondering if any of you knew what was wrong with Renji san."

Looking at each other the girls all shook their heads in the negative. "Maybe Kuchiki tore him a new one?" Yachiru suggested with a mischievous grin as she winked at the blonde lieutenant who blushed in response. "Bya-kun did seem a little off this morning. Maybe he took out his bad mood on Ren kun."

"That could be it. I tried to ask him about it and he just got more upset." Scratching the back of his head Kira shrugged. "I guess he'll tell me when he's ready."

Giving her friend a sympathetic pat on the arm Matsumoto paused when she caught sight of Rukia walking over towards them. "Well here's a chance to ask someone who knows both the men in question. Hey, Rukia. Do you know why Renji's got his tail in a knot?"

"It's because I dragged him to the fourth division. He's sick but he doesn't want to admit that he is. I got him to the waiting room and then out of nowhere he bolted on me. I don't know where he is, the jerk." Scowling Rukia stopped in front of the table to stand beside Kira. "Why, have you guys seen him?"

"I ran into him a half an hour ago." Kira explained, looking worried again. "He didn't seem sick, just depressed about something."

"Well just let him sulk, the baby." Pulling out her sheets of paper with her list on them Rukia held them out to Matsumoto, who took them with a questioning look on her face. "Sorry to bother you, Matsumoto san, but I wanted to get your opinion on it."

Reading down the list Matsumoto looked back and forth between the chart and the number explanations, Yachiru hopping onto the tenth division's shoulder so that she could see as well. Amused as she read over the results Matsumoto paused as an idea occurred to her. Renji was Rukia's best friend after all and Rukia did tend to forget that there were just some things girls didn't talk about with guys. Especially when it was something like this. "Renji kun didn't see this by any chance, did he?"

"Uh huh. I dropped it and he picked it up. Why?"

"Well that explains the mood he's in. I'm sorry to tell you this, Kira, but I don't think Renji's mood is going to be improving any time soon." Ouch, talk about taking some hits, Matsumoto thought as she looked up from the chart. Getting these sorts of scores was bad enough, but Ichigo getting better marks must have sent the hot tempered redhead straight through the roof. Poor guy. And Rukia had absolutely no idea, Matsumoto marveled, wondering how that was possible. Not even Zaraki was that dense.

Puzzled Kira looked from the notes to Matsumoto's smirking face. He was missing something here, he could feel it. "How come?"

"Cause Rukia chan went and castrated him." Was Yachiru's cheerful reply.

* * *

While Kira went as white as a sheet and Rukia loudly declared her innocence of the charge Nemu took her usual seat beside Nanao, looking with interest at Yachiru. "Someone's been castrated? That's not good, you can't reattach that."

Choking on her tea Nanao marveled at Nemu's unplanned but perfect timing. Of all the things to say.

"I did not castrate Renji." Perilously close to stomping her foot Rukia looked up beseechingly at the still pale Kira. "I didn't! I swear!"

"You might as well have." Was Matsumoto's muttered reply, even as she snickered at Nemu's comment. "Anyway, seeing as you're too young to get it, take some advice from an elder. Go find Renji, tell him that list was just a joke, and buy him dinner. If you don't, he's going to be a real pain in the ass to deal with. It's a guy thing."

"They should come with manuals." Doing some muttering of her own Rukia saw no reason why she should have to buy Renji dinner. Of course she didn't get how her list would figuratively castrate him either. What was the big deal, it wasn't like he was in love with her or anything. Geez, men were such babies sometimes. Why couldn't they all be like her brother, he wouldn't get all bent out of shape like this.

"What is this list anyway?" Kira wanted to know, almost afraid to ask. If Rangiku was involved, and it was bad enough to send Renji off the deep end, it had to be a list to be feared.

Scanning the sheet first to double check Matsumoto made sure he wasn't on it before offering the best reassurance she could give him at the moment. "Don't worry, Kira. You aren't on it."

"Do I want to know, Ran?"

"Probably not, no."

Nodding Kira wisely said his good byes and beat a hasty retreat, his goal to locate Renji and find out what the hell the women were up to that had them grinning like cats who'd just gorged themselves on cream. Well Nemu san hadn't, but then her face rarely changed expression at all. Even Ise san had been smiling a little, and that spoke volumes.

* * *

"What is the list?" Nemu asked, not quite sure why everyone seemed so amused by Izuru san's hasty retreat. It was obvious being on the list was a bad thing, but no one had yet to explain why. Was everyone on the list being castrated?

"Rukia san wrote out a list of the eligible men in her life and rated them." Nanao explained, motioning towards the papers still in Matsumoto's hands. "Abarai san didn't take the news of his score very well."

Jumping off Matsumoto's shoulder and back into her seat Yachiru gave an indifferent shrug before picking her chopsticks back up. "Well I don't know what he's complaining about, he got the third highest score out of everyone on that list. I mean really, a guy like him could never beat out that Quincy or Orangeyhead."

"Orangeyhead?" Nemu repeated.

"Ichigo san." Matsumoto clarified.

"Ah, Kurosaki san." Thinking about this for a moment Nemu poised a question. "Kuchiki san, does Kurosaki san date much? He does, after all, have a spirit level akin to most any captain or vice captain in the Gotei 13."

"He's popular enough with the girls but no, I've never seen him go out with any girl other then Orihime san, Arisawa san and myself. Oh and his sisters and Ririn, if you want to get technical." Frowning Rukia was beginning to get more than a little worried about all the evidence that was piling up. Could this be why her sister and brother had never had children?

"Well when I hacked into the forth division medical database last night there was nothing in any of your medical records to indicate that there's a medical reason why none of you seem to be procreating. Everyone was given a clean bill of health at the last physical. Well everyone but Captain Ukitake, but then he never gets one."

"Nemu..you hacked into the forth division records?"

Nanao san's disapproval plain it didn't take a brain surgeon for Nemu to figure out that Nanao san didn't approve of what she'd done. Since this was far from the first time Nemu had hacked into that database Nemu hoped Nanao san wouldn't tell her never to do it again, since her captain was sure to order her to do so at a later date. She didn't like the idea of breaking a promise to her friend. "Well it seemed a logical thing to do. I went through all my captain's records and found no sign that he ever looked into this matter or was aware of the possible problem. I did do some research though and found that by and large less than ten percent of captains and vice captains have gotten married within the past two hundred years. The percentage that had children is even lower. Kurosaki's father was in the minority."

"Well at least he's living proof that we can produce kids. Of course, I'd never want to have kids with that man." Shaking her head Matsumoto couldn't imagine ever being that desperate. If he was a sample of what a girl had to settle for in order to have kids, she'd adopt.

Everyone pondering this the women all were thinking that the pickings were indeed slim which wasn't a good sign that they were ever going to experience motherhood. "Maybe you have to be among the living to have kids?" Nanao suggested after some thoughtful consideration. "What I mean is, Kurosaki san's father didn't have Kurosaki san until after he left the Soul Society and returned to Earth. Also, he's had to conceal his spirit energy, maybe that has something to do with it as well."

"But people are born here." Yachiru pointed out. "And like Nemu chan said, with the marriage rate being as low as it is, it's only natural that the birth rate be even lower."

"Damn...who's bright idea was it to make men a pivotal part of the procreating process?"

"A man's." Was the simultaneous answers to Matsumoto's question.

* * *

Sitting back in his chair Captain Hitsugaya studied the wall clock and figured he'd give Hinamori another ten minutes before he headed out to get himself a late lunch. Given how well he knew her he thought it safe to bet that she'd be coming to either him or Kira by the end of the day, to ask them to be her date so that she could get out of her deal with the other girls. Since to her mind actually going out with a guy would be a betrayal against Aizen, it would stand to reason she'd ask out one of the two guys who she thought of as brothers and ask them to pose as a potential date. Kira would probably agree to it but he'd already decided to say no. They weren't helping her by letting her live in her little world where Aizen was a brainwashed prince charming who only needed her to see the error of his ways. What Aizen was was a rat bastard, and Hitsugaya feverently hoped he was the one to kill the son of a bitch, regardless of what it would do to his relationship with Momo. There were just some things that couldn't be forgiven. Or forgotten.

A knock sounding on the door Hitsugaya called out an enter, not surprised when Hinamori entered, automatically checking to make sure Matsumoto wasn't around before she entered. "Do you have a moment?" Hinamori asked, her voice hopeful, touched with embarrassment.

"What can I do for you?" Like he didn't already know.

"Well I..I was wondering if maybe..uhm." Nervously twisting the collar of her robes Hinamori wished there was some other way to do this. Why couldn't her captain just come home, so that she didn't have to be in this stupid situation. "I ah...I was wondering if I could take you out to dinner tonight."

Clever girl. "What's the occasion?"

"Uhm well." Eyes narrowing slightly Hinamori suddenly got the distinct feeling that he knew exactly whey she was asking him to dinner. But how could he..Matsumoto. She must have told him all about the stupid bet and he'd just assumed she'd come and ask him to go out with her. Like there was no one else she'd even think to ask. Of all the nerve! There were plenty of other people she could have asked, she'd just..felt sorry for him because he was such a workaholic and never went out unless he had to. Well see if she asked him now, the egotistic jerk. "Well it's been a while since we had dinner together, I just thought maybe we could catch up. But if you're too busy, it's no big deal."

So she knew that he knew, Hitsugaya thought to himself, intrigued by this latest turn of events. How she knew that he knew was beyond him, but the knowledge was written all over her face. "Sure, I could meet you for dinner. Where do you want to go?"

"Wherever, it doesn't matter to me." Actually, she'd already made reservations at one of the fancier places which she was going to have to cancel now. No way was she going to go there now, when he thought he was giving her a pity date. Pity date indeed. She was a ranked member in the Gotei 13, she was nobody's pity date gosh darn it.

"Fine then, I'll think of some place and come by your office at seven. Work for you?"

"That would be fine. Anyway, I haven't had lunch yet so I'll see you then. Bye bye." Not waiting for a reply Hinamori was out the door and on her way before Hitsugaya had a chance to even say good bye in return.

Raising an eyebrow Hitsugaya got up from his desk to head out as well, already beginning to plot out his next move. "Well this is an interesting development indeed."

* * *

Hours later, as the sun finished sinking from view and night descended, Captain Ukitake was about to turn in for the evening when he heard the sound of faint footsteps headed in his direction. Knowing the steps of his two third ranks Ukitake tensed, knowing that it was neither of them. Starting to get to his feet he turned, identified the person approaching, and gave a small bow. "Kurotsuchi san, good evening."

"Good evening." Giving a bow of her own Nemu noted that he was already dressed for bed, dressed in his plain white sleeping robes, his hair tied back in a loose braid like her own. "I apologize, I didn't anticipate that you would be retiring so early. If you'd like, I could return sometime tomorrow. My reason for coming is not an urgent matter."

"It's no problem, please have a seat." Sitting back down on his porch Ukitake watched her as she took a seat beside him, appearing unaffected by the cool spring breeze. Then again, he'd never known her attire to change, regardless of the weather. "What can I do for you?" He asked, once she was comfortably settled.

"I require assistance with an experiment and hoped you'd consider aiding me in my research."

Opening his mouth to ask what sort of research she was gathering Ukitake felt a slight chill go up his spine as he suddenly recalled the discussion he and the other captains had overheard the night before. But no, it couldn't be. Could it?

Taking his silence for encouragement Nemu continued to explain. "There will be no risk to your health and though I can't financially reward you for your help I'm sure we could come up with some sort of way for me to repay you for your services."

Pay for his services...Mentally berating himself for the perverted thoughts that came immediately to mind, Ukitake could feel himself getting hot under the collar. Oh please, please let him be misunderstanding where this was going. "Exactly..exactly what sort of experiment is it that you need my help for?"

"I'm researching the correlation between high spirit energy and sexual desire. You have the necessarily high spirit energy levels as well as fitting my other requirements. While my spirit levels are not within your range I am healthy, able and willing to learn. I would be most appreciative if you would consider aiding me in this endeavor, Captain Ukitake."


	5. Meeting of Requirements

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original characters and the situations I put everyone in. Everything else belongs to somebody else and that's just the way it's gotta be for the time being. Thanks to all my loyal readers out there and I hope you enjoy this latest chapter of mine.

Meeting of Requirements

Oh dear God. Of all the situations Captain Ukitake had found himself in, including facing his own mortality due to his illness, this had to be the most nerve shattering event of them all. Right now, if a million Hollows appeared out of nowhere, he was pretty sure they'd devour him without being able to move so much as a muscle in his own defense. All the blood had completely left his brain and his power of speech wasn't functioning either. In fact, the only thing that was still functioning at the moment were his eyelids, as he continued to blink at her stupidly.

"Is something wrong, Captain Ukitake?"

Wrong? Yes, there were a lot of things wrong with this situation, namely the fact that he was in it. "Aren't there..more suitable candidates out there?"

"There are other suitable candidates yes, but you were at the top of my list." Nemu informed him, having gotten the idea of a list from Rukia san. "Of course, we'll have to test your suitability first. If you aren't suitable, then there's no point in continuing the experiment."

"Test?" Captain Ukitake repeated wearily, his own morbid curiosity just enough to get his mouth moving to form coherent words. "What sort of test?"

"Oh nothing strenuous." Nemu assured him, thinking that his reluctance might be related to his physical condition. "Just a kiss. After all, if we have no chemistry, the experiment would be inconclusive. Nanao san said chemistry is very important in a relationship. Without it, it doesn't matter how proficient a man is in sex."

"Good point." Was all he could think to say.

* * *

"You still seem hesitant." Nemu commented after several minutes had gone by without him saying another word. "Do you find me unappealing? Matsumoto san explained to me that men have types and that as they get older they tend to engage relations only with those women that meet their requirements, rather than screw around with everything in a skirt, as they would have apparently in their youth. Apparently screwing is another way of saying having sex, but she couldn't explain to me why. What does sex have to do with an item found in toolboxes?"

"No idea." Was his weak reply.

"So do I not fit your requirements? Nanao san said she didn't know what your type was, but that it would probably be someone like Unohana san. If that is the case, then I would point out that there are many similarities that could be made. We have similar heights and builds, and we even wear our hair the same though her braid is worn out front rather than behind like mine. I'm also intelligent and hard working and whatever I'm not I could learn to be if it is of importance to you."

"Captain Unohana?" Not that she wasn't a lovely woman, but he had definitely never thought of her in a romantic sense. Up until now anyway. Now he had to think about it, which was rather unpleasant because it drove home to fact that he was actually taking this conversation seriously. Had to take this whole thing seriously, as Kurotsuchi san watched him so expectantly. She was really serious about this. In a way it was flattering, to know that out of all the other men she might have picked she'd chosen him. It was also nerve wracking as hell, because he was tempted and at the same time knew that if he took her up on her offer he'd never forgive himself. Woman she might appear to be but she was still a child is a lot of ways and she wasn't looking at this in the right way at all. To her, sex appeared to just be a bodily function, when it should be much more then that. Of course he'd gone through the phase she'd mentioned before, when sex had been more about getting it than the quality of it. But he'd been around long enough to learn better and he didn't want to use Kurotsuchi san that way. She was used by her father enough as it was. She was a human being, not a tool for her father or a provider of sex for him. Unfortunately. She deserved to be treated like a lady, even when she didn't realize she should be. "Kurotsuchi san, I really appreciate you coming to me and I'm honored that you would chose me out of all the others, but I don't think you realize that there's more to a relationship than chemistry and sex."

Cocking her head slightly to the side Nemu regarded him with interest. "Such as?"

He really should have seen that one coming. "Such as…love…common interests…friendship. You've probably never even been kissed before, have you?" When she shook her head Ukitake continued. "A first kiss should be with someone special, someone you really like. It would be wrong of me to steal your first kiss."

"But you wouldn't be stealing it, I'd be giving it to you." Was Nemu's oh so logical response to that. "And a kiss is a simple meeting of lips, there's no great meaning or importance attached to it in reality. It's simply an exchange of skin, saliva, air, and possibly any germs or items one might have in ones mouth at the time."

It's not…it's hard to explain but…with the right person it's supposed to be as lot more than that."

"Well how will we know if it's not more than that unless we try?" This was not going at all how Nemu had hoped and she struggled to come up with a logical reason why he would be so hesitant. According to everything she'd been told about men, they were supposed to always be eager for sexual conquest. Why was Captain Ukitake different from then? "Are you a bad kisser? Or gay perhaps? Is that why you're uncomfortable with this?"

"I'm neither." Was his fierce response.

Well now she was stumped. She knew he wasn't seeing anyone because Nanao san would have known because Captain Kyoraku would have told her the minute he'd found out. He hadn't stated she wasn't his type..wait..could he..be trying to be noble? Was he trying to worm his way out of this for her sake? But that made no sense, because if it wasn't him then it was just going to be someone else. She'd made that clear though, so that couldn't be it either. Maybe..he was shy? He was a quiet person after all. He didn't associate too closely with any of the other Gotei 13 other than the captain and vice captain of the eighth division and Captain Hitsugaya san. Perhaps she had to make the first move? After all, how hard could it be? Turning to face him more fully Nemu placed either hand on his head and pulled his startled face towards hers.

* * *

Eyes open Nemu pressed her lips against his, finding them softer then expected and on the cool side. Staring into his surprised eyes Nemu waited to feel something but nothing happened. Pulling her head back Nemu was disappointed. "I guess we aren't compatible at all. My apologizes for wasting your time." Rising to her feet Nemu prepared to leave him so that he might retire for the evening.

"That wasn't a kiss."

"Excuse me?"

Looking up at her Ukitake reached over and took her hand, preventing her from leaving. "I said that wasn't a kiss."

Confused Nemu couldn't figure out what she'd failed to do, since it had seemed like such a simple process. "It wasn't? What did I forget to do?"

Whether it was pride or ego, curiosity or lust, Ukitake couldn't let her walk away thinking that that was what a kiss with him was like. It would be a kiss, and only a kiss, but it would be her first and it would damn well be worth remembering. Pulling her down by her arm she tumbled into his arms, her hands automatically going to his shoulders as she looked at him questioningly. "Eyes closed and relax. Leave everything else to me." Framing her face with his hands he drew her mouth back to his as her eyes fluttered closed.

The difference was immediately apparent. His lips were moving, which was a definite change, and they were warmer, softer, somehow more inviting as they moved against hers. She felt warmer and softer too, and her head felt a little light, all reactions that made no sense. Did your body temperature change to that of your partner's when you were kissing? Was it like this for him as well? Something to ask. It was strange too, the impulses that arose from the locking of ones lips to another's. She had this urge to get closer, to hold onto him as he kissed her, to keep him close regardless of his wishes. And then she felt the glide of his tongue against her lips and she was so surprised that she opened her mouth. Then she thought nothing at all as he deepened the kiss and took possession of her mouth that left her thinking that there was no way he was stopping this anytime soon.

* * *

Walking Hinamori home after their dinner Hitsugaya was getting the definite impression that she wanted to ring his neck, something that amused him greatly as he ignored her deliberate silent treatment. He'd chosen the restaurant she and Aizen had always gone to for quick meals during and after work. Some would say it had been a slap to the face, Momo had certainly taken it as one as she'd glared at him once she realized where they were headed. In his defense, they did have excellent food there and he did want to test a theory of his, which was that Aizen was likely still keeping tabs on Momo even now, weighing her usefulness. Given that this was the only hangout Aizen had ever had, it stood to reason that meetings he'd held with his minions had taken place there and that some might still frequent the joint. He wanted it to get around that he and Momo had come there together, it what someone who didn't know them very well might take as a date. He wanted to send Aizen a clear message that Momo was not to be approached or used, ever again. Because she would let herself be used by Aizen, he had no doubt there. She wasn't half as strong as his Matsumoto, and even she would be tempted if that bastard Ichimaru beckoned her. But Ran would never betray him, not like Momo had.

"Why are you making that face?" Hinamori asked, breaking into his thoughts. As far as she was concerned, she was the only one walking here who had the right to look sad. Or was he finally feeling guilty about dragging her to that place, knowing how she'd feel?

"Just thinking about Matsumoto san." Was his response, which was as close to the truth as he was prepared to get. "She wants me to set her up on a date with someone, but I'm having a hard time with it. No matter who I pick, it wont work."

Since Toshiro would rather cut off his own hand than admit there was something he couldn't do, Momo stared at him in surprise. "Why won't it work?"

"Because she loves Ichimaru. She always will. Sometimes, there really is only one person in the world for you and I think he was it for her." Running a hand through his spiky silver hair Hitsugaya sighed. "I know that she'll try her best with whoever I set her up with but in the end, it can really only end badly."

"If you realize that then why are you always encouraging people to try to set me up on dates with other guys?" How many times had she told him Aizen was the only man for her, only to have him dismiss her feelings like they were unimportant and childish?

"Because Aizen doesn't love you back. Ichimaru loves Matsumoto, as much as he is capable of feeling something like that He would never harm her the way Aizen hurt you."

"If he loved her, he wouldn't have betrayed the society, brainwashed my captain and left her behind." Tears brewing in her eyes, Momo stopped walking and turned to face her childhood friend. "How dare you even suggest that that fox faced demon is better than my captain!"

"He loved her enough to leave her behind." Was his calm, reasonable response as he held her gaze. "Aizen manipulated you into trying to kill me, Momo, and then nearly killed you himself when you found him again. When Matsumoto san interfered after Ichimaru attacked you and I, he left immediately, rather than face a battle with her. And when she grabbed him from behind before they left Soul Society, he didn't struggle or attempt to harm her in any way. If Ichimaru is the demon, then what the hell does that make Aizen?"

Rather than answer, the girl took off running, Hitsugaya staying where he was until she was out of sight.

* * *

It was late and Nanao was tired, worn out, and ready for bed and oblivion. Walking side by side with her captain Nanao pointedly ignored him, her dislike of his company clear as they continued down the empty streets. She was perfectly capable of walking home, as she'd told him repeatedly when she'd tried to scoot him out of their office at five. She'd had to stay late because she'd volunteered to help the third division out paperwork wise, and her stupid captain had decided he had to stay to walk her home since he knew she preferred walking to flashing there.

"Lovely weather tonight, don't you think, Nanao chan?"

"Not talking to you."

Giving her his best puppy dog look Shunsui wasn't really at all surprised when it didn't make so much as a dent in her resolve. When his Nanao chan set off to ignore him she could rarely be swayed into acknowledging him, unless it was to give him dirty looks.

"I can walk home by myself you know. We're almost there." Actually, there was three more blocks to go but who was counting?

Shaking his head Shunsui couldn't say he was surprised. After all, she had to realize by now that she could usually talk him into just about anything if she kept at it long enough. Well other than doing paperwork and cutting his hair. He'd managed to draw the line there, so far anyway. "I could just flash us there you know." He'd miss out on her company of course but getting her home safe and sound was more important. Plus, she was getting annoyed at him, which would completely undo all the brownie points he'd earned by doing his paperwork.

"That would defeat the purpose."

"And what purpose would that be, my Nanao chan?"

"Exercise, because thanks to you I spend most of my time behind a desk. I'm Italian, I have to exercise." As it was, her butt was starting to look a little too much like her mother's for comfort. She was not ready to have an ass men felt obligated to comment on and slap. She had enough things to worry about. Damn weakness for pasta and cheese.

"But Nanao chan, you're absolutely perfect just the way you are." And she was, as far as he was concerned. Well it would be nice if she worse her hair down once in a while and smiled more, but overall, he wouldn't want her any other way. Well except maybe in lingerie, but for his eyes only.

While always nice to hear Nanao was willing to bet he wouldn't be saying that if she became a blimp. Letting it go, since this was not a topic she wanted to discuss with her captain, Nanao continued walking her familiar route, only speaking a couple minutes later to ask a question that had been bugging her all day. "Why do you keep fingering your haori like that?"

Letting it go Shunsui gave her a soulful look. "I got something on it and Fazena can't get it out."

Fazena was his housekeeper and as far as Nanao was concerned the woman was about as useful as a table without legs. Her captain had found her on the streets and taken pity on her, giving her the job of housekeeper as his old one had up and quit, unable to take his messy habits. Her replacement was slow, lazy and Nanao had a feeling she'd end up being the one to fire the girl, since Shunsui just didn't have the back bone for it. "Let me see." Using a street light to get a better look Nanao examined the purple stain, substance unknown. "Give it to me and I'll try to get it out for you."

Really?" Beaming Shunsui slipped it off and handed it to her, watching her folded it over her arm. "Thanks so much. What would I do without my Nanao chan."

"Keel over and die. Now in exchange for washing this you have to let me walk the rest of the way by myself." Giving him her best stubborn look Nanao could see he was torn. "It's a block and a half, Captain. I'll be fine."

"But what if you're attacked or hurt?" He protested, using the same arguments he'd been using for years whenever he insisted on walking her home.

"I'd be perfectly able to handle myself. Honestly, do you really think you'd be of any help to me in a hand to hand battle? You'd have to pull out your swords and by then they could have my throat slit and my wallet in their hot little hands. You probably don't even know how to throw a punch without bruising or even breaking your fingers. Captain Ukitake told me how you bribed your way through hand to hand combat in the Academy."

Well it was true that he had bribed his way through that class, but when you were facing an instructor like Yoruichi chan's cousin, you damn well were going to bribe your way out of it if possible. Besides, he didn't like getting physical with women unless they were both naked and thoroughly enjoying themselves. Rather than explain the whole reason for the bribing Shunsui went back to their argument. "I know how to punch someone and I could definitely protect you."

"How do you figure that?"

"Because if it was you in danger, there's nothing I couldn't do to keep you safe." He informed her, and had the pleasure of seeing his lieutenant blush a becoming pink. In fact, she was still blushing when he deposited her on her front doorstep with his usual pat on the head before flashing out, leaving her standing in front of her door like the idiot she felt like.


	6. Plans Are Devised

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original characters and the situations I put them all in. Everything else belongs to somebody else and that's just the way it's gotta be. Thanks to all my constant readers out there and have a HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Plans Are Devised

The next morning Captain Ukitake looked like hell. In fact, he hadn't looked this bad since the last time he'd gone on a bender with Shunsui, and he had really hoped never to look like this again. Staring into the mirror, he had no doubt his third seats were going to flip out over his pale complexion and the bags under his eyes. He'd gotten no sleep the night before and he looked it. Over and over he'd replayed his encounter with Lieutenant Kurotsuchi, trying to figure out where he'd gone wrong, how he could have prevented it all. It should have been just a kiss, a meeting of lips like she'd described to him. But it had been so much more than that dammit. He'd realized it as soon as he'd pulled her close, that there was something, something different about this time even before he'd placed his lips on hers. She'd felt so right in his arms, so open to him without restraint or cunning. She was simply herself, not pretending to be anything other than the innocent she was. Not so innocent now, Ukitake thought darkly, recalling how that kiss had gone. He just couldn't resist tasting her, exploring her mouth fully with his tongue to catch every subtle flavor. Then she'd started to mimic what he was doing and he'd lost his head completely. The next thing he'd known, he was ravishing her mouth while he had one hand on her very nice ass and the other sliding up her thigh with the intent to move that little skirt of hers as high as it would go. It had taken that for him to realize just how deep he'd gotten himself into. So he'd stopped the kiss, told her they weren't going to kiss anymore and that he wasn't willing to be her partner in this. She'd watch him with those intelligent dark eyes, hiding her feelings as she refused to break eye contact with him, as she remained in his lap. Once she'd realized he wouldn't be swayed she'd gotten to her feet and bid him good night, leaving him behind to call himself every kind of fool imaginable. He wanted her, he wanted her now more than he'd ever wanted a woman in his life. And he'd sent her away, into the arms of someone else. He truly was cursed.

* * *

Sitting on the grass Nemu watched Captain Zaraki and one of his division members spar, waiting for the match to finish so that she could speak to the surly captain. He was next on her list of candidates, but she was..troubled. She'd found the idea of exploring this interest intriguing and a way of getting in touch with her human side, which was often pushed aside to the point where she felt more like a tool than human being. Now though, she felt..sad...her mind was clouded. She hadn't slept the night before, analyzing her meeting with Captain Ukitake to figure out what she'd done wrong or could have done to change his mind. He had seemed to enjoy kissing her and his body had reacted to hers, she'd felt it. That indicated he wanted to have sex with her, or at least that's what she was pretty sure it meant. So if he had wanted her, why had he stopped? He'd said it was because she was too inexperienced and therefore getting involved with her would be wrong. This made no sense, because how else was she supposed to get experience if he wasn't willing to teach her? And she really, really wanted him to be her teacher. She'd liked the way he'd kissed her, held her close, touched her skin. She wanted to do it again even more than she wanted her father to be proud of her. Nemu had never wanted anything more than that before. But she ached, like a wound that wouldn't heal, and she knew, instinctively, that only Captain Ukitake could ease it.

"What do you want?"

Raising her head Nemu stared up at Captain Zaraki in surprise, having been so deep in thought she hadn't even noticed his approach. "I...I'm sorry, I didn't notice you there, Captain."

Since he was kind of hard to miss and Kurotsuchi wasn't the type to daydream Zaraki couldn't help but be curious as to what was going on in that complicated head of hers. "Well now that you have, what do you want?"

"Could I talk to you for a couple of minutes, if you aren't too busy?"

Nodding roughly Zaraki dropped down onto the grass beside her, absently wiping the sweat off his brow with the back of his hand. "If this is about that whole sex thing you girls are up to I want nothing to do with it." Seeing her surprised look Zaraki smiled slightly. "Yachiru was yakking about it."

"Oh." Not disappointed really Nemu looked over at the imposing captain questioningly. "May I ask, what do you think about the whole thing?"

Turning to look at his training field Zaraki considered her question. "I think that the squirt's lieutenant has a point, but there's no point in making such a fuss about it. Not that some of the morons don't need this sort of a kick in the ass. I figure by the end of the week everyone will know about your little talk and they'll all be acting like rabbits, which just goes to show how stupid people are in the first place."

"Do you like sex, Captain Zaraki?"

Blinking Zaraki turned to give her the most shocked face to ever cross his face in the history of his long life. Only she would ask him something like that with a completely straight face, Zaraki thought as she continued to watch him expectantly. Someone really needed to teach this girl some tact and what could and could not be said in public. Then again, there was something to be said for her honesty. Torn between shock and amusement now Zaraki laughed roughly, shaking his head as he answered her. "It's been a while but yeah, I like it."

"Do you like it as much as fighting?"

"...When it came to one person...I did."

"I like kissing Captain Ukitake better than calculus and not getting yelled at." Nemu confined, since it was only fair. "But he won't kiss me anymore because he says I'm too inexperienced and he would be taking advantage of me."

Thinking that over Zaraki had a thought that had a slow, rather evil smile crossing his face as he came up with a plan that would not only provide him with a great deal of amusement, but help the poor girl out as well. "I think I know how you can get him to change his mind."

"Really? How?"

"Well here's what you do..."

* * *

Captain Yamamoto stared at his captains and lieutenants as they left the meeting, wondered what the hell was going on with his division heads. Lieutenants Abarai and Izuru looked like they were both suffering hangovers, Lieutenant Hinamori looked like she'd spent the night crying her eyes out, and Captain Ukitake looked so ill it was a wonder the man had showed up at all. Captain Kyoraku had been grinning like an idiot before he'd seen his best friend's condition and Captain Zaraki had a slight grin on his face that was enough to make an old man's blood go cold. Everyone had been shooting everyone weird glances too, which made him think something was definitely up, something they were all keeping from him and he didn't like it. Even Lieutenant Ise and Kurotsuchi had seemed to have their minds on other things, and they were usually the two he could count on to at least pretend to listen to what he said.

"They all seem preoccupied, Captain." Lieutenant Sasakibe said quietly, as they watched the last people file out of the room.

"Yes, they did. Captain Unohana alone seemed to be unfazed by whatever is going on."

"I will look into it immediately, General."

"Good."

* * *

"You look like hell." Captain Kyoraku stated bluntly as soon as they were out of the room. "What the hell were you thinking, coming in if you're this ill? We're taking you straight to the 4th division, aren't we, Nanao chan?"

Shaking his head Ukitake could just feel a headache coming on. "I'm not ill. I just couldn't sleep last night."

"Did your coughing keep you up?" Nanao asked with a faintly worried expression, studying her captain's best friend carefully. Her captain would be inconsolable if something happened to Captain Ukitake, and she was fond of the goofy but kind captain as well. "Perhaps Captain Unohana should take a look, just in case."

"I just need some sleep, honest." Well actually, what he needed was currently standing less then ten feet away from him with her father, looking none the worse for wear, Captain Ukitake thought darkly, staring at her so that he completely missed what Nanao san and Shunsui were saying to him. God she really was beautiful, and why had he never noticed that before? She wasn't a stunning beauty, but a quiet one, where you had to really look at her to see just how perfect she really was. Those long, long legs, silky dark hair and smooth, delicately tanned skin. Lost in thinking about just how much he'd give to able to touch that golden skin Ukitake didn't realize his friends were trying to get his attention until Shunsui reached over and pulled his ear. "Oww."

"Well that got your attention." Grabbing his friend's arm forcefully, Nanao doing the same on Captain Ukitake's other side, Captain Kyoraku gave his best friend a look that broke no argument. "You're going to the forth division. Now." Ignoring his friend's protests the two flashed to the division and wouldn't let go until the protesting captain was seen by the quietly amused Captain Unohana herself.

* * *

"So why did Hinamori keep shooting glances at you during the meeting?" Matsumoto asked, elbowing her captain teasingly as they walked back towards their office. There had been a lot of undercurrents at the meeting, she thought, wondering just how much trouble she'd stirred up. She tended to do that, even when she only meant to do it on a small scale. "Did something happen at your little play date I should know about?" She added, when her captain ignored her first question.

"Play date?" Her captain repeated dryly, looking up at her with a less than amused face.

"Well when there's no possibility of a kiss at the end of it it's pretty much just a play date, Captain. Now come on and spill."

Rolling his eyes Captain Hitsugaya wondered not for the first time how someone so much older than him could be so immature sometimes. "For your information nothing worth mentioning happened. We merely parted on bad terms because I told her I thought Ichimaru was a better man than Aizen."

Surprised Matsumoto goggled at her captain. "But you never have anything good to say about Gin. You didn't like him before he went over the dark side! You said it was a wonder I wasn't a bleach blonde, given my bad taste in men!"

"And I stand by that. Ichimaru doesn't now nor will he ever deserve you. The fact that I think even less of Aizen just means that they're on two different levels of assholeness." Was her captain's ready response.

"Is that even a word?"

Giving her a dark look Hitsugaya just shook his head. "My point is, both you and Momo have terrible taste in men. Hers just happens to be worse than yours."

"Well I wouldn't say that." Smiling down at him Matsumoto patted him on the head, a gesture he tolerated only from her. "After all, we both adore you, now don't we?"

Blushing faintly Hitsugaya scowled up at her.

"Hinamori's problem is that the person she fell in love with doesn't exist." Matsumoto explained gently, being serious for once. After all, her captain truly cared for Hinamori, and did genuinely want to help the girl out. Problem was, being a guy and all, her captain just wasn't programed to get the complexities of the female mind. "Hinamori built Aizen up into this Mr. Perfect that he never was, even when he was fooling all of us with his Mr. Nice Guy routine. Everyone else, when the truth about him was revealed, accepted it and changed how they thought about him. But Hinamori...she can't let go of that illusion because she's held it for so long that she believes it over what is reality. Hinamori isn't like you or me, Captain, she needs a rock to hold on to, someone to lean on to support her. Aizen was that rock for her, and I think she thinks she'll drown if she lets go of him, even though the rock is weighing her down, rather than keeping her head above water."

"So how do I get her to let go of the damn rock?"

"You don't." Understanding Matsumoto placed a comforting hand on her captain's burdened shoulders. "She has to get it. Maybe she has to drown, but that's her choice to make, not yours."

Looking up at her Hitsugaya placed a hand on top of hers. "Why didn't you drown?"

"Because what he was was never hidden from me. I knew I could never keep him, so I was his rock instead."

* * *

"Man but my head hurts." Renji groaned, rubbing his temples. The meeting had been almost as torturous as the lecture he'd gotten from his captain for showing up in his present condition. His ears had still been ringing when he'd gone in to hear another one of the general's boring lectures that had only made his head pound that much more.

"Quit complaining." Kira complained bitterly, as pale as a ghost with a hint of green. "If anyone should be complaining it's me. I'm the one you dragged into your drinking binge."

While that was true Renji still felt he had just as much right to complain, seeing as he'd been the one to not only buy all the alcohol but the one who had needed to get very drunk in the first place. It had been that or go and challenge the stupid Quincy and Ichigo to a fight, and his captain had forbidden him to go to earth when he'd asked for permission. Stupid captain.

"So why are you two hung over anyway?" Captain Hisagi asked as he walked over to join his two loudly suffering friends. "You knew we had this meeting after all. The General was not a happy camper when we left."

"He was having a pity party and like an idiot I asked him why." Kira answered, jabbing a finger in Renji's direction, placing all the blame on his stupid friend's shoulders. "If you had heard what the women are saying, you'd need some shots of hard liquor too."

"I know what they've been saying." Was his dry response, understanding their need to find oblivion in liquor. Who wouldn't? These were indeed dark days for the men of Gotei 13 and Hisagi figured they needed to stick together, since the women were likely to gang up on them all if they didn't. Therefore, it was up to him as their senpai to give them the advice they needed. "And yes it's bad but don't you think proving them wrong is a better solution than trying to drown yourself in sake?"

"Easy for you to say. If I go after Rukia, my captain will cut me up and fold me into origami."

Blinking at the imagery of Renji cranes and flowers decorating Captain Kuchiki's home Hisagi didn't know whether to laugh or lose his breakfast. The boy had a point too. Kuchiki would likely kill anyone who tried to get too close to his precious little sister, regardless of who it was. That it was Renji..oh that would not go over well at all. The boy, however likable, was rough, loud and a bit of an idiot at times. No, definitely not Kuchiki's idea of a suitable suitor for Rukia san. "Well if you could convince her, she might be able to sway him." Not likely, but one should never underestimate the power little sisters had over their big brothers. Enough of his exes had sent their brothers to beat him up for Hisagi to know this well.

"Good luck with that." Was Kira opinion on the matter.

* * *

"What are you planning?" Always blunt and to the point Captain Komamura regarded Captain Zaraki through narrowed eyes as they walked down the street, Lieutenant Kusajishi perched on her captain's shoulder as always, regarding the two of them with interest.

"What do you mean?" Captain Zaraki asked with a slightly raised eyebrow, though he had a pretty good idea. Komamura was a sly old fox after all, no pun intended.

"If you mean to cause Lieutenant Kurotsuchi trouble, her captain will kill you. Captain Ukitake is well liked and if Captain Kyoraku doesn't kill you General Yamamoto will. It would be unwise to make any of these people think you mean either Lieutenant Kurotsuchi or Captain Ukitake ill."

"No, no, my Kenny would never hurt Nemu chan or Whitey san. Right, Kenny?"

Hurt, no, but he would have a little fun with Ukitake before the whole thing was over. The captain certainly wouldn't be thanking him any time soon but Zaraki figured the entertainment value alone was worth the lack of thanks. Then add Captain Hitsugaya and Lieutenant Hinamori to the mix and Captain Zaraki figured any wounds he might sustain for his part in this would definitely be worth getting. "You have nothing to worry about."

"Somehow I think you aren't being entirely truthful."

"You'll just have to wait and see then."


	7. A Little Female Fury

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original characters and the situations I put them in. Everything else belongs to somebody else and that's just the way it's going to stay for as long as we both shall live. Thanks so much for reading my fic and please keep up your awesome reviews!

IMPORTANT NOTICE: Note to all, who is featuring in each chap will VARY. Sometimes pairings won't even be mentioned or might even get a whole chapter to themselves. Please don't use up a review simply to complain your pairing of choice isn't featured prominently. Odds are, they will be at some point.

A Little Female Fury

It was late at night and Captain Soifon was in a mood that had people staying out of her way as she marched down the dark streets. It was almost one in the morning and her stupid vice captain was already drunk, she fumed, wishing that she could just find the nearest well and stuff the conceited jerk down it. Not that there was a well around big enough for the job, she thought nastily. It was just her luck that the stupid bartender knew he was her lieutenant, calling her this late to get the moron because of course, the asshole didn't have any friends who could afford to pay the conceited ass's tab, since apparently he'd once again forgotten his wallet. More than likely the bastard had given the bartender her number, getting a kick out of the idea of making her come down like this, gave him a real thrill showing how he could pull her strings, Soifon thought bitterly. When she finally found out who he had bribed to get the position as her lieutenant, she was going to do some serious ball busting, even if that someone was the General. Dressed in dark civilian clothes, Soifon blended into her surroundings, which was just as well since this wasn't the greatest neighborhood to begin with. Stupid idiot probably thought it made him a big man, out slumming with his lesser. Probably had to bribe the locals, to keep them from kicking his ass on a regular basis, she thought with a smirk. If it weren't for the fact that it would come back to bite her in the ass, she'd leave him here to rot and turn around in a second. But no, the General had stated that she was to keep him in line and shape him up, no matter what it took.

Arriving at the right place she marched in like she owned the place, heading straight for the bar where her lieutenant was visible, gesturing wildly with his hands towards a woman who's clothing left little to the imagination, both body and occupation wise. Inwardly fuming it took all of her self control not to hook her leg under his barstool and pull it out from under his pudgy ass. "Omaeda!"

Stumbling off his stool in his hurry to rise and turn around Omaeda stared down at his captain through bleary eyes. "Captain!"

"We're leaving. How much do you owe?"

When he named a sum that pretty much guaranteed the emptying of her wallet Soifon's eye twitched, mentally making a note that she was going to see her lieutenant's father tomorrow, to get reimbursed from the source of her annoyance's cash flow. Handing over the cash to the bartender, who leered at her in a way that had her temper soaring to even grander heights, Soifon was ready to scream. A nice war cry right before she kicked the asses of everyone in the bar, she thought with a feral smile. Giving the bartender a death glare that had him backing away quicker than was normal, Soifon waited until his back was turned before she turned her fierce gaze towards her lieutenant as she pointed a slender finger in his direction. "You. Out the door. Now!"

They'd only taken a couple of steps when Soifon had a couple of burly looking idiots step in front of her, smiling down at her insincerely as they block their immediate path. "Leaving so soon, sweetheart?" One of them leered, weaving slightly from the amount of alcohol he'd already ingested. "Why don't you stay and have some fun with some real men?"

"Move it or lose it." Was her cold reply, having reached her limit for bullshit.

"Now that's not very nice." Reaching a hand out towards her it never got within reach, seeing as its owner suddenly found himself with more pressing matters to attend to, like the large hand that had just wrapped itself around his throat. Hands going to his throat to try and push away the rough, heavily calloused fingers, the man looked wildly over his shoulder, what little color he had deserting him when he caught sight of just who had him by the throat.

* * *

Nodding in acknowledgment of her fellow captain's aid Soifon had to admit his intervention was timely, if unneeded. "Captain Zaraki." It said something about how angry she'd been, that she hadn't even noticed his presence until he'd come up on the moron from behind, while she'd been telling him to buzz off.

"Want I should break his neck?" Captain Zaraki asked conversationally, grinning down at her like nothing would please him more.

Pretending to consider the idea Soifon shook her head. "Let him live for today. We can always come back later."

Shrugging Zaraki literally threw the man across the room to the other side, like he was discarding a stray piece of litter. Turning back Zaraki gave Omaeda a look that reduced the lieutenant to a stuttering mass of fat. Pointing towards the exit Zaraki had Omaeda running for it at a speed Soifon had never imagined he was capable of. The two following behind him, no one even considered approaching them again. If the lady was with Zaraki, they'd sooner be castrated by rusty spoons. It would hurt a lot less than whatever Zaraki would dish out.

Walking companionably side by side the two captains kept a close eye on the drunk lieutenant, who kept glancing over his shoulder to make sure they were there, but too afraid to walk alongside them. Disgusted with her lieutenant and the world in general Soifon turned her head slightly to look up at Zaraki questioningly. "You don't have to come with us. You can go back and finish your drink."

"No need." Was his blunt response, not about to admit that he'd followed her in when he'd caught a glimpse of her walking by. Not that he thought the locals would stand much of a chance against her, but in the numbers they could have produced she might have needed a hand. So he'd followed, just in case. Of course she'd be royally pissed if she knew that, so he was keeping it to himself.

Accepting that he wasn't budging Soifon turned back to scanning the streets, just in case there was anyone else lurking around who was in need of some ass kicking. Zaraki had stolen the only chance she'd had so far to work off all this pressure building up. Eyes zeroing in on three individuals headed their way Soifon recognized them instantly. "Your men." She said simply.

"Captain Zaraki!" Ikkaku Madarame called out, hurrying in his captain's direction. "You left so suddenly."

"Some stupid head said Kenny had run after some pretty girl he saw on the street but I knew it was a lie!" Yachiru called out from the 3rd seat's shoulder, which wasn't nearly as comfortable as captain's. Bouncing off said shoulder she was a black and pink blur, hurtling over and up on to her captain's shoulder with the blinding speed she was known for. Looking down Yachiru gaze Captain Soifon a surprised look. "And how come you're here?"

"Him I'd imagine." Was Ayasegawa answer, disgust plain as he looked in the direction of Soifon's lieutenant, who was currently throwing up nearby, leaning on a lamp post for support. "How utterly revolting."

"So how come you're here?" Yachiru repeated, after making a face in Omeada's direction. "And why did you leave, Kenny? We've been looking all over for you and Pachinko Head kept getting us lost."

"You mean you kept getting us lost." Was the third seat's muttered response to that comment.

"Captain Zaraki caught sight of me walking here and I asked him to show me the way to the bar Omaeda was in." Nodding up at Yachiru Soifon stepped away from the captain, knowing how much his vice captain hated other women being around her captain. "I should be going, I've taken up enough of your captain's time. Thank you for your help, Captain." She added, with a small bow of her head.

Nodding his head in return Zaraki mentally cursed his vice captain for showing up.

Walking back over to her thankfully mobile and now upright lieutenant, and with a sharp jerk of her head, indicated the direction they were taking with a look in her eye that said not to push her any further..

"So he was chasing after you huh?" Omaeda slurred, brushing the back of his hand across his mouth, too drunk to think about what he was saying. "Like you'd ever sink to his level."

Before the other members of the eleventh division could spring to action over the slur to their captain Soifon was behind her lieutenant, grabbing his arm and throwing him over her shoulder, deliberately aiming for the mess he'd made all over the pavement with his retching. Turning she stared down at him in utter revulsion. "You'll never be half the man he is." Setting a foot down on his neck Soifon bowed her head again to the eleventh division than flashed the two of them out of there.

* * *

Two Days Later

After two days of being avoided by Renji, Rukia gave up and decided to follow Lieutenant Matsumoto's advice, offering him a free lunch at his favorite bar if he'd just agree to talk to her. Lucky for her, Renji was broke as usual, and finally gave in and agreed to meet her there. Of course he tried to give her the silent treatment there as well, speaking only to the waitress or in very short sentences.

Annoyed Rukia could feel her blood pressure reaching its breaking point, watching him gobble down the fried shrimp SHE was paying for out of HER allowance. Stupid, ungrateful jerk. Why had she ever wanted to make up with him anyway? She was better off without him. Yeah, that was right, she had plenty of other friends, friends who didn't make her pay for their food or give her the silent treatment for no damn good reason. Pulling out her purse Rukia plucked out enough to cover the bill and shoved them across the table. "Here, that should cover your bill. Consider this the last lunch we ever eat together without my brother being present."

Surprised Renji instinctively grabbed her arm as she got up to leave. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"What it means is I don't want to be friends with a jerk like you!"

"A jerk like me? You're the one who wrote all those nasty things about me, saying how Ichigo and Ishida are better than me! That you'd rather be with them than me!"

Reaching over Rukia whacked him upside the head with her free hand. "You idiot. Who ever said that I'd rather be with them than with you? That wasn't what the list was about. I never said they were better friends than you!"

"But you'd rather date them than me!"

"Why would you care about that?" When he just glared at her, his grip remaining firm on her arm, Rukia didn't know what to think. Why hadn't he answered her and why would he care about the whole dating thing? It wasn't like he wanted to date her or anything, there was just no way. He'd never even remotely hinted that he thought of her that way. Well….he had nearly died for her, and taken on the captains and vice captains of the Gotei for her. But that was just as a friend, like Ichigo and Orihime. It wasn't like they'd done it for romantic reasons. Well Orihime had probably gone because Ichigo was going and Orihime had a thing for Ichigo and..oh boy. Head whirling Rukia was starting to rethink that argument and wonder if maybe, just maybe, this was what Matsumoto san had been trying to hint at. "Renji….you don't like, like me..do you?"

So this is what an animal must feel like, Renji mused, feeling just like some poor, stupid squirrel blinded by headlights, knowing that no matter which way he ran he was about to be flattened like a pancake and turned into one ugly piece of road kill. It was not a nice feeling.

"Oi, Renji." Reaching over Rukia whacked him in the head again, thinking that his silence was due to the fact that he hadn't been paying attention to her. "I asked you a question."

"Quit whacking me upside the head!"

"Well than quit being a jerk!"

Both breathing hard and glaring at each other Renji was mad enough to let her arm go, crossing both arms in front of his chest as he tried to think of some way to get himself out of this mess without having to admit that he'd been in love with her for as long as he could remember, which was a really long time, depressingly so.

So mad at him that she forgot that she was waiting for an answer, Rukia took advantage of her freed arm and sliding off her chair had marched away from the table and was out the door before Renji stopped thinking long enough to realize she'd left.

"DAMMIT!"

* * *

Nemu gave a lot of thought to Captain Zaraki's suggestion. She didn't know the captain very well after all and she'd gotten the distinct impression that he found something amusing about it all. Weary of being manipulated, she'd wisely decided to analyze his suggestion for herself, rather than rush into things the way she had with Captain Ukitake. His plan was pretty basic and easy to understand, though it would require Captain Hitsugaya's cooperation, something Captain Zaraki seemed to think wouldn't be a problem. She could see a definite problem though, in that she couldn't see how this would benefit the captain at all to help her. Why would he want to help her, if all he was getting out of this was her company? She had it on good authority that most people preferred others to her if given a choice. Of course there was nothing to be lost by asking him, it wasn't like she had an ego to be crushed by rejection, her father had seen to that.

Finally, after thinking it through thoroughly, Nemu decided to approach Captain Hitsugaya and request his help in her endeavor to return to Captain Ukitake's good graces and arms. On her way to see the young captain Nemu's mission was delayed when she caught sight of Nanao san, sitting on a nearby park bench looking angrier than Nemu had ever seen her. Walking over Nemu pointed out the obvious. "You're really mad about something."

"I'm going to kill him." Was her slow, drawn out response to that, her fingers currently in the process of twisting the life out of what had once been a brown paper bag. "I'm going to take that hair pin he likes so much and scalp him with it."

"I don't think that's possible, the pin wouldn't have the proper width and sharpness." Nemu pointed out, wanting to be helpful. "Why do you want to scalp Captain Kyoraku? Is it because he won't get a haircut?"

Shaking her head Nanao was so mad she could spit nails, which was a really stupid expression now that she thought about it. "No, it's because he's an idiot." Embarrassing her like that in front of Captain Kuchiki, Nanao thought darkly, getting even more worked up just thinking about it. Acting all possessive, like he owned her. She'd just been talking to the captain, it wasn't like she'd even been flirting with him or vice versa. Captain Kuchiki had just been asking her opinion on some of the policies they'd reviewed at the meeting a couple of days ago. Her idiot captain had acted like the man was proposing or something. Not that her captain would have any right to object even if that had been the case. Seeing Nemu's blank look Nanao elaborated for her benefit. "He embarrassed me in front of Captain Kuchiki."

"Oh." Nemu didn't see how that could be an offense deserving of having your scalp carved off but then she often didn't get a lot of things everyone else seemed to understand. It frustrated her to no end, but thankfully she could usually count on Nanao san to explain it to her. Nanao san was very good at articulating things so that she could understand them. "Why does he deserve to die for embarrassing you?"

Opening her mouth to explain why Nanao paused, Nemu's question changing her answer since this was Nemu she was talking to. "I'm not really going to scalp him. I just like thinking of terrible things to do to him. It's therapeutic."

"Ah, I see." Actually, she couldn't see why imagining hurting someone you cared about would make you feel good, but at least she was sure now that you really weren't supposed to scalp people who embarrassed you. Come to think of it, if you did, most people would be as bald as the eleventh division third seat.

* * *

Both women sensing a flux in spiritual power they weren't surprised when a captain appeared in front of them, only it wasn't the one they expected. Captain Ukitake, for his part, froze like a deer in headlights, once he saw that Kurotsuchi san was standing by the person he'd originally been looking for. 

Raising an eyebrow at the almost panicky expression on the captain's face Nanao got to her feet, wondering what was going on. "Did he send you to find me?" When he just gave her a blank look she elaborated. "Did Captain Kyoraku send you to find me?"

Just managing to pulling himself together Ukitake shook his head. "No, I came on my own. You usually come here to get those pretzels you like when he upsets you. He's really sorry, he knows what he did was stupid. If it makes you feel any better, that stomping on his instep you did? I don't think he's going to be able to walk straight for the rest of the day, possibly tomorrow too."

Mouth twitching slightly Nanao threw the empty bag into the garbage before turning her attention back to the still jittery looking captain. "Don't look so worried, I know he was just being stupid. Stupid is what he does best. I was getting ready to head back to the office when Nemu san came by."

"Sorry I interrupt you." Nemu said quickly, having not realized she'd been impeding her fellow lieutenant from leaving.

"No, I'm always glad to talk to you." Smiling Nanao patted the girl on the shoulder. "I'll see you two later." Flashing out she had no idea what she was doing, leaving the two of them alone.


	8. A Different Experiment

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original characters and the situations I put them in. Everything else belongs to somebody else and that's just the way it's going to be until someone buys me the copyrights. Thanks very much for your reviews, please continue!

A Different Experiment

Staring at each other Nemu didn't understand why Captain Ukitake was looking at her like he expected her to pull out her sword and attempt to run him through with it. Not only did she never use her sword, but why would he think she would want to harm him? He almost looked scared of her.

"I..uhm..sorry for interrupting you and Nanao san." Ukitake finally said dumbly, cursing himself mentally for the fact that he could no longer seem to think intelligently whenever she was around. If this became a habit he was screwed. Screwed. Bloody hell.

"That's all right; we'd only been talking for a couple minutes. I happened to see her on my way to see Captain Hitsugaya." Wondering why he'd just winced Nemu took a step forward, thinking perhaps that his illness was affecting him. "Do you need to sit down? You're looking paler than usual."

Paler than usual. Now there was a compliment. "No, I'm fine. Why are you going to the tenth division? Dropping something off?" Yeah, paperwork, that would be a safe topic to get into.

"No, I need to ask a favor of Captain Hitsugaya."

Feeling like he'd just been hit upside the head with a two by four Ukitake had a bad feeling he knew exactly what sort of favor she intended to ask. After all, what else could it be? Hitsugaya. One of his favorite people and someone he considered to be like a little brother. He was her choice for his replacement. Dear God, was she trying to kill him here?

"Anyway, I need to go now, otherwise I'll be late and Father will be angry. I hope you have a pleasant afternoon, Captain Ukitake." Giving him a short bow she wondered if he really was all right. But he'd tell her if he was ill, wouldn't he?

Giving her a weak nod in return Ukitake watched her walk away, wondering what the hell he was going to do now. She seems reluctant to leave, the little voice inside his head told him, while an even louder voice told him that was wishful thinking and to suck it up. Why did the loudest voice always have to be the one you didn't want to listen to, Ukitake wondered, as he flashed himself back to his office, before he did something really stupid like go after her. Because that would be stupid, wouldn't it?

* * *

Arriving at the tenth division office Nemu walked through the door and saw immediately that now might not be the best time to ask Captain Hitsugaya anything. He was currently slumped over in his seat, his face buried in his hands while Matsumoto stood beside him, patting his shoulder sympathetically. "Did someone die?" Nemu asked, since Captain Hitsugaya had never struck her as the emotional or dramatic type. 

"He might be this time tomorrow." Was Matsumoto's reply as she gave her captain's shoulder one last pat before explaining why her captain was currently in his own private hell. "Hinamori chan decided to punish him for slandering her captain. She volunteered him to babysit the Tamaki brothers tonight."

The Tamaki brothers were legendary in the Soul Society as never before had there been four boys under the age of twelve so feared by men and women alike. Getting someone to babysit them was like trying to find someone willing to pick a fight with the general. Hinamori alone was the only one who seemed capable of surviving their tyranny, which was why whenever the boys' parents needed a sitter they always came begging to her first. Even Nemu, who had never even met the children, had heard of them and their wicked ways. But this was perfect, Nemu thought, elated by the news. This twist of fate meant she would most certainly be able to gain Hitsugaya's help in her endeavor. "I could help you babysit them."

Slowly lifting his head Hitsugaya stared at her in disbelief. "What?"

"I need your help with something. If you'll help me, I'll keep the children from killing you. I'd offer to do it alone, but I don't think most parents would be willing to leave a child alone in my care. People often seem to hold the misconception that I'm mentally unstable."

"What could you possibly need from him that badly? You do know that the Tamaki brothers are twisted, evil little demons right?" Matsumoto couldn't imagine anything in this world she wanted bad enough that she'd put up with those little monsters. Well, other than Gin.

"Are they worse than my father?

"Ohhhhhhhh. Good point."

Shaking his head at them both Hitsugaya repeated his lieutenant's earlier question. "So what would you want in return?"

"I need dating experience." When they just gave her two blank, dumbfounded looks Nemu elaborated. "I wish to become involved with someone who has refused my advances on the grounds that I'm too inexperienced. If you are agreeable, I'd like you to teach me about dating so that I might convince him otherwise. For some reason Captain Zaraki believes that if he thinks I'm dating someone else he'll come around more quickly."

"This was Captain Zaraki's idea?" Matsumoto wasn't sure which shocked her more, the idea of Zaraki giving advice about romance or the idea of her captain dating Nemu.

"He came up with this plan yes, after I explained my dilemma to him. He thought you would be the best choice, Captain Hitsugaya."

It had to be asked. "Just who is it you want to make jealous?"

Shaking her head slightly at his question Nemu politely corrected him. "I don't want to make Captain Ukitake jealous, I want him to not reject my advances."

"Oh you so have to do this."

Glaring up at his lieutenant Hitsugaya was not amused. "I was not put on this earth for your amusement."

"I know. That's just a side benefit." Winking Matsumoto grinned at Nemu, eager to find out what part she got to play in this grand little scheme. "So you need him to teach you how to kiss and stuff?"

"Oh no, I know how to kiss now. I just need to give Captain Ukitake the impression that I'm knowledgeable enough to fit his requirements. Captain Zaraki said that if Captain Hitsugaya and I give the illusion that we're a couple, Ukitake will view me as an acceptable companion and steal me from you. I pointed out to him that stealing wasn't the correct verb to use, but he just thought that was funny for some reason."

"So, Captain." Matsumoto began with an evil little grin. "What's it going to be?"

* * *

Striding down the nearly deserted street Nanao couldn't shake the constant feeling of being watched. Glancing around her she saw no one, just as she'd seen no one hours before, when she'd walked home from work. She'd convinced herself then that it was just her imagination, but now it was happening again, four hours later. Tightening her hold on the grocery bag, Nanao mentally cursed the fact that she hadn't remembered until ten minutes before that she'd forgotten to pick up milk on the way home. If she'd never left her apartment she would never have had to go back outside. She was never going to get to sleep now, Nanao thought, desperately searching for some clue as to her hidden shadow. She wasn't imagining this, she wasn't the type. She didn't even get scared while watching horror movies. There was just something so..evil about these eyes, even though she couldn't see them. She could feel them, and the malice behind them was coming through loud and clear. Entering her apartment with a sigh of relief Nanao quickly put the milk away before heading into her room, changing into her nightshirt after brushing her hair and teeth. Then, standing in the middle of her bedroom, Nanao crossed her arms nervously and pondered what to do. She just had this really bad feeling, that something was wrong, really wrong here. She'd always been taught to trust her gut and right now it was telling her that she was not safe. And like her mother had always told her, there was a time to stand and fight and a time to be smart enough to realize you needed help. Right now, faced with an unseen opponent, one who was not only capable of escaping her sight but her many attempts to flush him out, Nanao recognized she needed backup. Quickly retrieving her sword Nanao walked with it into her living room, retrieved her keys, than flashed herself out of the apartment, not even bothering to change in her hurry to leave. Flashing to outside her captain's house Nanao used her spare key to let herself in and immediately headed for her captain's bedroom. 

A light sleeper by nature and necessity, Shunsui knew the minute someone opened his door, his body tensing than relaxing as he saw the familiar shape of his lieutenant in his doorway. Puzzled slightly at the sound of bare feet walking across the wood floors Shunsui went ridged again when she headed straight for the chair where he'd left his swords. Uh oh. Pictures of her having come to finally fulfill her long time threat to cut off his hair with his own swords Shunsui figured his only chance was to play at being asleep until the last possible moment. She was a slippery one after all. Ready to pounce he was only more confused when she simply propped the swords up against his bed before walking around said bed to the other side. His confusion increased a hundred percent when she slid onto his bed and crawling on her hands and knees came over to his side of the bed. Next thing he knew, his shoulder was being tapped.

* * *

"Captain? Captain, wake up. How can you be asleep anyway, you sleep all day for Christ sakes." Annoyed Nanao knelt over him, poking his bare back while trying not to notice that it was a very nice back, at least from the waist up. How he managed to stay in shape given how much time he spent on his ass was beyond her. It really wasn't fair. Shifting Nanao was surprised by the dip in the mattress, used to sleeping on the floor as she was. This was her first time on a western style bed, it was surprisingly comfortable. 

Okay, if she hadn't come to scalp him, what did she want? It couldn't be to apologize for doing serious damage to his instep that morning, because she never apologized for causing him physical injury, even when he didn't deserve it. Trying to sound as sleepy and out of it as possible Shunsui responded by saying her name in a questioning voice.

"Are you awake enough to process what I'm saying?"

"Yep."

"Somehow I doubt that." Since she'd come over to ask a favor of sorts Nanao curved the impulse to make him wake up fully with a nice whack upside the head. All she could do was explain and if he didn't understand, well she was staying anyway. "I think someone's after me so I'm staying here with you. Your swords are within reaching distance and I have mine too."

"Wha?" That getting his attention Shunsui's eyes popped open as he turned to lay on his side, pushing his hair back behind his ears so that he could see her properly. "Someone's after you, Nanao chan?"

"I think so. So I'm staying with you." Now that she had his attention Nanao found herself distracted by the sight of his hair down for once. She hadn't seen it like that since he'd started to grow it out a couple centuries back. It didn't look nearly as unappealing as she'd thought it would.

Meanwhile Shunsui was doing some looking of his own, trying to wrap his mind around what she was telling him while memorizing how she looked at the same time. Her hair was down and she wasn't wearing her glasses, but that wasn't what had him perilously close to drooling. No, that was a result of the fact that she was wearing a red silk sleep shirt, one that ended a couple inches short of her knees. The first couple buttons were open at the top too, giving him a very nice view of her slender neck. The color really suited her too, Shunsui thought absently, as she explained to him about being followed and why she'd come to him in the first place. The only thing that would make this better would be if she turned around and he got a view of what she was or wasn't wearing under it.

A little unnerved at the way he was staring at her, not to mention having a pretty good idea what was going through his perv mind, Nanao gave him a warning look. "Go back to sleep. If anyone breaks in, I'll wake you up." Turning her body to the side she slid the sheets down on the opposite side of the bed than scooted over to that side, sliding under the covers while being sure that at no time did he get a look at her ass. Getting comfortable Nanao paused, biting her bottom lip. Unfortunately, it had to be said. "And just so you know...I tend to...cuddle...so if I end up beside you, it's got nothing to do with the fact that it's you. I used to do it when my cousin slept over. And try anything while I'm over there and a sore foot will be the least of your problems."

And it just kept getting better and better. Well not Nanao thinking someone was after her of course, but everything else was the stuff of dreams. The only thing that could really make this even better was if he didn't have to worry about said bad guy or guys bursting in, ruining his chance to not only cuddle with Nanao but to get her into his debt at the same time. Knowing that someone could burst in on you at an inopportune moment could really kill a mood, especially when you were naked and had to worry about certain valuable parts of your anatomy being cut off. And speaking of naked... "In that case, I've gotta get up for a minute."

"Why?" Was her suspicious reply, Nanao turning onto her side to face him with said suspicion written all over her face.

"Because I'm pretty sure you'll kill me if you scoot over to my side and find out I'm not wearing anything other than the sheets."

"You aren't...go get some clothes on!"

Chuckling Shunsui wished the light was better so that he could get a look at her face. "Feel free to peek."

"You wish."

No argument there, Shunsui thought as he threw the sheets off and getting out of bed ambled over to his dresser, hunting up the pair of boxer shorts he kept around for when his nieces and nephews came to visit. Slipping them on he looked over his shoulder, his lieutenant apparently ignoring him. Ah well, heading back to the bed Shunsui got himself settled once more, opting to sleep on his side this time so that if she did come over to his side to snuggle, he'd be ready. Thanks to centuries of sleeping in unusual places, he could sleep anyway he wanted without a bit of trouble. Studying Nanao's prone form, her eyes closed and her right hand tucked under her pillow where she'd stashed her sword, Shunsui took the hint and closed his eyes too, slipping back into a light but aware slumber.

Awake beside him, pretending to sleep, there was only one thought on Nanao's mind. She shouldn't have peeked.

* * *

Staring out into the darkness of night the former fifth division captain Sosuke Aizen wondered how long it would take before Lieutenant Ise was discovered. Given her excessive punctuality and work ethic, he'd imagine that when she didn't show up for work the next day her captain would head straight for her apartment, or at least he would once the lazy fool realized his precious lieutenant was missing in action. Then Kyoraku would rush to the apartment, maybe even break down the door, impulsive idiot that he was. There he'd find his poor little Nanao chan, broken and bleeding all over whatever surface Yami left her on. Alive of course, he'd been very specific about that. He wanted Kyoraku to suffer after all, and it would be far worse for the captain, having to stare into the battered face of his lieutenant, knowing that not only had he failed to protect her, but that it could happen again at any time. Just what would be done to Ise, well he'd left that up to Yami, who unfortunately didn't care for women much. And of course this was just between the two of them, as he couldn't say for sure what the reactions of his two second in commands would be. Tosen, justice crazy fool that he was, would most likely find this method of messing with the heads of Soul Society to be distasteful, not to mention dishonorable. Ichimaru..well you could never really tell what the twisted bastard thought about anything to do with morals. 

Would they link the attack to him, Aizen wondered idly, brushing his hair back from his forehead with a careless hand. It would be interesting, especially if Yami were to be caught. The man did tend to take unnecessary risks, which was exactly why he'd chosen him for this particular assignment. Yami was expendable, and there was little doubt in Aizen's mind that if Yami succeeded he would also die and soon. A foolish idiot Kyoraku might be, but Aizen knew that Kyoraku would hunt down anyone who caused his beloved harm and than wreak a vengeance upon them that would make his own attack on Ise seem like a school yard brawl in comparison.

It had been a calculating risk, choosing Ise for this particular demonstration. He'd decided early on to go after a female lieutenant, since they were more likely to be alone in their homes and would be less of a threat than the men of their rank. He'd dismissed his own former lieutenant and Lieutenant Isane right off the bat, both being too weak and easy for this. He wanted there to be a struggle, to at least give the victim a sporting chance so to speak. Besides, if they went down easy, they wouldn't sustain near the injury he'd asked for. He'd also had to discount Lieutenant Matsumoto, knowing that Ichimaru would be even more relentless than Kyoraku, if his precious bimbo were to be harmed. Yes, Gin had made it perfectly clear that he would kill anyone, regardless of their side in this war, if they harmed his former woman in any way. That had left Ise and Kusajishi, both of whom would put up a good fight and not go all weepy and annoying on Yami, something his little minion hated. In the end he'd decided not to go with Kusajishi, since not only was there the chance that she might actually be able to defeat Yami, but because she didn't have Ise's status. Kyoraku was one of the Gotei 13's best captains, and an attack on his lieutenant would garner more attention and outrage than one on the mouthy, childishly annoying eleventh division lieutenant. Yes, he was quite looking forward to seeing the results of his little experiment .


	9. I'll Be Seeing You

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original characters and the situations I put them in. Everything else belongs to somebody else and that's just the way it's gotta be, at least for the time being. Thanks so much for reading, hope you enjoy this latest chapter!

I'll Be Seeing You

Nanao hadn't been kidding about her unfortunate habit of cuddling with things in her sleep. Rather than her pillow, which was what normally ended up in her arms, Shunsui awoke early the next morning to find his sober lieutenant plastered against him in a most un Nanao like way. Her head rested under his chin, her arm carelessly laid across his side, while her free leg was resting over his own, putting them in a very suggestive position, especially since from the feel of it her shirt had ridden up under the covers at some point during the night. Now this was something actually worth waking up for, Shunsui thought with a grin, not even bothering to open his eyes as he simply savored his current predicament. When he did find whoever was bothering his Nanao chan, he might just let the bastard live for the part he'd played in getting Nanao into bed with him. Content to remain as he was he didn't move, minutes passing before she started to stir against him, making a panicky sound in her sleep. Reacting instinctively Shunsui wrapped his free arm around her and turned his head to place a kiss on the top of hers. "Shhh, baby. It's okay, I've got you."

"Not the baby. You're the baby." Was her muttered response, still half asleep as her brain struggled to wake up. "Don't call me baby."

"Yes ma'am." Withdrawing his arm, since he knew how she's take that, Shunsui even scooted over a little so that she couldn't accidentally bash him under the chin with her head when she woke up enough to try to get up. Good thing too, since mere seconds had passed before she suddenly sat up in bed, looking around her in sleepy confusion. Enjoying the view Shunsui watched as awareness came into those dark, confused eyes, his lieutenant raking a quick hand through her sleep tousled hair as she turned to look over at him while blinking owlishly. "Morning."

"Good morning." Was her stiff reply, as she struggled to find some semblance of dignity. From the look on his face, she must be a definite sight. "And why are you awake anyway? It's not even six yet." She added, after glancing at the clock beside the bed to confirm the time. Not even she got up this early normally.

Not about to tell her why he got up every morning this early her captain gave her a casual shrug. "I just did."

Eyes narrowing slightly Nanao was tempted to go back to sleep but now that she was awake she didn't think she was up to the embarrassment of going back to sleep in her captain's bed, especially not for just two more hours of sleep. Noting for the first time that the light beside her side of the bed was on Nanao frowned, distinctly remember it being off. Looking from the lamp to her captain Nanao's cheeks pinked when she realized that sometime during the night he'd turned it on for her, in case she got scared. It was such an embarrassing thing for him to do, as well as incredibly sweet of him. Then again, that pretty much summed him up and his usual behavior towards her.

"You can go back to sleep you know, it is too early to get up." Used to being up at this hour Shunsui didn't need any more sleep but it was obvious that she was exhausted and the threat of attack had probably resulted in her not sleeping as deeply as she could have. "I'll stay in the room and keep watch, there's no need for you to worry, Nanao chan."

Rubbing the remaining sleep from her eyes Nanao shook her head. "No, I don't need to sleep anymore. I just want to go home and make sure everything's all right over there."

"Okay, then we'll go check out your place together."

"There's no need for you to go too." Nanao protested, averting her eyes slightly as he threw his covers off and got to his feet. "I'll be fine, I'm sure whoever it was is long gone."

Not buying that Shunsui had no plans to let her out of his sight until he was a hundred percent sure that she was safe from anyone who might be under the mistaken impression that they could cause his Nanao chan trouble. "Or he could be waiting for you to come home." He pointed out, crossing his arms in front of his chest as he shook his head at her. "We'll go down and raid the kitchen for some breakfast and than we'll go over and check your place together. That's an order as your captain."

Annoyed Nanao gave him a dark look but got up to join him in hunting up some breakfast. He better not think I'm cooking for him though, she thought as she followed him out the door.

* * *

"Well that's not something you see every day." Captain Soifon said under her breath as she watched Captain Kyoraku drag his lieutenant after him, Ise san struggling to keep up with his longer strides as he kept what looked to her like an iron grip on his lieutenant's arm. They were headed right towards her too, which had Soifon and the General sharing a look that said plainly they were both curious as to what was going on and why Ise san was letting Kyoraku get away with this.

Marching straight over to his former teacher Shunsui didn't let go of Nanao's arm until they were standing right in front of the old man, and thus perfectly safe. "Someone broke into Nanao chan's apartment last night."

Surprised Soifon looked Kyoraku's lieutenant over, seeing no sign of injury. "Were you there when it happened?"

"No. Someone followed me home from work and again when I went out for a quick errand. Because whoever it was evaded my attempts to confront him so easily, I thought it wise to leave and go to my captain's residence to inform him and insure that he hadn't been similarly targeted." That was her excuse and she was standing by it. If Kyoraku even thought of contradicting her, she'd see him limping for a week.

Too angry even to be amused by her fibbing Kyoraku was all business. "She stayed with me to be on the safe side and when we arrived at her apartment at six we found that someone had been inside. Nothing was obviously disturbed but the bastard took one of her lipsticks and wrote 'I'll Be Seeing You' on her bathroom mirror."

"Has anyone been causing you trouble, Lieutenant Ise, or suggested they wished you harm?" The General asked, the only one of the group to appear unfazed at the idea that someone might be coming after a member or members of his divisions.

"No, I don't know who it could be. I've never felt that sort of malice directed at my person before." She just wasn't the sort of person one expected to be stalked. She didn't stand out that much and only her captain seemed to think she was a beauty worth pursuing. She didn't handle top secret documents either and if the person had been looking for something, wouldn't they have trashed the place to look for it? No, this was directed at her and the not knowing why almost scared her as much as the idea of facing the General in battle again. When it came down to it, nothing scared her more than the short, scarred man watching her with those all seeing eyes of his. Her captain had been pretty scary too, Nanao mused while the others talked around her about possible explanations. When he'd seen what was written on her mirror he'd flipped out even more than she had. You'd have thought it had been his place that had been broken into, given his tone of voice and foul language as he cursed the unknown perpetrator out. She'd never seen him so upset before, it had definitely been a sight to see.

"Well she'll be staying with me." Her captain was saying when Nanao's mind turned back to the conversation. "Until we've solved this I'm not letting her out of my sight."

Fighting down the instinctive need to put him in his place for deciding things for her, Nanao forced herself to let him get away with it, since staying with him really was the best solution for the time being. As much as it galled her, she really would feel better with him around, at least until the bastard who'd broken into her place was caught.

"I'll look into it personally, Ise san." Soifon informed them with a decisive nod of her head. "We'll catch him, I promise."

* * *

Dragging her feet slightly Rukia was in no real hurry to get to Urahara's shop anytime soon. She'd spent the morning sleeping in her closet while Ichigo was out with his family, having been sent down to earth to pass some information on to him and to drop something off for former captain Kisuke Urahara at the General's request according to her older brother. Why she had been chosen to be the messenger, he hadn't said. Not that she really minded, since this got her away from Renji for a couple of days at least. At the moment, giving what a jerk he was being, it was better he wasn't around for her to maim for causing her so much trouble. What had she ever seen in him in the first place? Muttering under her breath about the stupidity of the male species Rukia wasn't even aware that she'd picked up a shadow until that person was standing right behind her.

"And where are you off to, Kuchiki san?"

Nearly jumping out of her skin Rukia whirled around to see former captain Yoruichi Shihoin grinning down at her, a cat that got the cream look on her face, obviously pleased to have so successfully snuck up on her. "Yoruichi san." Giving a quick bow out of respect Rukia worked hard not to let her annoyance show. "I was just on the way to Urahara san's store."

"Were you now? What have you come to buy? Something for Ichigo perhaps?"

"Something to drop off, from the General. I'm under orders to give it to Urahara san personally and no one else." Which sucked, because here was someone who she could trust to give it to so that she wouldn't have to walk all the way there. All luck seemed to have deserted her this week.

"I see." A naturally curious person Yoruichi wondered what the General had sent for Urahara, especially since the two weren't exactly on the best of terms. Oh well, she'd just bug Kisuke about it later until he filled her in. "So what were you muttering about earlier? Something about Renji and being stupid? It's not like you to be redundant."

Smirking slightly at that Rukia explained that she and Renji were currently fighting and that it was all his dumb fault. "And all over a stupid list I wrote and he was rude enough to read. All it said was that on paper, Ichigo and Ishida were better boyfriend material than him."

The poor stupid idiot, what a blow that must have been, especially to an ego as frail as Abarai's, Yoruichi thought to herself, amused. "So why did you write it in the first place? Thinking about trying to find your special someone?"

"Not really, it all has to do with this theory of Lieutenant Matsumoto's." Explaining all about the theory and the conversation Rukia had to stop several times because Yoruichi kept breaking out into fits of laughter, so overcome that the older woman was actually weaving as she walked, holding onto her ribs like she might burst one. Rukia didn't get what was so funny, and by the time she was finished her explanation she was more than a little annoyed. "What is so funny?" She finally demanded to know.

"I was just thinking about how everyone is going to react once this goes around. Soifon is going to have kittens." Grinning widely Yoruichi could only imagine how scandalous and inappropriate her former lieutenant was going to find all this. Soifon could be a stick in the mud when it came to some things, sex being one of them. This was really going to get the woman's back up, when she heard what the lieutenants were up to. The General's reaction was sure to be hilarious as well. Oh to be a fly on the wall, Yoruichi thought with a small sigh of regret. She was sorry she was going to miss it.

"Well what do you think about it? You're a former captain after all."

Raising an eyebrow at what could be seen as a rather insulting question, Yoruichi simply grinned and winked at the younger girl. "Well I've never had any complaints in that area, but then, I'm no longer in Soul Society either. Maybe there's something about the atmosphere there." Or maybe it was because she was less busy now, thus making more room and time for sex. Either way, she had no complaints in that department.

"That was one of the suggestions."

"I see." Thinking the whole thing over a very evil, very diabolical thought entered Yoruichi's oh so devilish mind. A little way for her to contribute to this whole experiment of Matsumoto san's. After all, as a former member of the Gotei 13, it was her duty to look out for the best interests and help her former comrades in arms. "So tell me, Kuchiki san, just how long are you going to be staying before you go back?"

I'm going back tomorrow night around ten. There's a family function I have to attend with my brother the next day."

"Hmmm. Then if it's all right with you, I'll drop in at Ichigo's house tomorrow, around nine thirty in the evening, and give you some packages to deliver for me? Nothing too strenuous and heavy, just a few items I need to pass on to some of the lieutenants."

"Sure, I guess so."

"Thanks, I appreciate it."

* * *

Arriving at the store Yoruichi helped Rukia find Urahara in the back room than headed to the front of the store to find out what they were having for dinner from Tsukabishi. Once Rukia's business with Urahara was concluded, and the girl came out to say good bye, Yoruichi slipped back into the back to find Urahara sitting cross legged on the floor, several sheets of paper in his hand. "So what does the General want with you?" Walking over Yoruichi sat down beside him, propped her head up with her left hand as she looked over at him curiously.

"It's one of Kurotsuchi's latest ideas for a weapon to use against the arrancars. As always, it involves a lot of human experimentation and trials. Will he never learn." Throwing the sheets down on the floor it was obvious how Urahara felt about his replacement's latest endeavor. "He should never have been given my job."

Understanding him perfectly Yoruichi agreed with him completely on that point. "Sooner or later he's going to go too far. Then what he's done will come back to haunt him."

"Can a man without a conscience, truly ever be haunted by the things he does?"

"I think so. I want to anyway." Hoping to lighten the mood Yoruichi deliberately moved closer to give Urahara a quick body bump. "Besides, you have other things to worry about."

It was never a good thing when she smiled at him like that. "Such as?"

"Well apparently, you and I are suffering from a lack of sex drive due to our incredibly high levels of spirit energy. There are several members of the Soul Society who are researching the phenomenon right now and the data that's come in so far isn't looking so good for us."

Blinking a couple times Urahara just stared at her blankly. "You can't be serious."

"Oh but I am." Briefly explaining her conversation with Rukia Yoruichi told him all about the girls' theory and how apparently testing was being done by several of the female lieutenants to find out whether or not Matsumoto was right.

Laughing Urahara could only imagine the chaos this little experiment was going to cause once word of it leaked out to the general public. The fact that Kurotsuchi's daughter was in on it was just the icing on the cake as far as he was concerned. Oh but he hoped the melancholy little lieutenant went to her captain with their findings, he thought with inner glee. Kurotsuchi's face would be absolutely priceless. Maybe the girl would even find herself a man in the process, that would really mess things up for Kurotsuchi's, since no real man would let his woman be abused the way Kurotsuchi's abused his daughter. "Damn, too bad we're going to miss it."

"I know. I'm going to put some stuff together though, to help the girls out."

Raising an eyebrow Urahara was quick enough to figure out that whatever the stuff was, it was the reason she looked so deviously pleased with herself. "What sort of stuff?"

"Oh a little of this and a little of that. I'll go shopping in a few hours." Getting to her feet Yoruichi stretched her arms above her head, arching her whole body into it before looking down at him with a mischievous smile. "So what are you up to for the rest of the day?"

"Nothing in particular." He answered with a similar grin, knowing that look in her eye very well as she walked over to stand provocatively against the door frame. "Why, did you need my help with something?"

"Well you know, you are getting stronger and more powerful as the years have gone by. I should probably take advantage of you as much as possible, before you aren't of any use to me anymore." Running a finger seductively down the front of her shirt Yoruichi gave him a knowing look of her own. "Don't you think so?"

"You do have a point." Getting to his feet Urahara motioned for her to come closer with a suggestive crook of his finger. "Here, kitty, kitty, kitty."


	10. Know What She Wants

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original characters and the situations I put them all in. Everything else belongs to somebody else and that's just the way it's gonna be, at least until someone buys the rights for me. Of course if you do that, I won't be held responsible for my actions though I promise they'd be entertaining. Anyway, enjoy this latest chap and look forward to hearing from you!

To celebrate Nemu surviving that bastard Szayel, I give you some smut with the only solid pairing right now lol

* * *

Know What She Wants

Sashaying over to him with plenty of hip swinging Yoruichi reached out and snatching the hat off his head, throwing it over her shoulder and moving in to slide her arms around his neck, linking her fingers behind it. "Tsukabishi!" She called out, her eyes never leaving Urahara's for a moment. "Urahara and I are going down to the lab to work on something for Kurosaki kun. If you need us, use the buzzer. And don't hold supper."

"Understood!" Was the distant reply from the front area.

Turning her attention to her lover's clothing Yoruichi slid his top, open robe from his shoulder, catching it in her right hand before it could hit the floor. Swinging it over her shoulder she held it there, giving him a come hither look as she headed out of the room towards the dusty, unused bookcase in the corner. Looking at him over her shoulder as she hit the release switch, Yoruichi moved out of the way as the case swung open to reveal the hidden elevator behind it. Walking in she turned and faced him, crooking her finger in his direction. "Here, Kisuke, Kisuke, Kisuke."

Grinning Urahara walked over to join her, bracing himself instinctively as she jumped him as the elevator doors closed behind him. One arm wrapping around her waist while the other cupped her ass Urahara barely jostled as her long legs wrapped themselves around his hips and her hands went diving into his hair, her mouth getting busy with some serious tonsil hockey, of which he was very pleased to be of the opposing team. Fingers digging into her perfectly toned body Urahara couldn't imagine ever getting tired of this, even after centuries of this blood burning, heart pounding, mind boggling passion they had for each other. Just thinking of her got him hot and bothered, much less when it was like this, their constant race and battle of bodies as they tried to see who could make the other lose control of themselves first. She usually won, not that he was complaining. Breaking off the kiss with a wet pop Urahara turned his attention to her neck, ravishing it as it was a weak spot of hers that tended to give him an advantage he'd lose soon enough.

Moaning at the attack on her sensitive neck Yoruichi moved her head to the side to give him better access, rubbing her body against his as she made sounds very reminiscent of purring, deliberately moving against him in a way that was sure to get a rise out of him, no pun intended. Feeling his immediate reaction Yoruichi smiled wickedly as he made some sounds of his own as she used her incredible muscle control to lever herself up slightly so that she could put the open vee of her thighs right where he wanted her the most but couldn't with the barrier of their clothing.

Groaning Urahara nipped her neck hard in retaliation. "Keep that up and I'm going to be no good to you any second." Squeezing her ass, he moved his hand from her waist to the other cheek, cupping her rear with both hands as he helped her torture him, pressing her harder against him.

"You'll just have to suffer." Was her smoky reply, rocking her hips against his erection insistently, not to be denied her pleasure. The door chiming behind him she watched the doors slip open with growing anticipation. Turning to meet his gaze her expression was pure feline satisfaction, just as she turned into a cat and because of her changing size landed on the elevator floor with a delicate thud. Leaving him cursing away Yoruichi scampered across the cool lab floor, hearing him following close behind her doing plenty of muttering and cursing as he followed. Heading straight for the cot they kept down in the lab for when he pulled all nighters Yoruichi hopped gracefully up onto the covers and than changed back, now minus every piece of clothing she'd been wearing moments before. Sprawling out invitingly on the cot Yoruichi propped herself up on the pillows, grinning at him knowingly as she watched him strip where he stood, her eyes going a dark gold as her lashes lowered to half mast to hide her excitement. Her breathing heavy and muscles ready to pounce she was on Urahara as soon as he slid in beside her, straddling him as she held herself above him with predator intensity. "I think you've suffered enough, don't you?" Taking him into her body with one quick, powerful thrust of her body Yoruichi threw her head back as her thighs clenched around his hips, riding them both to a passionate, mind blowing climax that had them calling out each other's name as though it were their last death cry. Sweat glimmering off their skin, they lay pressed against each other, their hearts beating side by side in a rapid imitation of the other, Yoruichi face pressed against the hollow of his neck while Urahara's head turned slightly to press against hers, arms wrapped around her as they got their breath back.

"So I guess we proved that theory wrong." Urahara panted out, affectionately sliding a hand down her back in a soothing, lengthy caress.

Amused Yoruichi teased him by licking some of the sweat off his neck with quick flicks of her tongue. "I would have to agree."

"Of course as a scientist I have to point out that one has to test a theory several times, before the findings can be considered fact."

"Well then...in the name of science and all..."

* * *

Meanwhile Hinamori was feeling lower than dirt for the moment, saying very little as her friends chattered around her about regular things. Hearing her name being called Hinamori turned, her heart sinking when she saw who it was that had called out to her from across the street. It was Hikaru Tamaki, the mother of the boys she'd been supposed to baby-sit but had fostered onto Toshiro kun in revenge for speaking against Aizen san. She'd lied to the woman, calling in sick, and now she was going to have to deal with the repercussions of her lies, Hinamori thought miserably. Toshiro kun had probably refused to do it and had told Mrs. Tamaki what she'd done, and now she'd come to give her the lecture she deserved.

"I'm so glad to see you're all better. You sounded terrible yesterday." Surprising Hinamori with a bright smile Mrs. Tamaki looked to be in a great mood. "I just wanted to say thank you again for finding someone to replace you, not many baby-sitters would be willing to go out of their way like that."

"So he got there okay?" Hinamori asked weakly, feeling both relief and guilt that Toshiro kun had shown up to watch the boys. She knew they tended to be too possessive of her and act out against Toshiro kun as a result, seeing him as a rival for her affection.

"Oh yes, and it was so kind of him, willing to call off a date to come. Of course when he explained the situation I told him it was all right if he brought his lady friend, though I had to say I was really surprised when I saw who it was! She always struck me as such an intimidating girl but she was very sweet, the boys just loved her."

Struck dumb Hinamori just stared at the older woman dumbly. "He brought...his girlfriend?"

"Yes, he called me to explain that he'd had a date planned and would it be all right if he brought his girlfriend with him so that he wouldn't have to blow her off. If it had been anyone other than Captain Hitsugaya I might have hesitated, but I knew I could count on him to be an absolute gentleman while the boys were around." Winking the woman grinned at Hinamori knowingly. "Of course with my boys, finding time for romance is a miracle to begin with."

"Who is he seeing?" Kira asked, knowing Hinamori well enough to know she'd had no clue that Captain Hitsugaya was seeing anyone. He sure as heck hadn't known, and made a mental note to lecture Matsumoto for not telling him earlier.

"Lieutenant Kurotsuchi. I was surprised too." Mrs. Tamaki added with a laugh as Kira goggled at her in shock. "I didn't know what to think when I opened the door to see her standing beside him in the doorway. But she's great with kids apparently, Kaoru has already invited her to his birthday next month and this morning it was Nemu chan said this and Nemu chan can do that. They're already asking when we're going out again so that she can come sit for them again."

"That's great." Hinamori replied, not knowing what else to say.

"Well anyway, I should be going, you all have better things to do than gossip with me after all. You all have a great day, and thanks again, Hinamori san, for everything. I really appreciate it." Waving good bye the woman didn't even notice that Hinamori didn't wave back as she headed off to the market.

* * *

Eavesdropping with ease Captain Zaraki was well pleased with what he was hearing. So Captain Hitsugaya had decided to play along, and wasn't that just perfect. In the beginning, he'd seen this as a way of helping the poor kid out while getting some entertainment at the same time. Now he was starting to see how it could also be used to help him complete another of his projects that would benefit him even more. Yes, the gods had definitely shone down on him when they'd put Lieutenant Kurotsuchi in his path.

"You're up to something."

Looking down Zaraki gave Soifon a questioning look, not surprised that he hadn't even heard her approach from behind. "What makes you think that?"

"I know that look. Whatever you're up to, it better not come back to bite you or any of the Gotei in the ass. The General is not someone you want to displease right now." Her tone the sort teachers used to lecture their students, Soifon could only hope that for once he actually listened to her advice. "I don't know what's going on, but something's gotten under his skin."

"Wrinkly as it is, that wouldn't be hard."

Eyes narrowing dangerously Soifon's voice made her disapproval clear. "It's not something to joke about. Part of the reason is Ise, you've heard?" When he nodded his head slightly in the affirmative Soifon continued. "I'm sending out men to patrol her apartment and Captain Kyoraku's house tonight. I'm going to join them, once my duties are completed. We'll find him." Eyes hardening Soifon already had some plans as to what she'd do when she found the bastard.

"Perhaps I'll see you then." Giving her one of his sarcastic little smirks Zaraki nodded his head then walked off, leaving her behind to glare coolly at his back.

* * *

Glaring down at his vice captain later that afternoon it was clear that Captain Kurotsuchi meant business as he interrogated her over the news that she'd spent the evening baby-sitting with the tenth division captain and that she was now seeing him romantically. The fact that she admitted to both so readily was what really confused him, to the point where he was repeating himself as he tried to understand just why the hell she would ever want to do either. The problem too was the fact that he couldn't really stop her from seeing Hitsugaya either. He could and would impose a curfew for her but he couldn't watch her every hour of the day, he had better things to do. Besides, everyone always got touchy for some reason when he tried to limit his lieutenant's contact with them, like they had the right to question how he raised her. But enough complaining and the General would get involved and Kurotsuchi's was well aware of the fact that he was on thin ice there to begin with. Turning his fellow captains against him over something this stupid would not be a wise move. Cutting her off in the middle of her third time explaining her desire to improve her people skills by seeing the tenth division captain socially Kurotsuchi got straight to the point. "You'll be back at the lab every night by eleven and if you get pregnant again the thing will be terminated." Giving her his back he walked off before she could even think to reply to his orders.

Walking over to Nemu, having been watching from a distance, Ukitake cleared his throat loudly until she turned her head to meet his gaze. "Are you okay?" Ukitake asked roughly, wishing he had pockets to put his hands in. He'd been walking by when he'd seen Kurotsuchi chewing her out, and had remained in case the man got violent. While he'd never seen the bastard hit her, he didn't doubt the man was capable of using corporal punishment in dealing with Kurotsuchi san.

Surprised Nemu nodded her head. "That actually went better then I thought it would. He only put two conditions on me seeing Captain Hitsugaya socially."

Since it was all over Soul Society at the moment Ukitake didn't flinch at the confirmation, even though he'd been dreading it like he dreaded one of his attacks. "Oh, what were they?" He asked carefully, trying to act like he was being polite, rather than hoping she'd been given a really early curfew which would prevent Hitsugaya from trying anything funny. Maybe Kurotsuchi had even insisted on being around for the dates, Ukitake thought hopefully, knowing nothing could kill a romantic atmosphere like Kurotsuchi san's father.

"I have a curfew of eleven and I can't get pregnant again."

Looking dumbstruck Ukitake stared at her like he'd never seen her before. "Again?" What the hell!

"When we faced off against the arrancar Szayel Aporro Granz he used a technique he called Gabriel which allows him to impregnate himself into his opponent and than eat his way out of them. It was a very unpleasant experience, though I think my captain was wrong to compare that to a regular pregnancy since Szayel was neither of my genetics nor a result of sexual consummation. Not to mention, I strongly doubt that the population would continue to be replenished if it was normally that painful. Of course that could be because he came out of my mouth instead of through the normal method. Thankfully, I'm built to withstand most things."

Horrified at the mental image she was painting Ukitake didn't know what the hell to say. He'd known that she'd nearly died from facing off against the arrancar, but he certainly had never heard anything about her nearly being killed from the inside out. "It's a miracle you could survive that." He finally said, not sure what else to say. It was just too much for him to process at the moment.

"Not really, my captain is a very organized and far thinking individual. My body is designed, once it reaches a certain level of damage, to shut down and go into a sort of stasis by which I should be able to be revived. So far it's only had to be done twice, but both times were obviously successful."

"Does it hurt, to be revived?"

Shaking her head Nemu was pleased that he cared enough to ask. "Oh no, it's actually a very pleasurable experience. My body comes back nerve by nerve, so that I become aware of my surroundings in a way that I wouldn't normally be. My senses are at peak efficiency and both times I've experienced something similar to euphoria upon completion. Lieutenant Abrara made a comment to Ishida san to the effect that I sounded like a porn star when I regenerated back the last time, but I don't know what that means. Ishida san knocked Abara san for saying so, and would not explain it to me because I'm a lady."

Mental images flooding his mind Ukitake blushed, imagining just what she would sound like and wondering if she was that sensitive, how easy would to be to get her to...Oh boy.

"Captain Ukitake? Are you all right?"

"I'm good." Was his honest response.

* * *

Standing off in the shadows Ichimaru waited until both Yami and Aizen had left the cavern below him before he moved from his hiding place with a panther's grace. He'd known something was up, so that was what Aizen was up to, Ichimaru thought to himself, as he considered the implications of what Aizen had tried to have done. He didn't give a damn about Ise of course, she could die tomorrow or by his hand and he wouldn't feel a moment's regret over it. No, what had him worried was the fact that Aizen had given orders for Yami to return to the Soul Society and hang out there for the day, in the hopes that he'd get another chance at Ise.

Ichimaru had always made it a policy of getting to know something about everyone he worked with, and what he knew of this latest addition to Aizen's minions hinted at an instability that was dangerous as hell. Normally that wouldn't bother him, since the little bastard was nothing to him in comparison, but he also knew that the twisted son of a bitch had a thing about women. He'd seen the way Yami had looked at Halibel, and if anyone had ever looked at him like that, Ichimaru would have killed him then and there, forgoing the trouble of looking over his shoulder until the bastard got up the balls to attack him from behind. Apparently a lot of it had to do with Halibel's hair color. Yami had a thing about light colored hair. Like Ran's hair. And what would happen when Yami couldn't get at Ise because there was no way Kyoraku was going to let her out of his sight now. Would Yami go hunting elsewhere, knowing that originally it was simply a female lieutenant he was suppose to go after? He had never seen Yami in battle, the little psycho striking him as the type that attacks from the shadows, disabling his target before coming out to play with them. In a fair fight Ichimaru had every confidence in Ran's ability, after all he'd trained her as best as he could when they'd been together. But what about a sneak attack, or when she was asleep or possibly drunk? What then? No, he would have to interfere here, had to see to it that Yami got it into his head that he could do what he liked to anyone other than Ran. And just to be sure, he knew precisely where Ran would be in two days and he'd go see her then, when she would be alone and separated from that damn captain of hers. Yes, he'd go and see her in two days time. She was not going to be nearly as happy about that as he was.


	11. Our Past Connections

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original characters and the situations I put them all in, poor bastards. Everything else belongs to somebody else and that's just the way it's gotta be! Thanks to all my readers out there and have an awesome day!

For those who've been asking bout Captain Kuchiki, he'll be showing up in the next few chapters to start playing a more 'active' role in this fic muhahahaha

Our Past Connections

Knocking on Shunsui's door later that evening Ukitake was surprised when it was opened by Nanao, dressed in a long blue robe with matching bright blue pajama bottoms just visible at her feet. Her hair was down, the first time he'd ever seen it that way, and Ukitake figured Shunsui must be in heaven at the moment, with Nanao san stuck here like this. "Good evening, Nanao san. Am I interrupting?"

"Not at all, come on-Eyaaa!"

Everything else she'd intended to say was lost as her captain appeared out of nowhere to scoop her up with one arm, holding her rather like a little girl holds her dollie against her chest to protect it from being taken, the faces were rather similar too, Ukitake noted with amusement.

"Ah, ah, what did I say, Nanao chan? No opening the door!"

"It was Captain Ukitake! I recognized his spirit energy!" Was her outraged reply, having gotten over her shock enough to realize the embarrassment of her present circumstances. If it weren't out of fear that he'd drop her on her butt, thus humiliating her more, she'd so take him down. "Now put me down this instant!"

"So what's up?" Shunsui asked as he set his lieutenant back on her feet, more because he feared injury than because she'd ordered him too. Plus, she looked so cute when she pouted and how was he going to see that unless she was facing him.

Amused by them and their little power struggle Ukitake felt a little less nervous about why he'd come in the first place. They really were just meant for each other, no matter what Nanao san said. To keep them from fighting Ukitake hastened to get to the point of his visit. "Actually, I came to talk to Nanao san about something, so you can go back to whatever you were doing." A not so subtle way of telling his friend to get lost.

Raising an eyebrow Shunsui took the hint without offense, wondering if he could get the information out of Nanao later. Just what did Jushiro want to talk to her about? His own birthday wasn't for a while and why else would he be kicked out for one of their discussions. His friend still looked ill, maybe he was sicker than he was letting on and wanted to tell Nanao so that she could help him somehow? But no, he'd stood by his friend since he'd first gotten sick, Jushiro would never leave him in the dark about that. Well wondering wasn't going to get him anywhere, he thought with a mental shrug. "Then I leave my little Nanao chan in your care." Winking at his not at all amused lieutenant Shunsui went off to the kitchen to hunt up some cookies and leave them to their private discussion.

Exchanging looks of understanding Nanao and Ukitake headed for the living room, both knowing that it was only a matter of time before her captain's curiosity got the best of him and he came snooping around to eavesdrop. "So what can I help you with?" Nanao asked as she took a seat, adjusting her glasses slightly as he took a chair opposite her.

"Actually...I uhm...well I...I'm just a little concerned...about Kurotsuchi san. I heard that she's seeing Captain Hitsugaya and I don't really think she's ready to date anyone. I mean, I know she looks like a grown woman but she's so childlike in so many ways and I..I'm worried she'll get taken advantage of." There, that hadn't come out too badly, well other than the slight stuttering.

Surprised Nanao smiled at him, pleased at his concern. "I think we can trust Captain Hitsugaya to take good care of her. I'm glad though, that you'd care enough to ask. Not a lot of people take the time to worry about her well being."

Okay, now he'd gone from being proud to feeling lower than scum in a matter of milliseconds. That had to be a new record. Obviously taking the look on his face as a bad sign Nanao reached out to lay a comforting hand on his knee.

"Don't look so worried, I've already made it clear to her that she's to come to me for advice." Nanao assured him, pleased when he gave her a weak smile in return. "It's really cute though, that you're this worried about her. I didn't even realize you knew her that well. It's good though, she needs positive male role models in her life. The men she lives with aren't exactly what anyone would call exemplary." She added with a roll of her eyes. "Is that all you wanted to ask me?"

"Uh well..you'll keep me informed...in case...you know...Toshiro needs a talking to?"

Raising an eyebrow Nanao nodded, unable to shake the new feeling that she was missing something here.

* * *

Strolling down the street with his hands in his pockets Captain Hisagi paused for a moment, cocking his head to the side since he thought he'd heard someone call him by his childhood name. Turning to scan the area around him his eyes landed on two people, a woman and a man of average height. The man had a grip on the woman's arm and appeared to be trying to gently lead her somewhere while the woman was trying to get out of his grip, without any success.

"Shu kun!"

Blinking, sure now, Hisagi started forward, getting close enough to see the startling lightness of the girl's short, boyishly cut hair. "Isa chan?" Falling back on his own childhood name for her Hisagi wondered if he was wrong, since this wasn't the sort of neighborhood you'd find Isane san, especially this late at night. When she said his name a second time Hisagi took that as a yes, starting forward with an intent stride that had the other, smaller man backing up with his hands in the air in a 'sorry, I'm going' gesture. As soon as the man let go the woman stumbled away from him, seeming to walk on unsteady feet as she headed for the punkish captain. Catching her when she tripped and stumbled forward, Hisagi stared down into the cute face of his childhood friend, her eyes big and somewhat unfocused. "Isane san, what's wrong?"

Blinking up at him Lieutenant Isane Kotetsu slumped in his arms, so that it was the arms he'd wrapped around her waist that kept her upright. "I don't know." Shaking her head slowly, Isane tried to focus but her head felt all mushy. "I went for a drink...just one...then I felt sick so I came outside. That man said I needed to go home and that he'd take me...but I didn't know him."

"You get this drunk after one drink?" Boy, no wonder she'd never gone drinking with the rest of the lieutenants when he'd still been one. No one in their right mind would advertise having this low a tolerance to alcohol.

"It was only a daiquiri! I can usually drink more than that. I don't know what's wrong."

And didn't she sound pitiful and lost, Hisagi thought, resigned to the fact that he'd have to see her home himself, rather than head to a party he'd hoped to drop in on. Scooping her up into his arms he considered flashing them to her home but opted to walk them, since it was only four blocks. She could probably due with the air exposure. "You still live in the same district and apartment?"

Nodding her head Isane laid her head on his shoulder, wrapping her arms around his neck as she snuggled into his embrace. Everything was okay, Shu kun was here.

A little unnerved by the way she was nuzzling her face against his neck Hisagi tried to keep things light as they walked down the street. "It was weird hearing you call me Shu kun. Not even my mother calls me that anymore."

"You'll always be Shu kun to me. You were my very best friend."

Surprised, Hisagi didn't know how to reply to that. Sure, they'd been thick as thieves when they were kids, but once puberty had kicked in they'd pretty much gone their separate ways socially. As kids you could be friends with just about anyone but once the personality of a person emerged, childhood ties went out the window. He couldn't even remember the last time they'd hung out together, just the two of them. Definitely before the Academy days which seemed like an eternity as it was. They had been close though, their mothers had always hoped they'd end up as a couple, much to his amusement. After all, he was really out going and a people person, while Isane san preferred to be by herself and was actually very shy. They'd really stopped having anything in common once they'd stopped catching fireflies and stag beetle hunting. "Well you haven't called me that in forever." He finally said lightly, since he didn't want her going to sleep on him.

"You didn't want me to. You got embarrassed, being seen with me."

"I was not embarrassed to be seen with you!" Okay, so he had been a few times, when she was going through that really gawky stage girls went through, but he'd never ignored her or acted like he didn't know her. That was more than most people could say about socially awkward former friends.

Sighing Isane shook her head once more. "You were too cool to be seen with me. That's why you stopped calling me Isa chan and didn't tug on my braids anymore."

"Well you cut off your braids, remember?" Her hair really was her best feature, chopping it off like that hadn't been one of her wiser moves.

"Because you said you liked girls with short hair." Was her sleepy response, Hisagi unable to rouse her into explaining what the hell she meant by that, even though he gave it his best shot the rest of the way to her home. More than a little confused, Hisagi wondered, just how much of what she'd said she'd recant in the morning.

* * *

Staring down at his lieutenant Captain Kuchiki could feel a definite twitch appearing under his right eye as he struggled with the desire to boot his lieutenant out on his ass. The fact that Renji was the picture of dejected misery didn't much bother him either. In fact, it only annoyed him that much more since he had a pretty good idea what was going on, seeing as it was Rukia's porch Renji was currently sitting on looking like death warmed over. "You know she isn't here." Byakuya pointed out by way of greeting, barely able to hold back a grin as his lieutenant nearly took a header into the shrubbery, just catching himself in time by bracing his hands on the wooden porch.

Twisting his head around to meet his captain's unwavering dark gaze Renji wondered if he should run or run. Those seemed to be the only two options that came to mind. Yeah, running was good, except when your captain had you hypnotized like a snake charmer so that you were too scared to move. "Uh...good evening, Captain."

"If you need to speak to my sister you'll see her tomorrow."

"Ah, she's sorta not speaking to me at the moment."

Well duh, like he hadn't noticed? What did they think he was, blind? Only an idiot wouldn't notice the fact that either Renji had finally, being the idiot that he was, made a move on his sister, or the moron had once again shot his mouth off in a way that had pissed Rukia off. Byakuya was leaning towards the latter, since his lieutenant had yet to show any signs that he had grown balls big enough to risk Rukia cutting them off by rejecting him. "Then you'll apologize to her tomorrow."

"But I shouldn't have to apologize! She owes me the apology!" And that was an incredibly stupid thing for him to have said, Renji thought in abject horror, looking up at his captain the way the dumb blonde looked at the serial killer in horror movies, realizing that she was about to die horribly as a result of her own stupidity. Not good, definitely not good. Cue slasher music and close up on the dead man.

"And what does she need to apologize for?" Rukia was a chip off the old block after all. Her pride and ego was substantial. It was within the realm of possibility that she was the one who should be apologizing. Not that he'd admit to that. He actually didn't really even care about the argument they'd had, but tormenting his subordinate was one of his small pleasures, since the red headed idiot was such a trial to him without even trying.

Opening and closing his mouth a couple times Renji couldn't think of a single way to explain all this that wouldn't get him, as well as several of his male friends killed. Yeah, his captain would get that list of Rukia's and then it would be open season on all their asses.

His curiosity piqued a little now Byakuya wondered if Renji was protecting himself or Rukia by not answering. Likely a combination of both. "Does this have something to do with your request to go down to earth a few days ago?" Bingo, he thought, when Renji's face gave him away. As usual. "As I recall, you were doing a lot of muttering outside my door before I let you in, something about killing Kurosaki san and Ishida san for trying to steal Rukia san from you?"

They were dead, they were all dead. And if his captain didn't kill them, Rukia would, Renji thought as his shoulders slumped dejectedly, waiting for the axe to fall. Or in this case, his captain's sword to severe his neck in two before hiding his body somewhere on the estate grounds. Maybe in one of the koi ponds? Then again, since it was his captain, Renji doubted his final resting place would be anything so fine as that. The dumpster was more likely.

"You know it's your complete lack of maturity and intelligence that got you into this situation."

Blinking Renji stared up at his captain, weary as to where this was going. It wasn't the first time that his captain had expressed that opinion before, but he was sure he'd detected a slight trace of amusement in the stern man's voice, which was more than a little unnerving. Was his captain playing with him, before he finished him off? "Sir?"

"If you were to be in possession of anything resembling intelligence then you'd realize that since everyone knows how you feel about Rukia, neither Kurosaki san nor Ishida san would betray your friendship by pursuing her romantically, if she were to even entertain the idea in the first place, which given her treatment of them I doubt. Unlike you, I pay attention to things." Well that and he was king at eavesdropping, since he preferred to observe rather than participate when in the company of others. He'd heard plenty of his sister's recent mutterings as well and putting those together with Renji's he had a pretty good idea what was going on. Had been going on between the two for as long as he'd known called Rukia his sister. He'd simply seen no reason to interfere, since both were either too dim or childish to realize the possible extent to the bond they shared. He sure as hell had no intention of enlightening them.

"Wait...you know how I feel about her and you haven't killed me?"

"Why waste my time training a new lieutenant when I know you don't have the guts to ever confess your feelings to her."

"Oh. That's just harsh."

* * *

Arriving at Urahara's store early the next day as requested, Rukia and Ichigo were directed to the backyard of the store, surprised to find the store's owner sitting in a kiddie pool, wearing swimming trunks and a too large T-shirt. His usual hat was in place and he'd stuck a beach umbrella in the ground near him, to give him some shade while he read a magazine and sipped something yellow from a tall glass.

"Why the hell didn't you just go to the beach?" Toeing the bright orange rubber pool with his sandaled foot, Ichigo was obviously amused at the picture Urahara made.

"Because I said I'd meet Kuchiki chan today." Actually, he wasn't going anywhere for the same reason he was currently submerging his lower half with cold water. He was just too sore to move. Not that he had any intention of telling them that. Nope, he really didn't want to go there.

"Why the umbrella though, and the T-shirt?" Rukia asked, raising an eyebrow at him. "It's not like you couldn't use a tan."

Yeah right, that was a great idea, Urahara thought darkly. The scratch and bite marks on his back and chest definitely needed to be sunburned on top of everything else. "Anyway, I'm reading here so lets make this quick shall we? Kuchiki chan, if you would be so kind, tell the General that my answer to his request is that I won't lend him any aid until he has removed Kurotsuchi as captain of the twelfth division. And that that is my final answer."

"He's not going to like that."

"I didn't think he would. Oh yeah, and I told Yoruichi you were stopping by, so she left those packages she wanted you to deliver in the back room in a large black garbage bag. Apparently the boxes are all labeled as to who gets what and she said to have them all open them at the same time. She didn't explain why." He added when Rukia opened her mouth to ask him just that.

Well she had said she'd do it, however bothersome it was. "Okay, thanks."

Saying his own good bye Ichigo didn't start snickering until they were in the back room and he was slugging the large garbage bag over his shoulder. She'd bitch him into doing it for her anyway, so this just saved time.

"What are you snickering about."

"That water was ice cold and he had hickeys on his neck. Think about it."

"Oh." Snickering along with him the two headed out the store, completely unaware of the consequences that would result form the packages Ichigo had so innocently slugged over his shoulder.


	12. Something About Her

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original characters and the situations I put them all in, poor bastards. Everything else belongs to somebody else and that's just the way it's gotta be! Thanks to all my readers out there and have an awesome day!

Something About Her

Waking up in her own bed with a mild headache, Isane sat up and absently rubbed at her temples, looking around her to get a sense of what was going on. The last thing she remembered was...OH MY GOD! Going the approximate shade of an overripe tomato Isane slumped back into bed, her hands over her face as she agonized over what had happened the night before. She must have fallen asleep in his arms and then he must have carried her in here and put her to bed. A terrible thought entering her head Isane moved her hands just long enough to confirm that she was still wearing her uniform, doing her best to remind herself that she shouldn't be disappointed that he hadn't removed it. It wasn't like seeing her in her underwear would do anything for him, not to mention the fact that she wasn't wearing anything sexy enough to make up for the embarrassment of it all.

After a good five minutes of sulking childishly Isane finally made herself get out of bed and headed directly for the bathroom, gulping down a couple tablets for the headache before climbing into the shower to soak her silly head. How she was going to face him was completely beyond her. She'd have to avoid him like the plague until he couldn't possibly remember all the stupid things she'd said to him. But no, she had to thank him, there was no getting around that, Isane thought miserably. He had definitely helped her out and who knows what trouble she would have been in if he hadn't come along to take care of her. Yeah, she was screwed.

Once her shower was done Isane quickly dried her hair with a towel, brushed her teeth, and wearing her favorite pink robe headed out of the room to go and make herself some breakfast. Pausing in the hallway to sidestep one of her dog's chew toys, another reality hit with a bang. Snoopy. Her eyes going wide with horror, as images of her puppy having ruined her apartment the night before swam in her head, Isane ran the rest of the way to the kitchen and not finding him there headed for the living room, where he liked to hang out when he wasn't sleeping in his basket. Opening her mouth to call for the dog as she stepped into the room the words died in her throat as she caught sight of just where Snoopy was. Or to be more precise, who Snoopy was sleeping on. There, stretched out on her couch, was Shu kun, still wearing his clothes from the night before with her puppy fast asleep on his stomach, one of Shu kun's hands laying across her puppy's back like he'd fallen asleep mid stroke. Cheeks going as pink as her robe Isane approached slowly, the way you do with a wounded animal who might rear up and bit you at any moment. Slowly reaching out, Isane placed a hand on his shoulder and gently shook it.

Like he'd been primed to wake at her touch Captain Hisagi suddenly jerked up into a sitting position, scaring her enough that she fell back on her butt, skidding backward with a low shriek of surprise while Snoopy gave a rather loud bark of disapproval, as he too hit the floor with a thud.

Blinking Hisagi stared down at Isane with a mixture of bemusement and interest as he took in her unusual attire. One of those people that woke up with a snap his mind was as clear as his vision, which was getting quite the eyeful at the moment, Hisagi thought with the beginnings of a slow grin. His childhood friend was currently sprawled out on the floor in front of him, her girlie pink robe open enough that he had an excellent view of her breasts, which were going an interesting shade of pink to match her brightly glowing cheeks. She also had a very nice set of legs, he noted, zeroing in for a moment on the tattoo of a ladybug on a leaf that graced her right ankle. Very adorably sexy. Who knew? Yeah, she'd definitely filled out nicely since they'd gone skinny dipping as kids, Hisagi thought with a grin, wondering how long it would take her to realize the state of her robe. Not that he was in any hurry for her to notice, pretty as the view was.

"I uhm..you were...uhm..what are you..doing here?" Isane finally finished weakly, too nervous and embarrassed to even get to her feet. Why was he staring at her like that? Just how much of a fool had she made of herself the night before? Oh God, what if she'd done or said even more horrible things than what she remembered?

Stretching his arms above his head to work the kinks out Hisagi never for a moment took his eyes off her. "When we got here that mutt of yours was doing some pretty serious dancing, so after I got you into bed I went and took him out. While we were there that guy from before showed up, saying he'd wanted to make sure you got home all right. He seemed harmless enough, but just to be safe I figured I'd stick around for an hour, give the impression I wasn't leaving. I must have passed out on the couch, sleep's been a fond memory this week."

"Oh." Feeling even worse now Isane lowered her head in shame. And got a real good view of what he'd been staring at. "Eyaaaaaaaaaaa!" Roughly wrapping the material back over her breasts, her cheeks stained red now, Isane looked up to find him grinning at her rather rakishly. "You...you...you could have told me!"

"Now where's the fun in that?"

* * *

Nanao got bored quickly, waiting for her captain to finish his talk with his older brother. This wasn't unexpected, since the men conversing on the other side of the room were discussing sports, something she had zero interest in. As it was, she was pretty sure they'd both forgotten she was in the room, so caught up were they in their heated debate over their teams. Comfortably seated in her chair Nanao pulled out the list she'd started from her pocket and retrieving a pen went back to working on her list of things she needed to do at the office. Once that was finished, she turned the page over and started a personal list of things she had to do for her captain, starting with firing the ass of his stupid housekeeper. Then there was the hiring of someone else, the interviewing and advertising that was necessary, as well as supervising the hiring since it was painfully obvious her captain could not hire someone competent without her guidance. He also needed to get someone to put a fresh coat of paint on the kitchen walls, as well as start stocking food that could not just be placed in a microwave come meal time. He also needed new socks, towels, and houseplants to replace the ones his housekeeper had killed. This list soon filled the whole page and Nanao was debating asking for another piece of paper to continue the list when it hit her and hit her hard. Oh my God, I'm practically his wife. Reeling from the revelation Nanao's mind struggled to take in the implications as she stared down at the list in growing horror. She saw that his house was clean, that he had food, clothing, and dressed appropriate for the weather. She nagged him into taking vitamins, eating fruits and vegetables, and just generally nagged his ass when it needed it. She'd redecorate every room in his house other than his bedroom and office, and knew where everything was better than he did. She knew his family, often had lunch with his mother, and was even called Aunt Nanao by his nieces and nephews. For the last century she'd practically been nesting in his house and not only had she not noticed but he'd let her do it. How dare he let her do it and not stop her? The only things she wasn't getting out of this relationship that a wife was supposed to get was a ring on her finger and sex. Why the hell wasn't she at least getting the sex as a consolation for all the crap she'd had to put up with? That and make up presents was the only consolation wives ever got for getting stuck with lazy ass husbands like her captain. So why the hell wasn't she getting any sex? Oh yeah...because she'd made it clear she wasn't giving him any. Well that was just going to have to change, now wasn't it. If she was going to do all this stuff for him he was damn well going to make it worth her while whether he liked it or not. The jerk.

* * *

Enjoying the sight of Soifon working up a sweat Zaraki simply watched from the sidelines, his back against the wall while she beat the hell out of the punching bag in front of her in the empty training room. She was so in the groove, he wouldn't be at all surprised if she had absolutely no idea he was there. Which was fine by him, for the time being anyway.

He would be wrong. Perfectly aware of her audience Soifon simply ignored him, knowing that if it was someone important he'd come over and interrupt her. If it wasn't important, she wasn't going to take time out of her training to chat with him. He'd get bored eventually, and either leave or come over to chat. And of course he would come when she was covered in sweat and wearing her work out clothes of loose black pants and a black sports bra. He did seem to get such a thrill out of catching her at her worst, Soifon thought darkly, hitting the bag so hard in her annoyance that she knocked the bag right off its hook, sending it crashing to the ground with a loud thud. Annoyed Soifon kicked it lightly with her foot before leaning down to pick it up.

"Need some help?" Leaning over her Zaraki delighted in the annoyed look she sent over her shoulder, obviously peeved to find him so close to her.

"Nothing I can't handle." Snatching up the bag, which wasn't too heavy for her, Soifon turned and wrapping her arms around it wished it wasn't so damn big. She couldn't see over the top of it. Making a pissed off sound in the back of her throat when Zaraki snatched it nimbly from her hands Soifon watched him return it to its hook, a scalding resort on the tip of her tongue, only to die away at the arrival of their general and his lieutenant. Both Zaraki and Soifon turned to face the general, watching him make his way over with his face revealing nothing of the reason behind his visit. "General." Giving him a respectful nod of her head Soifon wasn't the least surprised when Zaraki didn't even recognize the old man's presence with that. "What can I do for you?"

"Something is going on amongst the captains and their lieutenants." The General began, not one to beat around the bush. "So far I have yet to figure out what that something is. Every feeler we've sent out has come up empty as to an explanation for their bizarre behavior."

"Their bizarre behavior, Sir?"

"Captain Ukitake, Lieutenant Hinamori and Lieutenant Abarai all appear ill, but Captain Unohana tells me none of them have sought her out for treatment. Captain Zaraki, you and Lieutenant Matsumoto give all the appearance of being up to something, something that others seem to be aware of but won't speak of to me or to my lieutenant. I've also noted unusual behavior from Lieutenants Kurotsuchi and Izuru, and Captains Hitsugaya and Hisagi. Care to explain at least your behavior, Captain Zaraki?"

Raising an eyebrow Zaraki wasn't intimidated in the least. "I couldn't say, General."

But he knew, Soifon realized, her eyes narrowing suspiciously as she looked up at him. She had gotten the sense he was up to something, and she had noticed the strange undercurrent that was rippling throughout the Gotei 13 in the past week. What was behind it though, there she had yet to find an answer any better than mere guesses and suspicion. Obviously, Zaraki knew far more than he was letting on. And she'd get it out of him, Soifon thought darkly, as soon as the general left.

* * *

Sitting off by himself on a park bench Captain Ukitake was enjoying the sun, an ice cream cone, and a well earned day off. Or trying to. It was probably only a matter of time before something came to ruin it, or more likely, something coming to mind. A certain someone to be more specific. God, he was turning into Shunsui before his very eyes, Ukitake thought cynically. Next thing you know he'd be calling her Nemu chan and sending her inappropriate gifts that got him whacked upside the head with heavy objects on top of ego destroying lectures. He bled naturally enough as it was, thank you very much. And what did she see in Hitsugaya anyway? He was short...and short. Unable to think of anything other than the young captain's height to complain about Ukitake got even more annoyed then before, mostly at himself. How low had he fallen, Ukitake thought in despair, dropping his face into his hands in disgust. Here he was, trying to think of mean things to say about a friend, and all over a woman he barely knew. Who just happened to have amazing legs, silky hair and the potential of being the most mind blowing lover he'd ever have if that one night was anything to go by. Yeah..he was pretty much screwed, and not in a good way.

"Are you all right?"

Whipping his head up Ukitake smashed the top of his head into something very hard. "OWW! Shit! Owww! Shit! Owww owww Shit!" Holding into his head with both hands Ukitake looked up to see Nemu watching him with interest. "Well for fu-" Catching himself just in time Ukitake managed a weak smile as he tried to ignore the throbbing pain in his head, and oddly, his chest. "Are you okay?"

"Yes, my body was designed to withstand much worse. Are you okay?" Nemu countered, thinking he looked very interesting with his hands on his head that way. His head had connected with her chin pretty hard after all.

"I've been better." Forcing himself to drop his hands back into his lap, least he look like a baby, Ukitake turned his attention to the person who seemed to be making it a habit of causing him problems this week. "Hi."

"You dropped your ice cream. Would you like another?" After all, it was sort of her fault that he'd dropped it in the first place.

"Sure, thank you." Watching her trot off to the nearby ice cream truck Ukitake went back to rubbing his head, having used the ice cream as a diversion to get her away for a couple of minutes so that he could gain back some of his composure and rub his aching head. He'd bit his tongue too, dammit. Watching her get in line out of the corner of his eye Ukitake made a mental note to pay her back, since he doubted her captain was in the habit of giving her access to the money she rightfully earned as his lieutenant. Yeah, he could easily see that son of a bitch claiming he needed to look after such things for her.

Coming back a couple minutes later Nemu handed over his ice cream, waving off the money he offered. "It's all right, really. I made you drop it in the first place."

"Do you want some?" Captain Ukitake offered, holding the cone out towards her. "I haven't had any yet." He added, in case she was worried about catching his disease from the cone. Not that it would likely affect her anyway, given the sorts of chemicals floating around in her body.

"My captain says that sugar will rot my brain and my teeth."

Raising an eyebrow Ukitake stated the obvious. "You were probably built to withstand a nuclear explosion, but your system can't handle sugar?"

"The things my father say don't always make sense." And since she was curious as to what ice cream tasted like, and he had offered, Nemu gave him a questioning look. "You're supposed to lick it rather than bite it, right?"

Oh but this was a bad idea, Ukitake thought, even as he nodded like the idiot he was. Even knowing that, he couldn't take his eyes off her as she bent at the waist and very, very slowly slid her tongue up the ice cream for a long, delicate lick. All the blood leaving his head and going south Ukitake figured he was probably going to hell for the fantasies he was going to have about this later. It was so going to be worth it.

"It's very good." Swiping her tongue over her top lip to get the faint trace of cream off Nemu wondered why he looked so hungry all of a sudden. The ice cream was right there in his hand after all. Maybe he didn't like eating when other people were around? Her father was like that. Of course her father didn't like people period. "Aren't you going to have any?" She finally asked, when he simply continued to watch her. "It's going to melt otherwise."

Finally turning his gaze back to his cone Ukitake saw that she was right and quickly licked up the melting cream and his hand where the Heavenly Hash had dripped on to it.

Watching his eat his ice cream Nemu got the strangest feeling in her stomach, especially when he twirled the ice cream on top with a flick of his tongue. For the life of her she couldn't figure out why, but watching him lick up his ice cream made her feel very warm and tight, like a spring being wound up just a little too tightly for comfort. Even her breasts felt strange for some reason, and usually she forgot their existence unless they were in her way. Did ice cream always make you feel like this?

Feeling her eyes on him Ukitake met her gaze, something in those eyes of hers making him once again forget all about the melting ice cream in his hand. There really was, just something about her.


	13. Say My Name

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original characters and the situations and scenarios I put all the poor characters in. Everything else belongs to somebody else and that's just the way it's gotta be. Thanks so much for reading and have an awesome day, all!

Special Smexy Valentine's Day gift for you Shunsui/Nanao fans!

Say My Name

Sitting in his office Captain Kyoraku pretended to be looking through his papers, all the while wondering what the hell was going on with his lieutenant. She was most definitely up to something, of that he was sure. She'd been out of it since they'd visited his brother earlier that afternoon and he'd been getting chills down his spine ever since. He knew that look on her face all too well. She was planning something and odds were it involved him somehow. The question was, what the hell had he done now? She always got really pissed if he couldn't tell her why she was mad and currently he was drawing a complete blank as ti his crime. For that matter, she'd been in the kitchen a really long time…what was she doing to the coffee she'd gone to get? Visions of poison dancing in his head Shunsui tried desperately to recall something he could have done to piss her off this much but for the life of him he couldn't think of a single offense he'd committed lately that would get her this riled up. Maybe she'd found out about something he'd done in the past and so he was only now getting punished for it? That opened up a wide variety of things to choose from, but made it tricky since it was impossible to guess which one was the answer she wanted. No need to give her extra ammunition after all. Could it be that she'd caught him taking pictures of her while she was yelling at their men because she looked so damn sexy when she was ragging ass? Or had she really been awake this morning and just been pretending to be asleep when he'd woken up to find his hands under her night shirt. He hadn't done that on purpose, honest! Okay, maybe a little, but how could she condemn him for doing it in his sleep? Then again, this was Nanao chan. She didn't seem to think much proof was ever needed when it came to convicting him for his crimes.

"Captain." He hadn't even noticed her coming in, Nanao thought as she placed the cup of coffee on his desk with a small sigh, noting his far away expression. Some bodyguard he was, if he couldn't even notice someone coming into a room and not making any effort to hide their presence.

"Ah, thank you, Nanao chan." Taking his coffee Shunsui took a quick sip before putting it down, hoping that whatever he'd ingested hadn't contained a lethal amount of poison. Just in case. "You aren't having any?" She wasn't drinking any which was definitely a bad sign.

Shaking her head Nanao crossed her arms in front of her, ready to get down to business now that he'd had a shot of his beloved caffeine. "No, I just need to discuss something with you and then I'm going to have a bath before bed."

Images of Nanao in his bath tub filled Shunsui's head and it was only due to his excellently honed survival skills that he managed to push that to the back of his mind so that he could concentrate on whatever it was she wanted to discuss with him, which would more than likely make or break him. Break his bones anyway. "Oh, what's up?" He asked, trying to sound as casual about the whole things as possible.

"It's recently come to my attention that I've been doing a lot more for you than I previously realized, Captain. In fact, throughout the day I've made a mental list of all the things I do for you on a regular basis and I have to tell you, the list is so long I don't even have the mental capacity to recall them all. Thanks to your selfish monopoly of my attention and care I have no social life, which means no sex life, which means that I'm missing out on important things because you're incapable of doing them yourself." Eyes flashing Nanao lifted a finger of warning when her captain's mouth opened. "Furthermore, this can't continue. Now I accept my part in this, I've let you do it and your complete dependence on me is as much my fault as it is yours. However, from now on we're going to begin the process of weaning you so that you can start doing things on your own so that I don't have to spend all my time doing it for you. Now I estimate that it's going to take at least a century, maybe two to get someone with your lazy tendencies to shape up, and that its going to be hard on both of us. That being said, its time I get something out of this other than headaches and premature gray hairs. Therefore, since I can't have a sex life until you're taken care of you're going to provide me with one." And here clarifications was necessary. "Unless of course you're terrible in bed, in which case you'll have to hire two housekeepers instead of just one to pick up the slack because I'm not doing it without benefits anymore. Now seeing as we're under guard anyway, you have until my stalker person is caught to decide how you'd like to proceed. What are your thoughts on the matter?"

He was supposed to be able to think at a moment like this? All the blood had drained out of his head and if it weren't for the fact that not even his twisted mind could come up with a situation like this he'd think he was dreaming. He just needed Alice and a white rabbit to complete the bizarreness of his situation.

"I guess you need time to think about it." Nanao surmised, not at all surprised by his silence. Her captain was as slow as an ant when it came to deciding anything, especially when he knew he could mull it over for a while without getting physically reprimanded for it by her. "I'm going to have my bath and then go to bed now. Don't forget to finish those forms and turn the lights off when you're done. I've already double checked the locks so don't worry about those. Good night then."

Watching her leave the room as if she hadn't just dropped a nuclear bomb into his happy little world it was a good five minutes before the dazed captain had enough higher brain function to truly process the implications of what she was suggesting they do. It took him another four to plan out what he was going to do while finishing the papers she'd asked him for in record time. It would have normally taken him a lot longer, but he had over a century's worth of fantasies concerning his lieutenant and pretty much every room and surface in his house, so that part was already down to a science. Papers in hand Shunsui was practically skipping down the hall as he headed for the bathroom to show his lieutenant that he had finished all his work and was ready for some plat time. She wanted a man, she'd get one and then some.

* * *

As luck would have it he had neglected, i.e. constantly forgotten, to inform his lieutenant of the fact that the lock on his master bathroom door didn't work, so that all it took was one good twist of the doorknob to get it to open regardless of its status. Before entering, Shunsui quickly ditched his hat and let his hair down, since there was no point in getting his prized hair pin wet and he'd noticed she seemed to like it down for some reason. Then, since he planned on taking pretty much everything off shortly anyway, Shunsui stripped down to only his pants before placing his hand on the knob and letting himself into the now steamy, jasmine scented bathroom, his darkening eyes going immediately to the giant tub that dominated the room. Because of his unusual height the tub had been custom made for him so that it was wider and longer than most, with plenty of room to splash around in which was his habit. Its size was also going to be of considerable advantage since his lieutenant didn't even take up half of it as she looked over at him with her arms in front of her chest, watching him over the tub's rim with suspicious eyes. With her glasses off and her hair in its usual loose knot at the back of her head her delicate pale skin was his for the viewing as he kept his eyes solely on her as he closed the door behind him with a small thud.

Her eyes narrowed Nanao's voice said it all as she studied him wearily. "Is something wrong?" There better be, for him to just come walking in like that. For that matter, she was sure she'd locked the door for this very reason. How had he gotten in?

Wrong? No, everything was just hunky dory in his world, Shunsui thought as he watched the bubbles from her bath slip down from her shoulders to follow the soapy streams running down her body to rejoin the water. The rim of the tub hid her body from the neck up but thanks to his superior height he was getting quite the nice view, as the bubbles slid down between her covered breasts, her crossed arms keeping the bubbles trapped there. Lucky bubbles. "I finished the paperwork." Walking over Shunsui held them out, knowing she'd had to remove at least one arm to take it from him. When she did, he wanted an up close and personal look.

Since the plan was that he was going to see her naked eventually anyway Nanao decided to give the perv what he wanted and removed her arms and actually leaned over the tub, giving him a nice view of her sud covered breasts as she grabbed a towel from the side to dry her hands before taking the papers from his now slightly shaking hands, his eyes having taken on a decidedly glazed look. Pleased Nanao sat back in the tub, her eyes looking over the work to check for any major errors, then held them back out towards him with a nod of satisfaction. "Everything seems to be in order. Put them somewhere where you won't lose them or you're redoing them." Smiling at him in a rather coy way Nanao arched an eyebrow questioningly when he remained where he was. "Problem?"

"Nope." Taking the sheets of paper from her Shunsui used all of his self control to walk over to the nearby laundry basket and carefully set the sheets down on top of the lid. That being done, all bets were off. Walking back over to the tub he had the pleasure of watching her eyes and mouth go as big as his dinner plates as he very casually stripped off the rest of his clothing and climbed into the tub behind her, his lieutenant giving a rather adorable squeak as she moved forward to give him room, while her head whipping around to face him with cheeks stained a becoming red.

"Captain!"

"You certainly like your bubbles, don't you?" Far from done Shunsui reached out and grabbing her by her incredibly small waist dragged her over and onto his lap, lowering his head so that his lips brushed the shell of her ear as he settled her back against his chest. "Something wrong, Nanao chan?" He asked innocently, as she struggled to comfortably seat herself on his lap.

For once words failed her. She was sitting butt naked in her captain's lap. His very, very naked lap. And boy did he sound happy about that. Squirming slightly against him Nanao's eyes got even bigger if that was possible, as she felt just how happy he really was. Oh boy. And here she'd thought it couldn't get that much bigger...

"I'll scrub your back…if you'll scrub mine."

Head turning around again to meet his eyes Nanao stared into the hooded depths of those dark orbs she'd thought she knew so well. She'd been very wrong about that. She felt as though it was a strangers eyes she looked into now, dark, mysterious and dangerous. They made her heart rate pick up and a warmth spread through her body that had nothing to do with the temperature of the water or the room. There was intent in those eyes, an intent to have her that made her want to let him.

* * *

Since his words had apparently struck her speechless, a very rare occurrence for her indeed, Shunsui decided to ask his question in a less verbal sort of way. Lifting a hand he cupped her chin and turning the position of her head lowered his head to steal a kiss. More persuasive than aggressive his lips took possession of hers in a way that left little doubt as to his intent or feelings on the matter. Her response would set the tone of what was to come. When she kissed him back with equal passion Shunsui smiled against her lips, drawing back slowly as he lingered over the last taste of her bottom lip before drawing his head back to look into her beautiful purple eyes. Turning his body's slightly to the side Shunsui grabbed the body wash lotion she'd left sitting on the rim and poured some into his free hand. After putting the bottle back Shunsui turned back to his former position, rubbing the lotion into his hands to warm it up before setting them on her pale, silky shoulders. Massaging the cream into her shoulders while he placed kisses along her neck Shunsui gloried in the feel of her smooth, wet body pressed against his, her rear rubbing enticingly against him as she moved into his hands while making small sounds of encouragement in the back of her throat. Moving on down he cupped her breasts, rubbing his thumbs around her nipples while his fingers gently kneaded and squeezed her breasts to her throaty moans as she arched her body in his touch. "Like that, Nanao chan?"

Nodding her head wordlessly Nanao lifted her arms over her head to wrap around his neck, deliberately rolling her hips against his to show just how much she loved what he was doing. This was one case where his slow and steady mindset was an asset, Nanao thought with a breathless sigh of excitement. He drew out every caress, every stroke of his calloused fingers as they glided over her breasts, sliding their way down her stomach and then her thighs, gently opening them wider as his hands moved to stroke along her inner thighs, moving closer and closer to where she most wanted his touch. But he always stopping just before he reached the center of the vee, so that within minutes she was moving against him with abandon, her hands leaving his neck to dig into his thighs as she rubbed up against his erection, his moans melding with her own as she pushed them both even closer to the edge, Nanao finally demanding what she wanted as she dug her nails in hard. "Captain...please..."

"Uh uh." Nipping the bottom of her ear Shunsui nuzzled his cheek against hers, the bristles of his day old beard rubbing against her delicate skin so that the nerves became sensitized and alert. "That's not what I want to hear. My name, Nanao chan." His right hand moving to stroke the curls between her thighs he grinned as she shuddered against him with a low moan. "When you come, I want you screaming my name, understand?"

Placing a hand over his Nanao slid it down lower so that his hand lay right where she wanted it between her thighs. "Understood." She whispered throatily, returning her hand to his thigh as she rubbed herself against his hand, her eyes closing as she leaned her head back against his shoulder, her face resting in the hollow of his neck as she arched pleadingly. "Please..."

"As you wish." Slipping his fingers inside her Shunsui closed his eyes as well as she moved against him, saying his name over and over again under her breath, like a prayer as her body worked to take him deeper, tightening around him as it braced for the climax she sought so desperately. Her pleasure was paramount, and each moan and groan increased his need to draw it out, to pleasure her until she was mindless with it, until there was only him. Battering away at every defense until she was mindless with the pleasure, the need for release driving her as much as him as he finally pushed her over the edge, causing her to call out his name in a loud, drawn out scream that echoed in the room as she slumped back against him, his arms coming up to wrap around her waist, cuddling her to him while she experienced wave after wave of blinding pleasure.

When she was sure she could move and not melt into goo in his lap Nanao turned in his arms, spreading her legs further as she straddled his hips, their eyes meeting in a heated gaze that had them instinctively wrapping their arms around each other as she rose above him, before lowering herself onto his erection. Taking him in slowly inch by inch, torturing them both as she welcomed him into her body with eyes half closed, Nanao's eyes were a dark violet now as they held his, promising him a return of the favor as she took everything he had to offer and gave him herself in return. Moving against each other in thrusts perfectly synchronized, their arms wrapped around each other as they kept eye contact, even as their orgasms ripped through them, their world dissolving into a world of just them. A world of one. They were, quite simply, one.


	14. What Does This Do

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original characters and the situations I put all the poor characters in. Everything else belongs to somebody else and that's just the way it's gotta be, people. Thanks very much for reading and I look forward to your reviews!

What Does This Do?

Glaring coldly down at his apparently completely useless minion, Aizen barely stopped himself from killing the belligerent man standing slightly below him, trying to pretend like he didn't realize Aizen could squash him like the insect he was. "So to summarize your report Ise is still unharmed and you've done nothing but watch her from a distance since we last spoke."

"Her captain never left his side." Yami whined, wincing when he realized just how he sounded. Whining wouldn't keep his head attached to his shoulders. "Members of both the second and eleventh division were on patrol at night, and my attempts to lure out one of the other female lieutenants was halted by another captain."

"In other words you put them on their guard, that's something." Not quite the bang he wanted but at least he had them on edge and looking over their shoulders. "Did you find out anything of any importance while you were there? My lieutenant, is she still loyal?" He had yet to find a use for the twit but she was always good to have as a standby, in case an opportunity presented itself.

"I overheard some division members saying that Lieutenant Hinamori and Captain Hitsugaya were at odds for that very reason, Aizen san." He'd debated the whole way back over the importance of his other gossip discovery and had come to the conclusion that it was better to tell Aizen something useless rather than risk not telling the man something he could use. "Also..while it might have no importance- the female lieutenants, they're up to something. I could only glean a little from what was being said but apparently the women are..for some reason..determined to find themselves men." When Aizen simply raised a questioning eyebrow Yami hastened to try to find a way to make it seem more important than it really was. "Not your lieutenant, Sir, but the others. That's why I've been unable to corner Ise, because she's not only sharing her captain's house but his bed as well. The other lieutenant I went after, she was also saved by a captain, not her own, who remained in her home with her. All the women seem to have paired off with a man, even the one from the twelfth division."

"Is that so." So Kyoraku had finally gotten his bookworm into bed, Aizen thought as he drummed his fingers on his chair. The moron must be deliriously happy at the moment. Thank God he wasn't around to have to see it. Still, if all the women were pairing off with the men of the Gotei 13, that could be used, once more information was gathered. "Return to the Soul Society, but don't attempt to cause any harm to anyone. I want information only, about how this whole campaign got started and just who is sleeping with who."

"Yes, Sir. Besides Captain Kyoraku and his lieutenant, the twelfth division vice captain is seeing the tenth division captain, and Captain Tosen's former lieutenant was the man who is sleeping with Lieutenant Kotetsu. I will strive to find out more at once."

"Good. Dismissed."

* * *

Sitting at her desk Nanao reached for another cough drop and unwrapping it stuck the sweet medicine into her mouth, hoping that it would have some effect on her throat. Whether it was from making too much noise, trying so hard not to make said noises, or staying in the damn bath water too long Nanao had one hell of a sore throat. Which her captain thought was just so amusing, Nanao thought darkly as she stole a glance towards her captain's desk, where the man was staring off dreamily into space with the same dumb ass expression he'd worn since waking up that morning. He might as well tattoo that he'd gotten laid last night on his forehead, Nanao fumed, her cheeks heating up as she turned back to staring fiercely at her papers. The damn water had nearly been ice cold by the time he'd carried her out of it and had it not been for the fact that second division members were patrolling the grounds Nanao had no doubt she'd have gotten zero sleep on top of the sore throat. And if he starts whistling under his breath one time she was going to kill him, Nanao thought to herself, trying not to let his stupid grinning get to her.

Both turning their heads when the shape of a black butterfly entered the room Nanao held out her finger when it headed straight for her. From the spirit essence she knew it was from Abarai san, so when it landed on her finger and his voice filled her ears she wasn't surprised. Listening to the message she was surprised, but willing to follow the instructions.

"What did he want?" Shunsui wanted to know, having come over to stand beside her desk.

Grabbing a spare sheet of paper Nanao wrote down her answer then held it out for him to read. 'He asked me to meet him in front of the main hall for a meeting of some sort. I need to be there for noon.'

Was this some scheme of Kuchiki's to steal his Nanao chan? Naw, Bakuya wasn't the type to do things this roundabout. Must be a lieutenant thing. "Well then, we'd better finish our work so that we can have our lunch early, before the meeting." Leaning forward he placed a tender kiss on her forehead, enjoying the way she pinked up even as she glared at him. "How's your throat feeling?" When the glare just got darker he couldn't resist lowering his head further to place a quick kiss on those frowning lips. "Maybe I should keep kissing you until you're all better?"

Her elbow in his gut was his quick reply.

* * *

Of the lieutenants invited to the meeting all were female and all had absolutely no idea why Renji had called them together so unexpectedly. Standing around in front of the steps the women all exchanged words or motions of puzzlement, all the while taking note of the way Hinamori was so obviously avoiding Nemu and how amused this seemed to make Matsumoto san. Captain Kyoraku and Captain Ukitake stood off to the side, watching the women but wisely keeping their distance. Kyoraku because Nanao had made it clear he wasn't getting any if he kept hanging over her shoulder and Ukitake because Nemu was there and right now he was trying to avoid her like the plague. If Kyoraku hadn't talked him into stick around for company until the meeting was over, Ukitake would have left as soon as she'd arrived to join the others. As it was, if Shunsui didn't stop grinning the way he was Ukitake was giving serious thought to running his best friend through and saving Nanao san the trouble.

Finally Renji appeared, with a very formally dressed Rukia and Captain Kuchiki not far behind. Over his shoulder Renji was carrying a very large bag and the girls all walked over to find out just what was going on.

"Sorry we're a little late." Rukia announced, giving them a short bow of apology. She'd misplaced the hair piece that went with her outfit and it had taken her forever to find the ornamental comb. Motioning for the girls to sit on the steps Rukia directed Renji to pass out the boxes while she explained what they were in the first place. "This won't take long. I would have just gotten Renji to deliver them but Shihoin san asked me to give them all to you at once for some reason."

All the girls sharing confused looks they all took the packages handed to them, the boxes around the size of shoe boxes and all labeled with the correct lieutenant's name. Flipping the card over on hers Nanao read the inscription, which proclaimed the contents of the box to be 'something that would aid her in her pursuit of a more fulfilling social life'. Somehow, she got the distinct impression this could be a bad thing and she couldn't help but look at the box with growing trepidation.

Seated beside Nanao Isane read her own card, wondering what Captain Shihoin san meant when she said that the package would 'help her become more comfortable with the woman inside her'. What could be in the box that could do that?

Everyone sitting in a straight line with their boxes in their laps they all exchanged looks, counted to three and than simultaneously opened the lids of their boxes. Nanao and Hinamori both slammed the lids back down on their boxes as soon as they got a good look at the contents, while Matsumoto and Yachiru broke out into hysterical laughter over the contents of their boxes. Nemu, Rukia and Isane just looked and tried to figure out what the hell it all was.

Rushing over when he saw the panicky horror on his lieutenant's face Kyoraku and Ukitake were just about to ask her what was wrong when they got a good look at what Nemu had in her hand.

Sitting on Nanao's other side Nemu tugged on Nanao's arm while holding an item from her box in the other hand for all to see. "Nanao san, the label says that these panties are edible. Why would anyone make undergarments that you can eat?"

"What the..." Both men staring at the item in question Ukitake could only stare at the girl dumbly while Kyoraku's head swerved as his hand reached out to take his lieutenant's box, eager to see what she'd gotten.

Swatting his hand away Nanao's face was red as she glared at him. Oh she was going to kill Shihoin san for this. Cat girl was getting neutered first chance she got.

* * *

"Rukia." Her brother's tone said it all.

"I didn't know!" Cheeks flaming red Rukia closed her box quickly, so that her brother wouldn't see what was all in there. "Shihoin san just asked me to be the delivery girl, honest. If I had known what was in the boxes I would have..." Definitely not done this in front of her brother, Rukia thought, her cheeks going even redder.

"Kama Sutra." Reading the title of the book that had been in with her box Isane started flipping through it, the illustrations and words jumping out at her so that her cheeks went as red as Rukia's. "Oh my."

Cheeks red as well Hinamori got to her feet, unable to even look in the direction of the three male captains. As if this wasn't humiliating enough! "Here." Practically shoving her box into Matsumoto's lap Hinamori wanted nothing to do with any of this. "You have it." Bowing politely to the captains without making eye contact Hinamori beat a hasty retreat, everyone watching her go before their attention was caught once again by Nemu, who was currently busy licking something pink off her arm.

"Kurotsuchi san." Ukitake began weakly, unable to look away as he was vividly reminded of the day before. In fact, all the men, including Kuchiki and Abarai, seemed to have taken a sudden interest in what Nemu was doing, Ukitake noted, deliberately angling his body so that she was out of their line of vision. "What are you doing?"

"Following the instructions." Was her innocent reply as she held up what looked like a sun tan lotion bottle. "It says that you're supposed to rub it into your partner's skin and it will not only increase body temperature but will make your skin tingle and taste like cherries. It tastes very good."

Furious over the fact that she couldn't tell her captain off or stop Nemu from exploring the contents of her box Nanao leaned forward and catching Matsumoto's attention motioned towards Isane and Nemu, who would no doubt be the two most in need of guidance at the moment.

Catching on Matsumoto nodded her head knowingly. "Okay, Nemu chan, Isane chan, we should let Rukia chan and her brother get going to where ever it is they're all dressed up for. You guys come with me back to my place and I'll explain all the stuff you guys got to you." Quickly bowing their respect to the captains and saying good bye to the others the two lieutenants hurried after Matsumoto and Yachiru, peppering them both with questions as soon as they were out of ear shot.

Getting up as well Nanao smiled good bye to Ukitake and Kuchiki before grabbing her captain by his arm and dragging him off, the box tucked securely under her arm so that he wisely made no attempt to take it from her again.

Left behind to face her brother and Renji Rukia quickly put her box back in the bag and handed it to Renji with burning cheeks. "Could you..please see that that goes straight to my room?"

"It can go straight into the trash." Was Kuchiki's opinion.

"But if we do that...someone might see the things inside and..."

"Put it in her room and we'll discuss this when we return home, Rukia."

"Yes, big brother."

* * *

Walking home from Matsumoto's house with her box tucked under her arm Isane figured it would be a while before her cheeks faded from bright pink to a more normal shade of pink. She'd gotten quite an education in the past hour and even now had more items than she'd started out with, since Matsumoto had gone and divided Lieutenant Hinamori's items between the three of them. Who knew that the people of earth had devoted so much of their time and effort into the recreation of sex? Cheeks getting even brighter Isane was glad she was almost home where she could look the contents of her box over again without anyone else around to look over her shoulder. Keeping her head down so that no one would notice her flaming cheeks it was just her luck that someone suddenly stepped out in front of her, causing her to start to fall backwards as the box slipped out of her grasp.

"Careful there." Grabbing her shoulders to steady her Hisagi raised an eyebrow at her red face. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

Yeah right. Shaking his head Hisagi leaned down to pick up the contents of the box she'd dropped, since it had been partly his fault in the first place. Looking up when she moaned 'Oh my God!' Hisagi gave her a questioning look, which was hard for her to see since she'd covered her face with her hands, he thought in amusement. "Are you sure you're okay?"

Shaking her head rapidly Isane forced herself to drop her hands, getting down on her knees as she frantically started throwing things into the box, her face flaming red now.

Picking up the largest item in the box Hisagi stared at it blankly. "What do you need a curling iron for? You don't have enough hair for one."

Staring in horror at the item in his hand Isane lost all power of speech. That was definitely not a curling iron and it had been bad enough having Matsumoto san explain what it was without it coming to this. She was never going to be able to look at it now without thinking about him and...and...OH...MY...GOD!

Now why the hell was she getting all stirred up again, Hisagi wondered, looking from the curling iron to her horrified face with growing interest. Something catching his attention Hisagi looked at the item in his hand more closely, his brows ruffling in confusion at the strangeness of it. He'd never seen a curling iron designed like this, especially one that was all blue and made out of...wait a minute...the top of it... "What the hell?!"

Snatching it out of his hand Isane threw it into the box and slammed the lid back down. "Thanks for your help." Standing up Isane took an automatic step back when he stood up in front of her, looming over her in a way that had her clutching the box against her chest with all her strength.

"What the hell is that thing? The end looks like a..."

"None...none of your business." There was no way in hell she was going to talk about anything in the box with him. Over her dead and rotting corpse, Isane thought furiously. "Now if you'll excuse me I have to be getting home." Where she could die of mortification in peace.

"Not until you tell me what the hell that thing is!"

"It's...it's...a girl's best friend." Isane blurted out, repeating what Matsumoto san had said earlier about it. Blushing Isane quickly tried to rephrase that. "What I mean is...it's a girl thing. You wouldn't understand."

"Wha?" Okay, now he was even more confused then before. Was it some sort of gag gift for someone? But no, Isane just didn't have that sort of humor. Come to think of it, some of those other items in the box..just what the hell was going on here? "Isane san...do you have a boyfriend?"

"If I had a boyfriend Matsumoto san wouldn't have given me the vibrator in the first place." Hands slapping over her mouth as soon as the words were out of her mouth Isane wished so hard to just disappear that she actually flashed herself to another part of the city accidentally, leaving behind a very shocked captain who'd been struck dumb by her words.

* * *

Still chuckling over her box a few hours later Yachiru was perched contentedly on her captain's shoulder as the two headed out for a very early dinner since they were both getting up early the next day. She'd told her captain all about the boxes and everyone's reactions, knowing he'd find them just as amusing as she had. "And I don't know why she even bothered sending a box for Momo chan, I could have told her the girl wouldn't take it."

In agreement on that Zaraki figured that Shihoin had sent Hinamori the box for that very reason. The former captain of the second division just had that sort of twisted sense of humor. He was sorry he'd missed it, if only to have seen Kuchiki, Ukitake and Kyoraku's reactions to the whole thing. Now that would have been priceless.

"And I wish I was around to see Whitey kun's reaction when Nemu chan shows him what she got!" Yachiru added, used to her captain's silences. "Now that is going to be funny, especially since she probably won't understand why he freaks out on her."

And here was the perfect opportunity to begin phase two of his little plan. "Well at least she has a man in her life."

"Huh?" Blinking in surprise Yachiru turned her head as she tugged on her captain's collar to get him to look at her, sure she must have misunderstood. "What do you mean?"

"I mean Kurotsuchi san actually has some use for what Shihoin sent her, you on the other hand don't since you don't have a man in your life other than me and our division members."

Blinking Yachiru's color rose as she stared down at him. "Are you suggesting Nemu chan can get a guy but I can't?" No, surely not. That couldn't be it.

"Yup."

Giving him a horrified look Yachiru was very nearly struck dumb. "You can't be serious!"

"Facts are facts."

"I could easily get a guy if I wanted to! I could have a man by this time tomorrow if I wanted!"

"Care to wager on that?" Zaraki asked casually, thinking that this was just way to easy.

"You bet your ass I will!"

Was he good? Yeah, he was damn good.


	15. The Weapons of Women

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the original characters and the situations I put all characters in. Everything else belongs to somebody else and that's just the way it's gotta be. Thanks to all my readers and reviewers out there, I love you guys lots and lots!

Note: The Yachiru thing to be explained next chap

The Weapons of Women

Sitting alone at the bar Hisagi passed his pint of Guinness back and forth between his hands, not paying much attention to the people who were just starting to come in to liven the place up. He'd started drinking early after all, and the night was still very young. It probably wasn't wise for him to have started chugging it back already but it just seemed like the thing to do for the time being. Maybe once he was drunk, he'd stop having images of Isane chan using that vibrator in his head. He'd always wondered what the damn things looked like, but why oh why did he have to see it in the hands of his former childhood pal? Life just sucked. In fact, this was definitely going down in his top ten things he should have never wanted to know file.

"What's the matter with you?"

Looking up from his drink Hisagi was surprised to see that Captain Ukitake and Kyoraku had followed Kira over to his table, Kira being the one who knew him well enough to know that he had to have already done some serious drinking to be in his current mellowed out state. "A lot of things are wrong with me." Was his honest truth. "You guys wanna pull up a chair?" They were in the same boat as him after all, surrounded by sex obsessed lieutenants who didn't care that they were emasculating every man in their vicinity. If he didn't know better he'd think this was one of Aizen's plots to make life for the Gotei 13 that much more hellish.

The three men sitting down around the table with their mugs in hand they all couldn't help but wonder what had put that particular look in the normally more together captain's eyes. "Woman trouble?" Shunsui surmised, knowing from personal experience that nothing made you hit the hard liquor quite like a woman did. For that matter he was here because Nanao had kicked him out of his own house, telling him to go have a drink with Jushiro to find out what was up with his best friend recently. Since Soifon had offered to hang out with his lieutenant until he got back he hadn't really been able to argue that he didn't want to be away from her anytime soon. Of course arguing with Nanao chan was hard at the moment, seeing as she could only really croak at him now. Her throat and his ears, Shunsui thought in amusement, his mind gleefully thinking about the night before and what was to come. She really was loud, not that he was complaining one little bit.

"They really are evil things. God must have put them on this earth solely to drive us crazy so that we'd continue to provide him with entertainment while he watches over us and laughs his fool head off."

Well that was a little harsh, Kira and Kyoraku thought, while Ukitake agreed wholeheartedly and patted Hisagi sympathetically on the back. Driving him insane huh? Yeah, Ukitake could definitely see a certain naive lieutenant pushing him in that direction. Edible panties and lotion for Christ sakes. That girl needed a keeper and anyone with any sense would realize Hitsugaya was definitely not up for the job. She needed someone older, more experienced, more..oh but he had it bad, Ukitake thought miserably, taking a large gulp from his glass.

Noticing the look on Captain Kyoraku's face, and having already figured out like everyone else that the bastard had finally scored with his lieutenant, Hisagi gave into the urge to pull the smiling captain down into the mud with him. Misery did so love company after all. "Ah well, I suppose I have more sympathy for the men involved with those girls, seeing as their love lives are about to go down the drain." The news of the sex packages Shihoin san had sent was already all over the city, so at least Hisagi knew that he wasn't going to be alone in his suffering.

"Why do you say that?" Ukitake asked, thinking that those packages were meant to enhance a person's sex life, not ruin it.

"Because they got vibrators, that's why."

Puzzled Kira gave his sempai a questioning look, saying what the other two captains were thinking. "A vibrator, what's that?"

"An evil device, a truly evil, evil device, my friends. With it, women don't need us for sex. We get thrown over for a plastic, battery operate toy." He'd heard of the evil things but this was the first time he'd come face to face with one. Of course it wasn't like it was going to effect his sex life, seeing as he had no interest in Isane chan or any of the other female lieutenants, but still, it was the principle of the point.

All the men gapping in horror, they couldn't imagine a person so evil they would come up with such a thing.

"Exactly. We are all doomed, my friends. Doomed."

* * *

Walking along the familiar path Matsumoto was grateful for the full moon above, which provided her with the light she needed to find her way along the faded country path. She'd brought a flashlight, just in case, but it ruined the whole scenery thing to use it. It was so quiet and still here, outside the city gates where you could walk a fair distance without meeting another soul if you so desired. She hadn't seen anyone so far and that was just fine with her. Reaching her destination Matsumoto flashed herself up to the top of the hill, too lazy to climb up it since no one was around to call her on said laziness. Sitting down on the long, wavering grass Matsumoto set the bouquet of flowers down at her side and looked up into the starry sky above her. It was a beautiful night, Ai kun would have loved it. She came here once every month, to lay flowers out for him and to have a little talk about what had happened recently in her life. Ai kun had wanted to be an astronomer, not a Soul Reaper, but his parents hadn't given him a say in the matter. He'd been dead a long time now, but she never forgot her friend and always made the trek to let him know she remembered him. She could have gone to his grave, but this place had been his favourite place, and where she felt closest to him. Today was the anniversary of the day he'd been killed by a Hallow. 

"Hi, Ai kun, it's Ran chan as always. It's a really nice night, I'm sure you're enjoying it wherever you are. I hope so anyway. I'm doing okay, or at least I sorta am. I went out to dinner with this guy my captain set me up with. He was really nice, perfect for Hinamori actually though she'd scratch my eyes out for suggesting so. Or at least try, since I'd squash her like a bug if she tried. She's still hung up on Aizen, poor kid. But I think she'll come around, she's young yet and reasonably smart. Anyway so obviously the date bombed. Okay, maybe not bombed, but there was no chemistry or desire, at least on my part, to ever go out with the guy again. Big surprise there, huh? Damn Gin, ruining me for the rest of the male species. Bet he'd have gotten a real kick out of it, you too for that matter. Of course you and Gin never got along that well, but he got along better with you than most people. Which is still not saying much, is it? You know, I think Captain Hitsugaya was right, Hinamori and I have the worst taste in men in the history of bad taste in men. We should go down in the Guinness Book of World Records or something. Start a new category."

Matsumoto talked for another ten minutes or so before she sensed a change in the air, a knowing that was beyond any sense or instinct mankind possessed. It was the knowledge of a presence, his presence. Getting to her feet she had only to straighten before strong arms wrapped around her waist, pinning her arms to her sides as she was brought back hard against a rock hard body she knew as well as her own. His feel, his scent, his very being invaded every sense she possessed, and her heart nearly stopped as the feel of his warm breath brushed against her ear.

"Hi there, Ran chan."

Stiffening Matsumoto knew from experience that there was nothing she could do in this situation, having been in it countless times before. He always did this on the rare occasion where he wanted to be serious with her. Keeping her immobile while preventing her from both leaving and looking into his face. Or more specifically, his eyes. "What do you want?" Deliberately putting every bit of bitterness and anger she possessed into those four words Matsumoto refused to flinch or struggle, to let him know the agonizing torture he was putting through by simply holding her.

If he answered that truthfully she'd castrate him the first chance she got, Gin thought to himself, his expression wry and pained. So long as she couldn't see his face he saw no reason not to let his mask slip for the time being. They were all alone and she was in his arms, that was all he wanted to concentrate on now. But of course, his time here was limited and she would start to fight him if he didn't give her a reason to stay still. "I just stopped by to give you a message, Ran chan. Something I thought you might wanna know real bad."

"And what would that be?" He'd come to deliver a message from Aizen? At Ai kun's special place? Eyes flashing Matsumoto wished desperately for a sharp pointy object to magically appear in her hand. If she got the chance, she was gonna hurt him bad.

He'd thought about asking for something in return for passing along the information about Yami, even just a kiss would have been more than enough but that would involve letting her see his weakness, his need for her which was fiercer than any addiction man had ever known. And if she realized that, she might realize other things, like how she could use that to her advantage. Because as much as she loved him, she was not beyond hurting him. As he'd hurt her, even if it had been for the best. So no, he'd tell her straight up, and hope it made her a little happy, to know that he cared enough to pass the info along. "Your Nanao chan is in big trouble, Ran chan. The man who broke into her apartment is not someone you want getting within a block of her. He's probably not going to stop either, until you guys catch him so you better tell that goofball captain of hers to stay close, or she's gonna end up looking worse than Soifon's lieutenant, whatever his name is."

Blinking in surprise Matsumoto moved now, trying to turn in his arms so that she could face him, instinctively needing the confirmation of a conversation face to face. Of course all her squirming got her nowhere, since his arms were like bands of steel, holding her in place with no visible effort. All the moving around did was make her aware of the fact that he wasn't nearly as indifferent to her as his voice portrayed him to be. Going still there was a great deal of outrage and disbelief in her voice. "A hard on? We're talking about one of my best friends ending up dead and you have a God damn HARD ON?!"

That unfortunately was one thing he had next to no control over. If he did, he'd be the envy of men everywhere. He'd been fine until she'd started squirming, but she had such a nice, rounded ass and rubbing it up against him like that..he was only human, no matter what anyone else said. "Then stop squirming." Was his somewhat harsh response, grinching his teeth slightly when she started struggling again. "Will you stay still?"

"No, not unless you let me look you in the eye. In the eyes, Gin. I want to see your face when you tell me what the hell is going on here and why you're telling me this in the first place."

And that too, he'd seen coming. And that he couldn't allow. In the past he might have, if she'd asked with the need and urgency he could hear in her voice now. Then he would have been able to hide most of what she might have read in his eyes, on his face, but not now. He'd been too long without her, too long without the contact he craved more than his next breath. If they met eyes now, he'd be lost. They'd be lost. Lowering his head he pressed his cheek against hers, rubbing against the soft flesh in a quick nuzzle that distracted her enough that she didn't notice right away that he'd removed one of his arms to retrieve a disk from its hiding place inside the sleeve of his robes. Passing it from his hand to the open vee of her robes he placed it neatly between her breasts before wrapping his arm once again around her middle before she could do more than gain a little wiggle room. "Give that to your captain." Gin said softly, not surprised when she tried to wiggle from his grasp once more, while making a few sounds of frustration and outrage since his response was simply to tighten the grip he had to its original intensity. "And be careful, Ran. He might come for you too. I'll do what I can, but you have to stay safe. No going out drinking or walking out like this late at night. Stick close to Hitsugaya, understand? Promise me."

He hadn't called her chan and he wasn't talking in that easy going, obviously fake nice guy routine he'd perfected long ago, Ran thought, eyes going wide as she thought of the implication of those tells. He was serious about this. Dead serious. Aizen must be involved somehow, she could feel it in her gut. And Gin had come to warn her. He didn't give a crap about Nanao, or anyone else in Soul Society for that matter. Except her. He'd come because of her. Feeling tears welling up it took her a couple seconds to realize he was once again demanding her promise, his voice giving him away just a little, as did the tightening of his arms around her, to the point where it was a little hard to breath. Gin didn't even know he was doing it, and he was a man who controlled every aspect of his being to a degree that was downright frightening. "I promise." She finally whispered, her voice catching as the tears silently began to fall, as she ceased any thought of struggled and sagged back against him slightly, his arms keeping her upright.

Supporting her weight easily Gin slowly lowered them both down on the grass, kneeling down with her body rest back against him. Holding her like that for a moment, in a loose hold that she could get out of if she wished, Gin watched as she turned her head to look over her shoulder at him, tears sparkling in those dove gray eyes as she gaze up at him with hundred of questions shimmering in their beautiful depths. Unable to resist the silent plea for a connection, for comfort, Gin leaned forward and brush his lips against hers, again and again in kisses as light as butterfly wings before settling his lips against hers in a long, soulful kiss that betrayed him in its intensity and need. Then he was gone, flashing out as if he had never been there in the first place. Collapsing back against the grass Matsumoto lay there on her back, staring up at the stars as tears ran down her cold cheeks.

* * *

Cursing himself for forgetting the significance of the day Hitsugaya flashed into what he thought was the correct region, though it was so long since he'd been here he wasn't a hundred percent sure. Normally she brought Captain Hisagi on the anniversary of her friend's death but apparently this time, according to Lieutenant Abarai, the man had been on his way to being drunk when she'd tracked him down and had left without him. And even thought he was well aware that his lieutenant was a big girl who could handle herself Hitsugaya still couldn't shake the feeling that she might need him somehow. Scanning the area he detected her a couple miles away and quickly flashed himself to the correct hilltop in the blink of an eye. Appearing in front of her he found her sitting on the grass, a disk in her hand and a surprised look on her tear stained face as she gazed up at him. She still wore her uniform, but it looked somehow depressing without her usual pink scarf to brighten it up. She just didn't look like his lieutenant without it. Moving forward he immediately dropped down to his knees in front of her. "Matsumoto san?" 

Throwing herself into his arms Matsumoto held on for dear life, needing this more than she could put into words. Her captain, her anchor in the storm. The one person in her life she could always depend on to love her and keep her sane.

Wrapping his own arms around her Hitsugaya let her hold on, grateful that she wasn't still crying since he was always at a loss as to what the hell he was supposed to do about it. When she did finally draw back she picked up the disk she'd dropped and held it out to him. "What is it?" Taking it from her Hitsugaya studied it in between searching glances as he tried to read the emotions swirling in those expressive eyes of her.

"Gin...Gin was here. He said to give you that. He said Nanao san is in danger and that the person after her is really bad." Rubbing her eyes with the back of her hands Matsumoto did her best to get herself under control. Now was not the time to fall apart. There would be plenty of time for that later.

"Okay then." Putting the disk in his pocket he rose to his feet and held out his hand, helping her to get back on her feet as well. "We'll go to your place and I'll review the contents. Depending on that, we'll either just contact the eighth division or call an immediate meeting of the others. All right?"

Nodding her head Matsumoto worked up a weak smile. "Do you remember before, when we were talking about people making other people their rocks to rely on?"

"Yes."

"Well I just wanted to say, while I'm all emotional like this, that you're my rock, and you've never let me down once."

"And I never will."


	16. Proceed With Caution

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original characters and the situations I put them all in, poor bastards. Thanks to all my loyal readers and reviewers out there, your kind reviews got me through a recent beyond terrible weekend!

Proceed With Caution

Arriving with Soifon after being summoned to the emergency meeting Nanao headed straight for her captain, who was also making his way towards her. Reaching his side Nanao took his arm, seeing the worry that was on his face. "What's wrong? Do you know what's happened?"

Shaking his head Shunsui wanted to ask his lieutenant whether she'd gotten a vibrator in her package or not, but they were surrounded by people and she'd surely kill him if he did. What if she had got one though, and decided she didn't need him anymore? She was supposed to be punishing him for his dependency on her with sex, dammit. He hadn't suffered nearly enough yet! Speaking of suffering..he and the men had hypothesized that only a truly evil, twisted individual could come up with something like a vibrator and release it into the world. Looking over Nanao's shoulder at the arriving 12th division Shunsui couldn't help but wonder if Kurotsuchi had had anything to do with the development of the damn things.

"Strange, not everyone was invited." Soifon noted, having followed Nanao with the similar hope of having the unexpected meeting explained. Her vice captain was not present, nor was Lieutenant Izuru, Captain Hisagi or the seventh division heads. While her vice captain's absence could be explained in various ways she'd rather not think about, the other three were too punctual not to be here if they'd been summoned.

"It had something to do with the tenth division I think." Ukitake volunteered, walking over with his female third seat at his side. The fact that Kotsubaki was absent had them giving him questioning, pointed looks. "I was told to bring Kiyone chan with me." He explained, understanding completely their surprise. His third seats were never far from him or each other as they competed for his attention and place at his side. "I think this might have something to do with what happened to Nanao san, Captain Soifon. Matsumoto san was asking who was looking after her when she realized Nanao san weren't with Shunsui."

"Where is she?" Nanao asked, looking around for her friend. Matsumoto could generally be counted upon to have the inside details on things.

"She just went inside the meeting room with her captain and the general. Something is definitely going on there. She did not look happy and Hitsugaya looked just as grim." In fact, Matsumoto had looked a little red around the eyes, as if she'd been crying recently. And Hitsugaya, well he hadn't seen the kid look that grim since...actually, Ukitake couldn't recall ever seeing that particular look on the younger man's face before.

"Well looks like it's time to find out." Soifon said softly, as the doors to the meeting room slid open and the first division lieutenant motioned for them to come inside.

* * *

Everyone taking their appropriate seats everyone noticeably shot looks in the direction of the gaps in the seating, where those who were absent should have been. Why had some of their members been excluded from this late night meeting? Eyes were also drawn to the tenth division, where Hitsugaya sat with an aura that was downright chilling in its intensity. He almost seemed to be blocking Matsumoto from their view, or trying to encompass her within his spirit energy like a barrier or shield. Just what was he protecting her from? Or who?

"Thank you for coming at this late an hour." The General began, once everyone was seated and giving him their full attention. "The reason you have been called here at this late hour is because information has fallen into our hands to suggest there is a threat among us that requires an immediate response. You all know of the breaking in and stalking of Lieutenant Ise, this was believed prior to tonight to be a focused attack upon her well being, by a random individual. This is not so. She was selected as a target by former fifth division Captain Aizen, who has let loose one of his agents within our society for the purpose of attacking our female ranking officers. While Lieutenant Ise is his assigned target, information suggests that if he cannot obtain her he might very well strike out at other female members, which is why you have been called here and others have not."

"Where did this information come from?" Hinamori demanded, sure that there must be some sort of mistake. There just had to be. Her captain would never do such a thing. Would he?

"Captain Hitsugaya."

Nodding in the general's direction Hitsugaya pressed play on the machine no one had noticed was resting beside the captain, already cued to the correct point.

The room was quiet except for the two voices on the recording, those of an unknown man identified as Yami and the familiar voice of Captain Aizen. The cold chill of the former fifth division head's voice filled the room as he cold bloodedly berating his minion for not completing his mission and that as yet Lieutenant Ise was not 'lying broken in some hospital bed wishing you'd given into her pleas to kill her'. Over the subordinates excuses about her captain not leaving her alone Aizen's voice only got more icy, especially when Yami mistakenly revealed that he'd attempted to go after one of the other female lieutenants, only to fail when she too was rescued by another captain. This did not go over well and quite a rant followed, including Aizen statement that 'all he'd asked was that Ise be broken to the point of wanting death physically and psychologically and why the hell was that too much to ask?'. Then Yami suggesting going after one of the other female lieutenants and Aizen said he'd think about it and wanted to know more about the situation in Soul Society. Reaching out Hitsguaya turned it off here, as per the general's instructions.

"The rest will be listened to tomorrow, when we are all present. Now who was the other lieutenant they went after?" The general already had a pretty good idea who it was, having listened to the whole of the recording, but it was probably still a good idea to ask just in case.

For her part, Ukitake's third seat scooted closer to her captain so that she was almost pressed up against his side. She was no longer thrilled that she'd been invited and not her fellow third seat. She'd been invited because she was also a possible target, since she helped fill in the role of lieutenant for her captain.

Her hand shaking visibly Isane put her hand in the air. "That...that might have been me. I went out for a drink...and I got sorta sick from it..dizzy and disoriented even though I shouldn't have. A man...a man with that voice tried to offer to take me home but I wouldn't go with him. Shu-Captain Hisagi was nearby and I got him to take me home instead. He said when he let my puppy out he noticed the guy hanging around so he decided to remain for a while, just in case. He fell asleep on the couch..so..what if he hadn't fallen asleep on my couch?" As pale as death Isane and Nanao shared a look of complete understanding. They were both imagining what would have been done to them, that they would have asked for death instead of toughing it out. Both their captains placing comforting arms around their lieutenants the mood in the room was one of anger, fear, and bloodlust.

"Then given the late hour, we must make arrangements for the female members of the Gotei before breaking up until the meeting tomorrow, to discuss how we intend to deal with this." His voice as calm and patient as always no one could imagine just how pissed off the general was that this had happened under their very noses. "Forth division Captain Unohana and Lieutenant Kotetsu, you will be escorted to your homes where you will collect what you will need for the next few days. You'll be moving in with Captain Ukitake and his third seats until this is resolved. Lieutenants Hinamori and Matsumoto, you two, along with Captain Hitsugaya will be moving to Captain Kyoraku's residence until further notice. Later on in the tape it's stated that you were Aizen's second choice, Lieutenant Kusajishi, so you will move home with your captain and Captain Soifon, you will join them to work together to protect Kusajishi san and to develop strategy for dealing with this situation. 6th Division, you were called in because there's a chance Rukia Kuchiki will be targeted, as Aizen has shown a preference for using her in the past. If you require extra protection for her, you have only to ask from the other divisions. Lieutenant Kurotsuchi, your name was raised in the recording by the one called Yami and discarded by Aizen, so it is unlikely you will be targeted. However you are to remain in the company of others at all times and are to report anything suspicious to your captain and myself immediately, understood?"

"She's welcome to stay with me as well."

Everyone looking over at Captain Ukitake many noted with surprise that the unusually sickly looking captain finally had some color in his cheeks. It just happened to be a rather unusual shade of bright pink now.

Surprised and pleased Nemu bowed her head in Ukitake's direction before answering the general. "I understand, Sir."

Surprised the General thought it better not to ask his thirteenth division captain about the state of his health at the moment. He wasn't sure he wanted to know. "That will be taken under advisement. Now are there any more questions that can't wait until tomorrow morning?"

"Does he have to be brought in alive?"

Looking into his favorite student's hard, stone cold eyes the general raised a telling eyebrow. "I doubt very much that will be the case." Especially if Shunsui got to the man first.

* * *

Arriving back at his home after collecting the necessary luggage for his three new guests Kyoraku left Nanao to arranging for their rooms and such while he cooled his head a little by going around the grounds and house, checking out security and to ensure that there was no signs that they'd had any unwanted visitors since he'd left that morning. When he did return it was to find that Nanao had put the two lieutenants in the room his nieces usually slept in, the room having two comfortable double beds for them to sleep on. Captain Hitsugaya was in the room next to them and all three had retired for the evening given the late hour. After saying good night to his fellow captain and the two pale, drawn lieutenants, Kyoraku went in search of his own lieutenant, following her spirit energy towards the bathroom off of his own bedroom. The shower was on and he left her to it as he headed across his room to rearrange some furniture.

Dressed in a robe over her sleep wear of pajama bottoms and a tank top Nanao continued to dry her hair with a towel while she observed the changes her captain had made to his bedroom furniture. The bed was now lengthwise against the wall and there was now nothing around the bed with all the other pieces of furniture pushed off to the side elsewhere. Why on earth? Her busy mind catching on quick Nanao's eyes softened as they met his. Walking across the room to him Nanao simply wrapped her arms around his waist, leaning against him as his own arms came around her. With the way the bed was he'd have her sleep between him and the wall, forming a protective barricade around her so that no one could easily get to her without first having to go through him. The rest of the furniture had been moved away so as not to get in the way if a fight were to occur.

"It's going to be okay, Nanao chan." Shunsui said softly, laying his chin on top of her head. "I won't let anyone hurt you."

"I know you wont."

* * *

Laying in bed Matsumoto estimated it was about two in the morning before Hinamori began to softly weep in the bed beside hers. She'd figured it was going to hit the girl sooner rather than later. Been there, done that, still picking up the pieces, Matsumoto thought with a wry half smile as she pushed back her covers and sat up fully. Turning to face Hinamori Matsumoto slid off the bed and taking the necessary steps reached over and gently shook the younger girl's shoulder. "Move over, kiddo."

"Huh?" Moving over instinctively Hinamori desperately tried to rub the tears from her eyes as she watched the tenth division vice captain slide in beside her. "What's wrong?"

Laying on her side with her head propped up on her elbow Matsumoto reached out with her free hand to give Hinamori a pat on the head. "Well basically my captain sees you as an older sister and since I see him as a younger brother that makes you my little sister too. And big sisters know that it's their duty to blame their misdeeds, bug the hell out of, and generally abuse their younger siblings as much as they can get away with without scarring said siblings for life. And, in return for all the entertainment you guys provide us with, we're also obligated to be your shoulder to cry on and protector when you need it. I'm thinking you could do with a shoulder or two right now."

Tears welling up Hinamori hurled herself into Matsumoto's arms, burying her face against the older woman's neck as she cried over the loss of her illusions. She finally saw what everyone else saw. It was not a pretty picture and she'd played a part in its ugliness. She'd been living in a dream world, and now realized for the first time, what a nightmare it really was. How many people had she hurt, how many people had indulged her, how was she ever going to face anyone ever again knowing what her captain was? He was beyond a monster. He was evil.

* * *

Everyone meeting again in the morning the absent members from the last meeting were filled in and the tape in its entirety was listened to. Plans were made to reconvene daily in order to keep everyone up to date, and the law was put down as to what the women could and could not do until the problem was solved. Thankfully for the men, the women were willing to let the men have their way in this case. There was a time to stand up on your own and a time to let the men get their asses kicked instead of yours because they insisted they were needed for your own protection.

Sipping his tea as he stood on his porch after the meeting, Captain Kuchiki turned his head when he sensed the spirit energy of Lieutenant Kusajishi coming through his gardens. The raising of one eyebrow was the only indication his face gave though, at his shock at seeing her in her true form as she appeared in front of him on the pathway.

There were those who assumed Lieutenant Kusajishi's every day appearance was normal, though how they thought anyone who was no bigger than a six month old baby could be normal or get into the Gotei was beyond him. No, her usual appearance was the result of some sort of combination of jutsu and kido, much like Shihoin sama's ability to take on the form of a cat. In actuality, Kusajishi head almost hit his jaw and she was only a couple centuries younger than he was. Of course she did still have the personality of a hyper three year old either way. Absently wondering if he had anything sweet on hand to control her with the cool sixth division captain watched her walk up the path with an air around her that suggested she wasn't entirely comfortable in her current state. Not that that was surprising, since she only took it when she wanted to shock the hell out of someone or was in a situation that required it. He, himself, had only see her in this state twice that he could recall. According to her, being big sucked. Personally, he thought she remained small only because people excused her childish behavior more readily than if they'd been faced with a fully grown woman acting so immature and undignified. "You aren't supposed to be wandering around without an escort, Lieutenant Kusajishi." Captain Kuchiki pointed out by way of greeting.

Dressed in loose black pants held up with a piece of rope and a special forces top that she'd "borrowed" from Captain Soifon Yachiru fingered the hilt of the kendo sword that was sheathed at her side, along with her zanpakuto. "I got escorted here, Mr. Worrywart Man." Rolling her eyes Yachiru would have crossed her arms in front of her chest if it weren't for the fact that that would only make her damn boobs that much bigger. Stupid things. She hated them almost as much as her butt and that was saying something. Oh well, at least they weren't as bad as Ran chan's, and the whole binding them down thing was keeping them from bouncing all over the place like they normally would. "Anyways, you're here, aren't you?"

"What do you want?"

"And people say I'm rude." Smirking Yachiru stretched her arms out to place her hands on the back of her head as she grinned at him. "Basically I'm here to tell ya that three of our guys will be coming by tonight to help your men patrol your compound, General's orders. I volunteered to come tell you because I needed to see you about something."

That gleam in her eye could not possibly be a good thing. "Oh?"

"Yup. I have to have a date tonight and if I have to get all dressed up, maintain this stupid form AND tolerate making stupid small talk with some guy for a couple hours, than I'm damn well going to make it worth my while. You're the hottest, sexist guy in the Gotei 13, so I've decided you're going to be my date whether you like it or not."


	17. Are You Chicken?

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original characters and the situations I put them all in. Everything else belongs to somebody else and that's just the way its gotta be (huggies her imaginary Hitsugaya plushie) . Thanks to all my readers and reviewers out there, and please continue to enjoy my insanity.

Note: Yachiru's ability to change form is my own creation. As yet, she has shown no sign of being able to do this in either manga or anime.

Are You Chicken?

Staring at her dumbly it took the sixth division captain a couple precious seconds to formulate the proper response to her outrageous statement. "You must be joking."

"No, I'm not. Unfortunately." Making a face Yachiru grinned at him, being well prepared for her little siege of the notorious Ice King. "The Gotei 13 is seriously lacking in the hot guys department. It's pathetic really. You, Hitsugaya, Hisagi and Ukitake are all we've got."

A twitch appearing under his right eye Kuchiki's mind had so many things to agonize over that he wasn't sure he knew where to start. So this is what happened when everyone gave her candy to shut her up. All that sugar had finally seeped into her brain and turned what little was there into candy coated mush. They really had only themselves to blame. The question was, how was he supposed to handle this situation since he'd never in a million years supposed he'd need a contingency plan for such an occasion. Not that he hadn't had women express attraction for him before, but they were usually a lot more subtle and sane than Kusajishi. Oh well, when in doubt, make it someone else's problem. "Then why don't you go ask one of them instead."

"But you're the best."

He'd always liked being the best. Now, he really wished he wasn't even a runner up. "I am not the best." Oh how it irked to say that. There really were no words. "One of those individuals would be far more suited for you." Actually, he didn't think any of them were stupid enough to willingly go out with Kusajishi except maybe Ukitake, and that would only be out of pity. His sempai was stupid like that.

"I thought you might be a little hard to convince so I came prepared." Drawing the kendo sword from her side Kusajishi pointed it towards him in deliberate challenge. "I hear you're pretty good with one of these. Well so am I. You go get yours and we'll fight for it. No bankai, no spirit powers, nothing but brute strength and the fact that I'm faster and meaner than you are. If I win, you have to take me out to dinner tonight and it has to be a nice place too. If you win I'll give you money to take someone else out to dinner AND I'll promise to not call you Bya kun for the rest of the month."

"You could never beat me."

"I'll believe that when I'm admitting defeat. So what's it going to be, Bya kun? Chicken?"

* * *

With Renji as her annoying shadow Rukia walked up the path leading to her house, making mental plans of all the problems she was going to cause him later. Maybe she could come up with some way to sic her brother or Ichigo on him. Or better yet, both of them at the same time. Yeah, that would definitely break the stick someone appeared to have recently shoved up Renji's ass. "I want to see my brother." She announced as soon as they were through the gates and picking up on her brother's signature headed for the gardens with Renji having no choice but to follow her. As the two approached their well trained ears picked up on the sounds and atmosphere of battle, causing them both to share a look and pick up speed, till they were running down the garden path in the direction of the three strong spirit energies.

Both coming to a halt when they saw Captain Kuchiki battling it out with a pink haired woman Renji started forward with the intent to protect his captain when a voice from the side warned him that that wouldn't be a good idea. Both Renji and Rukia looking over, they were surprised to see the fifth seat of the eleventh division lounging about in the garden on one of the benches. "What are you doing here?" Renji demanded to know, itching to get involved. "And why shouldn't I interfere?"

"Well frankly you're ugly enough as it is. No reason to make your face even worse by getting between them and having them both break it to pieces." Was Yumichika's lazy reply, his eyes remaining on the fight so that his words just pissed off Renji that much more. "Besides, they've been going at it for three hours now. They've got to stop sooner or later."

"Why are you here though?" Rukia asked, watching the fight intently. Her brother's hair was drawn back with a leather thong and the top half of his robes had been removed so that they hung at his sides by his belt. His upper body was sweaty and it looked like a bad bruise was starting to form on his left side. The woman, who's spiritual energy was somehow familiar, looked equally worn around the edges with her short pink hair drawn back in pigtails and her special forces's top marked up with sweat spots. They'd been going at it for three hours? And her brother hadn't won yet? Inconceivable.

"Because I'm on lieutenant duty today. As long as she's here I have to be here too. I tried to talk them into stopping an hour ago and your gorgeous brother threatened to shove one of his garden fountains up my ass if I didn't shut up. I think he's just a wee bit cranky that he hasn't beat her yet."

"Lieuten-that's Yachiru san over there?" Both Renji and Rukia gapped at him in shock.

"That would be correct." Getting to his feet Yumichika stretched as he placed his hands at the small of his back as he worked the kinks out. The benches were far from comfortable, though they were lovely looking. "So if you'd like her wrath on top of his be my guest."

Since no one in their right mind deliberate incurred either's wrath, much less both, neither Renji or Rukia made any move to step in. Instead they both sat down on the grass side by side to watch the show while Yumichika sat back down on the bench, not about to risk unnecessary grass stains by joining them on their more comfortable seating.

They had been sitting there almost for an hour when they were joined by a forth person, an elderly woman leaning heavily on a cane with a most unpleasant and displeased look on her face. Banging her cane hard on the stone walk to gain their attention her eyes were harsh as they zoomed in on Rukia's paling face. "What's going on here?"

"Grandmother san." Leaping to her feet along with Renji both gave low bows of respect to the head matriarch of the Kuchiki family. Captain Kuchiki had learned his icy cold demeanor and control at his grandmother's knee and while he was undeniably formidable, she was queen.

Her fierce eyes dismissing the clownish figure on the bench as low grade trash and her grandson's lieutenant as the incompetent fool that he was Mizuki Kuchiki concentrated all her attention on the black sheep of her otherwise unimpeachable family. Pointing a finger in Renji's direction her dislike of him was clear in every syllable. "Tell Byakuya san to come here at once. Rukia san, you will go tell the servants to prepare us tea." Yumichika was ignored as though he were invisible to her, which essentially he was.

Fearing her even more than his captain Renji hurried over to do her bidding, stopping at a safe distance to avoid being trampled as he cupped his hands over his mouth. "Your grandmother's here."

Pretty much anything else his lieutenant might have said would have easily been ignored in the heat of battle. It had been so long since he'd had a fight such as this, bare to the bones brawling where it was all physical and had nothing to do with mental or strategic skill. This was down and dirty and he was loving it. But so ingrained in his psyche was his grandmother's wrath that Byakuya couldn't ignore Abarai's warning. Holding up a hand to stop Kusajishi san's charge Byakuya turned his head and saw his grandmother nearby, watching with her familiar lines of disapproval etched along her mouth. The closest thing to laugh lines she was likely to ever get. And she could not be ignored.

"Tell her to come back later." Yachiru snarled, her chest heaving as she openly glared at Bya kun's grandmother, not imitated in the least by her return death glare. The woman might be the queen of ice but Yachiru was fire and she would burn the old lady's ass no problem. They were finishing this God dammit.

"She wont. This match must end here." Holding up a hand when she opened her mouth to no doubt explode into the fiery rant he himself wanted to give Byakuya silenced her with his next words. "As I am the one to call an end to the match it is my loss. I will fulfill my end of the bargain. What time tonight?"

Blinking a slow, downright evil grin slide across her mischievous pixie face. "Six o'clock, on the dot. I'll be at Kenny's."

"Understood. I'll have Abarai san show you to a guest room if you'd like to shower before leaving." He sure as hell needed one. A brandy too would go down really good at a time like this. Yes, getting drunk before the date would be a good idea, if it weren't for the fact that he'd likely have to worry about her trying to take full advantage of that. The way she was looking at him made him feel like an all you can eat buffet. He'd seen what she did to those things and it was not a pretty sight.

"Naw, I'll go home and do that. I have to change into something else anyway. Have a nice time with your granny." Yachiru added before walking away, calling to her fifth seat who was happy to leave the presence of such an unattractive individual. Together the two eleven division members headed out, leaving the normally fearless sixth division head to contemplate drowning himself in one of his koi ponds rather than have to deal with the unexpected horrors of the day.

* * *

Sticking her head into her captain's office Isane smiled as her captain waved her in from between the piles of papers that were stacked upon her captain's desk. Every month or so Captain Unohana felt the need to reorganize things and every month she seemed to end up deciding that the old way was, in fact, the best way. It was just one of those quirks about her that Isane found so endearing. "You wanted to see me, Captain?"

"Yes, take a seat if you can find one."

Clearing off a seat that file folders had been piled up on Isane set them down on the floor beside her before taking a seat as requested.

Looking up from her papers the much loved forth division captain gave her lieutenant a small, knowing smile. "The reason I asked you here is because I have a question for you, Isane san. By now you must know that the..gifts former Captain Shihoin sent you girls..well everyone knows. What I wanted to know is if this has something to do with why you, along with most of the other lieutenants and captains of the other divisions have been acting out of character this past week."

Cheeks going red Isane's fingers couldn't stay still in her lap as she looked down at them, unable to look her captain in the eye. Her captain was just too much like a second mother to her. "Uhm..yes, it is. Some of the other female lieutenants..well they had a little too much to drink and came up with this theory which somehow got out and now everyone's sort of in an uproar about it. I guess soon everyone will have heard about it."

"And this theory would be?"

"That uhm..maybe..possibly...the level of ones spirit energy effects your sex drive." The last three words were spoken so low that if Unohana hadn't had sharp hearing she would have missed it.

"I see." Cracking a rare grin Unohana knew she shouldn't get such a kick out of it but the idea of it, coupled with her lieutenant's reaction was just too amusing not to have a little fun with it. Oh this had Lieutenant Matsumoto's finger prints all over it. This also explained why more than a couple men had been making their way into her division for complete physicals and why she'd received no less than fifteen missives by various rank division seats asking strangely vague questions about what one's level of spirit energy did to the physical body. If this kept up, maybe she'd have to make a new pamphlet to put in the division's waiting room.

* * *

Sitting on a bench while he waited for his third seats to finish their grocery shopping Captain Ukitake stared up into the bright blue sky and wished such a beautiful day didn't have to be overshadowed by fear of the fate that could befall any of the ranking female members of the Gotei 13. He was fond of them all and didn't want to even think about what it would do to their community if any of them fell into the hands of the sadistic bastard Aizen was using as his toy for revenge. And all the women were being protected by others except for Kurotsuchi san, who nobody seemed to think needed the extra protection. Her captain had declined his offer to let her reside with him and the forth division members, and so far the general wasn't willing to step and order Captain Kurotsuchi to provide his lieutenant with any protection, much less adequate ones.

"Captain Ukitake? Am I disturbing you?"

Speak of the devil. Though she looked nothing like the devil as he lowered his head to meet the questioning gaze of the twelfth division lieutenant, who stood before him with her hands behind her back and a questioning look upon her face. "Not at all. What can I do for you?" Because there was so many things he'd just love an opportunity to do to her. And if he didn't stop thinking like this he was going to need a lot of therapy.

"I just wanted to thank you properly, for offering your hospitality to me last night. It was very kind of you, especially since you'd already been assigned to watch over Captain Unohana and Lieutenant Kotetsu." It had made her very happy, that he had spoken up on her behalf. Even though she saw little chance of actually being in danger, Nemu almost wished she was so that she would have a legitimate excuse to ask the general to order her captain to allow her to move in with Captain Ukitake. So far her captain had yet to show any sign that he was worried about her well being, and frankly, Nemu was sort of glad that he didn't. Having him shadow her twenty four seven would just be too much for her nerves to handle.

"It was nothing." Nothing but his perverted mind. He'd offered out of a genuine concern for her safety but it hadn't taken long for the idea to begin to twist and pervert in his mind. God, everyone had always said that it was only a matter of time before Shunsui's pervertedness rubbed off on him. But it wasn't even really that, since it was only her that made him feel this way. He had two lovely women living in his house now and he hadn't so much as been tempted by either of them. Okay so Retsu san wasn't the sort of inspire lust in a man and Isane chan was like another sister to him but still. At least he knew them better than Kurotsuchi san.

"Well I just wanted to say thank you." And going along with the suggestion Lieutenant Matsumoto had given her Nemu leaned forward and placed a quick kiss on his cheek. "I hope you have a good day, Captain." Giving him a smile she bowed her head and giving him a short wave headed back off the way she came, leaving him to wonder if he was ever going to figure her out. And if he really wanted to.

* * *

Well someone was pissed, Zaraki thought in amusement as Captain Soifon came into his office practically steaming at the ears. Now who had pissed her off and was she looking for help to bury the bodies? "What's got your braids in a knot?"

"I've been going around checking on our divisions and their supervision of the possible female targets and the city boundaries. Not only were they far too relaxed but I was able to sneak up on over half of them! And not only that, we're facing eminent danger from men and arrancars who could wipe them out without breathing hard and all of them are too busy talking about those damn packages Yoruichi sama sent those lieutenants to even consider the fact that there are more important things in life to talk about than sex toys!"

Smirking Zaraki could think of few sights he enjoyed more than Soifon at her temper's breaking point. Especially when he wasn't the one who'd untimely death she was plotting "Sure you're not just jealous you didn't get a present too?"

Eyes narrowing dangerously Soifon was quite the imposing picture in her full captain's uniform, her dark eyes flashing in a way that would have sent her division members running for cover. "Unlike them I don't need sex toys, thank you very much."

"KENNY!" Bouncing through the door without even bothering to knock Yachiru ignored the second division captain, going straight to her captain with a shopping bag bouncing behind her. "Look at these dresses and tell me which one's better, kay?" The sales clerk had approved the two but Yachiru figured a man's opinion, even when that man was her Kenny, couldn't hurt in the final decision.

Surprised Zaraki drew the two dresses out of the bag and looking them both over knew instantly that his plan had been a success and she'd gotten herself a date. Interesting, especially since he knew she'd been at the Kuchiki house for over three hours. Since she had little to no respect for Abarai, that left Kuchiki himself. Talk about your match made in hell, he mused, and decided to absolutely support her in her endeavor. "I'd go with the black."

"Black it is." Shoving the dresses back into the bag she was out the door before Soifon could even open her mouth to give her own opinion.

"You're okay with her wearing that?" Having seen the girl that morning in her adult form Soifon could only imagine how the girl's breasts were going to look with all that clingy black material hugging every dip and curve.

"It's all part of my master plan."

"And just what is your master plan?" She wanted to know, crossing her arms in front of her. This did not sound good.

"To meet those requirements of yours before New Years."

"Well good luck with that because you're definitely going to need it...Kenpachi."

"Don't I know it."


	18. Make You Uncomfortable

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original characters and the terrible, insane situations I put all characters in. Everything else belongs to somebody else and that's just the way its gotta be. Thanks for reading and review have an awesome week! 

Make You Uncomfortable 

Anxiously pacing back and forth while she waited for her brother to return Rukia was ready to jump out of her skin thanks to her overworked nerves. Having to deal with Lieutenant Kusajishi twice in one day, on top of having to put up with grandmother for two hours, her brother was going to be so worn out and exhausted when he got home. But it was okay because she'd be here to take care of him, Rukia thought with a proud jut of her chin, prepared to do whatever it took to help her big brother out. She'd make him take a bath and get him some wine or something. She'd even come up with something petty for him to lecture her about. He always felt better after taking his frustrations out on someone by verbally slicing them to pieces. 

"Keep pacing like that and your brother's going to come home to a trench in his front hallway." 

Eyes narrowing dangerously Rukia shot her nose up in true lady of the manor fashion. Damn, why couldn't he just climb back into the rat hole he came from. "If I wanted your opinion I'd ask for it. And since only a fool takes advice from a fool I wouldn't hold your breath on that one either." Take that, Rukia thought with a smug little smile. 

Pissed Renji glared back at her, straightening to his full height as he gave back as good as he got. "Why don't you just go to bed already? Anyone with eyes can see you need all the beauty sleep you can get." Take that, Renji thought smugly, watching her dark eyes fire up like dark jewels freshly cut and polished. Yeah, she really was beautiful when she was angry. That was probably the only good thing to come out of her being pissed off at him for this long. 

"Funny, seems to me I wasn't the one being called ugly today. In fact, Ichigo was complimenting me just the other day on my hair cut." He hadn't, but Renji didn't know that and for some reason, bringing up their mutual friend seemed to piss Renji off lately. Like she wasn't going to take advantage of that? 

A definite twitch appearing under his right eye Renji's glare was as red hot and violent as his notoriously bad temper. "And what would he know about anything? It's not like he knows anything about girls anyway. He hasn't even realized that Orihime chan is in love with him." 

"Men are always stupid about those sorts of things." Was her smart reply, rolling her eyes at him like he was some sort of simpleton. "They're always the last ones to realize when a girl likes them because they're so busy checking her out that they don't even try to get to know her as a person." When she fell in love with someone she'd most definitely realize it and she'd tell him too, without playing all that dumb chase and catch me crap girls seemed to delight in so much. Men were too stupid, you had to be blunt and upfront about things or it took forever. 

"That's not true." Well, not completely true anyway, Renji thought, as he blurted out his own feelings on the subject. "And girls don't know everything either. There are plenty of girls out there who are completely clueless about the guys that like them. Do you have any idea how hard that is? To be treated like a friend or a brother when you feel more than that?" 

Eyes narrowing Rukia caught on real quick. "You jerk! You're in love with someone and you never told me? What kind of a best friend are you? I hope when you get the nerve to ask this poor woman out she crushes you under her heel like the bug you are!" Unbelievably hurt that he would have kept something like this from her Rukia turned on her heels and ran down the hallway, tears brimming in her eyes as she ignored her former best friend as he called out to her to come back. Stupid Renji. Stupid, stupid Renji. 

Watching her go until she was around the corner Renji's shoulders slumped and walking over to the nearest wall he began bashing his head against it in completely and total frustrated misery. 

* * *

Walking alongside the eleventh division lieutenant Captain Kuchiki wasn't sure what it said about him, that he had actually had a more enjoyable time taking the little brat to dinner than he had had entertaining his grandmother's earlier in the day. Of course his grandmother didn't have near the entertainment value that Kusajishi had, Byakuya thought with a small, inner smile. The waiter's face when she'd ordered one of every dessert on the menu had been priceless. Really, it was amazing that she could actually eat all that and not simply explode. If it weren't for how much time she spent moving at lightening speed- he'd hate to think of just how big she would be by now with that sort of appetite. Not that she was a stick by any means, far from it in fact. She had even more curves than Lieutenant Matsumoto in her present form. Not that Kusajishi's breasts were that big, but they were still a good handful each. Not that he'd noticed of course, Kuchiki thought to himself with a rough, hasty cough, embarrassed by the train of thought. And if he had, he assured himself, it was only because her dress looked spray painted on and only a blind man wouldn't take a glance or two. Or three or four. 

Content and thoroughly stuffed Yachiru was pleasantly surprised by the fact that he hadn't bored her to death. The restaurant had been a bit too stuffy for her tastes but the food had been first rate, especially those chocolate thingies with strawberries. Lightly swinging the bag she had at her side Yachiru was sure her Kenny was going to be really happy that she'd brought him some cake back. Looking up at her date for the evening Yachiru could tell he was deep in thought about something. "Whatcha thinking, Bya kun?" 

Letting the use of his hated pet name go for the moment Kuchiki figured he'd go with the lesser of the two evils on his mind. "I was pondering the fact that your company is less bothersome than my grandmother's." 

Wow, big compliment there, Yachiru thought with a roll of her eyes. She hadn't even spoken to the woman and already she wanted to use her as a pin cushion. You'd have to be nuts to prefer hanging out with that woman when you could be hanging out with someone as cute and adorable as she was. Hell, she'd rather be mooned by the second division lieutenant than be stuck in a room with Kuchiki's grandmother for an hour. Though she had a feeling the sixth division captain wouldn't take the untimely death of his grandmother in stride, even given her severe personality disorder. An image popping into her head of Omaeda actually mooning her Yachiru felt a little ill, putting her hand to her stomach as she made a disgusted face. Not one of her better ideas, that. 

Observing this Kuchiki instinctively put a little more distance between them. "Are you going to throw up?" Considering how much she'd eaten it was a distinct possibility. As it was, he doubted the manager of the restaurant would ever forgive him for not giving him a heads up as to the fact that his date tended to go through buffet tables the way women went through sales racks. 

"I just pictured Omaeda mooning me so yeah...throwing up is a distinct possibility." 

Pause. "Thank you so much for putting that image in my head." 

"Well I do like to share." 

"No, you don't. You'll fight to the last death for a cookie. I've seen you." The consequences of getting between her and food was always violently alarming. That's why he kept treats on hand when he knew that he'd have to deal with her. As it was, he had a bag of M&Ms in his pocket for precisely that reason. "And why were you thinking about him mooning you precisely?" 

"Cause I thought I'd rather deal with that than your grandmother. I'm rethinking that now." Was her cheeky response as she winked at him saucily. 

Staring at her in shock Byakuya couldn't quite hold back a small grin of his own, which stayed on his face for the rest of the relatively short walk to her captain's home. Walking her up to the house the sixth division captain waited until she was standing on the porch before he faced her, giving her a short bow which had more to do with bred to the bone manners than actual respect for her. "Thank you for this evening." And thank God it's over, Byakuya thought to himself, looking forward to a peaceful night now that his trials were over for the day. He was even ready to let Rukia pamper him, if that's what it took to forget the day he'd had. 

"You're welcome." The devil in her eyes Yachiru reached out and grabbing the labels of his robes yanked the surprised captain forward so that his lips were in reach of her own. Crushing her lips against his, hard enough to bruise them, the kiss was all carnal, white hot heat as she savaged his lips for what felt like hours when really it was only a minute before she pulled away, deliberately taking a nip of his bottom lip before drawing back completely from the dazed and confused man before her. "See ya around, Bya kun." And with a decided swing to her step she was gone before he could even begin to string two thoughts together. 

Standing there like the idiot he felt he was, it was clear to Byakuya that that peaceful night of rest and relaxation he'd been looking forward to all evening was now thoroughly shot to hell. Well hell... 

* * *

Sitting side by side on his porch with Soifon Zaraki turned his head slightly when he heard the sound of his Yachiru entering the room, her slippered feet making little sound as she crossed the hardwood floor. She'd come in from her date twenty minutes before and he'd been wondering if she intended to come and seek him out. She was back to her miniature size and was wearing her favorite bunny pajamas already, complete with a bunny eared hoodie and cotton tail. She really could be very adorable when she wanted to be, especially when she kept her mouth shut he mused, wondering why she was dressed for bed when it wasn't even nine yet. "Ready for bed I see." 

"Yup, yup." Hopping over in true bunny style Yachiru grinned at him as she held out the plate she carried with the large piece of chocolate cake on it, a fork stuck in the middle of it. "And I brought ya back some cake." 

Grinning he took the cake, appreciating the fact that she'd gotten him some as he patted her on her bunny head. "Thanks." 

"Did you have a nice time?" Trying not to drool over the piece of cake Soifon wasn't the least surprised that it hadn't even occurred to the pink haired demon to bring her back anything. And if she wasn't mistaken that was the special, triple chocolate dream cake that the five star restaurant Ehrenreich was famous for. And after borrowing her clothes without asking too. The little bugger. 

"The food was good." And the after dinner dessert was even better, Yachiru thought wickedly, licking her lips as she thought of the surprisingly rich, spicy taste of a certain captain's mouth. She really did have to try that again sometime soon. "Anyways, good night all! If you need me I'll be in my room watching a movie." It was too early for bed after all, even though she was eager to get some shut eye to see just what sort of interesting dreams her fertile brain could come up with. She already had the lead actor all picked out. And boy did he look good hot and sweaty, Yachiru thought, dreamily remembering earlier in the day when she'd got an up close look at just how sexy Bya kun looked when he let himself get a little rumpled and dirty. Mmm mmm good. 

Raising an eyebrow at the look in his lieutenant's eyes Zaraki thought it best not to ask. For all their sakes. 

Watching the girl literally bounce out of the room Soifon wondered how anyone was supposed to think of the girl as less than mentally unbalanced when she was like this. From sexy siren to a bunny slipper wearing toddler in under thirty minutes. The mind boggled. Turning her head when Zaraki cleared his throat beside her Soifon turned to see an outstretched fork held out towards her with a piece of the cake just waiting for her lips to take. Leaning forward Soifon took the offering with a small smile and pushed all thoughts of Yachiru from her mind for the moment. This was not the time to be thinking about Zaraki annoying little hellion, otherwise known as his daughter. 

Returning to their peaceful silence the two sat on the wicker chairs, watching the stars come out as Zaraki took turns feeding her cake in between bites of his own. And though they didn't speak or touch, there was an air that suggested both were quite happy to stay that way until the sun came up. 

* * *

Responding to the doorbell Captain Kyoraku opened his front door cautiously to find Nemu standing on his doorstep, for all appearances completely alone despite the late hour. "Nemu chan, you aren't supposed to be out this late without someone around to protect you." Shunsui scolded, reaching out to pat her head in a brotherly fashion. "You need to be more careful now." 

"This was the first opportunity I had to see you." Was her logical response. "Besides, I'm sure whoever this stalker is, I'll hold little to no interest for him. If he has any intelligence at all he has to realize I would not be a worthwhile target for this particular endeavor of Aizen san's." But still, it was nice to be worried about, Nemu thought to herself, warmed by his concern. "Could I have a couple minutes of your time, Captain Kyoraku? If I'm not intruding on anything important." 

"Of course. Come right in." 

"That's not necessary." Shaking her head Nemu got straight to the point, since she was already in danger of being late in meeting her assigned curfew. "I just wanted to ask for your assistance, if possible. My captain has a lot of contacts with those who..travel in less than savory circles as I'm sure you've realized. It occurred to me that someone might now something about this individual, something that might aid us in finding him before he causes any more trouble. However that requires money for bribes and I don't have any money of my own so I was wondering if-" 

"Whatever it costs I'll pay it. Put out the word that I'm willing to pay any price for information on this man." Eyes flashing dangerously he didn't look like himself as the eighth division captain's face hardened and toughened in a way Nemu had never seen before. 

"Then I'll make the necessary transactions tonight." Bowing low Nemu gave him what she hoped was a reassuring small smile. "That was all I wanted to ask you, so I'll bid you good night. I'm sure Nanao san will feel better, having you as close by as possible until this person is caught. I'm sorry to have disturbed you." 

"Hold on, Jushiro is here. He can see you back, we're almost done anyway. Come in here and wait while I get him." Leaving her to wait patiently in the hallway Shunsui hurried back into the living room where his best friend was sitting with a bowl of popcorn in his lap as he considered his next move in their game of connect four. 

"Who was at the door?" Ukitake asked absently, looking up at his best friend questioningly. This was just what he needed, some time to hang out with his best friend, consume things not at all good for him, and think of nothing but how to beat Shun at this stupid game. 

"It's Nemu chan. Can you walk her home? You said this was our last game anyway and I told her you would, since it isn't safe for her to be out walking out all by herself and she can't flash herself home the way we can." Watching all the color drain from his friend's face Shunsui hurried over to Jushiro's side, placing his hands supportingly on the man's shoulders. "Jushiro? Are you okay? Are you having one of your attacks?" 

"You bastard." 

"Huh?" 

"I hate you so much right now." Putting his face in his hands Ukitake completely missed the dumbstruck look on his best friend's face, too consumed by his own self pity to even care. "How could you do this to me?" 

Still in shock over his best friend saying such horrible things to him Shunsui was at a complete loss as to what he could have possible done to make his friend so angry at him. "What did I do? Did you want to finish the game that much? I'm sure she could wait a couple more minutes." Geez, it was just a game. 

If looks could kill that would have been the end of Captain Shunsui Kyoraku. Getting to his feet Ukitake forced himself to walk out of the room and into the hallway, spotting Nemu instantly where she stood by the door waiting, rocking absently back and forth on her heels. 

Sensing his presence Nemu turned her head, surprised into silence by the look in his eyes. He was so angry about something, she thought, looking over the captain's shoulder to see Captain Kyoraku looking more than a little frazzled. "Captain Ukitake." Bowing low once more Nemu hesitantly broached a possible reason as to his current and very visible displeasure. "If it's inconvenient for you to see me home there's no need for you to worry. I can get there myself without your assistance." 

"We're going now." And that was that. 


	19. Of Cats and Mice

* * *

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original characters and the situations I put them all in. Everything else belongs to somebody else and that's just the way it's gotta be. Thanks to all my loyal readers out there and have an awesome Easter weekend!

Of Cats and Mice

Leaning with her back against the headboard, Nanao heard him coming long before the bedroom door was thrown open and her captain came barreling in like a bat out of hell. Expecting a possible attack Nanao looked up from the book she'd been reading in time to see her captain, a mere blur now, just before he threw himself onto the bed with a very loud 'Nanao chan!', the rest muffled though as he'd buried his face against her stomach with a choked sob. Looking down with a mixture of annoyance and resignation Nanao patted him awkwardly on the head with her free hand as she set her book down beside her. He was really upset about something, but until she knew what that something was he was getting little to no sympathy. She'd seen him this upset once when a cartoon show he liked was canceled on T.v., so she wasn't about to waste her sympathy on something stupid like her captain's inability to beat Captain Ukitake at Connect Four. "What's wrong?" Nanao finally asked, when he just continued to burrow against her. Talk about being a drama queen, Nanao thought as she rolled her eyes at his over the topness.

Lifting his head just long enough for her to see his miserable face Shunsui was at his most pathetic and dejected. "Shiro..ha...ha...HATES ME!" The idea too horrible to bear the eighth division captain went back to pressing his face against the soft cotton of her tank top, overcome with the horror that was his best friend hatred of him.

Raising one delicate eyebrow Nanao wondered just what had happened since she'd checked on the two last. They'd been playing Connect Four for God sakes. "Why do you think he hates you?" Captain Ukitake had probably just been joking and her captain, being the idiot that he was, had taken his best friend too seriously. Which begged the question, why wasn't the thirteenth division captain even now saving her from the stupidity of her captain?

"Because he said so." Was the captain's whimpered response, once again moving his head to look up at her. "He said he hated me and I didn't even do anything!"

Yeah, and he also saw nothing wrong with buying her inappropriate underwear that even a hooker would think twice about, Nanao thought wryly. But really, it would have taken something pretty bad for Ukitake to have actually said he hated his best friend, especially if he hadn't been joking at the time. "What were you doing when he said he hated you."

"I just asked him to walk Nemu chan home! The next thing I knew, he was calling me a bastard and telling me that he hated me!"

Eyes narrowing thoughtfully as he went back to his childish burrowing Nanao couldn't see any possible reason why Ukitake would get upset over such a thing. In fact, the normally easy going captain had expressed concern for Nemu san's safety in the past, including both the meetings they'd had on Aizen's would be attacker. Of course her captain might be omitting something key, or had just been too oblivious to pick up on some underlying issue which had led to Ukitake's outburst. And unfortunately Ukitake was gone so she couldn't ask him herself, Nanao noted, not sensing Ukitake's spirit energy anywhere in the house. Which left her stuck with her captain like this until she could give him a definitive answer as to why Ukitake hated him. Damn. Unless...a sly look coming into her eye Nanao patted his head to get his attention. "To make you feel better, why don't you go look at the top of your closet. I shoved that package from Shihoin san in there."

He was off her lap and opening her closet before she'd finished the sentence. Amused and sure that that would keep him entertained for at least a couple minutes while she analyzed the situation it was quiet for two minutes before a faint sense on uneasiness crossed Nanao's mind. After all, she'd only looked at what was in that box once, and that was just the items on top that had had her slamming the lid back down in a hurry. She'd just put in her captain's hands who knows what. There could be all sorts of sexually deviant stuff in there and by putting them in his hands he might have taken that as an invitation to suggest all manner of things. Going a little pale Nanao nearly jumped out of her skin when she felt something poke her thigh. Turning her head her uneasiness only grew as she looked down to see her captain's face peeking out from the side of the bed, his face only visible from the nose up. His dark eyes were practically glittering and he reminded her of a kid on Christmas morning who knew the package he was about to open was what he'd most wanted for the holidays.

"Nanao chan." He practically sang it as he looked up at her with those beyond delighted eyes.

Instinctively stiffening Nanao looked at him with all the weariness of a mouse scurrying by a supposedly sleeping cat. "What?"

Slowly he held up an opened black book and with his other hand pointed to the left side of the book's page.

Taking it from him Nanao's eyes went wide as she read the paragraph he was pointing at. Her cheeks going bright red Nanao couldn't imagine how anyone could get in that position without breaking their spine; along with countless muscles. Did these people think everyone was born with spinal cords as limp as spaghetti, Nanao wondered as she read the paragraph on the opposite page which was just as graphic and physically challenging. Turning the book around so that she could see the title Nanao's cheeks went even brighter. 'The Mistress's Guide to Working Her Slave to His Maximum Potential'. Death was too good for Shihoin san.

"Pretty, pretty please?"

"You can't be serious." There was just no way in hell. Absolutely, positively, without question-

"I'll buy you a big box of Rheo Thompson chocolate tomorrow."

Damn. "If I or you break my spine I swear I'll spend the rest of my life haunting your ass."

"Sounds fair to me."

* * *

Walking slightly behind Captain Ukitake Nemu couldn't come up with a single reason as to why he could be mad at her. But he was mad at her, or at least that was the most logical assumption since he must have been fine before she'd arrived. Maybe he'd really been enjoying whatever he and Captain Kyoraku had been doing before she'd shown up at the house? But if that was the case, he could have simply asked her to wait or go on without him. It wasn't like she couldn't take care of herself after all. She'd already tried to tell him several times that she could get home on her own but that just seemed to make him angrier. She'd even suggested that he simply flash them to her door, even though that tended to make her really nauseated which was why she avoided that means of transportation at all costs. That had really made him mad. Everything she did seemed to make him mad or uncomfortable lately. Head slightly bowed Nemu wished there was something she could say that would change that but he obviously didn't want to talk to her. That made her sad. Really, really sad.

Turning his head with the intent to make a comment about picking up the pace Ukitake took one look at her slumped shoulders, bowed head, miserable aura and felt lower then scum. Lower than that even, though he wasn't sure exactly what classified as being lower than scum. All he knew was, he needed to apologize for taking out his anger on her when she'd done nothing but be hot, sexy as hell, and taken. Oh yeah, and made him realize that by coming on to him so that now he couldn't close his eyes without imagining what could have been if his mother had neglected the shaping of his conscience in that area. Damn morals, always screwing up his life. Rubbing the back of his neck Ukitake forced himself to turn and face her. "I'm...sorry for..not being as nice to you tonight as I should have." God, his apology was even worse than his present situation ,Ukitake thought dismally. Someone just shoot him now.

"It's all right, I understand."

"You do?" Uh oh, that couldn't be good. Especially given her ability to misunderstand the most basic of things.

"I make you uncomfortable so you're angry that Captain Kyoraku forced you to be in my company." She wasn't blind after all, she was well aware that he had avoided speaking or coming near her since the night that she'd approached him about being her test partner in her sexual experiment. He had never really looked at her before but now he looked at her like she was a cat and he a mouse, backed into a corner with no where to go but down her throat. She didn't like that he seemed to feel that way, but she was also at a loss as to how to fix it either. Seeing that he was struggling to find an appropriate lie in response Nemu simply shook her head. "It's all right, really. Please, go on home and I'll find my way back without your assistance. Thank you for walking me this far." Bowing Nemu didn't wait for his response, instead starting to walk forward once more, passing by him only to be jerked back against him, his arms coming around to hold her against him with her back pressed back tightly against his chest.

Leaning his head down so that his face was pressed against the top of her head Ukitake breathed in her scent like a starving man scenting fresh bread. "I'm sorry." He said quietly, his eyes closed and his breathing slightly uneven. "I'm sorry." That was all he could think to say.

Wishing she could see his face to get some idea of what he was thinking Nemu could only stare straight ahead, the warm heat of his body soothing her even as his words confused her even more. "What are you apologizing for?" She finally asked, seeing no alternative but to ask straight out.

"Being an idiot."

Now that didn't make sense to her. "But you aren't an idiot, Captain Ukitake. You scored very high on your I.Q. tests at the Academy."

He didn't even want to know how she knew what his marks had been. "I'm an idiot if I say I'm one. I'm sorry I got mad at you." There, that sounded better. "And it's nothing you did, so don't think that okay?" Well that was a complete and total lie but she didn't need to know that.

"So you really aren't mad at me?"

"I'm really not mad at you." Mad about you though, Ukitake thought with the grim acceptance of a man facing the guillotine. But what did he expect with luck as bad as him? Letting her go, forcing himself to draw back Ukitake worked up a small smile for her. "Shall we keep going?"

"Okay." Nodding her head Nemu surprised him by reaching out and taking his hand, squeezing his fingers in a gesture she meant to be comforting. Squeezing lightly back the two held hands all the way to her house without another word.

* * *

Toying absently with her mug of cocoa Isane hoped with all her might that Jushiro san would get home soon because she couldn't take much more of this. Looking over to steal a quick peek in Shu kun's direction Isane cursed the fact that the General had sent the ninth division captain to help her captain and Captain Ukitake watch over them. "Uhm..what time did he say he was going to be back?" God, she sounded like a child who was missing her daddy who had gone on a trip somewhere. Embarrassing herself in front of him seemed to be her new goal in life, Isane thought darkly.

"Why are you so anxious for him to get back?" This was like the tenth time she'd asked him that and it was really getting on Hisagi's nerves. It was like she was saying she wasn't safe until Ukitake got back from Kyoraku's place. What was he, chopped liver?

"I'm not anxious. I just...wanted to ask him something." Like could he please, for the love of God find some way for someone else to replace Shu kun? Anyone, even Omaeda would do. Just anyone but him!

"Ask him what?"

"That's none of your business." Mostly because she couldn't think of anything she might need to talk to Jushiro san about. "Why don't you go back to your patrolling, you don't need to keep me company." Yes, please, please go, Isane mentally prayed, willing to beg the gods if it came down to that. She was just too stressed out to deal with HIM right now. Then again, after the whole vibrator thing, Isane couldn't imagine herself being mentally up to dealing with him any time in the near future. She really was jinxed.

She looked guilty as hell. Eyes narrowed suspiciously Hisagi watched her go back to fiddling with her mug, the contents likely cold now, since she seemed more interested in toying with it than drinking it. She seemed even more nervous now that he wanted to know why she was waiting up for Ukitake, which just made him that much more curious. She'd originally been embarrassed for him to see her dressed in her sleeping robes, but she didn't seem to have any problem with the idea of Ukitake seeing her dressed that way. And why the hell didn't she have a problem with that guy seeing her like this? Weren't girls supposed to freak out over strange men seeing them in the clothes they slept in? Unless of course they were lovers or someone who saw them in said clothes on a regular basis but there was no way that could possibly be the explanation here. After all, it wasn't like Isane and Ukitake had anything going or anything. Right? Getting a bad feeling Hisagi looked at his former childhood friend more closely, seeking some sort of clue to make everything make some sort of sense. There was a definite strap peeking out from beneath her robes, a black satin one. Maybe she had something on under her plain, ordinary sleeping robes. Maybe she had something under there that he wasn't supposed to see. That someone else was supposed to see? That Ukitake was supposed to see? Could THAT be why she was still up?

Why was he looking at her like that, Isane wondered nervously, fighting the urge to squirm. His eyes were almost mere slits and she felt like a tiny mouse, frozen in place by a stalking cat's glare. She just couldn't look away and she so desperately wanted too. What was he looking at?

It was possible, her little sister was Ukitake's third seat after all. She probably came to visit all the time and with Ukitake's health being what it was, it stood to reason they'd spend even more time together than most would think. Yeah, the bastard would have plenty of time to move in on her if he wanted to. Even knowing on some level that Ukitake was light years ahead of him when it came to respectability Hisagi could feel him starting to develop an unreasonable and baseless dislike of the older man. "He's too old for you." Hisagi muttered, not even aware that he'd spoken aloud.

"Sorry, what did you say?"

"Nothing."

Well bite my head off why don't you, Isane thought darkly, opening her mouth to tell him so when she sensed the presence of the thirteenth division captain. Setting her mug aside she was on her feet before Ukitake had even slide open the screen door. "Good evening, Jushiro san."

"Good evening, Isa chan." Smiling back at her Ukitake nodded before turning his head to look at his fellow captain, a little surprised at the vibes Hisagi was giving off all of a sudden. Something definitely was not all right with the young captain. "Good evening, Hisagi san. Did anything happen while I was away?"

Just where did he get off calling her by HIS pet name for her, Hisagi fumed, completely forgetting the fact that he had no right to feel any ownership over the abbreviation of her name, one members of her family probably still used for that matter. All he could think was how dare the son of a bitch think he could get off talking to HIS Isa chan in such a familiar manner. And why the hell was she letting him get away with this, Hisagi fumed, his eyes turning to shoot daggers in her direction.

Taken aback Isane didn't know what to think as she turned to share a rather confused look with Captain Ukitake. "No, everything's been fine." Isane assured him, since Shu kun seemed incapable of doing anything but glare at them. "I just wanted to ask if you wanted anything in particular for breakfast tomorrow. I told your two shadows I'd do it as thank for you letting my captain and I stay here."

"You don't have to do that." Reaching out to pat her head in a brotherly manner, that none the less had Hisagi seeing red, Ukitake was completely oblivious to how much worse he was making the already tense situation. "And whatever you make for breakfast will be fine. I always enjoy your cooking."

What! She'd cooked for him before? Certainly not breakfast though, Hisagi thought frantically, fighting hard not to panic. Breakfast implied sleeping over and she certainly would never have done something so inappropriate as that. He would have heard about it, if the two had ever been a couple. Wait a minute...hadn't his mother mentioned a couple times that Isane's mother was hoping Isane would end up with the captain, who she was so fond of? What had her mother been thinking! Over his dead and rotting corpse!

Both Isane and Ukitake giving Hisagi weary looks they weren't even sure their good nights registered as they left the room and headed for their own rooms. What on earth was wrong with him?


	20. That's So Mean

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original characters and the situations I put them in. Everything else belongs to somebody else and that's just the way its gotta be, people. Thanks to all my lovely and loyal readers out there, I hope you enjoy and continue to review!

Sry this took so long, guys. It's crunch months at the university.

That's So Mean

Rubbing her eyes with the back of her hands Isane knew she was being stupid as she headed for the guest room Shu kun had been assigned to. But she just couldn't sleep, wondering what she'd done to upset him. It was just like when they were kids, dammit. In fact, if she had a dollar for every hour of sleep he'd costed her over the centuries she'd be wealthier than the Kuchikis, Isane fumed. He was probably asleep too, seeing as it was two o'clock in the morning, which of course meant she was going to have to go sleepless since she couldn't very well wake him up to ask him to explain things to her. Then he really would be pissed off at her. Tugging on the hem of her tank top Isane wondered for what seemed like the millionth time if she should have changed before she came. It wasn't like her simple top and cotton pajama shorts were in any way revealing but still. Cheeks pinking up Isane chided herself for even thinking it mattered. She could walk naked in front of him and probably not get much of a reaction. Okay, she would get a reaction, but that was just because he was a perv.

Arriving at the correct door Isane was surprised to see the door was slightly ajar. Sliding the door a little farther so that she could stick her head in Isane had a clear view of the futon and its inhabitant, who stirred not a bit under his covers. Yup, he was asleep. Resigned to go back to her room the lieutenant paused when he stared to move slightly under the covers, wondering if perhaps he was going to get up for something. Then he made a sound like he was in pain and Isane was through the door and kneeling by his side before she had time to think about the stupidity of what she was doing. Doing her best to ignore his beautifully bared chest Isane focused on his face, noticing that it was indeed scrunched up as though he was in some sort of pain. Had he hurt himself today and just not said anything? Was that why he'd been in such a piss poor mood earlier? Bracing herself for a possible need to give him a full physical to find out for herself Isane turned on a nearby reading lamp before yanking off his sheets, sending thanks to her maker that he was wearing boxers once she got a good look at him. Leaning forward she couldn't see any signs of recent injury, no bruises or discoloration. Running hands up both his arms she detected no broken bones and he made no sounds of pain at her careful touch. In fact, he was perfectly quiet now. Cheeks flaming up Isane cursed herself for being an idiot as she drew back onto her heels. He'd probably just been dreaming and like a complete idiot she'd overreacted. Shaking her head at her stupidity Isane retrieved the sheets once more and leaning forward onto her knees spread the sheets carefully over him again, turning her body to tuck the sheets in around him. Or at least that's what she'd intended to do. His arms got in her way as they suddenly reached out and grabbing her around her waist sent her stumbling forward to sprawl over his chest. At least for a brief moment...before he suddenly rolled them both over and decided that her breasts were much better pillows than his previous one, happily nuzzling his face between the valley of them as he settled back into peaceful slumber.

"Uhm...Shu kun?"

There was no answer to her quivery query, the ninth division captain not so much as moving a muscles as he lay cuddled into her curves, his arms still around her, holding her hostage with both their grip and the rest of his body weight atop hers.

How was she supposed to get out of this without waking him up, Isane thought frantically, her breathing shallow and in direct contrast to the fact that her heart was beating so fast cardiac arrest wasn't out of the question. How did she get herself into messes like this? If she woke him up she'd have to explain her presence and how they'd ended up in this situation, and she so didn't want to go there right now. Or ever if at all possible. So what was she going to do? She couldn't wiggle out from under him and she didn't have the strength to push him off her. Well she might, but that too would likely wake him up. Come to think of it, how dare he be sleeping this deeply when he was supposed to be here to protect her and her captain. Jerk. Eyes narrowed Isane decided she didn't care if he woke up, serves the bastard right. Gripping his shoulders tight enough to leave indents from her finger nails Isane rolled them over so that he was on the bottom this time. Unfortunately, instinct kicked in and Shu's eyes opened to bare slits as he continued the roll, only this time he grabbed her wrists once her back hit the floor, pinning her arms above her head as he stared down at her sleepily. Or at least he did for a couple of seconds before his head lowered and he was suddenly kissing her.

Caught off guard her mouth was already open, which he took instant advantage of so that Isane barely had time to register his lips on hers before she had his tongue to deal with. Oh. My. God. He kissed her like he intended to devour her, Isane thought frantically, without even bothering to chew first. It was so hot, so hot and hard that she couldn't see how anyone was supposed to survive such a thing, her very blood seeming to boil in her veins with the heat of her reaction to the knowing expertise of his mouth and tongue. Her head whirling around in circles she wished desperately that her hands were free so that she could sink her fingers into his hair and hold his head in place so that he could never stop doing what he was doing. Moaning low in her throat her body quaked under his, shuddering as his tongue explored every inch of the inside of her mouth, rubbing his tongue against her own as though teasing it into action. If her brain had been functioning enough she might have returned the favor. Then he was lifting his head and turning his attention to her neck, sucking than nipping with short little bites that had her gasping, whispering his name in a ragged tone of voice as he worked his way down. As if in response to his name Hisagi shifted the hold he had on her wrists so that one hand bracketed her two wrists, holding her in place while the other traveled down to her waist before sliding back up again. Underneath her tank top. Biting her bottom lip as his hand covered her breast Isane arched into the touch as he gave it a testing squeeze, fingers shaping and molding her flesh before zeroing in on her nipple to tweak and stroke. Crying out Isane's whole body shook, her fingers flexing frantically against his hold.

"Like that, don't you, baby?" His voice husky Hisagi slid his hand out from under her shirt, ignoring her whimper of protect. Letting her hands go Isane only had time to spear her fingers through his hair before his hands had her tank top's straps down around her arms so that he could pull the top down enough to get at her straining breasts. His head bowed he kissed a line down the center of her chest, his goal clear as he kissed his way down to the tops of her breasts, placing kisses all the way around each of them before nuzzling his face once more between them as her legs wrapped around his waist. And once again...he went still and relaxed against her, his head pillowed between her breasts.

Minutes passing in silence without a word, Isane finally had to recognize the fact that he'd gone back to sleep on her. "You son of a bitch!"

* * *

Yawning Hisagi kept an arm around his waist as he walked into the kitchen to get something to eat. He had a bruise on his side the size of a dinner plate and his kidney felt like it had been slammed with a brink. What the hell had happened? He'd been fine when he'd gone to sleep, had he stumbled sometime during the night or something? Whatever he'd done he hoped never to do it again. "Coffee." Hisagi asked in a pleading tone as he took a seat at the table. Ukitake and his third seat Kotsubaki san were the only ones there, the women were unfortunately absent. Since they were medics, he would have appreciated their attention at the moment. He'd left his shirt off for that very reason.

Looking over Ukitake raised an eyebrow at both Hisagi's state of dress and the multicoloredness of the younger captain's side. "What did you do?" Ukitake asked while his third seat poured the captain his requested coffee.

"Hell if I know. Where are the others?" Hisagi asked after taking a grateful sip.

"Our female guests went in to work early. Kiyone san went with them." To find out what the hell had pissed her sister off, Ukitake added silently. He'd never seen Isane so upset before, and he'd seen her after one of her mother's matchmaking attempts so that was saying something. She'd been up before any of them, and had been all ready to go before anyone else had stirred. Perhaps she'd simply had one of her odd dreams again, Ukitake mused, which was why he wasn't going to say anything about it to Captain Hisagi. He knew how much her strange dreams bothered Isane and he didn't want to make things worse by telling Hisagi and risking the other man teasing her about it.

"Too bad. So what's for breakfast?" He'd just get them to look at it later for him.

* * *

The servants were all a whispering at the Kuchiki household that morning. As was custom their lord had dined with his sister and his lieutenant, but there had been nothing normal about it at all. Master Byakuya had looked, despite retiring early, as though he hadn't slept a wink the night before and kept staring off into space which wasn't like him at all. Mistress Rukia had looked even worse, pale, exhausted and with eyes rimmed with red like she'd been up all night crying. The fact that neither male bothered to ask what was wrong with her spoke of just how twisted this all was. All three had looked sleep deprived, withdrawn, and wanting to be anywhere but where they were. In other words, the whole house was in an uproar as the servants tried to figure out just what they'd missed. Of course for all their speculation, not one of them came close.

Doing paperwork at his desk later on Renji wished desperately that he'd spoke earlier to Rukia when he'd had the chance. He just hadn't been able to think of anything to say that would somehow fix things rather than make them that much worse. The fact that his captain was in such a piss poor mood didn't help either, Renji thought with a weary glance in his captain's direction.

Feeling his lieutenant's eyes on him Byakuya deliberately ignored him, dismissing the younger man's misery like he always did. He was in no mood to take advantage of Renji's emotional stupidity today. Which just went to show how much that stupid kiss had affected his brain. Every day was supposed to be a have fun torturing Renji day.

What was his captain upset about, Renji wondered, not sure if he should bring it up or not. It would take his mind off Rukia ,but it might also result in his boss taking his head off. Metaphorically or even literally. Of course if he was dead he wouldn't have to worry about Rukia at all, Renji considered. It would sort of serve her right, if he died before she could apologize for thinking so badly of him. If he had fallen in love with someone other than her than of course he would have told her. That's what best friends did. Why didn't she realize that? Of course if she realized that after he was dead he wouldn't be alive to enjoy the fact which would also defeat the purpose. Damn. There was always a catch.

And just why couldn't he stop thinking about that damn kiss? Setting aside his work for a moment Byakuya blocked out Renji's questioning looks and tried for the millionth time to analyze why it was bothering him as much as it was. It wasn't like he'd never been kissed before after all. He'd kissed plenty of women before and after his marriage to his wife. He was not an inexperienced man by any means. But wait...he'd kissed plenty of women. He'd made the first moves. Until this last kiss where she'd made every single damn move. SHE'D asked him out on the date. SHE'D pulled him in for the kiss. SHE'D controlled every aspect of said kiss and SHE'D been the one to end it. THAT was what was bothering him, the sixth division captain realized, finally having come up with a satisfactory answer. It wasn't the kiss its self that had thrown him for a loop but the fact that he hadn't been the one making the moves in their very brief relationship with each other. He wasn't the least bit attracted to that whiny brat, the kiss had just gone to his head because it was unfamiliar territory for him to be in the passive role. Satisfied the captain turned his head to meet his lieutenant's gaze. "If you're going to do nothing but mope today why don't you go find out when the next Shinigami Women's Association Meeting is. I'm sure you don't want to miss a meeting and your girl time." Watching the insult register he smiled inwardly. He was back, thank God.

* * *

Looking up when the office door slid open Nanao smiled a greeting as Ukitake popped his head in with a questioning look on his face. Pointing over to where her captain was napping on the couch the two shared an amused look as the thirteenth division captain stepped inside the room, closing the door behind him softly. "Good morning, Captain Ukitake." Nanao said once he was close enough to hear her, wondering what brought the captain by so early.

"Morning." Was his soft reply. "He's back asleep already?" Ukitake had deliberately come early because he'd figured that Shunsui wouldn't be napping yet.

"Not enough sleep I suppose." Which was his own damn fault of course. His and that stupid little black book. The only upside of spending the night dealing with a man determined to work his way through a sexual position book was that in this case he'd had to do most if not all of the work. It was good to be mistress, Nanao thought with a small grin, quickly hidden before the captain could notice and ask her about it. This was something they were going to leave between the two of them or she really would don some leather and go mistress on her lover's ass.

Well that was unusual, Ukitake thought, wondering what had kept Shunsui up. Normally nothing got in the way of Shunsui when it came to sleep. Well other than Nanao san but...Oh.

"Is this about your fight yesterday?"

With a sheepish look Ukitake nodded, grateful for the change of topic. "I shouldn't have taken my anger out on him. He was just a handy outlet since the person who's really frustrating the hell out of me...well yelling at that person tends to be the last thing on my mind until they're walking away and I'm realizing just how put out I actually am."

Now that was interesting. Especially since Ukitake hadn't used any names. He didn't want her to know who this person causing him problems was and just why was that, Nanao wondered to herself, her eyes sharpening so that his slowly took on the look of a weary animal who knows its suddenly found itself in a sticky situation.

"Anyways...tell him I stopped by and that I'll apologize properly when I see him. Have a good morning, Nanao san." And he was out the door before she even had time to say good-bye.

Interesting, Nanao thought as she tapped a finger against her cheek. Very interesting.

Coming up behind her Shunsui wrapped his arms around his lieutenant's waist, settling her back against his body while he rested the top of his chin on her head. "Something's been really bothering him lately." He said softly, his voice still a little drowsy from residual sleep. "He wont talk about it to me. I think its gotta be a woman."

She agreed, which was rare for them. "Why do you think that?"

"Because if it wasn't he'd tell me about it. He only clams up on me when its about a woman. Getting details about any of his past women has always been like pulling teeth."

"While you've probably always been foaming at the mouthy to give him all the horny details?" Rolling her eyes Nanao had no doubt in her mind that her captain had fought long and hard trying to get those details.

"In my misspent youth maybe but I would never stoop so low now." Okay, that was a lie, but he would never brag to the guys about his recent string of sexual luck where his feisty little lieutenant was concerned. She'd crucify him to the ground and slice him open one vein at a time. Before she went to work on him. Going a little pale at the thought Shunsui thought it wise to change the subject.

Raising an eyebrow Nanao was not amused. "If you think this conversation could distract me enough that I wouldn't notice your hand trying to work its way under my robes you're sadly mistaken."

"But, Nanao chan, you were all dressed this morning before I could see what you have underneath your robes." Her captain pointed out in a tone better suited to a toddler trying to wheedle another cookie out of his mother. "I just wanna see."

"Like I haven't heard that before." Neatly extracting his seeking hand Nanao held the wrist in a firm grip that said she meant business. "And keep that up and I will not only not let you see later what I'm wearing but tomorrow I'll wear the most revealing lingerie Shihoin sent me AND change into it and out of it in the bathroom so you can't see it. Ever."

"Nanao chan is so mean to me!"

"That's Mistress Nanao chan to you, Boyo."


	21. She'll Kill Him For Sure

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but my original characters and the situations I put them all in, poor bastards. I hope you enjoy this latest chapter and I hope you to hear from you to tell me what you think!

Note: Sorry this update took so long, my comp needed repairs and this content isn't exactly something you want to be caught typing in the library heh.

She'll Kill Him For Sure

Watching Captain Hisagi out of the corner of his eye Kyoraku felt a stir of pity for his young friend. He was beginning to look as pale and drawn as Jushiro, Kyoraku thought, which was definitely not a good thing. His best friend still wasn't talking about this mysterious woman of his and his friend was looking worse every time he saw him as a result.

Now Hisagi on the other hand, everyone knew what was wrong with him. It had been a week and a half and still no one, least of all Hisagi, had found out why the usually loving, sweet tempered Isane hated him. She was avoiding him like the plague and any time he got within ten feet of her she took off in the other direction. The one time he'd managed to catch her she'd racked him. Renji had even gotten a picture. It was not Hisagi's best look. Women were fierce, often irrational creatures, Kyoraku mused, thinking fondly of his own lieutenant. But that's just what made them so utterly delightful. Hearing a female voice softly say his name Kyoraku turned to see the adorable Nemu chan coming towards him. Raising his hand in greeting Kyoraku smiled at the girl. "And what can I do for my Nemu chan today?"

"As requested I investigated the matter of the assassin's identity and I believe I have the data necessary to attempt a trapping of him."

"What did you find out?"

"The subject kills women as a general rule and shows a marked preference and brutality towards well endowed women with blond or light colored hair. Digging into his past I uncover a photo of his mother, believed to be a victim of his. According to my sources and calculations it's her he kills when he kills his victims. His mother and I are approximately the same height and body type so I propose that I masquerade as her and attempt to lure him out that way, while you monitor from another location. Apparently he likes the bar scene so I hypothesize that it would be best if I were, in disguise, to patronize the nearest establishments in the hopes of drawing him out. Your thoughts on the matter?"

"This could be dangerous." Not that he thought he couldn't protect her, but even he wasn't so arrogant as to think that something couldn't go horribly wrong either. Nanao chan would scalp him for sure if he let anything happen to Nemu, and he'd let her too.

Shrugging that off Nemu wasn't worried about that in the least. She could be repaired and it wasn't like she feared pain or death. She'd been surrounded by both every day since the day she'd been created. "I am willing."

And she'd do it regardless of his cooperation, Kyoraku mused, knowing her well enough to know that for sure. "All right, we'll give it a try. When?"

"Do you have plans for this evening?"

After making plans to meet again at ten that night Kyoraku waved her off, excited at the idea that maybe, just maybe, this could all end tonight. Then his Nanao chan would be safe and things could go back to normal. Wait a minute...the color draining from his face Kyoraku sat down heavily on the bench behind him, automatically dropping his face into his hands. If there was no threat to her well being then Nanao chan would want to move back into her own place, wouldn't she? That meant no more access to her any time he wanted and her stuck being around him twenty four seven. She could go back to ignoring him half the time if she wanted to! No more playing in the tub, or eating breakfast together, or late nights spent doing their best not to alert the outside guards as to the mind blowing sex that was going on under their watch. It could all go up in smoke if he and Nemu chan succeeded in catching this guy tonight. Talk about being between a rock and a hard place!

* * *

Yachiru was bored. And antsy. This was never a good combination. Watching his vice captain out of the corner of his eyes her third seat cursed the fact that he'd drawn the short straw for the day. Now he was stuck babysitting her and she'd already made it brutally clear how much she didn't want to be babysat by beating the hell out her last three sitters, which was why he was stuck with the job now. He at least would stand a chance when she eventually blew. She was up to something too, a gleam in her eye that he knew spelled trouble with a capital T. The only question was, who was her intended victim? She had made him carry a large knapsack for her but had refused to tell him what was in it. It was really light, which made him even more curious about its contents. She'd said they were going to the sixth division head quarters, but again she'd refused to tell him why. Did she plan to pick a fight with Lieutenant Abarai? Or far, far worse, with Captain Kuchiki? That would so not end well. And as confident as he was about his skills, he wasn't entirely sure how he'd fare if he had to get between his stupid lieutenant and the notorious Ice King. Would his insurance even cover it?

"You're too slow, stupid cue ball head."

A twitch appearing under his eye her third seat did his best to ignore the insult. "We're almost there."

Since they were Yachiru decided to be nice and cut the moron some slack. She had, after all, beaten the hell out of a number of his friends in the last couple days. She'd had to work off her frustration somehow after all. If the stupid assassin person would just show himself she could just kill him and that would be the end of all this. But no, he had to hide like the rat bastard he was so that she was stuck constantly being watched and treated like some girlie girl princess. She was an ass kicker God damn it! Kicking ass was what she lived for! If she wanted to be treated like a princess she'd...well she didn't know exactly since she'd never met a princess but assumed that she'd have to be nice to people all the time which was just out of the question. She was a bitchy, irritating little ass kicker after all and that's just the way she liked it.

"So you aren't going to tell me why we're here?"

If she told him he'd impale himself on his sword. Grinning faintly Yachiru was almost tempted to tell her underling the truth, just to see what lengths he'd go to erase the inadvertable imagery from his mind. But no, Kenny had forbidden her to traumatize any more of their men, since they might need them if Aizen were to launch a direct attack instead of all this cowardly pussy footing around. Oh well. "I'm going to relieve my stress. Just be glad it's not you." Ewwwwww. Now she was the one with the bad mental imagery.

Neither speaking until they'd arrived at the division Yachiru walked right in without even bothering to knock.

Looking up from their paperwork it was obvious that neither head of the sixth division was particularly pleased to see the members of the eleventh division walking into their office.

"Something we can help you with?" Kuchiki asked coldly, his voice easily conveying his displeasure at them walking in without so much as a knock beforehand. Though expecting more from any member of the eleventh division was probably asking for too much, Kuchiki mused as he casted a look at his idiotic lieutenant, a former member of that division before he'd gotten stuck with him.

"You." Pointing a finger in Renji's direction Yachiru's voice made it clear that he was not to argue. "Go with this guy and don't come back for an hour. Either of you come within a block of here before then and I'll castrate you with a rusty spoon. Scram."

Well used to such threats her third seat was already shaking his head before she'd finished. "I'm not supposed to leave your side, captain's orders."

"And are you suggesting that you're somehow a better protector than Captain Kuchiki?" Yachiru shot back sweetly, knowing just where to aim to make this particular member of her division squirm. "One block away, that's close enough if I need you for something. Until then I'm sure our captain would find Captain Kuchiki more than acceptable as a temporary keeper."

Looking over at his own captain questioningly Renji could see that he had no idea what was going on either. Just what did the little brat want with his captain?

Ignoring her for the moment Ikkaku looked at the sixth division captain for his opinion on the whole thing.

Curious enough to play along to find out what she wanted, Kuchiki nodded his head curtly. "Abarai, go have your lunch break. Be back here in precisely an hour. You, wait one block from here and if need be I'll personally escort her back to you."

Both younger ranking men nodding, they quickly left the room, Yachiru stopping them only long enough to retrieve her bag before letting them go. Once the door was closed and she couldn't hear them anymore Yachiru walked over and hopped onto Captain Kuchiki's desk, walking over his papers before sitting down on the edge of his desk so that they were facing each other.

Looking down at her with ice practically forming over his irises Kuchiki lifted a questioning brow, a silent request for an explanation.

Yachiru had always been one to express herself with actions rather than words. So rather than answer his silent question, she simply pounced.

* * *

Pacing back and forth on the sidewalk Renji had reached the point where yanking out all his hair in frustration wasn't completely out of the question. Looking at his watch for the forth time in half that many minutes Renji made a sound of complete disgust. Still seven more minutes until he could return to the office. Oh God, the things the brat could do to his captain in sixty minutes! Captain Kuchiki didn't realize how evil Yachiru could be, Renji silently moaned, his face the picture of a mother whose child was going to school for the first time. He knew the terrible things she was capable of and now he had to stand by and hope to God that his captain survived the little demon lord. Maybe she'd tie him to his chair and shave his head bald, Renji thought, his eyes filling with horror as he imagined his captain with a head as bald as the eleventh division's third seat. Or maybe she'd drive him so insane with her incessant whining that he'd commit suicide just to get away from her! What if right now she was slowly driving his captain mad, his captain whimpering in pain and desperately wishing that he, Renji, would come and save him from the source of his torment. Then again, he doubted his captain had ever whimpered in his life. Cursed him for leaving him alone with the little psycho was more likely.

"Here she comes."

Turning his head at Ikkaku's words Renji felt his blood go cold at the sight of Yachiru merrily skipping down the street, swinging the backpack behind her happily as she headed towards them looking like Little Miss Sunshine. Oh. MY. GOD. SHE KILLED HIM. Not even bothering to ask her what she'd done, ignoring the fact that there was still five minutes before his captain's deadline, Renji took off at a dead run like the very hollows of hell were after him. Reaching their office within a minute Renji took in the open windows and door with a sense of dread the likes of which he'd never felt before. Rushing through the door Renji felt all the air leave his lungs as she stared at the sight of his captain slumped forward on his desk, his face hidden from view by his folded arms. No blood though, Renji thought desperately, looking around for signs of a battle and finding none. So what...?

"Captain Kuchiki, Sir?"

Making himself move through sheer, stubborn will, the sixth division captain raised his head to meet his leiutenant's worried gaze. Forcing his face into a look of neutral calm Kuchiki put everything he had into sounding as normal as was possible under the circumstances. "I'm going to go home now and finish the rest of my paperwork there. I have a migraine."

Something was seriously wrong, but Renji couldn't put his finger on what that something was. His captain's clothes looked slightly rumbled, as did his boss's hair for that matter. There was also something in those dark eyes, something not quite tamed that had the saliva drying up in Renji's mouth. His captain was on the verge of a meltdown, which meant getting Captain Kuchiki as far away from himself and other people was of paramount importance. "Of course, Sir. I'll finish whatever needs to be done."

Nodding stiffly Kuchiki got to his feet and flashed out of the room in a blur of motion.

Pondering whether he should give Rukia a heads up about her brother's current condition, Renji took his seat behind his desk, his thoughts interrupted as he caught sight of something that certainly had not been on his desk before he'd left an hour ago. Reaching out Renji picked up the scrap of black fabric, studying it with a puzzled look on his face. Where had it come from?

* * *

Having just finished working out the kinks in her shoulders Captain Soifon felt a chill work its way down her spine at the sight of the two people who'd just entered the front entrance to the eleventh division compound. Eyes narrowing Soifon could not think of a single good reason for the little monster to look that happy, and whatever made Yachiru happy tended to make someone else very, very unhappy. The look on the kid's latest babysitter's face said it all. Damn, one more headache to deal with. Hopping to her feet in one graceful thrust of her lower body Soifon got to her feet and turning her head slightly motioned for Zaraki to come over.

Catching sight of the summoning Zaraki ambled over to her side. "What?"

"She's killed someone."

Knowing instinctively who "she" was Zaraki gave her a questioning look. "What makes you think that?"

"Look at her."

Following the direction of Soifon's gaze Zaraki took one look at Yachiru's dreamy, self satisfied smile and sighed. "Damn. She killed somebody."

* * *

His hands braced on either side of the tiled wall, the man whose pride was legendary barely felt the warm water streaming down his sweaty, marked body. His head bowed in shame and self disgust Captain Byakuya Kuciki struggled without success to muster up some sort of excuse for what had occurred a mere hour before without any success. He, who had always prided himself on having complete control over his body and mind, had been made to submit to someone. He had allowed himself to be...be...ravished by that arrogant, childish little hellion. He had allowed her to put her hands on his body and..and...just thinking about the things they'd done in those fifty minutes made him want to curl up somewhere and die. She'd made him into something and someone he wasn't. It was as if she'd reached inside him and drawn out every dark, emotional, irrational desire he'd ever had and forced it to surface to take him over.

He hadn't even seen it coming, God dammit. One minute she'd been sitting on his desk, so smug and sure of herself as she smirked up at him, the next she'd pounced, changing into her adult form as she landed in his surprised lap to seductively straddle him. Her normal lieutenant's uniform had been ripped to shreds during the transformation so that she'd been naked except for the few pieces of shredded cloth that had clung to her amazing body when she'd landed so smugly in his lap . That was what had blindsided him enough that he hadn't reacted fast enough, Kuchiki thought bitterly, doing his best to block out the image of smooth, satiny skin that had gleamed with their sweat before the hour had been up. Her lips had been on his before he'd had time to question her as to what the hell she thought she was doing, and since her hands had gone straight down his pants at the same time as her lips had hit his, all further rational thought had gone out the window, along with any self respect and common sense he'd thought he had. She'd had him in the palm of her hand both literally and physically.

And he'd let her lead him around by it too, Kuchiki fumed, having never been in a position where his personal desire for something had gotten in the way of his common sense. Sure he'd disobeyed the rules when it came to his sister but there was a big difference between putting aside his values for a sister he loved and putting those values aside because he wanted to let someone he didn't even particularly like screw his brains out. Those clever little hands of hers had worked him to a state where she could have suggested moving the festivities to the outdoors and he wouldn't have made a fuss. He supposed he should be thankful; she'd decided the office floor was good enough. Shuddering at the mere memory Kuchiki would have given his entire fortune at that minute to forget everything that had just happened. Even now he could feel the sting of the bites and scratches she'd delivered liberally throughout his body. Her nails had dug into and racked her way up his back like a cat's when she'd come that forth time, and he didn't even want to think about why, even now, if he looked down, he'd see five red crescents on either side of his inner thighs from her nails when she'd been... Oh God. Cheeks going red Kuchiki bit down on his still tender bottom lip to muffle the moan at that particular memory. All those years she'd spent sucking and licking her sugary treats had sure as hell paid off in a big way. He'd never...no woman had ever...oh God but today was going to haunt him for the rest of his life. Perhaps worst of all though, was that under the self disgust and humiliation at his submission was the brutal knowledge that a part of him had not only relished the fast, sweaty sex, but wanted more in the worst way. The look in her eyes when she'd ridden him to a hard, sweat soaked finish was ingrained in his brain, he could feel himself getting hard just thinking about it. She'd wanted to eat him alive and a large part of him, far more than he wanted to admit, had wanted desperately for her to. Sex had always been a release, a usually enjoyable past time that helped clear the mind and body of its basic needs after a long day of work. Not only had this been in broad daylight but he felt anything but settled and satisfied. He felt like every cell in his body was on alert, hot and hungry for something he couldn't quite put into words. It was the same feeling he'd had when he'd battled Yachiru in the garden, when it was about domination and brute force. The thrill of battle and the blood thirst for victory over not only his own body but his opponent's as well. He craved that battle now, but it wasn't swords he wanted to cross. No, God help him, he wanted that sugar happy fiend in a way he'd never wanted a woman before. And there could only be one logical ending to all this insanity.

"We're going to kill each other before this is over."

* * *

Sitting in the overstuffed couch, facing the warm fire that crackled merrily in its hearth, the first division captain took little notice of his pleasant surroundings. Mind troubled, he ignored the presence of the others in the room, Ise, Matsumoto, Hitsugaya and his own lieutenant, who were playing cards. He'd brushed off their offers to let him join, content to sit and be alone with his thoughts. It was a quarter past midnight and they'd be heading to bed shortly anyway. This was a long night for him either way, old man that he was. Since any reminder of that depressed him, he turned his thoughts back to more important things. There was something very wrong with the heads of his other divisions, and it seemed to have infected most of the males and was progressing to the females at an alarming rate. When Kyoraku had come to ask him to arrange for extra protection tonight, while he was away on some business, he'd gotten the distinct impression that something was bothering his former student. And speaking of students, Ukitake looked like hell warmed over every time he looked at him. When he'd gone to speak to Captain Kuchiki this afternoon he'd found Lieutenant Abarai babbling some gibberish about failing to protect said captain from some sort of evil demon spawn, sof course he'd gone to check to make sure this wasn't so. He had found the sixth division alive, but looking very much unlike his usual self. And if he wasn't very much mistaken, something had happened to the captain that had affected the young man deeply, though Kuchiki, as was typical of him, had not brought it up and had in fact brushed it off when he'd brought it up. Captain Hisagi was also miserable, though everyone knew why that was. Zaraki was also in a strangely happy mood lately, which was never a good sign for anyone.

Everyone feeling a shift in spiritual energy, they all recognized it as Captain Ukitake even before the captain of the thirteenth division came into the room, escorted on either side by members of the outside guards. "Good evening." Bowing his head Captain Ukitake looked worn around the edges and in need of some serious sleep. "I was told Shunsui was out? They didn't know when he was coming back so I thought I'd leave him a note since you were all still up."

"I can pass it on." Nanao offered, setting aside her cards as she got to her feet.

"Thanks, I just wanted to tell him that-" Cutting off mid sentence Ukitake and his escorts spun around to stare at the new arrival, complete with her own set of guards who were looking like they'd recently had their heads bashed in by two by fours.

She was a tall blonde wearing some of the most revealing clothes any of them had ever seen. The males in the room, from Hitsugaya up to the General gaped at her like hooked trouts, eyes practically popping out of their sockets as they sucked in their guts in unison. Her black leather skirt was so short that it was a given it would bunch up around her waist if she were to try and sit down; and the halter top was scarlet red, skin tight, and fell short of the skirt's hemline by about two inches. There were two visible tattoos, dolphins that encircled her exposed belly button on the top and bottom, drawing attention to golden, smooth skin that had the faintest sheen of body glitter. Her feet were encased in mile high heels, which made her legs look like they were taller than she was, and just added that final touch to make you think you were faced with the femme to end all femme fatales. So overpowering was the sex appeal that no one clued into who she was until she spoke with her own voice.

"I'm sorry for interrupting." Nemu said with a respectful bow that put her exposed breasts into breathtaking relief. "But I was sent here by Captain Kyoraku to inform you that the assassin has been captured."

* * *

Note: For those who've been salivating for Nemu and Ukitake action, you'll be getting it big time next chap muhahaha.


	22. Dressed To Kill

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original characters and the messes I put all my poor characters in. Everything else belongs to somebody else and that's just how its gotta be. Thanks so much for reading and please review because I love hearing from you!

Here's my apology for taking so long...even if it is a really evil one.

Dressed To Kill

Wearing her black Special Ops uniform Soifon headed down the deserted and dark hallway with her typical catlike grace. Technically she was going to an official meeting, but she didn't want to risk getting blood on her captain's robes. Whoever came up with the brilliant idea to make the robes white should be shot, Soifon thought darkly, this having been a pet peeve of hers for years. They were constantly getting bloody, so why the hell choose a color that showed how bad off they were in vivid color? Black like the other robes was so much more practical. Then again, when it came to the stupid men of the various divisions, maybe the white robes wasn't such a bad idea. After all, there was nothing a dumbass male liked to do more than pretend that their mortal wounds were nothing more than scratches. At least with the white robes, the idiot captains couldn't hide just how bad off they really were. Poor Captain Ukitake, his dry cleaning bills much be killer.

Sensing his presence Soifon turned to look over at her shoulder, raising an eyebrow as she realized Zaraki had grabbed onto one of her two long, cloth covered braids without her noticing, having obviously intended to give it a yank if she didn't stop.

"Where are you going?"

"Out. I got a message; apparently Kyoraku might have caught the assassin. I'm going in to see what we can get out of him."

"It could be a trap."

"Then I'll spring it. Around Aizen's throat." Oh but she would dearly love to be the one to end that son of a bitch's life. She could practically taste his blood in her mouth already.

Her quick grin was feral, the picture of a warrior Amazon of old, Zaraki thought, the look appealing to him more than any seductive glance any woman had ever aimed in his direction. "Be careful."

"Always." Nodding her head in silent acknowledgement of all he wasn't saying, Soifon continued down the hallway, feeling her braid slide through his hand as he allowed her to slip through those hard, calloused fingers.

* * *

Renji came awake with a snap as an unexpected weight landed on his waist with a dull thud. Eyes snapping open through centuries of conditioning Renji's hand automatically went to his sword, which he always kept at his side when he slept, regardless of his situation. The hand stilled though when he recognized the familiar shape of the person currently straddling him, looking rather like she was getting ready to kill him. Of all the dreams he'd had of waking up in a similar situation, she'd always been a lot more happy to see him and wearing a lot less, Renji thought ruefully, his muscles relaxing slightly even though he new this was no dream. It standed to reason then, that this wasn't a dream and that he was quite possibly in serious trouble, he acknowledged with a faint sigh of regret. "Rukia? What do you want?" Last time he checked she wasn't speaking to him, as well as avoiding him like the plague.

"What the hell happened to my brother today?" If he'd had on any kind of shirt with lapels, she would have grabbed them. Arms crossed under her breasts Rukia's death glare was downright deadly. "I know something happened and he won't tell me so you are. Or else." Her tone stated plainly that that 'or else' was something to rival even her brother's most evil punishment, and the man had come up with some real doozies.

Knowing better than to lie to her Renji told her the truth, or as much as he knew. "Yachiru chan did something to him."

Eyes narrowing in consideration Rukia pondered this new piece of information. "And you don't know what she did to him?"

"No. What are you wearing?" It was dark and the light from the window was poor, but he could definitely make out bare shoulders now and he was fiercely glad that she was sitting on his chest rather than his thighs. In the mood she was in, a growing hard on was probably a crime punishable by death.

"Huh? What? Why?" What did her clothes have to do with anything? "I'm wearing my pajamas."

"Ah." Damn, where was more light when you needed it?

Looking down at herself Rukia couldn't figure out why there'd been a note of regret in his voice. She was just wearing a tank top and boxer shorts, having not bothered to change since it wasn't like anyone important was going to see what she was wearing. This was her house and Renji after all.

"He didn't say anything to you about what happened this afternoon?" If he kept her talking she'd stay, and he'd really missed her voice this week. He'd never thought he'd miss hearing from her so much, especially given how often she had nothing positive to say to him.

"No. He wont tell me anything." Shoulders slumping Rukia was plainly upset about that. "I'll make her tell me what she did tomorrow." Shoulders straightening Renji didn't have to be able to see in the dark to know that her dark eyes would be filled with a fierce combination of determination and heat.

"That should be interesting." Definitely something to look forward to, Renji thought with a smirk. Getting between those two if a fight broke out would definitely be a great way to start the day. Would his insurance even cover it? Then again, if he ended up in the med wing, maybe Rukia would forgive him. Then again, she was talking to him now so maybe they were already on the rode to recovery. Of course maybe she just wanted something and he was the only one who had answers to her questions, Renji interjected silently. Or so she'd hoped. Too bad he didn't have the answers; he wanted to know as much as she did.

Since her current seat wasn't very comfortable Rukia decided to continue the rest of the conversation from a differed angle. In truth, she just wanted to be close to him. They'd never had this wall between them, not one made by anger and distrust anyway. To have that standing between her and the person she was closest to in the world hurt more than she'd ever thought possible. Even when she'd been stuck on earth, or remained there by choice, even more than when they'd drifted apart when she'd been adopted into the Kuchiki family, this was far more unbearable. Leaning forward she braced a hand on either side of his arms and lowered herself down so that she was stretched out on top of him with her head tucked under his chin. He smelled nice, musky sorta. Not like he had when they were kids, sharing a pallet because it was the best they could manage, not to mention the fact that body heat had been the only heat they'd had most of the time. She'd forgotten how soothing she'd found it to fall asleep with him, his quiet breathing lulling her to sleep in the closest thing she'd ever had to a lullaby. Remembering times like that almost made her forgive him. "So how come you never told me about this girl you like?"

Since his heart had pretty much stopped beating Renji was amazed to find that his hearing was still perfect. Funny how things worked out like that. Swallowing hard Renji's mind whirled at warp speed as he tried to come up with some sort of answer that wouldn't make things horribly worse. "I uhm...didn't see the point...since she doesn't feel the same."

"Oh." Yeah, if she had a thing for someone and they'd turned her down flat, she wouldn't want to talk about it either. "I'm sorry I flew off the handle about it. She was an idiot to turn you down." Renji was hot headed, impulsive and often childish, but he was also loyal, kind and the best friend she'd ever had. Any girl would be lucky to have him. Maybe it was for the best though. People did always say that guys and girls couldn't be close friends, and the girl might have tried to come between her and Renji, stupidly seeing her as a threat. Then they would have had to have a fight over Renji and that just wouldn't end well. "Is she really pretty?"

"I think she is. Cute anyway. Especially when she'd mad or stirred up about something." Rukia wasn't gorgeous or beautiful; she really wasn't even pretty in the conventional sense. She didn't give a damn about fashion and when she dressed up particularly girlie it always looked wrong somehow. Too much of his influence, Renji mused with a half smile. But to him she was perfect just the way she was. Well okay, her pride and temper could use some work but other than that she was one hell of a woman in his eyes.

Rukia wanted to ask if the woman was better looking than herself but bit her tongue. That would just sound wrong, and the last thing they needed was any more misunderstandings. "Can I stay here with you for a while?"

"Sure, if you want."

* * *

It was so déjà vu, Ukitake thought miserably, doing his best not to look down at their joined hands as he walked Nemu back to her house. As soon as they'd stepped out of Shunsui's house she'd taken his hand, obviously assuming that this was normal since it was what they'd done the last time he'd walked her home. How the hell did he get himself into these situations? This was what happened when you were just too nice for your own damn good, the thirteenth division captain thought darkly. When the General had requested he see Kurotsuchi san home before he went in to help with the interrogation, he should have said no. Faked an attack if that's what it took to get him out of it. It was about time his illness did something for him God damn it. But oh no, he'd just nodded his head like a stupid puppet, automatically doing as he was told without any thought to his own mental well being. So here he was, walking her home again, her hand in his, and no chance what so ever of getting any relief from this torment even once they arrived. Her present appearance was etched upon his brain like acid on glass; he was never going to shake it loose now. And did whatever she was wearing under that skimpy top have to push her breasts up so much? Breaking out in a sweat Ukitake barely bit back a groan. He was a breast man, there were few things more beautiful than a perfect pair of breasts in his mind and he had this sinking feeling hers were superior. Why oh why couldn't he be a leg man like Shunsui? Then again...glancing downward he had to admit that if this was how hot he found her legs now, how much worse would it be if that was his favorite part of the female anatomy? An ass man then, that was what he should be. Her ass wasn't that good, Ukitake told himself, even while his mind gleefully reminded him that she did have a nice ass and that if she were to bend over for some reason he'd have a full view of those lush cheeks with nothing impeding said view except for whatever underwear she was wearing. Oh boy...

What was wrong with him now, Nemu wondered, having thought that they were getting along better now. Apparently not since he wasn't talking to her or even looking at her. He did keep shooting glances at her for some reason, but he looked away quickly before she could even try to make eye contact. There was something about those quick glances that made her feel edgy and uncomfortable, in a different way than the annoyance of having her hair down and the way her new panties kept riding up. Squirming at the mention of her chief annoyance at the moment Nemu couldn't wait to get them off.

"Something wrong?" As soon as the words were out of his mouth Ukitake wished desperately he could take it back. It was just that he'd never seen that particular look on her face and he was naturally curious. And everyone knew what happened to the damn cat thanks to his stupid curiosity. Thank God they were within two blocks of her place.

Happy that he was talking to her Nemu thought nothing of answering truthfully. "My underwear is very uncomfortable."

"Oh."

"This shirt required a strapless bra and the only one I had was the one I received recently from the former second division captain. It was part of a set so I thought I should wear the matching panties as well. They're very aesthetically pleasing to look at but I don't think I'll wear them again."

Once again, the best he could do was, "Oh."

Noticing that very fact Nemu frowned slightly, studying him carefully. He was awfully flushed, Nemu thought, her critical, all seeing eyes scanning for other signs of the captain's condition. Shifting her fingers so that she could press them against his wrist's pulse point, she found his pulse erratic and jumpy. His walk was also more coltish, uncoordinated even. There was really only one logical conclusion. "You're feeling ill, aren't you?"

"Huh?"

"That's why you've been acting this way. You're trying to hide the fact that you're not feeling well." Captain Soifon said men did this all the time, Nemu remembered as she stopped, and still keeping a good grip on him with one hand used the other to place against his very warm forehead. "You're feverish."

Uh oh. Blinking Ukitake couldn't think a way out of this one fast enough. "I'll be fine."

"You need to be home resting." Was her stubborn reply.

"I'll...I'll rest after I see you home. I just...need a few minutes off my feet is all. I don't need to go home...or to the forth division." Damn but he sucked at lying through his teeth, Ukitake thought wildly, reading her doubts plainly in those all seeing eyes. The girl was sharp; but grossly uniformed about some things.

Men also avoided medical centers like the plague, Nemu recalled, having heard that sentiment expressed multiple times by others who'd tried and failed to get their male acquaintances to go to see a medic. Perhaps it was genetic, as her father and the other men of her division never went to the forth division unless it was on business. Personally, if she was capable of being ill, she'd want to go to the forth division, which was so much more welcoming than her father's examining room. But no, the men went to her captain before they'd ever go to someone else. Then again, maybe they were too afraid of her father to go somewhere else. Hmm, that made sense too. She'd have to inquire sometime if their fear of her father outweighed their fear of trained medical personnel.

But right now what was important was determining whether Captain Ukitake in fact required medical attention. He was still upright and he wasn't throwing up blood, both pretty good signs. Perhaps he really was only a little sick than. Or it was simply the early stages of whatever was wrong with him at the moment. "So you'll be fine with some rest?"

Nodding his head rapidly Ukitake felt the relief of a man who'd just been through a terrible ordeal and had come out of it in one piece. "That's right." She wasn't going to drag him to a health center, Thank God.

He spoke too soon. Giving him a 'we'll see' look Nemu simply tightened the grip she had on his hand and did something she hated to do even more than getting a lecture from her father. She flashed them into her bedroom.

* * *

Not even given time to get his bearings or a sense of his new surroundings Ukitake felt himself pushed into a seating position on something firm that gave away only slightly under his weight. Mentally noting how much physically stronger she was in comparison to him Ukitake could only blink up at her as she leaned over him with her hands on his shoulders, her now long blonde hair streaming around her becomingly.

"Lay down. I'm going to monitor your vitals. If you aren't showing improvement in the next ten minutes I'm taking you to the forth division." Giving him a look that would have made any mother proud, Nemu's eyes clearly conveyed the idea that if he even so much as thought about leaving without her permission she would hunt him down and a time out would be the least of his problems.

Obeying automatically Ukitake stretched out on the narrow, thin cot that obviously served as her bed. At least this way he had an excuse to look up at the ceiling and not her. If he did that, he might just be able to get out of here. Getting his body under control was the only way either of them was leaving this room any time soon. If he didn't...well this bed was way too small for what he had in mind. Closing his eyes he was brutally aware of her, and not just because her scent clung to her pillow and sheets. Her room wasn't big at all, he could hear her clearly moving around, stopping every once in a while to check his pulse and lay a cool hand against his forehead. How sad was he, that he started to look forward to this brief examination every minute exactly, like she had some internal clock that told her when a minute was up.

Mere seconds before his ten minutes was up, Ukitake felt reasonably under control, sitting up and naturally swinging his legs around as he prepared to get to his feet and tell her so. He never got further than the turning around to face her. At that point his brain shut down. Completely.

Turning to face him more fully with a mixture of confusion and concern in her eyes, Nemu's eyes quickly changed, widening as she took in the look in the thirteenth division captain's own eyes as the man silently rose to his feet. Feeling a chill running down her spine Nemu's hands flexed around the front clasp of her bra, which she'd just unhooked when he'd stirred from the bed. Letting the two pieces of fabric fall to cling half heartedly to her exposed breasts, Nemu felt her own heart rate speed up, her pulse jumping and becoming as erratic as his had been earlier. She'd never had a man look at her like this. The closest thing she'd ever seen that compared was the way her father looked at a new specimen who he was looking forward to experimenting on. Except that look on her father's face usually made her uneasy and fear for the unlucky specimen. She was feeling uneasy, but this wasn't fear or pity she was feeling. It was..unlike anything she'd ever known. Her body was reacting to it in such interesting ways. It was like the first time, when she'd gone to ask him to join her in her experiment, only this was so much more intense, her reactions intensifying without even the need for physical contact. Fascinating. He wanted her, Nemu realized with a sort of giddy delight she had never experienced before. That was what this was, that was what was in his eyes now.

She wanted to move, but it was as if his gaze had pinned her to the spot, her body too heavy to move without his permission. Her body was coming alive though, with feelings similar to those of the first stage of regeneration for her. Was this why they called sex "the little death" in French? Was this mating dance supposed to be like death and rebirth? "Captain Ukitake?"

The man knew how to move when he wanted to. He had her pinned up against her bare bedroom wall in the blink of an eye, her wrists bracketed by his hands as Ukitake forced her arms above her head, arching her into him so that she automatically went on tip toes to compensate for their height difference. Head swooping down to capture her lips the kiss was intense, electrifying, a no holding back experience. There was no playfulness or gentleness; this was a feasting on her mouth, a branding of ownership and mastery over her. She was his prize, the spoils of his own personal war. He was taking no prisoners. Allowing her no means of escape Ukitake continued his assault on her mouth until her lips were blood red and bruised from his own, her breathing erratic and her body strung and quivering as tight as an arrow's bow against him. Shifting his right hand so that he could hold her arms with one hand, Ukitake moved said hand down and sliding it under her rear used it to jerk her further up the wall, putting his mouth within easy access of the twin prizes that had driven all thoughts but possessing her from his mind. Burying his face between the creamy, pale valley between her breasts, his mouth opened, seeking the taste of the silky warm flesh. Nuzzling aside the lacy purple and black bra that hindered his access Ukitake took the time to hungrily look at her heaving, perfectly formed breasts, the nipples hard and rosy as they desperately beckoned for his touch. Taking a moment to briefly meet her wild, dark eyes Ukitake gave her a quick, sexy as hell smile before lowering his head to take the first breast into his mouth. He was going to nibble, suck and lick every centimeter of her breasts before he was done. And then he was going to do it all over again. Mine.

Fingers spamming under his hold, her whole body shaking under his restraint, Nemu's mind couldn't begin to process, much less deal with all the stimulation and emotions her body was producing. In the back of her mind she was perfectly aware that she was physically superior to him, that she could break away from him and perhaps should. He was eating her alive, enslaving her with every move of his mouth upon her quivering flesh. She was sweating, her whole body damp and achy in a way that was both drugging and exhilarating at the same time. As much as she wanted to be able to think, to analyze, she didn't want to know as badly as she wanted to feel, to ride this torrent of events with him. Calling up her superior lower body control Nemu shifted on the tips of her bare feet and lifted one leg to wrap around his slight hip, using that as a spring board to wrap the other around his waist so that she could encase him between her legs, shifting their bodies so that they could get as close as their current positions would allow. Her skirt now up around her waist Nemu could feel his hand sliding over her bare ass, massaging it in time with his tongue's tracing of her right nipple. Groaning, arching into the touch, desperately moving against his body, Nemu rocked her body against his in a way that had her eyes seeing stars. By the Gods, she thought desperately, moving her body a little lower so that she could better ride his erection, amazed at the mind-blowing reaction this caused in her body. God she wanted, she wanted so bad. They wanted so bad, she thought dimly, his groans echoing in her ears as he rocked his own hips against hers, forgetting her breasts for the moment as they moved together, both dimly aware that they had only to separate and remove a few articles of clothing, only that and then he could be inside her, truly making her his.


	23. Made To Sweat

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original characters and the situations I put all the various characters in. Everything else belongs to somebody else and that's just the way its gotta be, people. Thanks so much for reading and please continue to review!

Made To Sweat

The hand that had held her own hands captive moved, diving into her loose hair to fist, jerking Nemu's head into place so that Ukitake's mouth could capture it perfectly under his own. The kiss was desperately passionate, Ukitake's tongue moving in and out of her mouth in a parody of what they were desperately straining to do as his other hand pushed aside her pathetic excuse for underwear, seeking her hot warmth since neither was ready, or had enough muscle control, to separate long enough to remove the necessary clothing. Her hands moving to fist in his hair Nemu was wild now, her body frantic as it took over any mental agency she might have had up until that point. She wanted more and she wanted it now. She was trembling under his touch, seduced by his touch, her body his to do with as he pleased as she willing surrendered it all to him. She couldn't think, only want and hope she could survive, that she could take all these glorious feelings in without her brain short circuiting.

Stroking her in time to the thrust of his tongue Ukitake could feel her tightening around him, stroking his tongue and fingers, desperate for more as they panted for air and relief from the fire running through their veins, scorching their bodies with heat and driving needs. That relief came for her seconds later, Nemu entire body stiffening before collapsing hard against him as her screams of release echoed into his mouth. His hands moving to support her Ukitake smiled down at her when she moved her head to look up at him drowsily, her eyes dark with sated, glorious passion. Lowering his head to capture her mouth once more he paused at the single word that crossed her lips, said in a breathless whisper that his ears just barely caught.

"Captain."

Captain. Not Shiro, Jushiro, or even Ukitake. Captain. Because that was how she knew him. They weren't on a first name basis, they didn't even greet each other as friends would with closer honorifics. He was a captain, just like all the other male captains in the Gotei 13. Just like Hitsugaya. Hitsugaya.

Eyes widening in horror, the truth about what he'd done hitting right in the face, Ukitake's hands went slack, moving away from her body so that she had to make a desperate grab for her nearby desk, as her legs were not yet steady enough to hold her up. Backing up from her slightly he didn't even see the look of dazed confusion that came onto her face, so focused was he on his unintentional betrayal. Oh God. What had he done? How could he have done this? Shaking his head he met her confused eyes for only a second, than flashed out of the room, leaving her behind with a million emotions and feelings she'd never experienced before.

* * *

God she was tired. Her whole body felt weighed down. These were Soifon primary thoughts as she let herself into Zaraki's home at four in the morning. Technically, as the threat had passed, she didn't need to be coming back here, Soifon thought wearily, as she brushed her bangs from her tired, blood shot eyes. But he might worry if she didn't. And how sad was she, that she was willing to come back and sleep on that uncomfortable pallet, which no one but him would call a bed, for the sake of an overbearing, chauvinistic, male. She wanted her nice, fluffy futon in the worst way but no, she was back here, prepared to lay down on that hard, thin surface, and catch eight hours of sleep or whatever she could get before the rabid pink haired demon woke her up. If necessary she could just kill the brat, maybe she could claim she'd done it in her sleep. Was there such a thing as sleep killing? It could be worth a shot. Then again, the brat had been in such a good mood earlier, maybe the kid would lay off her for the day. A girl could hope right?

Removing her shoes Soifon left them at the front entrance way before heading down the hall and straight for her temporary bedroom with a sleep deprived focus. Bed was her only goal.

When she opened her door and found that Zaraki had taken over her pallet, laying out a futon for her beside it, Soifon felt her emotions go all gooey and mushy. Yup, definitely sleep deprived. And he was definitely out for the count, she noted, he'd obviously conked out during the night while waiting up for her. Awwwwwwwww.

Frowning at her un special ops thoughts, Soifon shook her head at her own stupidity before making a beeline for the futon. Not bothering to remove any more clothing, even though hers smelled of blood and sweat, Soifon stretched out on the futon and was asleep in seconds, completely unaware that as soon as her breathing indicated deep sleep, his eyes opened without a hint of sleep, to look her over before closing once more.

* * *

This time it was instinct that woke Renji from his sleep, his eyes opening in a blink, staring up at the ceiling while the rest of his senses accessed the situation. His body felt Rukia's weight, the scent of her hair and skin hitting his nose even as his sixth sense indicated the presence of someone else in the room. Someone hostile and whose aura was unfortunately very familiar. Turning his head slightly to the side Renji's eyes met the cold, hard eyes of his captain, already fully dressed and watching him in a way that caused his heart to stop beating for the second time in the past ten hours. Oh shit. He was dead. So dead. His captain had just been waiting for him to wake up; probably wanting him fully aware when he was ran through. Sweat breaking out over his forehead Renji didn't know whether to thank or curse the fact that Rukia was still in the room. Sure, having her there was damn nice, but he wouldn't be in this situation if she'd left sometime during the night, now would he? Then again, maybe her being in the way was the only reason he was still alive. His captain wouldn't kill him in front of Rukia, would he? Yeah, that had to be it. Rukia was not leaving, Renji thought to himself desperately, not even aware that his arms had automatically tightened around her to keep her right where she was. Protecting all his major organs.

He noticed of course. Even as strung out and stressed as he was, it would be a cold day in hell before the head of the Kuchiki clan let his personal life interfere with the well being of those in his care, Byakuya thought darkly, never taking his eyes off his now sweating profusely lieutenant. It almost cheered him up a little, to see that at least some things were the same in his little world. Of course that would all change if a certain pink haired brat blabbed, but in that case he'd just deny everything and then kill her later. He'd have her stuffed, mounted, and put on display at some museum as an example of de-evolution.

So this must be what it's like to be stuck in the middle of the ocean with sharks circling you on all sides, was Renji's feeling at the moment. It was even worse than being eaten. Waiting to see what his captain would do, imagining what he could do, knowing that his captain was probably still in a piss poor mood after yesterday...oh yeah, just kill me now and get it over with.

Walking over Byakuya got down on one knee, enjoying the way Renji's face lost all color, the younger man breathing actually halting, as if he were frozen in horror of what was to come. Leaning forward so that he could keep his voice low but still be heard, the sixth division captain got straight to the point. "If I thought for one minute you had the guts to try anything, least of all in my house, I'd gather together all of Rukia's decorative hairpins and use them to crucify you to the ground, before slowly opening you up one vein at a time with the rustiest, most dull piece of metal I could find. Then I'd leave you here to bleed out, occasionally stopping by to pour sake all over your wounds, just to give you that constantly little shock to keep you awake during it all. And then I'd see what other household chemicals and detergents would do to those lovely wounds. It could be interesting, don't you think?"

A whimper was the best response Renji could come up with.

* * *

Dressed for the day Nanao walked into the living room with her arms already crossed and a stern as hell expression on her face. There they were, the pair of them, passed out on the floor like a couple of snoozing puppies, she thought in disgust. Very big puppies who both were snoring and smelled really bad. A direct result, Nanao noted, of the numerous empty liquor bottles littered around the room, some resting in truly bizarre places like in a small pyramid in the corner. Such stupid behavior was something Nanao expected from her captain, he was after all a man who wore a flower in his hair and a pink haori in public. Stupid was often his middle name. The fact that the man currently sleeping with his head under a table, an accident waiting to happen if she ever saw one, was Captain Ukitake did surprise her. Almost as much as being woken up at four in the morning by her captain to be told that there was a meeting scheduled for two in the afternoon and that he had to go downstairs to drink himself stupid with Captain Ukitake. He'd caught her would be killer, earning major brownie points, and he'd come home to get stinking drunk with his best friend rather than let her express her gratitude for what he'd done. Yup, definitely a dumbass.

Nudging aside one of the bottles Nanao sighed, then bent over and started collecting bottles for recycling. It took her a good six minutes to find them all, but figured it was the least she could do since they had been out late last night for her sake. And at least this way, when they woke up and got their drunk asses upright, they wouldn't step on any of the damn things and end up expecting her to remove the glass and play doctor. Nope, they could just take care of themselves, thank you very much. And why would they have a drinking party, Nanao wondered for the hundredth time, especially since they hadn't invited her or anyone else to join them. Why just the two of them? If it was to celebrate the capture, why celebrate it this way? She, as the intended target, should have at least been present for a toast or two. It wasn't like her captain had any compulsion about getting her out of bed for stupid reasons. Come to think of it, Shunsui had said something to the effect that Ukitake had requested the drinking, or that it was somehow for his best friend's sake that they were doing this. Why would Captain Ukitake need to get drunk? As long as she'd known him, he was always the one who was everyone's designated get us home alive person. Too much alcohol wasn't good for his condition at all. So why...?

"They still out?"

Turning her head Nanao nodded. "Seems so. Good morning, Captain Hitsugaya."

"Good morning to you." Like Nanao the tenth division captain was dressed for the day and looking rather worriedly at the two men passed out on the floor. "Do you know why they did this? I woke up at six and when I came out to check on them and Captain Ukitake was sort of awake. When I came over with the intent to put a blanket over him he pushed it aside and muttered something about being really sorry about something. Do you know what he could be talking about?" He'd never seen the older man look so miserable and depressed.

"No idea. I was just trying to figure that out for myself. I know they caught the assassin, that much Captain Kyoraku did tell me before he left to start this little drinking fest. He said that they hadn't gotten anything new out of the man yet, so maybe that was why he was apologizing?"

"No, I don't think that's it. He sounded...really upset about something. Do you think he set up one of his surprises for me and it horribly backfired without me somehow knowing about it?"

"Well I guess we'll just have to wait until they wake up to ask them."

* * *

After muffling a rather loud yawn with his hand Hisagi scratched his side while he watched Isane pace back and forth, dressed once again in a robe and looking more than a little frantic. She'd been doing the same thing the last time he'd checked on her, an hour ago. Then, when he'd ask her what was going on, she'd ignored him and given him a look that suggested she would throw her coffee cup at him if he didn't make like a tree and leave. Somehow he doubted things had changed very much since then.

Sensing his presence Isane glanced at him out of the corner of her eye before continuing her pacing. Where was Jushiro san? He should have been back hours ago. He'd sent a message explaining his absence to help with the interrogation of the prisoner, but that had been hours ago. Surely he should have been home by now. His health hadn't been good lately, they had no business keeping him up this late, she fumed inwardly. Or maybe they had sent him home and something had happened. Maybe he was lying somewhere outside and she was in here, safe and sound while he was suffering somewhere. Crossing her arms Isane didn't know what to do. She'd promised Captain Ukitake that she wouldn't leave the house without having someone, preferably male, with her for protection. As there had as yet been no confirmation that the man they'd captured was the guy they were looking for, so it still might not be safe for her to go out alone. Jushiro san would never forgive himself if something happened to her because she went looking for him. Damn, damn, double damn. There was really only one solution she could come up with. Glancing again at the only possible escort out of the corner of her eye Isane grimaced. She really, really didn't want to ask him for anything. But she also didn't want to have Jushiro san's death on her head because she was too cowardly to ask Shu kun for help. Maybe she should try sending another message to him asking him where he was.

"What's got your tail in such a knot?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." Was her prissy response, as she deliberately looked down her nose at him.

"Right." Drawling out the word Hisagi rolled his eyes just for emphasis. "Something's worry you. What's wrong, did Snoopy get away from you again?" The dumb dog had escaped from Ukitake's yard a couple days ago and Isane had freaked, thinking that maybe the assassin had gotten ahold of the puppy to practice a little animal mutilation. The mutt had come back on its own once it got hungry.

"He's sleeping on my pillow." At least he better be, Isane thought darkly. Her puppy had developed a habit of wandering into Shu kun's room, as if he somehow knew that that was the last place she wanted to have to look for him. She had saved him from the pound and this was the thanks she got? She knew she should have gotten the cat. "Don't you have something better to do then annoy me anyway?" She added, giving him a look that was more adorable than actually threatening.

"Well aren't you just Suzie Sunshine in the morning."

"Oh go impale yourself on a chopstick."

* * *

Hell had frozen over. The icicles were forming, and the snowball fights were well underway. The world as Captain Kurotsuchi knew it was coming to an end. Throwing open his daughter's room he marched straight over to the bed and looming over her still form like the angel of death, barking out his question. "What the hell do you mean, you're sick?"

He'd sent his third seat only minutes before to see what was keeping her, and the horned moron had returned looking stunned, stuttering out the fact that Lieutenant Kurotsuchi had informed him that she was sick and unable to get out of bed. Oh she'd get out of bed; Captain Kurotsuchi thought darkly, if he had to drag her out by her braid he'd do it. Sick? Hah. His creations didn't get sick. Lazy was what she was, he assured himself. And if she thought he was going to let her defile his name by claiming she WAS sick, well she had another thing coming.

"I have the typical symptoms." Nemu explained, looking up at him from her prostate position, lying on her stomach with her face turned slightly towards him. "My stomach hurts, my head hurts, and my chest aches. It's as if all the energy has been sucked out of me. I can't move." Pain she could deal with, that was nothing new to her. But this..lifelessness...this was something she wasn't at all sure about. What could make her this way? It was as if all the life had been sucked out of her sometime during the night. What had happened between her and Captain Ukitake couldn't have caused this, could it? Nanao san and Captain Kyoraku were currently intimate, and both had seemed to be in the best of healthy lately. So then what was this pain in her chest, her heart?

Well this was new. He'd been able to believe she might lie to someone else but she wasn't stupid enough to lie to him. She was flushed and she looked like it was a struggle to even keep her eyes open. What the hell could have done this? She was immune to every disease and virus known to man and shinigami. He'd nearly killed her millions of times and she'd always bounced back like it was nothing. There was only one thing to do. "We're going to the lab." Reaching down he picked her up, threw her over his shoulder, and headed for his lab to test away to his heart's contents, his lieutenant resting against his back like a discarded, lifeless rag doll.


	24. Promise Not To Tell

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but my original characters and the situations I put them all in, poor bastards. I hope you enjoy this latest chapter and I hope to hear from you, so tell me what you think!

Promise Not To Tell

Anxiously fingering his freshly laundered robes Captain Ukitake looked around for Captain Hitsugaya with a sense of dread he hadn't felt since Kurotsuchi san had first approached him to be her test subject. No..Nemu san. He was going to think of her that way now. He was done trying to pretend that things were the same between them. It was time he was a man about all this and stepped up to face the music, God dammit.

He was developing feelings for the twelfth division lieutenant and if he wanted to see where that could go he was going to have to stop being part of the problem and start looking for solutions. The first being he had to talk to Hitsugaya, confess his sins, and then find out if he was going to have to fight his friend for her. Oh please god say he didn't have to fight him for her. But how close could they really be? They hadn't been dating more than a few weeks and Hitsugaya was as much a gentleman as he was. More so, since Hitsugaya would never steal the girl of another..unlike him apparently. And since he'd been eaten up with jealousy for the last few weeks, he'd made it his business to study them from a distance, and had seen nothing to indicate they were close, close. He'd never even seen the younger man kiss Nemu san, only hold her hand while they were walking in public. If they hadn't announced that they were going out he'd have thought they were just close friends. But then again, neither was the physical type, or typical displayers of public affection. What they did behind closed doors..he didn't want to know. He so, so didn't want to know. Ever. He had enough to have nightmares about already. There was only so much he could take in the span of less than twenty four hours.

"Who are you looking for?" Isane asked, looking up at him curiously.

She's rushed over to his side as soon as she'd arrived at the meeting and hadn't left him since, Ukitake thought with wryly, brotherly affection. He'd made the mistake yesterday of telling her he felt ill, and she'd obviously taken a giant, very cynical leap. Apparently she'd been convinced he'd been off lying dead somewhere and he hadn't been brave enough to tell her he'd been either out cold or too drunk to get any of her messages. Hisagi was apparently pretty pissed off at him too, since Isane had made the scowling captain help her look for him. At least Ukitake assumed that was why the man looked ready to chew nails.

Blinking when he realized she was still looking at him expectantly Ukitake realized he was supposed to be responding to something. Searching his brain it took him a good minute to recall what she'd asked. "Oh. Uhm...sorry about that. I'm looking for Captain Hitsugaya."

Ever helpful Isane looked around the waiting room outside the main meeting area, but didn't spot the short, white haired captain anyway. She did, however, spot someone who did not belong here. "What's he doing here?"

"Who?"

"Over there, in the corner by the statue. It's the third seat from the twelfth division. You now, the guy with horns on his head? Why would he be here? This is captains and their lieutenants only."

Turning his head Ukitake studied the man in question, noting that the man looked more than a little nervous. What WAS he doing here? Ukitake was about to go over and ask the man in question why when he caught sight of the man he needed to talk to most of all, just coming in with Matsumoto on his heels.

Unfortunately, the clock in the room began to chime at that very moment, indicating that Hitsugaya had gotten in just in time. Saved by the bell, Ukitake thought with a grimace as everyone else began to head into the room.

At least his curiosity about the third seat's presence was appeased in short order, as the general demanded an explanation as soon as he caught sight of the younger ranking man, who'd hung back until the others were inside.

Bowing low it was obvious that Akon really didn't want to be there. "I'm sorry, Captain, but I was ordered to come here in place of my captain and Lieutenant Kurotsuchi. Captain Kurotsuchi began a procedure on Lieutenant Kurotsuchi before he got the message of the impeding meeting, and at the time of my orders had still not completed his work. He said to tell you that the procedure was too delicate to leave undone or in the hands of others to finish."

"What the hell has he done to her now?" Was Captain Hitsugaya's demand, echoing the thoughts of others in the room, though many were surprised at his language. Then again, she was his girlfriend now, though you'd never know it by looking at them together.

"He didn't say."

"I'll want a report by this evening." Was all the general had to say on the matter. He'd long since given up trying to tell Captain Kurotsuchi what he could and couldn't do to Lieutenant Kurotsuchi. If she'd just complain that was one thing, but the man had her brainwashed into thinking she didn't have the right to object. "You may stay then. Captain Soifon, an update."

"Yes, Sir." Nodding her head Soifon sat up straight, her eyes sharp despite the fact that the hellion sitting across from her had woke her up after only five hours of sleep. "We believe that the man that was captured by Captain Kyoraku and Lieutenant Kurotsuchi is in fact the man who attempted to assault and likely kill Lieutenants Ise and Kotetsu. He cracked in under an hour, verifying everything we already know and adding little else. In my opinion, I don't think this is the end of it, Sir. The man is weak, easily manipulated and unstable. He is not someone I would ever put any faith in or rely on to get a job done. Aizen has plenty of men at his disposal, many who would have, in all likelihood, either completed the disposal of the two lieutenants or at the very least, caused them severe physical harm."

"Your conclusion then, Captain Soifon?"

"I think he's playing with us." Was her firm response. "Aizen has in the past shown a great love of putting on a show, using cloak and dagger, illusions and games. He's playing with us or he's setting the stage for something bigger. He plays with his food whenever he has the chance, and I think that's what he's doing now."

"So you don't believe the threat has passed?"

"No, Sir. He may go after someone completely unexpected, or use the possibility of it to cloud our judgement and turn our gaze from whatever it is he'd really after. This is far from over."

* * *

Cornering the man as soon as the meeting was adjourned, Hitsugaya got right in the man's face. "You know what he's up to. Nemu san said he tells you more than he ever tells her. What is he doing to her now? What sort of alterations?"

Looking down at the shorter man Akon did his best not to give away anything as he met those cool blue eyes readily. "I honestly don't know. And if you go there now and demand to see her, he might allow you to force his hand but she'll pay for it later. If I thought I needed to speak up on her behalf, I would have. She is my lieutenant, Captain."

He highly doubted that, but the man was right, going in there to try to stop the freak would only make things worse for his friend in the long run. Nodding his head in grudging acceptance, Hitsugaya made no move to stop the man when he slipped away, likely to return to experiment on some poor creature, hopefully not anyone he knew.

"I'm sure she's fine." Patting her captain on his shoulder Matsumoto could only hope she wasn't being overly optimistic. "And anyway, Captain Ukitake's been looking for you apparently. Isane chan asked me to tell you."

Raising an eyebrow Hitsugaya wondered if he was finally going to find out what Ukitake's drunken apology had been about. He'd had to leave Kyoraku's house before the two drunks had gotten up, so he hadn't had a chance until now to find out. Following his lieutenant through the crowd he finally spotted Ukitake at the end of the hallway, talking with Captain Kyoraku. They both looked pale and slightly green around the edges. Big surprise there, Hitsugaya thought with a small, barely noticeable grin. Walking over towards them Hitsugaya couldn't help but notice that Ukitake seemed to lose what little color he'd had as he got closer, Kyoraku actually patting his friend on the shoulder like Ukitake needed moral support. Just what the hell was going on? "Captain Ukitake? I was told you were looking for me?"

Nodding, it took all his courage to get the words out. "I was wondering if I might have a word with you? In private."

Opening his mouth to agree Hitsugaya's words died in his throat as he heard an older, more authoritative voice say his name. Turning his head Hitsugaya saw the first division lieutenant motioning him over with a look on his face that said he meant even more business than Ukitake obviously did. Nodding his understanding Hitsugaya turned back to Ukitake was an apologetic look. "I'm afraid I apparently can't talk now, but I will seek you out at your home at the earliest convenience?" When Ukitake nodded Hitsugaya gave what he hoped was a reassuring looking before moving off to see what the General wanted with him.

* * *

Walking out the door and down the steps Kira was surprised when he caught sight of Rukia Kuchiki waving him over, surrounded on all sides by members of the sixth division, which her brother had probably insisted upon. Curious Kira headed over, a questioning look on his face. "Good afternoon, Kuchiki san."

"Good afternoon. Could I talk to you for a couple minutes? Please?"

"Of course." Watching in amusement as she made short work of convincing her bodyguards to give them a little space, Kira wasn't surprised to find them sitting on a bench out of earshot moments later, the bodyguards hovering nearby though pretty much out of hearing range. "So what can I do for you?"

"First, you have to promise that none of what I say gets back to Renji. Ever. You've got to give me your word, as a member of the Gotei."

Okay, now he was really curious. And why couldn't he tell Renji about it? Now he just had to know. "All right, you have my word." If Renji needed to know, he'd just tell Ran and then tell her to tell Renji. That way he was keeping his word and doing the right thing at the same time.

Studying his face Rukia knew she had no choice but to hope he kept it. She didn't have anyone else to ask, since Matsumoto san was off talking to the general and she had no way of talking to Ichigo about it. And since there was nothing Ichigo liked better than to mess with her and Renji's heads, he wasn't exactly the best person to talk to. Well there was always Orihime, but the girl ate too much of her own cooking. Who knew what sort of explanation she'd come up with. And Rukia needed some answers ASAP. "You're Renji's best friend after me." Rukia began, doing her best not to give away just how agitated she really was. "And so you know him really well. And you're a man, so there's things he tells you that he probably doesn't tell me. Because I'm a girl. So uhm...is there any reason to believe that my brother is correct in thinking Renji might someday try to put the moves on me?"

It was through superhuman strength that Kira's jaw did not hit the ground. "What makes you ask?" He just managed to croak out.

"Well this morning...while my brother and Renji thought I was asleep...my brother said some things that, well, suggested that he believed that if Renji wasn't scared spit less of him..that Renji would..uhm...think of me like a girl...and not just a pal. And Renji didn't deny it or really say anything. He pretty much just made these weird, whimpering sounds. Not that you can really blame him, since my brother can be pretty descriptive once he gets going...but uhm..I was just wondering why he didn't say that he'd never see me that way."

Uh oh. Big, BIG, UH OH. Gulping audibly Kira didn't know what the hell he was supposed to say. On the one hand, he could confess that he knew for a fact Renji was desperately in love with her. This could either lead to the breakup of a long standing friendship or a blooming of said relationship into something more. On the other hand, he could play dumb and miss out on a chance to help his friend get the girl of his dreams. Why oh why didn't he ever get the easy questions?

"Well...I...what would you think...if he did maybe see you as a girl? I mean as more than a friend."

"I'd think he was a real jerk since he told me himself last night that he's in love with some girl. If it were that easy for him to just turn that affection to me, well than he's a pretty big ass, don't you think?"

"What if you were the girl he was talking about?"

"Like he could be in love with me and I wouldn't know?" Rukia scoffed at the very idea.

"But you've loved each other since you were kids. Real love evolves over time, doesn't it? Love isn't supposed to stay the same. Why couldn't the love you guys had as kids evolve into romantic love? Do you feel the same way about him now?"

"Well I..." He had a point there, Rukia thought as she crossed her arms in front of her, mulling over his words. Back when they were kids they'd been each other's lifelines, their bond one of necessity and mutual needs. They hadn't even really had the option of indulging in softer emotions than that, because soft got you killed in the lower sections. Once they'd reached the academy, their bond had gotten looser in some ways, as they'd create bonds with others and got a chance to really experience life. But they'd still stuck together whenever possible, still gravitated to each other whenever there was opportunity. And then they'd been separated by class and standing, but the bond had still been in their eyes whenever their paths had crossed.

And their bond had sure as hell been tested to the max when she'd been sentenced to death, and he'd sacrificed everything for the impossible chance to try and save her. And he had saved her. Had proved the strength of their bond the moment he'd challenged his hero, her brother, for her. Oh my...she was more important to him than his status, his pride, his job. He cared more for her than he did for his very life. Now it was her turn to just barely manage to keep her jaw off the ground as the truth hit her like a ton of bricks.

"OH.MY.GOD."

* * *

If he had hair in this form he'd be ripping it out right now. Glaring at his daughter, since this somehow had to be her fault, Captain Kurotsuchi was at a loss as to what the hell was going on with her. He'd run all sorts of blood tests and had come up with nothing to indicate what was wrong with her. She wasn't faking, he'd tested and proved that theory straight off. Her heart beat was slightly irregular and she did appear to have all the energy of Captain Kyoraku when the man was napping. In other words, she was unacceptably out of commission until he figured out what was wrong with her. He couldn't let her go out in public like this, even if she could find the energy to get up which she seemed to lack.

Marching over to where she lay sprawled out on the examination table Kurotsuchi looked down at her fiercely. "And you can't think of anything that could have done this?"

Shaking her head Nemu really couldn't. "I can come up with no logical reason for this, Father."

"Could the assassin have injected you with something without you noticing?" The tests had turned up no foreign entities in her system, but there was always a possibility, however slight, that someone could come up with something he'd never seen before and therefore couldn't detect.

"No. He came at me from behind and I punched him in the head. He fell down and didn't get up again."

"Pansy." Sneering Captain Kurotsuchi shook his head, conveniently forgetting the fact that he'd made sure the power behind his daughter punch was twenty times what most would expect of a man, much less her. Ukitake was probably surprised as...Ukitake. "But no, you're immune to all viruses and diseases. He couldn't have given youtuberculosis, no matter how infectious it can be. If it was that bad, everyone in Soul Society would have it by now."

"Symptoms include chest pain, coughing up blood, and a productive, prolonged cough for more than three weeks. Systemic symptoms include fever, chills, night sweats, appetite loss, weight loss, pallor, and often a tendency to fatigue very easily." Nemu rhymed off, having looked it up. "I do have some of the symptoms."

"I won't consider it until you start hacking up blood."

Well, at least it would give her something to have in common with Captain Ukitake, Nemu reasoned, looking for a positive side to all this. In all the books she'd read about relationships, having things in common was key.

Not liking the idea that his great creation could be taken done by some common disease, Captain Kurotsuchi was determined to find another possibility. "All right, off with all your clothes. I'm going to search every inch of your skin until I'm satisfied you weren't injected with something while you were unaware."

Doing as her father asked Nemu sat up and did her best not to keel over the side.

"What the hell!" Leaning in close Kurotsuchi stared at his daughter's breasts with a mixture of shock and reluctant amusement. The bruising indicated she'd received the marks sometime during the night, likely soon after she'd returned home from her assignment to assist Captain Kyoraku. Since he was willing to lay odds that not even Kyoraku was dumb enough to think nibbling on his woman's friend's breasts wouldn't get his castrated, that could only mean that she'd received these bites and scruff abrasions from... "Did Captain Ukitake put these marks on you?"

Having had no energy to even look at herself all day Nemu had no idea what he was talking about. Looking down Nemu studied her breasts with detached, medical interest. "I suppose so. He seemed unusually taken with them."

"You're dating Captain Hitsugaya. You went out with Captain Kyoraku last night dressed like a common slut and you were making out or more with Captain Ukitake afterwards." Considering how deceitful and two faced that made his daughter Kurotsuchi had to grin. "Maybe you are a chip off the old block after all."


	25. Boys Will Be Boys

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original characters and the situations I put them in. Everything else belongs to somebody else and that's just the way it's gotta be, people. Thanks so much for reading and reviewing; I can't tell you how much I appreciate the feedback! Have a great day and hope you enjoy.

Boys Will Be Boys

Updating his records Captain Kurotsuchi grumbled under his breath, his mood both annoyed and contemplative. There were few things he hated more than an unsolved question, especially when his genius brain couldn't come up with a possible answer to it. Why the hell hadn't Captain Ukitake had sex with Nemu? It just boggled the mind. It made no sense. Drumming his fingers on his desk Kurotsuchi mentally cursed the thirteenth division captain to high heaven. She'd obviously been willing and Ukitake probably didn't get a lot of opportunities given his condition. He'd obviously been enjoying himself plenty, if Nemu's breasts were anything to go on. So why the hell had he run at the sticking point? It couldn't be because of his health concerns, since everyone knew Nemu was immune to all disease and couldn't get anything from him. Nemu had confirmed that he'd been able to get physically aroused, so that wasn't a possibility either. So what could it have been? Risk of pregnancy? Like he'd ever let her keep it if she did get knocked up, Ukitake was smart enough to know that, Kurotsuchi thought darkly. So then what? Men did not pass up free sex for no friggin reason. They were genetically coded from birth to want it.

The only viable possibility that came to mind was the reason he was in a piss poor mood. Bringing up his daughter's profile Kurotsuchi stared at the screen, his eyes running down the listing of her dimensions and basic data even though he already knew it by heart. The idea that any man might find his creation lacking in some way burned in his gut, to the point where he couldn't ignore the possible insult to his pride however much he might desire to.

What possible flaw could there be in her? He'd personally designed every inch of her; taking care to make her as perfect as possible. Even her breasts were perfect, exactly the same size, shape and color. No normal woman could claim to have such nice breasts as his Nemu's, Kurotsuchi thought with pride. Okay, so they weren't as big as that twit Matsumoto's, but who in their right mind would stick their assistant with those watermelons? They'd have gotten in the way, not to mention looked ridiculous every time the girl tried to move. Yes, his daughter's were perfect and nothing could convince him otherwise. What else did guys care about but breasts and that they had something nice and tight to slide into? Having given up on sex long ago for the sake of concentrating on his work Kurotsuchi considered that perhaps things had changed since his day. Were men caring about other things now? What else was there?

Could it be her lack of sexual knowledge? He'd explained everything to her, at least about female and male autonomy, and how the world had come to be overrun with dumb idiots for him to test on. He never had given her more than the basics though, Kurotsuchi admitted to himself, intrigued despite himself. He'd always assumed that women just knew how to have sex, the basics encoded into their genetics so that they at least understood the general principles of it. Maybe he'd removed those genes somewhere and not realized it? It was always a possibility. And she didn't have a mother to explain things to her either. That could have made all the difference as well. Women did seem to talk, more than they certainly needed to, maybe this was an oral tradition passed among them rather than genetics at all, the way it was with men. That would explain things, and that WAS something he could fix. Getting to his feet Kurotsuchi left the room in search of his daughter, finding her where he'd left her, inputting new data into the central lab computer, the one everyone had access to and that he told the general contained all his research. Yeah right. And Kuchiki would be announcing his engagement to that pink haired terror from the eleventh division any day.

"Nemu."

Getting to her feet instantly Nemu whirled around to face her father, her pupils the size of dinner plates. He'd pumped her full of sugar and caffeine to get her going, as evident by the way her hands twitched at her side, unable to keep completely still. She felt like she was going to burst out of her own skin, not a big improvement from before. "Yes, Father?"

"Leave the data. Go find Captain Ukitake and find out why he left without having sex with you than report your findings back to me."

Blinking a couple times Nemu just nodded, knowing better than to ask why. Besides, she really wanted to know that too.

* * *

"You could try to talk to him, but I don't think you'll get much in the way of an answer." Nanao informed Nemu ten minutes later, as they stood out on the front porch of Ukitake's home. "He got a message from Captain Hitsugaya, and whatever it said had him going straight for the nearest bottle. Shunsui won't tell me why either." Nanao added darkly, still pissed off by the fact that she was being left in the dark. Something was very wrong with Ukitake, and as his friend, she had a right to know what that something was. Especially since she'd planned a special dinner for two with Shunsui, which definitely wasn't going to happen now. She'd even wore the slutty underwear he'd been nagging her about, just for him. Now she was stuck in this damn thong with no chance of him ripping it off her anytime soon. Could they be any more uncomfortable?

"A message from Toshiro san?" Nemu had gotten a message from him too. He'd sent her a quick email saying that he and Matsumoto san were being sent down to earth immediately and therefore he couldn't meet her for dinner as they'd planned. Had Captain Ukitake and Toshiro san made plans too? Was that why Ukitake was so upset? If so, Captain Ukitake must have been really looking forward to whatever they'd planned to do, to hurt his health this way. Two hours of straight drinking on an empty stomach was not a good idea for a healthy man, much less one with Ukitake's constitution.

Nanao gave her a look of understanding. "That was my response. I asked them what could possibly be so bad that Ukitake would react that way but all Kyoraku would say was that it was a guy thing. Why do men think drinking can solve their problems? All it does is prolong the inevitable, and usually making it worse on top of it."

Her father experimented on her or his latest batch of test subjects when he was upset. Nemu thought she'd prefer the drinking method but thought it best not to say what she was thinking.

"So what did you want to ask him anyway?" Nanao asked, curious as to what had brought the girl by.

Opening her mouth to respond Nemu paused, wondering if maybe this fell into the category of things she shouldn't talk about in public. She'd been doing that a lot lately, and making a lot of people uncomfortable in the process. It seemed like sex could only be talked about in certain situations and ways. Better to err on the side of caution. "I don't know if I should say or not so I think I better not tell you."

Now her curiosity was really piqued. Raising an eyebrow Nanao just barely stopped herself from pressing her friend, since she'd unfortunately been trying to get Nemu to use this sort of verbal discretion for decades. "Well why don't you take a seat out here and I'll see how he is then. No point in you having to see what idiots the men are making of themselves if you don't have to. It's so sad it stopped being funny an hour ago."

"Thank you."

* * *

The men were exactly where she'd left them, the only difference being that in that half an hour they'd ingested even more alcohol. Please god let them run out soon, Nanao thought as she looked them over from the doorway. Then she'd have an excuse to knock all their heads together, when they were stupid enough to tell her to go get them more.

At least they were still dressed and upright, she thought cynically as she cleared her throat to get their attention.

"Hi, Nanao chan!" Always pleased to see the love of his life Kyoraku beamed over at her, full of good will and drunken cheer. "You look more beautiful every time I see you."

"Which is why you men always ply women with drinks at bars." Was her sugary sweet response. "So they don't realize what they're sleeping with until the next morning."

When all they did was give her blank stares Nanao clued into the fact that they were too drunk at this point to get sarcasm or wit. She might as just well get to the point, since it was no fun if they couldn't understand her skilful and underhanded insults. "Jushiro san, are you up for company?"

"Is Hitsugaya here?" The thirteenth division captain asked, looking like a man who'd just asked if the Grim Reaper had come for him.

"No, Lieutenant Kurotsuchi."

Wow, Nanao thought as he paled even more. She hadn't thought he could look anymore scared. Apparently Hitsugaya might be the Grim Reaper, but Nemu was Satan himself.

"Tell her I'm not here."

And now he sounded like a little kid, pleading with his mother for five more minutes of t.v. time.

"She already knows you're here, Captain."

Now he looked like she'd just kicked a puppy in front of him and Shunsui was shooting her dark looks like she'd done something even worse than kick a puppy.

"Nanao chan! How could you do that to him!" Horrified that his love would do something so cruel to his bestest friend in the whole wide world, Kyoraku was too drunk to realize that because he'd refused to tell Nanao anything about Ukitake's problem, she couldn't have possibly realized the gravity of what she'd done, letting Nemu near Ukitake in his present state.

"Excuse me?" Crossing her arms in front of her Nanao cocked her hip to the side in an aggressive manner. "Did you tell me that I was supposed to tell everyone that Ukitake wasn't here? No. Did you bother to even tell me that Nemu was somehow involved in this whole mess of yours? No. Did you even bother, for that matter, to tell me what is going on here in the first place so that I can at least get a sense of what the hell is going on? No. All you've done is drink liquor like it's going out of production and making me mad. VERY mad."

"Uh oh." He was in deep, deep shit.

Seeing what was happening Ukitake struggled to clear his mind enough to come to his defense. "It's not his fault..it's mine because-"

"Save it." Holding up one hand to stop anything else he might say Nanao just shook her head. "I don't want to hear it." After pausing for reflection Nanao finally spoke again. "One of you go out there and see Nemu. I won't lie for either of you." Turning on her heels Nanao headed back through the door without another word.

* * *

Since there was no way in hell Ukitake was going out there to face her it was pretty much a given that a minute later Shunsui was stumbling out onto the porch, using the building's exterior to keep him upright.

Pacing in front of the porch in the hopes of working off her artificial energy it took Nemu a moment to realize he was even there. When she did though, she hurried over to him since he looked like he could keel over at any moment. Taking his arm Nemu couldn't help but asking him, "Why are you so drunk already? I thought you had an excellent alcohol tolerance."

"I do normally." Giving her a rather sheepish, lopsided grin Shunsui was glad for the extra support. "But I haven't eaten anything since eight last night and since then I've drank more than I usually do in a week. Ukitake and me both actually."

"That would do it." Nemu agreed. "Is Captain Ukitake not coming out to see me then? I s that why you've come instead of him?"

"Sorry, Nemu chan. He can't hold his liquor near as well as I can. He's pretty much out for the count right now."

Studying his face Nemu felt her chest tighten up. "Why are you lying to me?"

"WHa?"

While he gapped at her in shock Nemu pushed the issue with the only logical explanation. "Does he not want to see me? He told you to tell me he couldn't see me?"

"Of course not!"

"You just lied again. You're playing with your hair. You do that when you're lying and feeling guilty about it." He didn't want to see her. He'd sent someone else to talk to her because he didn't even want to talk to her, much less touch her. He didn't want to be around her.

Even drunk as he was, Shunsui's vision was still clear enough that he saw the single, perfect tear that slid down Nemu's pale cheek. Reaching out to touch her he felt his own chest tighten when she pulled away from his touch.

"I won't bother him with my presence then. Excuse me for interrupting you both." And for the first time in her life Nemu ignored a captain's command and turning her back on Captain Kyoraku got off the porch and started walking down the well worn path with her head bowed low.

* * *

She'd only been walking down the deserted dirt path for a minute or so when she sensed the presence of others. Raising her head Nemu say Isane coming up the path, a basket under her arm and a scowl on her face as she glared up at Captain Hisagi. Apparently the two were still not getting along, Nemu noted absently.

Seeing Nemu walking towards them Isane paused the argument they were having for the moment, lifting a hand to wave in greeting, only to falter half way through once she caught sight of the girl's face. Picking up her pace Hisagi kept time with her as they hurried over to the twelfth division lieutenant. "Kurotsuchi san. What's wrong?"

Surprised Nemu wondered how they could tell that anything was wrong. Nanao had assured her that her pupils were almost a normal size now. "I'm fine."

Not believing that for a moment Isane handed the basket she'd been carrying over to a surprised Hisagi. "Go take that up to the house. I'll be right there in a minute."

Girl talk, Hisagi surmised, understanding that women had weird, mystical ways of communicating things to each other that guys had zero hope of ever understanding. Obviously Isane was picking up something, something that he probably didn't want to know anyway. "Fine. Lieutenant Kurotsuchi." Nodding his head in respect Hisagi headed off to find out what the men were doing, leaving the girls to chat.

Taking Nemu's hand Isane tugged the girl over to a grassy spot off the path and then tugged again to get Nemu to sit down beside her on the soft summer grass. Isane had never seen Nemu upset before, so something big must have happened. Since Nemu never complained about her father and couldn't be having guy troubles, there was only one thing she could think of. "Now something is definitely wrong. Did you have a fight with Nanao san?"

Surprised Nemu shook her head. "No, Nanao san isn't mad at me." That would just be icing on the cake. And where had that expression come from anywhere? A philosophical baker?

"Well something's wrong. Tell me about it. A lot of the times, having someone give you a second opinion on things can really help. The whole two heads are better than one thing."

She did have a point there. What if the forth division lieutenant could tell her why Captain Ukitake might not want to see her. They were fairly close after all, and she knew Captain Ukitake better than she did. "Captain Ukitake doesn't want to see me and I don't know why."

That was very strange. Isane had never known Ukitake to be anything less than a perfect gentleman where women were concerned. Obviously it couldn't be because he was sick, that would have been an acceptable excuse that Nemu would have understood. And for that matter, why would something like this upset Nemu enough that she actually showed signs of distress? Nemu could have both arms chopped off and not changed her expression. Come to think of it...uh oh. That damn sex challenge thing. Nemu had been in on that, hadn't she? And ever since that challenge had gotten around the Soul Society Captain Ukitake had been acting out of sorts. "Kurotsuchi san...are you by any chance involved with Captain Ukitake?"

Nemu didn't understand. "What does involved mean?"

"Are you two...having sex?"

"We started to and now he won't talk to me."

"I think you'd better start at the beginning."

* * *

Waiting nervously on the front porch Nanao gave a sigh of relief when she caught sight of Isane coming up the path. When Captain Hisagi had come in and mentioned that he and Isane had passed Nemu, who'd looked visibly upset, it had taken all her will power not to chase after the girl. She should have known something was up when the idiot guys had broken out the good liquor, completely ignoring the plate of sandwiches she'd broken down and made for them. The bastards. Hurrying down the steps to meet Isane Nanao got straight to the point. "Is she all right?"

"I'm going inside to pack, and then I'm going to see if Captain Kuchiki will let me stay at his house. You're going to want to do the same once you hear what those bastard, assehole men did to poor Nemu san!"

* * *

Note: There is now a side story for this fic, a oneshot called "She's My Soul" for the Gin/Ran fans. Not necessary to read though, just a too long for this one shot.

Also: In next chap Soifon and Zaraki, as well as Bya/Yachiru will have some fun scenes


	26. Fat In The Fire

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original characters and the situations I put them all in. Everything else belongs to somebody else and that's just the way its gotta be for now. Thanks so much for reading my fanfic and I hope you guys continue with all the amazing reviews. Thanks again and have a great day!

Fat In The Fire

The room went cold as ice, chills running down their spines as all the life in the room died a quick, eerie death. Three heads turning in unison towards the doorway, they saw their lives flash before their eyes as they took in the chilling premonition before them. Lieutenant Nanao Ise had taken off her glasses. Their lives were now officially over.

Their arms crossed in front of them, cold, icy rage coming off them in waves, the lieutenants of the fourth and eighth division were fearsome sights to behold. Like the legendary Gorgons of Greek mythology, they turned the men in front of them to stone, unable to move as they stared at the women in a way reminiscent of men having their innards crushed under the amazing pressure of a boa constrictor's grasp.

"You unbelievable asseholes." Nanao began, her voice dripping with venom. "I would expect something like this from my captain, but not from you, Captain Ukitake. And right now, I'm ashamed to even know you. And you," Pointing a threatening finger in her captain's direction, Kyoraku actually made a sound perilously close to a whimper. "How dare you. It's one thing for you to pull your stupid little stunts on me, but how dare you do that to Nemu san. Like she doesn't suffer enough, trapped in that lab every day with that bastard of a father. Where do you get off, not telling me what was going on, knowing that she needed me while you inconsiderate asses sit around drinking sake like you've done nothing wrong. If there was anything worth castrating you'd all be eunuch right now for this!"

"Typical men, playing around with women's emotions, using them for your little fun and games without a thought to their feelings." Eyes flashing, Isane had plenty more to add. "And it just figures that you're in here with them, you probably knew all about it and did nothing, you jerk." Turning her maximum death glare in Hisagi's direction, the man automatically shrank back in fear. "You and Ukitake are two peas in a pod, aren't you? Using a girl, making her think that you care when all along you want some cheap thrills, a chance to grab her breasts and use her for your own sick entertainment. Well you guys better kiss that sort of entertainment good bye because once Nanao san and I are done, you won't be able to find a girl so much as willing to give you directions to hell."

"And not that you probably give a damn, but we sorted everything out with Nemu chan for you." Nanao added, turning her dark look in Ukitake's direction. "She told us everything, including the fact that she was just dating Captain Hitsugaya in the hopes of making you realize that you liked her as much as she likes you. You'll just have to wait until he gets back to confirm that though, since obviously you question Nemu chan's personal integrity." Now her tone got really biting. "Now if you'll excuse us, the thought of staying in your company leaves me physically ill. We won't be back either."

The two women nodding decisively in unison, they turned on their heels and headed out the door without giving the men a chance to speak once, not that they were capable at the moment of forming complete sentences, much less arguments in their own defence.

* * *

After packing up Nanao's stuff at her captain's home, the two lieutenants headed off to the sixth division office, to seek out Captain Kuchiki. Arriving in front of his office door Isane was about to open it when a black and pink blur came flying out of the nearby open window, narrowly missing Nanao's head. Both automatically turning their heads to follow the blur, the hazy figure came to a stop at the railing, a hand shooting out to grab onto it, agily swinging back onto the office's front porch. Now revealed to be Yachiru chan, the two women watched in amazement as the small lieutenant gave a rather piercing war cry before launching herself back into the open window without so much as acknowledging their presence. Fearing an attack Nanao and Isane threw open the door, reaching for their blades as they entered the room just in time to have Yachiru once again go flying in front of them, this time right over both their heads.

"Close the door if you would." Captain Kuchiki requested politely, like he hadn't just twice literally thrown Yachiru out of his office.

The door was only half way shut before Yachiru broke it down, the other two lieutenants just making it out of the way in time.

"What on earth is going on here?" Nanao demanded to know as Yachiru came marching back into the room, looking ready to do Captain Kuchiki some extreme, physical harm.

"What's going on is I'm going to hurt him bad." Pointing in Kuchiki's direction Yachiru was practically foaming at the mouth. This time he'd seen her attack coming and he'd literally thrown her around like a rag doll. Mr. Sexy was going down, and she didn't mean on her or vice versa.

"Well at least wait a moment." Amused and pleased with himself Kuchiki kept his usual poker face in place as he turned to face the obviously very confused lieutenants. "What can I do for you two?" They were both carrying suitcases, which intrigued him. As did the fact that Ise san was not wearing her glasses. And just what had Kyoraku done now?

Since Isane had probably just used up at least two centuries worth of grit fifteen minutes ago, Nanao had volunteered to be the one to ask. "We were hoping you'd consent to letting us stay at your residence. We find that we can no longer stay with our former...hosts."

So not only Kyoraku, but Ukitake had screwed up as well? This just got more interesting by the minute. Still keeping a wary eye on Yachiru, just in case, Kuchiki's gaze didn't miss for a second that Yachiru didn't like this one little bit. Had she entertained plans to come after him at his home? If he allowed the two women to stay with him the security would without question have to be doubled. They had both been attacked after all and were likely targets. Yes, the women would serve as excellent anti demon shields. Not to mention it would piss off Kyoraku royally. He really liked that part. "Of course you're welcome in my home. I was actually on my way out when...I was unavoidably detained. I can escort you ladies there myself now."

"But-But."

Ignoring Yachiru's stuttering protest Byakuya calmly walked over to the two other women and without warning flashed the three of them out of the room before Yachiru had time to finish blowing her gasket at him.

* * *

Sniffing his favourite donuts in the air Zaraki turned his head, following the scent to discover who'd been stupid enough to think they could bring donuts with them and not have them confiscated. The answer would be Lieutenant Kurotsuchi. There she stood, off to the side, apparently patiently waiting for him to notice her since she sent him a questioning look as soon as they made eye contact. Leaving the training in his third seat's knowledgeable hands Zaraki ambled over to see what the little oddity was up to now. Perhaps there had been a breakthrough in their plans and the donuts were to celebrate. Or a way to feel better about a major setback, since they were dealing with Ukitake here. The guy could drag his feet like nobody's business. "What's up?"

"The sky."

"I meant why are you here."

"Oh." What did her being here have to do with what was above their heads? A question to ponder later, Nemu decided. "I came to give you these as a thank you. I understand they're your favourite." Holding the box out to him Nemu smiled when he took the box from her with a rather childish eagerness. "And could you please bend down a little?"

Curious now Zaraki did as she asked, stunned when she leaned forward to place a kiss on his cheek.

"You're too big to hug properly." Nemu explained, since he looked so surprised. Nanao and the others hugged or patted her head when she did a favour for them. But his head was too high to reach and her arms weren't long enough for a proper hug.

Straightening Zaraki couldn't help but grin back at her. "True enough. So Ukitake's all yours now?" That hadn't taken long. He'd expected to have at least a few more weeks of entertainment at Ukitake's expense.

"Not quite. There were a number of misunderstandings but Kotetsu san explained things to me and promised to do the same for Captain Ukitake. Apparently Captain Ukitake was under the misconception that I have no morals because I didn't stop him when he attempted to seduce me. She also said that he probably felt guilty, because he and Toshiro san are friends. She's going to tell him to talk to Toshiro san, when he gets back from earth. She said that's the best way to go about it."

Oh to be a fly on the wall. "Good for you."

"Is Captain Soifon angry at you?"

"Why do you ask?" Surprised at the change in topic Zaraki could only wonder as to how her mind worked. The girl said 'Butter' when she took pictures after all.

"Because she looks angry, and she's usually a very calm person, like Captain Kuchiki."

Getting a bad feeling in his gut Zaraki turned his head to see that indeed, on the other side of the training field; Soifon was watching them through narrowed eyes, definitely giving off a less than pleased vibe. Uh oh. Those killer glances were definitely aimed at them. What could they have done to-oh hell. The kiss on the cheek. Instinctively tightening his hold on the bakery box Zaraki could clearly imagine her snatching it from his grasp and then eating them all while he tried to get them back. She'd make herself sick doing it, but she was vindictive like that. That was something he'd long ago learned the hard way.

"Is she mad at me too?" Nemu asked, cluing into the fact that the dark looks were aimed in her direction as well.

"Mostly at me. Just to be safe though, you better head out."

Taking his advice Nemu bowed to the captain then beat a hasty retreat.

Taking the hint that she expected him to come to her Zaraki started eating his donuts on the way over, just in case. He'd finished three by the time he'd crossed the field to stand in front of her. "Problem?"

"No problem. Lieutenant Kurotsuchi brought you donuts?" She'd bite her tongue off before she'd ask him about the kiss. She wouldn't give him the pleasure of thinking that it bothered her. No, she could play this just as coolly as he could.

Obviously she had no idea that her thoughts were written all over her face. Not that he was going to point that out of course. He didn't have that big of a death wish. "She did. Would you like one?"

"Thank you, I would." Taking the donut from him Soifon daintily bit into it. "It's very good. It was very nice of her to buy them for you." Hint, hint.

"It was."

Reining in the desire to beat it out of him Soifon did her best to pretend that she didn't care that he wasn't telling her what she wanted to know. "Well I better be going then. I just stopped in to make sure everything was all right here. I'll see you at dinner."

And it wasn't going to be a homey, relaxing dinner either, Zaraki thought as he watched her walk away. Could be fun though.

* * *

The three men sat in silence, drinking their liquor of choice in slow, measured gulps. The women had been gone for two hours now, and they were just starting to approach the threshold where speech was possible. Ise's death glares were a potent thing.

"So." Kyoraku began, unable to say anything else.

"So." Returned the other two men.

After a couple of minutes of silence, Hisagi finally finished his line of thought. "So...we should really stick together on this."

General nods of agreement.

"So..we should probably figure out what we've done. Women never tell you after all." Taking a contemplative sip Hisagi continued. "So from what they said..Ukitake, they're upset with you because of Lieutenant Kurotsuchi. She was interested in you, you turned her down, so she asked out Hitsugaya in the hopes of making you jealous. You got jealous, made a move... and?"

"Conscience."

"Ah." Well that made sense. Sort of. He wasn't entirely sure his conscience was that strong or noble. "So thinking she was dating him for real, you felt bad about making a move and backed off...without explaining to her why. Hence the female fury directed at you."

"Yup."

"And Captain Kyoraku...you're in trouble because you knew that the two had fought and didn't tell Ise about it."

"Yup."

"Ah. Okay...so why am I in trouble?"

Each man mulling that over it was Ukitake who offered the first possibility. "Well..they pretty much lumped you in with me so...maybe you made a pass at someone you shouldn't have?"

Thinking that through, no one came to mind. "I can't remember hitting on anyone who's friends with them. I can't remember seriously hitting on anyone lately. And they made it sound like I mistreated a woman, and I would never do that." At least that was something he could be proud of. His lack of sex life was almost as depressing as the mood in the room.

"Well Isane chan stopped talking to you after you got that big bruise on your chest right? What were you up to that week before?"

Pondering Ukitake's suggestion Hisagi could again come up with nothing. "I was working most of the time. What with the whole would be assassin/stalker, my social life went from nearly nonexistent to a fond memory that week."

"You know, Isane chan sounded like she was talking from personal experience." Kyoraku mused, thoughtfully swirling the liquid around in his bottle. "You sure you didn't make a move on her? Or something she might have taken the wrong way." Kyoraku quickly added, when the younger man gave him a look of disbelief.

"No way. I'd never...there's just no way." Now that would be like hitting on his sister..if he'd had a sister. "I mean maybe I've talked to her more recently...and there was the whole saving her from the assassin...but...you guys don't think that maybe she took that the wrong way? Like making her think I was her knight in shining armour or something? Like I wanted to start something and then just dropped her cold?"

"A woman's mind is a confusing place." Kyoraku reminded him.

"Oh hell. What am I going to do now?"

Two male shrugs was his answer.

* * *

Sitting back in his chair Aizen listened to his minion's ramblings with half an ear. He'd gotten the just of it by now anyway. The moron captain of the eighth division and Kurotsuchi's Frankenstein had captured his toy and were now gleaning information from him as his moron messenger spoke. How disappointed they'd be when they realized that Yami knew nothing. Less than nothing really. Aizen doubted very much that that particular piece of vermin had ever had an original thought in his small, little head. Rather like the lieutenant for the second division.

Yes, like that useless tub of lard, Yami was no loss to the world, much less his organization. The stupid fool would go to his death honestly believing that what he'd been doing was so lofty as planned assassination attempts on the Gotei 13's lieutenants. Really, such stupidity deserved the painful, drawn out death Kyoraku likely had in store for him. No, Yami was dying for a much different purpose, as an unknown plant. A test for someone else. One that individual had failed horribly. Well, at least he had his answer now, and not later. Now, the only cost was a small insect, rather than anyone of any usefulness.

Raising a hand to shut up the messenger Aizen was pleased when the man's mouth immediately snapped shut. Now if all his men could be so quick to follow his commands without thinking. "Good work. Now I have one last task for you before you retire for the evening."

"Anything, My lord."

"Go fetch Captain Ichimaru for me. He's likely in his rooms. Tell him I need to see him immediately."

"Of course." Beating a hasty retreat the messenger left in a hurry, wanting to get this task over and done with as quickly as possible. His master did not like being kept waiting.

Aizen rose once the door came closed behind the messenger. Pulling out his blade he held his sword out to the light, watching the way the flickering light bounced off the glistening steel. "Gin, Gin, Gin. I always told you...she'd be the death of you."


	27. Always Know Your Opponent

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original characters and the situations I put them in. Everything else belongs to somebody else and that's just the way its gotta be, people. Thank you all so much for your great reviews, I look forward to continuing to hear from you. Enjoy and have an awesome day!

Always Know Your Opponent

Sitting in his home office after dinner Captain Kuchiki was in an unusually good mood. His day had gone beautifully, a rarity lately that had him savouring the peace and quiet with a rare half smile on his face as he sat back in his chair, calmly sipping his Chai tea. How she must be stewing now, Byakuya thought in reserved delight, imagining again the look on the little demon's face earlier, when he'd flashed out of the room before she'd been able to do more than sputter at him. That face alone went a long way towards soothing his bruised pride. The fact that even now Kyoraku must be drowning in despair over his lieutenant's new living quarters was just icing on Kuchiki's proverbial cake.

A knock at his door had his small smile disappearing automatically, his face returning to its normal calm indifference in the face of a possible intrusion. "Come."

Walking in Rukia walked over to the chair in front of his desk, standing beside it as she waited for his nod, signifying that she was allowed to sit down. When it came Rukia gratefully took the seat, lacing her fingers together on her lap in order to hide her nerves.

"What can I do for you?" She was obviously upset or nervous about something.

Her well planned speech wiped clean from her brain in the presence of her brother, a common occurrence, Rukia just blurted her question out. "Why didn't you tell me Renji was in love with me?"

Watching her slap her hand over her mouth in shock Byakuya couldn't help but be amused by the faces she was making. She looked positively mortified. Then again, anyone who loved a moron like Abarai should be mortified as far as he was concerned. The main question though, was how Rukia had come by the knowledge that Renji was in love with her. Had she finally figured it out, or had perhaps someone finally clued her into what had been so obvious to everyone else? He completely dismissed the idea that Renji himself had told her, the man just didn't have the nerves for it. "Why would I tell you?" He pointed out, not bothering to deny the fact that he'd always known it.

"Because it's something I should have known about!"

"If you weren't old enough, mature enough to see it for yourself, you weren't grown up enough to hear it either."

Ouch. That one hurt. Wincing slightly Rukia could see this conversation going downhill quick. But if her brother had known about Renji's feelings for her than why... "Why did you let him join your division, much less become your lieutenant?" This confused her even more than the idea that Renji was in love with her. Why would her brother allow Renji near her, risking her one day reaching her present conclusions? Wouldn't he want to keep them as far away from each other as possible?

"The better to keep an eye on things." Plus, if Rukia was doomed to end up with the stupid hot head, Byakuya had felt it best to at least see to it personally that Renji became the best man he could ever hope to be. No easy job, but not without some entertainment value.

This was why her brother ruled at games like Go and chess. He had everything planned out before you had even made the first move. It was one of the things she hated most about him. "So you were just standing back, waiting for the time when you'd need to step in and kill him?"

"That would be logically unsound. If I wanted to prevent your relationship, wouldn't I, following your theory, be smart enough to kill him before you'd realized the extent of your feelings for him?"

Opening and closing her mouth, Rukia had to admit he had her there. "But you don't like him."

"I can count the number of people I like in this world on one hand."

That was true too. There was her and her sister...she honestly couldn't think of anyone else.

Seeing that she was still confused Byakuya sighed, acknowledging the fact that he'd have to be more specific. "I would be largely hypocritical if I were to deny you the right to marry for love when I myself risked everything to do the same. If he's what you want I'll spend the rest of his life trying to make some semblance of a man out of him for you. I don't particularly hold much hope in that area. That's why I took him into my division. For your sake."

Everyone had always questioned why her big brother hadn't killed Renji yet. The two were like night and day and it was obvious that the only thing they had remotely in common was their connection to her and even that had been strained when her brother had taken Renji under his command. So why would someone with her brother's position and connections allow himself to be saddled with a hothead from the ghettos who constantly drove him crazy? She'd always wondered, and now she had the answer.

* * *

Later on

Byakuya wasn't a stupid man. Far from it in fact. He knew perfectly well that a certain pink haired demon spawn was going to try, and likely succeed in breaking into his house that evening. He laid down on his futon fully expecting her to drop in, smug with the satisfaction of having outwitted his men and breached his security. The fact that Ise and Kotetsu were here as well would be icing on the cake, as far as she was concerned.

He'd given seriously thought to telling them she was coming, then decided to let her break in so that he could take out all the frustration she was likely to cause on them later. A fitting punishment as far as he was concerned. He never thought for a moment she wouldn't come. She wanted his blood and she knew him well enough to know where to aim for. His pride. And what better way to damage that, then to break into his home and prove that he was powerless to stop her. It was a pretty safe bet, to his way of thinking, to assume that she wouldn't stop there either. No, she seemed to have developed a bit of a complex where he was concerned. Or to be more specific, a certain part of his anatomy. She must have gone without sex even longer than he had.

More amused than worried, the sixth division captain settled in for the night, forgoing his usual nightwear of cotton pants as he settled a single sheet over his bare torso. Pillowing his head on his arms Byakuya let his eyes close, his senses keen, feigning sleep as he waited for his guest. In the end, there really was only one way to handle all this. The little demon lord needed to be put in her place, and more importantly, taught a lesson about what happened when you went around pulling on a tiger's tail. He'd been very reasonable up until this point, and he thought it only fair now that he got something for his restraint in not killing her by now. Yes, tonight would be all for him.

* * *

It was gratifying to be right, Kuchiki thought hours later when he sensed a change in the air. He didn't have to see her to know she was there, watching and gloating as she soundless slid open the door that separated his room from his outside porch. If he hadn't been waiting, she might have actually been able to get within a few feet of him without him noticing. It was a sobering thought. But nothing could quite ruin his moment now; as he listened to her bare feet lightly tread across the room, making a beeline straight for him. She was in her adult form, exactly as he'd hoped. He hadn't been sure what he'd do if she'd decided to come at him in her chibi form. That would have ruined all his plans, and with a pond so close by, drowning her wouldn't have been out of the question. But lucky them, she was the type who didn't like to waste time or energy. She'd come prepared to pounce, and he was more than ready for her to try.

And pounce she did. Her arms out stretched with the intent to pin his arms back Yachiru froze as one of his arm's neatly bypassed her intended hold and curved around to the side of her neck, slipping the needle he'd been concealing neatly into place before she had time to register the fact that she'd fallen into his well played trap. Instantly seizing up and going limp, Yachiru collapsed against him, having lost all control over her body below the shoulders.

Rolling them over so that he was hovering over her, he braced his body on one hand while the other went over to cover Yachiru's mouth. Grinning, Byakuya could see it on the little hellion's face. Oh yes, she knew she was in for it now. He was sooo going to enjoy this. It was why he'd left the light he used for reading on. He didn't want to miss a single expression on her oh so expressive face.

He'd known she was coming, Yachiru thought frantically, cursing her own hotheadedness. She'd played right into his hand like a puppet to his puppet master. And damn it, what had he done to her?

"The acupuncture needle I stuck in your neck causes a disruption in your nerve's system. Your body can't understand what your brain is telling it to do, in basic terms. You don't lose your ability to feel of course, you'll feel everything I intend to do to you, little one. The only thing is, there's nothing you can do to stop me. As long as that needle's there, your mine to do with as I wish." Seeing the growing look of anxiety in her eyes, Byakuya's grin became downright evil. "Now don't you wish you'd just let me alone?"

Did she ever. Her heart was pounding so loud she was surprised it hadn't woken the whole household up, and the way he was grinning at her, it was all she could do not to pass out then and there from that alone. The fact that she wasn't sure whether to be turned on or scared out of her wits didn't help either. Alarm bells went off in her head when he reached down and grabbing ahold of material in either hand, neatly ripped the simple black top she'd been wearing in half, pushing the material out of his way so that her breasts were bare before him like an offering to a vengeful war god. She wanted to yell, to mock or rail at him, but no words could come out. It was as if his grin alone had stolen her words, as surely as the needle had eliminated her ability to fight back against him. When he lifted a single finger to trace her right nipple, it was all she could do to muffle a groan, feeling so incredibly wicked and exposed as she stared up at him, as if hypnotized by his presence.

She was at his mercy. And anyone that knew Captain Kuchiki, knew that that was one of the few areas where he was lacking. His breath was hot and erotic when he leaned over, delicately tracing her outer ear lobe with his tongue before telling her options in this little game he intended to win. "You can take the coward's way out and call for help...or you can beg me to let you come. Those are your only two choices, if you want the needle out. I'm going to torture you for as long as it takes, not giving you any relief as I bring you to the edge again and again, leaving you there to suffer, being unable to do anything but lie there and take it. And, brat, I'm going to enjoy every second of it."

And enjoy he did. She trembled, her pulse pounding as he set about systematically taking over her body, leaving not an inch of flesh untouched as he explored her supple body with mouth, tongue, hands and mere fingertips. Her resistance, refusal to give in was pride, and pride was weaker than desire, lust that flared and set aflame her body, eating away at her so that her body would have surrendered to him had it had the choice. The brief, whispered protests were for form, a badly disguised attempt to maintain the illusion that he wasn't slowly, as the minutes ticked off, seducing every part of her, body and mind. He didn't ravish, or take by force; he simply pleasured her to the point where she couldn't imagine not giving him whatever he wanted from her. The feel of his hard, oddly delicate hands kneading her breasts, the sensations of his warm breath blowing over skin damp from their mingled sweat, keeping one train of thought was totally out of the question. Again and again he drove her to the edge of climax, using his mouth and hands to bring her to the brink, only to back away and leave her hanging at the edge, panting, desperate for him to finish her, and give her control of her body once more. The pleasure was as sharp as razors, cutting them both down to their most basic selves, but he refused to release them from the madness, ignoring her silent pleas and low whimpers, waiting until she was just beginning to regain control over her body before starting his assault all over again. She would gain no relief until she recognized his mastery of her, and they both knew it.

And in the wee hours of the morning, the eleventh division lieutenant threw aside her pride and gave him what he wanted. And he gave her more than either of them had ever experienced in return.

* * *

Hearing someone call her name on her way to lunch, Isane turned her head, frowning when she caught sight of the man making his way towards her, picking up speed since he wasn't so stupid that he didn't realize that he was as far from being in her good book as he could get without killing her dog or someone important to her. Having too much pride to run like a chicken, Isane stayed where she was, letting him catch up to her. Not that she was going to speak to him or anything. Oh no, he was so not getting off the hook any time soon.

"Thanks for stopping." Pausing to take a quick breath Hisagi immediately launched into the reason for his presence, when it was so clearly not wanted. "I figured out why you're angry with me and I'm sorry I gave you the wrong impression." Actually, he didn't think he owed her an apology at all but the other two had told him he had to apologize to her anyway. One of those female rules that only women got apparently. Or knew about for that matter, since they seemed to change them as soon as they thought men might be getting close to cracking their mysterious woman code.

"Oh?"

"Yeah, I mean...I can see how me stepping in the way I did..how you might think I was trying to play the whole white knight deal, you know? I mean it's only natural that you took it the wrong way and thought that I was showing my interest in you, that I wanted to start something up and all. That's why you've been so upset right? Because you figured I was just playing with your feelings, acting all Prince Charming like, and then leaving you high and dry." Watching her eyes narrow to mere slits, all color leaving her face, Hisagi was rapidly coming to the conclusion that he'd said something very, very wrong. If he wanted to live, he needed to backpedal and fast. "I'm not saying it's funny or anything, or that I'm not really flattered that you'd think of me that way, because I am, really flattered. I mean who wouldn't be."

"Wait. Right. Here." Isane got out through clenched teeth. "Don't move."

Turning on her heels Isane marched the rest of the way to where the other female lieutenants were sitting for their usual lunch date. Heading straight for Nemu Isane took the girl's arm and tugged, indicating that she wanted Nemu to come with her and wasn't taking no for an answer. Curious the girl got to her feet and allowed Isane to lead her back in Hisagi's direction, while everyone else moved to get a better view of whatever was going to happen.

"I want you to punch him as hard as you can in the head."

Blinking Nemu looked back and forth between Isane and the very nervous captain they were approaching. "Why do you want me to kill him?"

"I don't. Yet. I just want you to punch him as hard as you can in his empty, bird-brained head."

"If I did that his skull would shatter."

"You can break a man's skull with one punch?"

"Yes."

"Oh..." That was something to have nightmares about later. "Then only punch him half as hard as you can."

"That would cause multiple breaks and fissures in his skull. The resulting brain damage could leave him a vegetable for the rest of his life."

"Damn. Okay, punch him hard enough to give him a mild concussion and one hell of a headache."

"I can do that."

"Excellent."

Nemu had only one question. "Why don't you punch him? You could give him a concussion as easily as I could." Well maybe not as accurately, but Isane san at least couldn't accidentally do worse than a minor concussion.

"I have nightmares..well worse nightmares when I hurt people. I'm a medic, a healer. I'm supposed to do no harm." She'd already suffered enough from the dreams resulting from the punch she'd delivered to his kidney before.

Arriving at their destination Isane crossed her arms in front of Hisagi, looking very much like a vengeful goddess as she entire being gave off a killing aura. "This is what you get for being a big headed prick, Hisagi. Nemu san?"

"Hei." Bowing before Hisagi Nemu gave him a slightly apologetic look before drawing back her fist so that it was aligned with her shoulder blade. Then, with lightening quick accuracy, she punched him in the face. Watching him fly across the street and into a nearby light post, Nemu winced slightly. The concussion might not be as minor as she'd intended, as he'd unexpectedly decided to crash into the post. Ouch.

* * *

"Well that's not something you see every day. What did he do now?" Isane had told her all about what Captain Hisagi had done, so Nanao wasn't in the dark as to why the younger woman wasn't currently speaking to him. She couldn't say she was that surprised either. For such a serious, down to earth guy, Hisagi could be more than a little..well Kyoraku-ish.

"If I talk about it I'll give into my urge to have Nemu finish the bastard off." Sitting down with a thump it was obvious that Isane was not going to be the life of the party today.

"They're men, doing stupid things is what they do." Rukia pointed out, having yet to figure out whether or not she intended to punish Renji for not telling her that he was in love with her. It was the main reason she'd asked if she could join the other female lieutenants for lunch. She needed all the help she could get. "Asking them to start using their brains is like asking members of the eleventh division to become pacifists, which is even more pointless than Omaeda's existence."

"Ever since you guys started the whole sex thing everything's gone downhill." Hinamori huffed, giving them all dark looks. Thanks to Nanao and Isane, she was now living at Ukitake's house, helping Captain Unohana take care of the three male captains who were supposed to be looking after them. Ha, now there was a joke. If she had to hear another spiel from Captain Kyoraku on how cruel Lieutenant Ise was being, she was going to scream and kill them all. Seriously.

"Apparently my captain and the other two decided to serenade the whole house at three o'clock in the morning." Nanao explained, since Isane had only just arrived. "Captain Kyoraku decided to move in with Ukitake san since I'd moved out and he made Hinamori chan move in with them. She's suffering greatly for our sins." Nanao added with a small smile.

"Ouch." Feeling sympathetic, Isane patted Hinamori on the shoulder. "Well look at it this way, at least you're well taken care of, with three captains in the house to protect you. Kyoraku drinks so much, he probably can fight even when he's fall down drunk."

Since that was true and she didn't like him right now, Nanao felt no need to defend her captain's honor. Honor. Ha. What honor, the jerk.

Looking for a way to change the subject Hinamori said the first thing that came to mind. "I wonder where Lieutenant Kusajishiis."

Nanao shrugged, since the lieutenant in question was often late. "She'll come when she's good and ready."


	28. Men Are Emotionally Challenged

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original characters and the situations I put them in. Everything else belongs to somebody else and that's just the way its gotta be, people. Thank you all so much for your great reviews, I look forward to continuing to hear from you. Enjoy and have an awesome day!

Question!: Please someone email/tell me in a review what happens to the captains/lieutenants when on earth when they're attacked and or injured in their fake body suits which allow them to be seen by everyone. Does the body suit bleed, can they die while in that form if the body is damaged beyond repair? Need to know for the next chapter, Thanks.

Men Are Emotionally Challenged

Being sober enough to be somewhat wise, Kyoraku waited until the girls were done their lunch and getting ready to leave before he approached Nemu. Nanao had beat a hasty retreat as soon as she'd spotted him approaching, likely assuming that he was going to try to talk to her, the way he'd been trying to get her to talk to him all day. So far, he'd gotten nothing more than death glares that threatened him with physical harm beyond his wildest imagination. And he had a pretty vivid imagination.

The fact that she was staying with Kuchiki pissed him off more than words could say, but not even he was stupid enough to think that complaining about that to her would get him anything other than another black mark in her books. He already had plenty of those, He thought grimly. In fact, he wouldn't be surprised if she had a book solely for him, happily noting down all the things he did that pissed her off on a daily basis. So no, he was going to leave the whole living arrangement thing alone for the moment and concentrate on fixing his current mistakes to the best of his ability. God willing, she'd be talking to him by the end of the week.

Coming up behind Nemu Kyoraku politely tapped her on the shoulder, waiting until she'd turned around before he tried his most sorry, sheepish smile. "Hi, Nemu chan. Could I talk to you for a minute?" When she nodded Kyoraku couldn't believe his luck, finally something going his way! After all, as far as he was concerned, Nemu was the only one who had a right to be mad at him, and apparently she wasn't. Or at least she was willing to talk to him, which was more than another lieutenant was willing to do.

Returning to her earlier seat, with Captain Kyoraku taking one across from her, Nemu gave him a questioning look. "What did you wish to discuss?"

"I wanted to apologize for the other day...I shouldn't have lied to you."

"Are you apologizing because you're sorry or because Nanao san isn't talking to you and you think apologizing to me will change that?"

Opening his mouth Kyoraku wisely closed it again. Now was not the time to try and half truth his way through things, he silently lectured himself. Besides, she apparently knew him too well for him to get away with anything less than the truth anyway. Nanao could do it too. It really wasn't fair, the way women could tap into men's brains the way they did while they themselves remained a mystery.

So the truth was his only option. Unfortunately. "Partially just because I'm hoping Nanao chan will forgive me faster and partly because I really am sorry I lied to you."

He hadn't lied to her this time, that made her happy. "I accept your apology. You should know though, that Nanao san said she wasn't going to be forgiving you any time soon, even if you did apologize and mean it."

Go figure. "Thanks for the heads up." Working up a smile for her Kyoraku was about to make his good byes when a thought crossed him mind. "Nemu chan...do you know why Isane chan is so mad and had you punch Shuhei kun?"

"I'm not allowed to tell any male because that would be a betrayal of my sex. Yachiru san said so."

"Women."

* * *

Coming out of nowhere Yoruichi was disappointed when Matsumoto didn't even jostle at her unexpected appearance beside her. In fact, the girl didn't even give any indication she was aware the other woman was there. Put out Yoruichi crossed her arms in front of her chest and turned her head to see what had the lieutenant so enraptured that someone popping out of thin air didn't startle her in the least.

Before them was a church, the doors thrown open with a large wedding party standing in front of the doors for some picture taking. "Okay...and what's so interesting about that?" Yoruichi asked, her tone clearly conveying the fact that this was as fascinating to her as watching paint dry. She'd been on her way to pick up some Thai food for Kisuke, but had been sidetracked by the unexpected presence of the tenth division lieutenant, who was apparently doing some sidetracking of her own.

"I've never been to a wedding." Her eyes never leaving the people in front of her, Matsumoto acknowledged Yoruichi only by speaking to her in turn. "I always thought I would be, one day. One day I thought I'd get to be a bride too. Stupid, but I really did."

"Ichimaru?"

She nodded. "Like I said, stupid. He never said he loved me, you know. Not even once. I always thought he would someday, or told myself that he was just like Kuchiki, you know? Not the type to say that sort of thing but still feeling it at the same time. At least that's what I told myself, even though I usually had the sense not to believe it. I only ever really believed it at night, when he held me. When he was holding me I could fool myself."

Since what she knew about the former third division captain could barely fill a thimble, Yoruichi wasn't really in a position to either agree or disagree. So she fell back on what all women said at times like this. "Men are asseholes."

"They really are."

Lapsing into silence they must have been there for at least five minutes, the wedding party starting to load everyone into cars as they headed off for the reception portion of the day's events. Once they were gone, and she and Yoruichi were alone on the now silent street, Matsumoto turned her full attention to the other woman for the first time since Yoruichi had gotten there. "Does your man tell you he loves you? I mean, I heard you and that guy, the former twelfth division captain were..ya know...shacking up and all."

Shaking up and all? Amused Yoruichihad to laugh at the unique description for her relationship with Kisuke. She'd have to remember to tell him about it later. "Yeah, he does, sorta. He's a throw it out there in a joking way sort of guy. The way Kyoraku does."

"One of those." Nodding her head wisely Matsumoto got that. She only wished Gin had been that type but no, despite his habit of acting like everything was a joke to him, he'd never treated the L word that way. He'd never used it lightly, or at all. "Well better that than nothing I guess."

Shrugging, Yoruichi didn't really care either way. She didn't need the words, words were just words at the end of the day. It was the showing that was important, the durability of a bond that counted as far as she was concerned.

"Has he ever asked you to marry him?"

Blinking in surprised Yoruichi blurted out exactly what she was thinking. "Why would he?" Marrying Kisuke had never crossed her mind, why would it? Things between them had always been the same, for centuries unchanged by time together or apart. They lived together when it suited them and didn't really keep in touch when they weren't. He invented, she kicked ass. It was how it was and always had been.

Just as surprised Matsumoto didn't quite know what to think. "Well...if he loves you...I mean..that's what people in love do, right? They get married, maybe have a couple kids, grow old together and all that other stuff. I mean I always wanted to get married because I wanted that belonging, that ring around both our fingers that said he was mine and I was his. I mean sure, marriage doesn't keep men from being bastards and cheating and stuff..but..well...I guess I just always saw a man asking you to marry him as a sort of promise to become yours for the rest of his life..his way of saying that you are his life and he'll never share it with anyone else but you. Or is that stupid too?"

Blinking again Yoruichi processed this as her eyes narrowed thoughtfully. Matsumoto had a point. Several very good points. There was nothing stopping Kisuke from catting around while she was off training or keeping her idiot pupils out of trouble. They'd never even bothered to promise to be monogamous, even though she'd known only him since they'd fled Soul Society together. Had there been other women? Did he not want to belong solely to her? Was she just handy until that special someone came along that he did want to marry? Had he never asked her to marry him because he didn't want to be tied to her, as opposed to it having never occurred to him to ask? Why hadn't he asked her to marry him, damn it?

Getting the just of what was going through Yoruichi's head Matsumoto wisely kept her mouth shut. After all, who the hell was she to give advice to anyone when it came to relationships? Not that that ever stopped her when it came to her friends, but she knew the men involved in most cases and it wasn't like any of her friends would ever blindly follow her advice about anything anyway. At least she hoped not, for their sake.

"Well Fuck."

Yup, Matsumoto could entirely relate.

* * *

When the elevator chimed Urahara looked up from his work to see Yoruichi walking towards him, a large paper bag in hand that could only contain his very late lunch. "That took you a while." He noted as he stretched his arms above his head, trying to work the kinks out after spending too long fiddling with his latest toy. "Bad line up?"

Walking over Yoruichi dropped the bag on his work bench before looking him directly in the eye, her eyes making it clear that she meant business and if he thought to take her lightly he better think again.

"Will you marry me?"

"Wha?" Urahara could literally feel all the blood draining from his head, his brain shutting down while brain cells popped like well done popcorn.

"I said will you marry me? What part of that don't you understand?"

Despite the state of his mental facilities, Urahara had just enough brain function to know that answering 'All of it' would get him killed in a heartbeat. So he just kept quiet, the better to live longer while he mentally urged his body to recover enough to save his skin and figure out what the hell had brought this on. Marriage? They'd never talked about marriage. He'd never thought about marriage. What had he missed while he was working? Had they gotten a bad fortune cookie?

"You don't want to marry me." Yoruichi surmised, her arms crossing in front of her chest, her stance aggressive and threatening. "Why don't you want to marry me?"

"I..I..didn't say I didn't want to."

"You didn't say yes either. Well that's just fine. It's your loss anyway. I'm fine with staying single, being able to come and go whenever I want, no ties or obligations. That suits me just fine." It was hard to say what pissed her off more, the fact that he didn't want to marry her or the fact that she'd been happily unaware that SHE wanted to marry him until Matsumoto had opened her big mouth and planted the idea in her head. Heads were going to roll once she got over the pain of his stupefied rejection.

"Well I..."

"After all, I spend all my time surrounded by hot, powerful men, men who would be more than happy to marry me someday." Now it was all about saving her pride, which was almost as strong as she was. Though she wasn't feeling very strong at the moment. In fact, she was feeling downright vulnerable, and she hated that almost as much as she wanted to make him hurt for hurting her. So she'd hitting back with words, and hide how much he'd managed to hurt her with his lack of them. "So yeah, that's how it is. Who wants to marry someone who doesn't want to marry her after all? I'm fine waiting a couple years, go looking for someone who wants the same things I do and doesn't spend all his time not thinking about me. In fact, I should probably start as soon as possible, seeing as I've been wasting my time all these centuries with you. Yeah, I think I'm going to head out right now, maybe pay Byakuya a visit." Turning on her heels Yoruichi was riding on anger and the pleasure of knowing that nothing pissed off Urahara or any male in Soul Society more than being compared to the rich, gorgeous and available Captain Kuchiki. The fact that she thought of him as nothing more than a kid brother was beside the fact, a fact she'd never clued Urahara into for the very reason that it pissed him off so much. If she had to be hurt and pissed, so did he. It was what couples did, damn it.

So focused was she on her own pain and feelings, Yoruichi barely saw the blur that was Kisuke as he flashed in front of her, blocking her way. "Move it or lose it, Hat Head."

"Marry me."

"I don't want to marry you anymore, you lost your chance." Sniffing Yoruichi was in no mood to let him live at the moment.

"That's not fair!" Thank God, his brain was functioning again. "We never talked about getting married, and then you go and drop that little bomb and you don't even give me time to think about anything other than the fact that I sure as hell never saw this coming!"

"In other words, you just asked me to marry you because you think that's what's going to keep me from kicking your ass. Fat chance." Eyes flaring, it was obvious Yoruichi was going from hurt and angry to full out ass kicking rage.

"That's not why I'm asking!"

"Then why are you?"

"Because...because I..you see I...ah hell, Yoruichi, what do you want me to say? If you want to get married or not, it's fine with me as long as we're together, just us, no one else. As long as your mine I don't give a damn about anything else. We love each other, damn it."

Cocking her head to the side Yoruichi considered his words, slowly lifting her arms to encircle his neck. "I want to get married." She said carefully, stepping close so that their bodies pressed against each other. "I want everyone to know you belong to me."

"Then we're getting married, if that's a yes."

"I suppose it is." Smiling now Yoruichi gazed into his eyes with love in hers. "After all, who other than me would have you?"

His comeback was muffled by her lips against his.

* * *

Hisagi woke up feeling like someone had dropped a building on him. Repeatedly. Over a span of several hours. He hurt everywhere, all at once, with his head being the worst as it screamed its pain. The idea of trying to open his eyes didn't even occur to him. That meant exposing his eyes to light, and he couldn't imagine that would go over well. Good God, what had happened to him? The last thing he remembered was... Eyes opening instinctively at his last memories, Hisagi would have sat up if his body had been in any condition to do so. " Kurotsuchi san punched me!"

"That she did." Renji agreed, leaving his seat to stand over his former teacher. "You've got one hell of a black eye slash cheek. She's sorry you hit the lamp post by the way. She even sent you flowers."

"Why the hell did she hit me?" Hisagi groaned, that part very much still unclear to him.

"Because Isane san asked her to." Kira answered from the other side of Hisagi's bed where he was sitting. "Apparently you said something to her that really made her mad. What did you say, anyway?" He wanted to know so that he never ended up on Isane's bad side for saying it.

"Hell if I know."

"Well at least this isn't nearly as embarrassing as that time you got your ass kicked by that girlie boy from the eleventh division." Kira reminded Hisagi, trying to look on the bright side for his friend.

"Thanks so much for that, Kira. Like I don't feel crappy enough..."

"Sorry."

Looking to undo the damage Kira had wrought, Renji patted Hisagi awkwardly on the shoulder. "Don't worry, all the men have promised to see if they can't talk one of the girls into spilling, you know about why she's so mad at you. We'll figure this out for you, you'll see."

"I won't hold my breath." Hisagi was beginning to think he was never going to figure out what Isane's problem with him was. Which was really bad, especially if she kept getting people to beat the hell out of him when he guessed wrong. Just how many guesses did he get before she killed him?


	29. Running From or To You

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original characters and the situations I put them all in. Everything else belongs to somebody else and that's just the way its gotta be, people. Thanks so much for reading and reviewing, I love hearing from you all! Hope you enjoy and have a great day.

Note: Sry there won't be the big battle I planned, I saw a BLEACH music vid on YouTube and it inspired me in a big way. So the fight I planned will wait...and involve different characters than previously planned...poor, poor, Kira. Having to take Hitsugaya's place. Les sigh.

Running From or To You

There was quite a stir outside the school as girls stood in groups and whispered, sneaking peeking glances in the direction of the total hottie who was waiting for someone by the school gates. He'd bleached his spiky hair out so that it was white, but it looked so totally natural it was amazing. He also had the sharpest, coolest blue eyes any of them had ever seen. Sure he was on the short side, about a girl's average height, but the commanding, mature aura around him made him seem older. And that much better.

One of the girls, joining her friends, immediately asked what had everyone all stirred up, having just left the building and therefore missed all the excitement so far. When one of the other girls pointed the guy out, the girl was surprised to see who it was. "That's Karin chan's guy!"

"Whose?"

"You know, Karin Kurosaki, the girl that plays on the boy's soccer team? She and I were in junior high together." The girl, Kara, confined. "She introduced me to him once. He's a major soccer player too, he's even better than she is. He's a friend of her brother's, and she's totally into him."

"But they aren't together?" One of the other girl's asked, the gleam in her eye making her intentions clear. The guy was a little young and short for her tastes, but there was just something so very yummy about him.

Kara shook her head. "No, he lives in another country or something. Karin says she's lucky if she sees him once a year. Oh and look, there's Karin chan's sister going over to talk to him!"

"Hello, Hitsugaya kun." Smiling at her brother's friend Yuzu hurried over to greet him properly. "Big brother didn't mention you were coming to visit this week. Is Matsumoto san with you too?"

Giving her a small nod in greeting Hitsugaya couldn't help but smile a little at the youngest Kurosaki. She was just so bright and cheerful. "She's hanging out with Orihime san at the moment, and no, I didn't tell your brother I was coming. I didn't know I was coming until yesterday."

"Is something wrong?"

"The General just asked me to come down and look into a few things for him. We should only be here two or three days at the most."

Oh, Karin would be so disappointed, Yuzu thought, sorry for her sister's sake. She liked Hitsugaya too of course, but not the same way Karin did. And speaking of Karin... "Are you waiting for my sister?"

Caught a little off guard Hitsugaya almost forgot the handy excuse he'd come up with to explain his presence. "I..uhm...I wanted to talk to her, see if she'd heard or seen anything strange recently. I know she doesn't like to make others worry, so I wanted to make sure she hadn't 'forgotten' to mention anything to your brother."

Right... Biting back a giggle Yuzu did her best to look like she believed that. "Well in that case you better come with me. She had soccer practice today so she's out on the field."

"Oh. Then perhaps I should speak to her another time. I wouldn't want to interrupt. Are you on your way home?"

"Oh, well I...I have to go to the market first, and you know, I'm sure Karin wouldn't mind if you were there to watch. You could even give the other guys on her team pointers, they could use them."

Like he wanted to spend the next couple of hours looking at guys who got to see Karin every day at school AND after for soccer games? Thanks, but he'd prefer to remain happily ignorant of his competition. Especially competition that had the major advantage, being actually alive and among the living. "No, besides, you shouldn't have to carry your groceries by yourself. I'll help you."

Yuzu had been around enough stubborn men to know when they'd made their minds up and weren't going to budge come hell or high water. "Okay then. Just let me..I'll be right back."

* * *

Panting heavily Karin leaned forward, her hands braced on her knees as she greedily sucked in air. They'd only been practicing for the past ten minutes but she'd had gym before this, which always made practices on Fridays particular bad ones. Especially when you were in the guy's team because they were so bad the only chance they had of scoring came from her or a couple of others, Karin thought cynically. The coach had apparently gotten on his hands and knees in front of the head soccer guys, begging them to let her play for them so that he didn't have to hang his head in shame after every game. At least that was the rumour around school. Not that they'd ever win a tournament or anything, that would really be asking for too much. But at least they hadn't been dealt a shutout since she'd started playing for them.

Hearing her name being called from across the field Karin turned her head to see a group of girls waving at her, obviously trying to get her attention. She only recognized one of them, Kara, who'd been in some classes with her, and the one who'd called her over. Jogging over Karin was curious as to what they could want. "What's up?" Brushing her bangs out of her eyes Karin wondered if they wanted her to introduce them to some of the guys. That was the probably it.

"Your sister asked me to tell you that Hitsugaya kun is in town and was waiting for you by the school gate. He didn't want to disturb your practice though, so he headed home with her to give her a hand with the groceries."

The other girls watched with keen interest as the girl before them turned an interesting shade of pink. Karin Kurosaki had a reputation around their high school as a real tomboy, someone obsessed with sports and who had little time for girlie things like make up, cute outfits and boys. Apparently though, there was one boy in this world who she didn't just want to be friends with.

"He was here? He left?" Her distress clear they watched as the girl quickly undid the ponytail she wore to keep her hair out of her way. They were all surprised to see that it was almost elbow length, having never seen her wear it any way but up. She actually looked sorta pretty with it down and framing her face.

"About five minutes ago." Anything else they might have asked, and they had plenty of questions about the mysterious Hitsugaya kun, was lost as Karin turned on her heels and sprinted out of there, gone in a flash of white and black as she rushed over to the benches, grabbed her backpack, then took off out of the gym to the shock of her coach and team-mates. No one even thought to ask her where she was going and why.

Running for all she was worth Karin proved just why she was also on the track team as she zoomed out of the school gates and headed down the side walk, barely managing to keep her head focused on the people around her. No, if she bumped into someone she'd have to stop and stopping meant she would lose valuable time. Time not spent with Toshiro kun. She hadn't known he was coming, why hadn't Ichigo said he was coming? Stupid big brother!

Of course she was a little stupid herself, getting all riled up like this over a guy she'd met exactly seven times since the first time they'd met, when he'd caught her soccer ball and kicked it back to her. He was an incredible soccer player, way better than she could ever hope to be. He was pretty much an incredible everything according to Matsumoto san, who was always full of stories about Toshiro. Not that she needed anyone to tell her that.

Spotting an alleyway Karin grinned, knowing that if she cut through there she'd cut a good three minutes off her arrival time. Yuzu would never go through there because of the garbage, occasional rat or the terrible smell, but Karin could have cared less at the moment. Cutting through Karin put everything she had into getting through and out as quickly as possible, because yeah, the smell was really, really bad, and even though she didn't consider herself girlie, even she would be tempted to say eeww, if that hadn't meant opening her mouth. Who knew what she'd accidentally suck in if she did that? Gross.

So focused was she on watching where she stepped and not breathing too deeply that Karin missed the fact that she was almost out, barrelling out of the alleyway and straight into oncoming human traffic with a muffled yelp. Milliseconds from crashing into a little old lady Karin was saved as two strong arms reached out and grabbed her, bringing her back hard against his chest before she could make any unfortunate contacts. Catching her breath Karin turned her head when she heard her sister calling her name. "Yuzu?"

"What were you thinking? You know that alleyway is dangerous!" Hands on her hips Yuzu was more than ready to give her sister a good scolding. "And if Hitsugaya kun hadn't grabbed you, you and that old lady could have ended up falling into oncoming traffic!"

The rest of the lecture was completely lost on Karin as she turned in the arms holding her, her dark eyes meeting familiar sea coloured eyes. "Hi." Karin said softly, everything else blurring and muting out.

"Hi back."

* * *

The next time Hisagi surfaced he looked around him in a haze, the headache a little better but not by much. Opening his eyes Hisagi stared up at the plain white ceiling, then tried to turn his head when he heard someone say to someone else that 'he's awake'. Only able to turn his head slightly, Hisagi could still make out enough of the face to know that it was Ikkaku looking down at him with the sort of smile that made a man's blood run cold. And unfortunately, Hisagi was well aware he was in no condition to run anywhere.

Before his worried eyes Hisagi watched as four other men joined Ikkaku, forming a semi circle around his bedside. They were all members of the eleventh division, though Hisagi only knew one of them besides Ikkaku, because, like, he could never forget Yumichika. The way the smug little bastard was smiling at him, Hisagi had no idea what the narcissistic girlie boy was thinking too. The same thing Hisagi was thinking. The fact that last time they'd fought, Yumichika had kicked his ass. The humiliation of it all.

"How are you feeling, Captain Hisagi?" Ikkaku inquired politely, the others remaining silent as they contented themselves with staring at Hisagi without blinking, doing their best to intimidate the hell out of the superior officer.

"I've been better." Was his cautious reply. They weren't here out of concern, and they weren't here to kill him for his job, because hey, none of them had applied for it. Had Isane hired them to come rough him up? Was this round two of her plan to take him out permanently for crimes still unknown? Couldn't she have picked something a little more merciful? Like lethal injection or smothering him with his own pillow? Where the hell was Kira and Renji, damn it!

"And have you learned your lesson where Isane san is concerned?"

Blinking over the third seat's use of Isane's first name Hisagi had a hard time looking past that to the question he'd been asked. "Huh?"

Ikkaku wasn't the type to beat around the bush. "You've been bothering Isane san. You made her cry. This is not allowed."

The other four members of the eleventh division nodded in unison.

"She won't tell us what you did but we sure as hell aren't going to let you get away with it anymore." The man who'd spoken wasn't familiar to Hisagi, but you didn't get into the eleventh division by being a whiny wimp. The way the guy was cracking his knuckles said it all.

"Did she put you up to this?"

"No. When we offered to teach you a lesson in manners she asked us not to interfere. But we will interfere, Captain Hisagi, if you continue to make our darling Isane chan cry." Yumichika informed Hisagi with a snobby little sneer. "Nobody upsets her while we're around. Right, boys?"

Once again, they all nodded in unison while giving Hisagi the evil eye.

"Darling Isane chan?" How was he supposed to concentrate on the fact that they were threatening him when they kept talking about Isane like she belonged to them? "Where the hell do you get off talking about her so familiarly?"

Okay, that probably wasn't the wisest thing to say when he was laid up in a hospital bed with five muscle bound thugs waiting for an excuse to kill him, but hey, he was drugged, he deserved some slack Not that they were likely to give him any, Hisagi thought darkly, as he watched their eyes narrow. Unless they were planning to use that slack to hang him with it.

"We all have permission to call her by her first name." Ikkaku informed him.

Hisagi was about to demand to know why that would be when the obvious answer hit him right between the eyes. They were the eleventh division. They lived to beat up each other and anyone who happened to be handy at the time. And what do you do when you're beat up and requiring medical attention? You came to the forth division. Hell, these guys probably had beds in here reserved for them year round. With bronze name plates and monogrammed sheets too.

"So you're going to leave her alone, right?" This was from another of his unknown, would be attackers.

"Look, I upset her and I don't know what I did. I'm not going to stop until I find out what happened and make it right again." He wasn't going to be safe until he made things right, that was becoming painfully clear.

"Well while you're figuring that out, keep this in mind." And now Ikkaku's voice dropped so that it was for his ears alone. "Everyone in our division knows and cares about Isane san's well being. If you continue to cause her problems we are ALL going to have a problem with you. We might have given her our words that we wouldn't kill you, but there are a lot of things worse than death in this world, and we'd be more than happy to introduce you to them. So watch yourself, Captain, because we sure as hell will be watching you."

* * *

Renji wasn't entirely sure that it was safe to approach Rukia at the moment. She'd been acting weird around him for the past couple of days and when she did that it usually meant she was mad at him over something. The fact that he had no idea what he could have done was just a typical fact of their relationship. He very rarely knew what he'd done until she finally told him, pissed off from having to wait so long for him to figure it out himself. The fact that he was always up front when he had no idea what he'd done never seemed to earn him brownie points for honesty, which was so very unfair. But that was women for you, Renji thought with a sigh, pondering the burden upon man's shoulders, that they were doomed for eternity to want someone, women, who was even more of a mystery then why Zaraki wore his hair the way he did.

But he had promised Hisagi that he'd try to help him figure out what was going on with Isane. And a promise was a promise. Unfortunately. Taking a deep breath as he took his life into his hands, Renji loudly cleared his throat so that she'd know he was there as he crossed the wooden porch to approach her. She was sitting at the edge, star gazing, and she only glanced over once to confirm it was him before going back to her gazing. Yup, she was definitely mad at him for something. Again. Shit.

Her cheeks bright red Rukia gave thanks that it was dark out. Thank God he couldn't tell. She'd been avoiding him like the plague, which wasn't easy when your brother wasn't helping matters by assigning his lieutenant to watch over her whenever they were at home. Yeah, her brother was getting a big kick out of all this, Rukia thought crossly, wishing she had the guts to yell at her brother the way little sisters were supposed to do. But who could argue with a rock and hope to win? When he hesitantly took a seat near her, leaving plenty of space between them, Rukia was surprised enough to look over at him questioning. What was wrong with him? He looked ready to bolt at the slightest provocation. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." Said so fast it was barely understandable Renji mentally cursed himself for making it so clear that he feared her wrath. How was he supposed to ever get her to see him as a man if he was always cowering before her anger like this? Of course she was a Kuchiki, which meant she was loads meaner than he was. Anyone in their right mind would fear her wrath, or at least that's what he told himself and everyone else when they brought it up. Which wasn't important right now. What was important was asking her about Isane and than getting the hell out of there to once again stay up all night trying to figure out what he'd apparently done this time. "Do you know why Isane san is mad at Captain Hisagi?"

The moon was full, the stars were out, and they were all alone facing a beautiful garden in night bloom. And he wanted to talk about a fight between two members of the Gotei 13. Was it any wonder she'd never thought of him romantically, when he quite clearly lacked so much as one romantic bone in his skinny body. And who in their right mind would want to get involved with a guy like that, knowing that moments such as this would be completely wasted on him. He would probably just shove a ring into her hands someday, not even bothering to get down on one knee or even admit to being in love with her. Could someone who didn't have a romantic bone in his body even feel love for someone? Maybe it was all hormonal or something and wouldn't even last. Wouldn't that be a kicker, since she'd already lost two whole nights of sleep wondering about how she felt about him. If she talked herself into loving him, only to find out he didn't really love her, she was going to ask her brother to kill him. He'd do it too, he'd been waiting years for the chance after all.

Taking her silence as confirmation Renji drew the obvious conclusion. "You know but you aren't going to tell me. The whole women stick together thing, right?"

"Exactly." Rukia had no idea why Isane was on the warpath where Captain Hisagi was concerned, but if she had, he was right, she wouldn't tell him. In a world dominated by stupid men, women needed all the back up they could get. Besides, Hisagi was probably only getting what was coming to him. There was always a reason to want to punch any man if you just thought about it long enough.

"Figures." Rolling his eyes Renji got to his feet, not about to stick around any longer than was necessary. The last thing he needed right now was a 'Men Are Scum' lecture from her, especially since he had hers practically memorized. "Well night then."

Watching him beat a hasty retreat Rukia frowned over his obvious eagerness. Well didn't she just feel so loved.


	30. Way To Start the Day

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original characters and the situations I put everyone in. Everything else belongs to somebody else and that's just the way its always got to be. Thanks so much for reading, and your reviews are always appreciated and inspiring. Hope you enjoy, have a great day!

Way To Start the Day

It was a bright and early day when Kira stepped out onto his front porch, stretching his hands above his head as he welcomed the new day. A new day held endless possibilities, Kira thought with a half smile on his face. Absently pushing his bangs out of his eyes Kira paused as he caught sight of a simple cardboard box with a letter attached to its top, sitting beside his apartment's front door. He'd gotten in so late the night before, he must have missed it on his way in. Bending down Kira snatched up the box before heading back inside his apartment, turning the box around in his hands to try and get a sense of what could be in it. It wasn't his birthday, or an occasion that warranted gift giving. Maybe someone had gotten the wrong door? But no, his name was on it, Kira noted, taking a seat at his kitchen table. And hmm...that looked like Momo's handwriting. Intrigued now Kira unattached the envelope from the box and opening it withdrew the letter that had been inside.

Dear Izuru

I'm sorry that I'm writing this instead of saying it, but I don't think I can say everything I want to without crying, and I know how much you hate to see me cry. First I want to tell you how sorry I am for all the terrible things I said about your captain, and for implying that it was all his fault that my captain did what he did. If anything, it's the other way around, but you never said that. No one did. They let me defend him and they watched what they said about him around me. They weren't always so kind to you. But you're so much stronger than I am, so that's probably why. I also wanted to tell you that I'm sorry I wasn't there for you when you were suffering after our captains left. I had to blame someone, and I took it out on Ichimaru and indirectly you, as his lieutenant.

Since those events I've sensed our bond isn't the same, my relationships with a lot of people have suffered because aI refused to wake up to my captain's true nature. I am writing everyone I can think of to apologize for what I did and said both then and now. I'm not going to be that person anymore, and we both know that once I decide to do something, little can stand in my way.

Thank you so much for staying my friend, and know that if you ever need me you have only to ask.

Your Eternal Friend,

Momo

P.S. Inside the box are your favourite strawberry tarts. Don't forget to put them in the fridge.

* * *

Hisagi had had the whole night to plan his strategy. He'd palmed the pills they'd tried to give him that morning, which would have probably helped with the pain but would have also sent him to la la land in the process. Today, at least for the next hour, he needed a clear head. Of course his plan had more holes than a slice of swiss cheese, but he'd always been a fairly lucky person up until the past couple of weeks. When the chips were down he usually got out by the seat of his pants, living to fight another day despite the odds to the contrary. Hopefully, this would be one of his luckier days.

Everything hinged on Isane coming to check on him when she got in. Even though she was mad at him, Hisagi knew her well enough to know that she'd be feeling mighty guilty for putting him in the hospital like this. The guilt would force her to come over and that would be when he struck. Of course if his body gave out on him he'd be royally screwed, but what else was new? For now he'd fake sleep, and wait for his prey to arrive. No more Mr. Nice Captain. All bets were off, baby.

Waiting in anticipation the moment finally came, as her sweet, lilac scent washed over him as she leaned over him, her fingers placed against his neck as she checked his pulse. Drawing on every ounce of strength he had Hisagi sat up, grabbed Isane, threw her over his shoulder, and marched them both over to the nearest utility closet. Opening the door Hisagi ignored the shouts from those who'd either witnessed what he'd done or heard Isane's shocked scream, walking in and then kicking the door shut with his foot. Turning to face the door Hisagi set Isane back down on her feet than backed her up against the wood door, bracing his hands on either side of her head. Staring into her eyes with his most intimidating, alpha male glare, Hisagi got straight to the point.

"Why the hell are you mad at me?"

Staring at him Isane couldn't even make a peep.

"Damn it, we're staying here until you tell me." Or until he passed out, whatever came first. "I'm tired of you acting like a bitch all the time and getting people to beat me up or threaten to! If you've got a problem with me, than you damn well better tell me what it is so that I know why the hell I'm going to be kicking the hell out of everyone you send at me. So tell me, Isane. What the hell did I do to deserve all this crap, huh?"

He'd never, ever yelled at her before. Eyes tearing up Isane did the only thing she could think to do. She started to cry.

"Damn it! Don't cry! Lieutenants don't cry! It's a rule!" Or it should be. He was making a girl cry, Hisagi thought in horror, automatically backing away in the hopes that that would help. It didn't. "Geez, I didn't mean to..I..." Damn, was he going to have to apologize now?

"I'm...so...sorry!" Wiping the tears off her cheeks and eyes Isane struggled to get ahold of herself. He was right, lieutenants didn't cry. And they didn't run away from a fight either. "And I..I won't ask anyone to hurt you again, I promise. And..and one of the nurses mentioned the 11th division members have been visiting you. I'll be more specific. I told them they couldn't kill you..I should have added maiming and threatening to that too. I'm sorry!"

"Okay. Now are you going to tell me what all this is about so I can apologize and mean it?"

Oh boy, that was not making things easier for her. But he did deserve an answer. "You...you don't owe me an apology. It was...me being stupid. I just blamed it on you..when who could really blame you? I'm...I should have known you didn't mean it."

"Still drawing a blank here."

Oh damn. "You know...that day you woke up with a big bruise over your kidney?" When he nodded Isane took a big breath then continued. "I did that. You were sleeping..sort of...and...you were making noises like you were hurt, but you were really just dreaming and...and you...put the moves on me but you were asleep and didn't know you had. You didn't..we didn't...nothing really happened."

The last part was said so fast that it took Hisagi a moment to figure out what she'd said. "Oh." Of all the things she might have said this was definitely not one his fertile mind had come up with. So he'd been asleep, likely having a nightmare, and she'd come over to check on him. He had, in his dream, obviously sensed female and tried to get her to go to bed with him. "Did I say something really bad to you?" He was in the military after all; he could be very coarse when he wanted to.

"You didn't really say much at all."

Well that was good, sort of. But wait, she'd said something like she should have known he hadn't meant it. Taking that the way it sounded...but no, that couldn't be it. Could it? Just what HAD they done before she'd punched him in the side? Enough to make her blush as red as a tomato, Hisagi noted, frantically trying to remember any of it, but drawing nothing but blanks. And asking her would probably not go over well. Women liked to be memorable. Saying he couldn't remember a thing was likely to get him more time in intensive care.

"Can...can I go now?" She could hear people calling for her on the other side of the door, but between her weight and Hisagi's they couldn't get it open.

"Not until we got this all sorted out." They couldn't get past this unless they talked it through. "So basically what happened was that while I was half asleep I grabbed you, tried to make out with you, and you punched me when I went too far. Right?"

"You just fell back asleep."

Oh shit. No wonder she was pissed as hell. Not only had he felt her up without her permission, but he'd fallen asleep while doing it. He was lucky she hadn't castrated him. Being in the forth division, she probably kept scalpels and stuff on hand. Talk about your close calls!

Reading his pained look as him thinking about the possible consequences of him actions socially Isane hurried to reassure him. "I only told Nanao san and Nemu san why I'm mad at you. No one else knows and I won't tell anyone else. I mean why would I want to brag about you falling asleep while we were..you know. That reflects more on me than you, right?"

And another peice of the puzzle dropped into place. "Isane chan...is the reason you punched me not because of what I was doing..but that I stopped doing it?"

Bingo.

* * *

Her strides purposeful Captain Soifon was a woman on a mission. It was nagging at her, and that meant she was wasting valuable time with her mind on something that probably didn't even exist. If there was something going on between Zaraki and Lieutenant Kurotsuchi, he would have told her by now. The fact that Kurotsuchi had kissed him on the cheek and given him donuts was nothing to get riled about. Even if Lieutenant Kurotsuchi had an interest in Zaraki, that didn't mean they were being returned. It damn well wasn't going to be returned. But what if he decided that meeting her ultimatum wasn't worth the trouble? What if he decided SHE wasn't worth the trouble? And that brat Yachiru did get along with Kurotsuchi, or at least she liked the girl more. Damn it, damn it, damnit!

Taking a couple calming breaths Soifon used the self control she was famous for to rein in her emotions so that by the time she'd arrived at the doorstep of the twelfth division lab she was as collected and cool as ever. Buzzing for entrance she gave her name, rank, and the reason for her visit. It took some brow beating since their captain wasn't in house but finally Soifon was able to brow beat her way into gaining entrance. Once in she was escorted by one of the many scientist underlings to the living quarters, the man pointing towards his lieutenant's door before taking off without another word. Since such rude behaviour didn't deserve a thank you, Soifon just sniffed and then moving towards the door knocked. When it opened Soifon blinked in surprise. "Lieutenant Ise...what are you doing here?"

"I was just visiting, Nemu san." Equally surprised to see the second division captain on the other side of the door Nanao automatically moved out of the woman's way so that she could enter.

Spotting her surprise visitor Nemu got to her feet and bowed respectfully. "Captain Soifon."

"Lieutenant Kurotsuchi. I'm sorry for interrupting. I'll come back at another time when you aren't busy." No way in hell was she getting into any of this with an audience. And come to think of it, wasn't Captain Kurotsuchi sick enough to put cameras everywhere, including his daughter's room? Oh yeah, that was all she needed, this whole thing on tape! Definitely have to arrange to meet somewhere else.

"I can go if this is-" Nanao's words were cut off as the door she'd just closed opened again, this time with the person on the other side not bothering with the courteously of a knock.

It was no surprise to anyone when Captain Kurotsuchi walked in, what was surprising was the woman who came in behind him. She was trashy looking, the personification of cheap as far as Nanao and Soifon were concerned. The quality of her clothes said expensive, but the style and low cut said she was trying too hard to get attention of the male sort. She might have been a natural blonde, but Nanao was willing to lay money down that if that hadn't been the case, the woman would have bleached it out to fit the image she was projecting. Sex available upon demand.

Taking in the other two occupants of his daughter's room it was obvious that the twelfth division captain was less than thrilled to see them."What are you two doing here?"

"Visiting Nemu san." Nanao informed him, her dislike obvious. "Did you need her for something?"

"You hit it on the head, Ise. So if you'll both leave now.."

"What exactly it is you need her for, Captain Kurotsuchi?" Soifon inquired coolly, not liking the look of the woman with Kurotsuchi at all. She was getting a really bad feeling about this and she'd learned a long time ago to trust those instincts implicitly. Just where did this woman factor in? She wasn't going to leave the girl until she knew for sure that what Kurotsuchi had planned wouldn't harm his daughter in any way. Hell, Kurotsuchi was so immoral, incest probably wasn't even beyond the bastard and if the woman was involved..God but she'd have the nightmares later. For now, she was staying put until she got the bottom line.

Since he knew the truth would send her into a tailspin, Captain Kurotsuchi saw no reason to lie. "She's getting a sex education. So if you'd like to stay behind and learn why it is no man wants you, feel free."

"What do you mean, sex education?" Nanao demanded to know, keeping a restraining hand on the fuming female captain's arm. Just in case.

"Yuki here is the best in the city according to my sources. She's here to teach Nemu all she could ever need to know on the subject." His creation would be perfect, even if it killed her. Now that he knew about this flaw, he would see it corrected. By the end of the day, his daughter would know more than an entire whore house put together, the twelfth division captain thought proudly.

"Are you out of your mind?" Nanao demanded to know. "I won't allow it!"

"Do you really think you can stop me? You can't be with her all the time after all." She could put a stop to the lesson today, but they both knew there was nothing she could do about seeing that he never did what he wanted. They both knew that Nemu would do whatever he told her to, regardless of the advice of any of her so called friends. He'd designed her that way after all.

Frustrated as hell Nanao wanted to rant and beat the hell out of him. But since she couldn't do that, she'd just have to suck it up and do what was best for Nemu. "Fine then. I'm staying. If you insist on polluting her mind, I'm going to be here to undo as much of the damage as possible."

"Be my guest." Grinning Kurotsuchi turned to look at the woman he'd hired to bring his daughter up to speed. "I'll leave this in your knowledgeable hands."

* * *

Everyone sitting in the meeting room there was more than a few inquiring glances directed at the empty seat belonging to Captain Soifon. Captains Hisagi and Hitsugaya were of course absent, and Captain Kurotsuchi was always the last to arrive, but Captain Soifon was always the first to arrive, never arriving second since she had inherited the captaincy. What could have been so important that she still wasn't here with less than five minutes to spare before the meeting was called to order. Even the General looked a little concerned.

When the door opened all the captains expected to see Captain Soifon, stunned when instead it was Kurotsuchi, looking so pleased with himself that everyone was instantly on their guard. And then Kurotsuchi moved towards his seat, only to reveal the fact that behind him was Captain Soifon, looking as pale and drawn as Nanao, who was right behind the second division captain and Nemu, who was the only one who looked as she always did.

"You might need to help her to her seat, Nemu." Kurotsuchi cackled as he took his own seat.

"Shut up, Kurotsuchi, or I'll come over there and kick your fucking ass."

No one had ever heard Soifon use profanity before. Captain Kyoraku, for his part, barely heard a word having leapt from his seat to come to his lieutenant's aid. "Nanao chan! What's happened to you?" Reaching out a hand towards her it was smartly smacked away.

"Don't touch me. I don't even want to look at a man right now. Unless it's to castrate Kurotsuchi. Then I'm all for it."

"And then I'll take what little he's got and ram it down his throat." Taking her seat Soifon promptly slumped forward with her arms crossed, hiding her pale face from view.

"What the hell did you do to them?" Zaraki demanded to know, also getting to his feet to face Kurotsuchi, who sat beside him.

"I didn't do anything." Was his so falsely innocent reply, thought there was a hint of worry since Zaraki had his hand on his sword's hilt.

"Don't worry, Captain Kyoraku. I'll take Nanao san back to Captain Kuchiki's to rest, and I'm sure both she and Captain Soifon will be fine in a bit."

Never taking her head from her arms, Soifon figured it was going to only get worse from here on in. "Call me Soifon. After the hell we've been through, first names are only right."

Since Nemu appeared to be the only one unaffected Kyoraku went straight to the source. "Nemu chan, what happened?"

"My father hired a woman who sells herself for a living to teach me more about sex and Soifon san and Nanao san insisted on staying with me so that I wouldn't be horribly corrupted. Everything appeared to be going fine, at least until the woman started talking about all the men she'd slept with who were members of the Gotei 13. Apparently they both know a number of them and they became rather ill after that."

You could have heard a pin drop, the room went that quiet.


	31. Providing Tension Relief

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original characters and the situations I put all characters in. Everything else belongs to somebody else and that's just the way its gotta be. Thanks so much for reading and for all your reviews, hope you enjoy the latest.

Dedicated to Weasel Ninja. I almost earned a kiss apparently, here's hoping I succeed this time heh

Providing Tension Relief

Strolling down the street as he chowed down on an apple, Ichigo stopped when he caught sight of his friend Ishida staring into a window across the street. Looking both ways before he crossed the busy street Ichigo's stride picked up speed, since the traffic was notoriously bad for one's health. He'd met more than a few ghosts who'd felt the need to remind him of that, in all their gory details He had had enough brushes with death this month, thank you very much, Ichigo thought with dark humour.

Joining his friend in front of the window Ichigo studied the display, trying to figure out what exactly had Ishida's attention to the point where his friend actually jostled at his unexpected appearance. "You know this is a girl store right? None of those wedding dresses would look good on you."

"The fact that you can, and are, picturing what I'd look like in any of those dresses is as disturbing as your mind."

"Nice to see you too." Amused and always happy to spar with Ishida, Ichigo stuck his hands in his pockets as he prepared to spend an enjoyable few minutes needling his uptight friend. "So what's up? Looking to see if they're hiring?"

"I'm meeting Orihime san here. She wanted to talk to me about something."

"Likely story." Turning back to the dresses Ichigo couldn't begin to imagine why Orihime would pick this particular store to meet a guy in front of, even if that guy was someone like Ishida, who liked clothes and that sort of stuff. Then again, girls seemed to spend a very large portion of their early life planning for their wedding day, Ichigo reflected. Maybe she came here often to look and wonder and plan. Scary thought since frankly, the whole idea of marriage freaked him out more than a herd of Hollows.

"So you ever think about making some poor girl miserable and marrying her?" Ichigo asked curiously, since Ishida wasn't taking his usual girlie role of starting a conversation. Of course Ishida probably thought he had to get married, to bring more little Quincies into the world.

Raising an eyebrow Ishida refused to rise to the bait. "I bet you don't. Why wish for something that will never happen in any of your lifetimes?"

"And people wonder why we're such good friends."

Amused despite himself Ishida gave a small smile, enjoying their sparring as well. "So where are you headed?"

"I was going to see what that shrimp Hitsugaya is up to. You know he's here right? With his busty sidekick that we know and fear?"

Nodding Ishida imagined that Matsumoto san would like Ichigo's nickname for her. They were both just waiting for the day the shinigami got approached by a cop to be arrested for indecent exposure. Thank God phones came with built in cameras nowadays. "I saw them last night. Karin san was with them."

"Yeah, she likes hanging out with the hedgehog for some reason."

Ishida thought it wise not to tell his over protective friend what that reason was. Like everyone else who knew, Ishida agreed that the less they said on the matter the better. If anything they said had Ichigo interfering, Karin's wrath would be a great and fearsome thing.

"Well that wasn't very nice." Glomping Ichigo from behind Yoruichi used her pupil's head as an elbow rest as she leaned over him to smile at Ishida. "Speaking of a captain like that, for shame, my young padawan."

"Like you haven't called them all much worse." Was his sharp resort, his annoyance plain. "Get off, will ya? And quit calling me your padawan."

"Ishida san, Kurosaki san!" Hurrying over Orihime looked thrilled as always to see them. As much as she'd like to glomp Kurosaki san, she just wasn't brave enough. Not to mention she wasn't sure if he wouldn't try to throw her off the way he was trying to do now to Yoruichi san.

Finally hopping off Ichigo's back Yoruichi grinned, her hands behind her head as she looked over at her young apprentices. For the moment all was right in her world, and she liked seeing them outside the battle scene.

"So why are you here anyway?" Ichigo asked rudely, rubbing his head where her elbows had dug in.

"Yoruichi san is getting married to Kisuke san!" Orihime announced with a huge grin on her face, unable to wait for Yoruichi to spill the beans herself. "We're here to look at dresses for her! I asked Ishida san to come because we wanted a guy's opinion!"

"You're both invited by the way. Don't come and I'll hurt you bad."

Well Ichigo sure as hell hadn't seen that one coming. No wonder the poor guy was spending so much time locked up in his secret rooms these days. Guess he hadn't managed to hold out for long, poor bastard.

* * *

So what were you supposed to do upon discovering that your oldest childhood friend had the hots for you? Hisagi really wanted to know, since he personally had absolutely no idea. Isane obviously didn't like this any more than he did, which actually annoyed him when he thought about it. Why would anyone be sorry to be attracted to him? He was one fine catch if he did say so himself. He should have figured this out early, since after all, why should she be any different, noticing him like all the other girls. And okay, the lack of meds were going to his head. Time to focus here, Hisagi or you're gonna end up in a full body cast thanks to the eleventh division. What was important was figuring out how to get through this personal mine field without blowing away centuries of friendly, peaceful co-existence. Nothing was coming.

Blushing profusely Isane just wished a hole would open up and swallow her. He knew was all she could think. He knew about the secret that she'd been keeping from him since she was old enough to decide boys weren't all stupid and were put on this earth for reasons other than to tease her and stick bugs down her dress. He'd been her first real crush, her first case of real puppy love. And god, what was she supposed to do now that he knew she'd always carried the hots for him? Other than die of embarrassment, which was looking pretty good to her at the moment.

"Okay." Hisagi said finally, after much embarrassing contemplation. "Here's the plan. We kiss here and now, while we're both awake and fully consenting, and then if both of us get something out of it we say so and go from there. But if there's no spark on either or both ends, we go back to being friends and this is never mentioned again. Ever." He'd never been one to think so well under pressure, but he thought this was one of his better ideas. He'd surprised her anyway.

Surprised Isane slowly nodded, surprised that he was even willing to admit there might have been something between them besides bad bed head and sleep deprivation that night. "Okay. That sounds fair to me."

Seeing a definite loophole in his idea Hisagi hurried to address it. "Of course we will both feel something, since I'm a really good kisser..and I'm sure you are too...but if we don't have chemistry, we don't have chemistry, ya know?"

Unable not to smile a bit at the arrogance in that statement Isane nodded again. Typical male.

"Okay then." Moving rather woodenly Hisagi moved closer again, leaning his head forward with the intent to place a quick kiss on her and then call them friends for life. After all, this was Isane they were talking about, he reasoned. No way she'd do anything for him, not while he was fully conscious and aware of what he was doing. There was just no way. Sure she was built, and her rack and ass were a beauty to behold, but she was still his childhood chum, the kid he'd eaten mud pies and built snowmen with. You just didn't have feelings for a friend like that, even if it was a she you were talking about. Nope, this wasn't going anywhere at all, thank god. They'd get this over and done with and then everything would go back to the way it was, no harm, no foul. Just the way it should be.

Well if this was going to be her last chance, she might as well make the most of it, Isane thought, straightening her shoulders as his mouth descend on hers. This time, he was damn well going to remember it.

Isane's arms came up to dive into his silky hair, her body slamming into his as she drew him into a hot, impatient as hell kiss that was met to send him strait to lust central. It was rough, almost vicious, and it sent waves of heated passion coursing through both of them as Isane set a hard, bruising pace that left one hell of an imprint on his lips and mind as he was consumed and seduced by her passion for him. This was no childhood peck and he'd have to develop amnesia to remove this forming memory from his brain.

When air finally demanded they part they took air in with greedy gulps then went at each other again, equal partners in this little demonstration about just how suited for each other they still were in a way they never could have seen coming.

If the forth division third seat hadn't ordered the door broken down in an attempt to protect his lieutenant from the ninth division captain, who knows where it could have gone?

* * *

When he was finally able to find his voice, Captain Kyoraku said the first thing that came to mind as a possible defence for apparently sleeping with a prostitute. "I swear, Nanao chan, if I did sleep with her I didn't know she was a hooker."

"Oh no, Captain Kyoraku." Nemu hurried to assure him. "You didn't sleep with her."

"Because of your mother." Nanao added bad temperedly, still refusing to look at her captain or any male for that matter. Oh god, how was she supposed to command their men now? All she could think about was what Yuki had said or indicated about them! What were they going to do? Kyoraku couldn't command respect, much less a military unit!

"My mother?" Okay, now he was a little confused, as well as horribly relieved that Nanao wouldn't be castrating him when the meeting was over.

"Since your father's such a horn dog, just like you, your poor mother had to go around to every bar and whore house in this whole damn city to make it perfectly clear that she'd shut down any business that allowed her husband to go off with any of their women. When you and your brother were born she did it all over again for you two, you bastards."

"And she really did it too." Nemu added. "Yuki san said that she knew a girl who knew a girl who was beaten up by your mother, Captain Kyoraku. And the bar they met in was burned to the ground. Apparently EVERYONE knows your mother."

"Well that explains a lot." No wonder the owners of the bars he went to always came to see him repeatedly during the evening. His mother was probably very bad for business.

"Lieutenant Ise, would you like me to escort you back to my home?" Captain Kuchiki asked politely, having come up behind his fellow captain unaware.

Captain Kyoraku was having none of that. "She doesn't want to be around guys, Remember?"

"No, Captain Kuchiki is fine. He's a real man." Was Nanao's biting response as she forced herself to look up and give the sixth division captain a weak smile. "And thank you, but that won't be necessary. I'm sure Nemu and I can make it there without too much trouble."

"Captain Kuchiki shot her down hard." Nemu informed Captain Kyoraku, thinking that the man would probably want to know why Captain Kuchiki would be an acceptable escort. "She throws darts at his head."

That had Kuchiki raising an eyebrow. "She throws darts at my head?"

"She has a picture of you in her room. She said you called her a filthy harlot; and that you said you were more likely to let a Hollow castrate you then allow her to put so much as one of her disease ridden fingers on you. She's very bitter since she bragged to everyone that she was going to tie you up with your scarf and- "

"That's enough." Was Nanao's pleading request.

To get the images Nemu's words had painted in his head out Kyoraku decided it was best to concentrate on Nemu first couple of sentences. "Well that was a little harsh." He informed Kuchiki, who didn't look the least bit put out or embarrassed, the self contained bastard.

"Unlike you I don't have to stoop to that level." Was Kuchiki's cool response to Kyoraku's weak admonishment.

"Can we just get on with the meeting already?" Soifon asked plaintively from her seat, her face still hidden from view.

"You know, Soifon san, you might feel better if you change seats." Nanao called over, looking pointedly at the floor. No way was she looking towards the front, no way, no how. Not even if someone begged her to with their dying breath.

"Could I?" There was definitely childish hope in Soifon's face as she raised her head just enough to see over her arms.

The general nodded. "If you wish."

Getting out of her seat with second division speed Soifon quickly made her way around the table to take Captain Hitsugaya's seat. That left no one on her left and Captain Komamura on her right. Life was so much better now. Giving a small sigh of relief Soifon figured that if she could just look to the front as little as possible, her world would center once more and the disgusting imagines would fade away like a bad dream.

"And we should be going. Pardon for interrupting the meeting. You, get back to your seat." With a threatening, 'don't you dare even think about contradicting me' finger wave in her captain's direction, Nanao made as dignified an exit as she could manage with Nemu close by in case she keeled over.

Soon the meeting was well under way, with everyone tactfully trying their best not to think about the way the meeting had begun. They were doing pretty well too until a half an hour into the meeting, when Captain Kuchiki suddenly started laughing part way through Captain Soifon's report. Since no one at the table had ever seen the man laugh before, this was quite a sight. He was laughing so hard in fact that he had an arm wrapped around his waist and his other hand was trying in vain to stifle his laughter. He looked like he could start crying at any moment, he was laughing that hard.

"What the hell is so funny?" Zaraki demanded to know, as startled as everyone.

But Kuchiki was laughing too hard to answer.

"Maybe he's finally snapped." Kyoraku hazard to guess.

"Where's a camera when you need one." Was Ukitake's opinion on the matter, smiling in reaction to Kuchiki's obvious enjoyment over something.

"Hisagi and Hitsugaya are never gonna believe this." Was Captain Komamura's thoughts on the unusual display of emotion.

"Do you find my report that funny?" Soifon demanded to know, testy since she'd wanted this all over as soon as possible.

Meeting her gaze Kuchiki grinned, Soifon's cheeks going bright red since Kuchiki went from gorgeous to sexy hot when he smiled. "I just figured out why you wanted to change seats." He finally got out, deliberately speaking in Chinese so that the others wouldn't understand.

"Say what?" Zaraki demanded, not liking her response at all.

"You what?" Soifon chimed in, a look of dread coming over her face.

Continuing in Chinese, Kuchiki actually showed teeth when his grin grew as he answered her nervous question. "You don't want to sit by the General."

The room was filled with Chinese obscenities for a good minute before Soifon made a small, rather strangled sound of rage, before burying her head once more in her arms.

Getting to his feet once more there was murder in Zaraki's eyes. He might not know what had been said before but he was well acquainted with Chinese obscenities, having had them hurled at him more times than he could count.

Getting to his own feet as well, his cheeks noticeably redder, the General's voice bore no argument. "I think this meeting is adjourned for today."

* * *

Everyone filing out of the conference room Soifon surprised Zaraki when she made a straight beeline for him, grabbing a hold of his robe for emphasis. "I need to speak with you about something." Was all she said, before flashing them out of the hallway without waiting for his agreement. They reappeared at her home, at her private workout room which was equipped with everything she could possibly need for a solid work out. As soon as they arrived she let go of his robe and moved to stand in front of him.

Watching her remove her outer robe to reveal her special ops top Zaraki raised an eyebrow. "Need to work off some tension I see?" She hated to be laughed at and she probably wanted to wring Kuchiki's neck right about now. Figuring that it was a bout she was looking for Zaraki shrugged out of his own outer robes, carelessly tossing his sword aside since it would be hand to hand. Motioning her to come at him he was completely unprepared for what came next.

She was a blur at she came at him, but rather than try to land a blow she aimed much lower, sweeping his feet from under him than pouncing to make sure he went down. As soon as his back hit mat she was looming over him with a half wild look in her eye. "Get your hands on me and get them on now or I'm going to make you." Framing his surprised face with her hands Soifon leaned down further to slate her lips against his, the kiss hard and bruising as she made it clear she wanted it rough and she wanted it pronto.

And who the hell was he to argue?

Making quick work of removing her halter top so that it fell away to leave her breasts bare for his calloused hands to caress and stroke, Zaraki exploring them eagerly with his fingertips as he returned her kisses with equal passion and desire for her hot, sweaty body. While his hands worked their magic her hands roamed over his upper body, squeezing and making sounds of approval as she gloried in his hard, overly muscled body. Forget his looks, she was all about his body and they both knew it.


	32. Call A Medic!

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original characters and the situations all characters are put in. Thanks for reading and please review to let me know what you think!

Sorry for the lack of updates, September was sheer hell and October hasn't been much better. Turns out you can't write comedy when you're curled up in a painful ball as I found out. Go figure.

Call A Medic!

Posed above her former lover Soifon's eyes gleamed with lust and a horrible need that was making her blood hiss and bubble within her. Exquisite pain and pleasure all mixed together so that they could not be separated. Release from it was all she could think about. "Hands on me, hands on me." She chanted under her breath, snarling slightly as his hands did precisely as she'd demanded, moving over her body in rough, possessive strokes that spoke of knowledge and ownership. A reclaiming of what had not been his for far too long. But it wasn't enough, not nearly. Leaning forward she savaged his mouth, biting down on his lower lip hard enough to draw blood. She wanted and she wanted now.

Understanding that neither was up for anything drawn out, at least for the first time, Zaraki gave into what she obviously wanted. A quickie before the main event. Grinning against her ragged red lips Zaraki slid a hand straight down her body, starting with the valley between her small, firm breasts and ending with his hand disappearing under the cotton of her pants to stroke the wet heat of her. It wouldn't take much, she was that hot for him, Zaraki thought as he groaned against her mouth, their tongues mating as his fingers stroked her up and over, her screams of release echoing in his mouth as she shuddered and went limp against him. Giving her a couple moments to collect herself Zaraki grinned in anticipation when she sat up, bracing her hands on his shoulders as her now sleepy, satisfied eyes found his.

"Thanks." Running a hand through her disordered hair Soifon gave him a well satisfied smile. "There was no way I was going to be able to lead the mission in the state I was in."

"Mission?"

"Hmm. Taking some of my newbies Hallow hunting." Stretching her arms over her head Zaraki could literally feel his brain cells die at the picture she made, so rumpled and sexy as she watched him with those slumberous eyes. "Thanks again." And then as smooth as silk she slid off of him, getting back to her feet with her usual catlike grace.

Watching her Zaraki felt actual fear go down his spine. "Where are you going?"

"I told you, I have a mission to go on. I have to change and shower before that."

"But what about me!"

Raising an eyebrow Soifon looked down at his obvious erection and than back up to his face. "You know our deal, Zaraki. No sex for you until you follow through on your promises."

And then she was gone, flashing out without a backward glance.

"Oh F#K NO!"

* * *

Captain Unohana took one look at her main medical wing and had to use every ounce of strength she possessed not to freak out. The place looked like a war zone and at least half her staff were lying in the medical beds which should have been for patients, not their physicians. Off to the side she spotted her lieutenant, the girl looking worse for wear and holding one ice bag against the back of her head while the other she pressed against the side of the unconscious Captain Hisagi's battered face. The boy looked worse off than the last time she'd checked up on him and that, coupled with the extent of the damage, led her to the logical conclusion that the eleventh division had come and kicked some serious captain ass, with her medics unwisely getting in the way. The question was, where were the forth division members? Captain Hisagi wouldn't have gone down easy, the destruct her division was clearing up was proof of that.

"Wow." Rukia whispered from behind her brother. She'd come in with Captain Unohana, her brother and Renji, to pick up some paperwork. The place looked like a tornado had come through it.

Whistling in agreement Renji walked over and tapped one of the still standing medic's on the shoulder. "What the hell happened?"

"Uhm...well...Captain Hisagi...we'll he got just a little upset." The medic explained with fearful glances in said captain's direction. "He..uh...well he grabbed Lieutenant Kotetsu and dragged her into one of the storage closets and we uhm...thought we should try to save her....but we sorta...well we broke the door down over her head. We uhm..Captain Hisagi was real angry about that."

Well that was completely unexpected, Captain Unohana thought while Renji badgered the medic for a more thorough blow by blow of what had happened. So Captain Hisagi had dragged Isane off to have a proper talk and her men had knocked the girl out before things could be properly hashed out. Put that on top of Hisagi's already strained psyche and Unohana figured she was lucky there hadn't been any fatalities while she'd been away. Walking over to her lieutenant Captain Unohanna put a comforting hand on the girl's shoulder. "You are unharmed?"

"I was unconscious when the fight broke out. I only woke up about ten minutes ago."

"I see. And our third seat?"

"In surgery. Shu kun apparently figured that since he was next in charge, he was the one that ordered them to break down the door."

"Oh dear."

This was just not her day, Isane thought with a sigh as she shared a weary smile with her captain. "At least nobody died."

"The day's still young."

No sooner were the words out than in stumbled a bruised and bleeding mess of a man stumbled into the room, Captain Kuchiki just barely catching the man before he hit the ground. Lowering the man to stretch out on the floor Captain Unohana and Isane hurried over to see what they could do. Before they could touch him though, the man batted their hands away, obviously fighti9ng back the pain in order to relay his urgent message.

"Eleventh division compound...he's..he's gonna kill them all...stop him....."

"Who's going to kill them?" Kuchiki demanded to know.

"Their...captain."

Rubbing the back of his head, Renji stated the obvious. "That does not sound good."

* * *

Arriving at the eleventh division compound there was a frightful silence to the air. Stepping into the enclosed area everyone stared at the bodies littering the ground, like black snow flakes yet to be absorbed into the ground. Given the amount of blood everywhere, the division members ending six feet under wasn't out of the question. Sitting on the division front porch was the captain, the very aura around him suggesting that anyone who drew near him could be expected to die and die brutally at his more than capable hands. Strangely, there were no bodies within fifteen feet of him, though the blood on the ground suggested that hadn't always been so. No one knew quite what to do.

"There's the brat, and she's in her BIG form." Renji whispered, pointing off to the side where the eleventh division member stood crouched over one of the fallen. Yachiru was indeed in her adult form, a sash used to tie their robes together wrapped around her impressive breasts in a quick attempt to cover them up without much success. What was left of a robe had been tied around her ample waist as a sort of makeshift skirt.

Stripping off his own outer robe as he went Kuchiki threw it in her direction when he was near enough, the girl catching it out of reflex. She looked at him funny but slid it on, accepting his scarf as a new belt when he handed it to her as well. "Are you badly injured?"

Tying the scarf tight to keep the robe closed Yachiru nodded ruefully. "We'll all live. No one go near Kenny though."

"What pissed him off?" Renji wanted to know, having followed his captain over.

"Hell if I know. He just came back from that damn meeting like this. He just went at us without warning, and the third division guys jumping in to help didn't do much good either. Izuru's over there somewhere." She added, pointing in the general direction. "He and I tried to gang up on Kenny but that didn't go so well. It took us a little long to figure out he was looking to beat us all within inches of our lives." She added wearily, absently pushing her sweat soaked bangs out of her eyes.. "I was the only one he sorta went easy on." And she was pretty sure at least two of her ribs were broken, four cracked, and it was taking everything she had not to keel over from the sneak blow to her head Kenny had gotten in when she'd tried to take him from behind.

Surveying the carnage Rukia winced. "Where's Unohana going to put them all?" Thanks to Captain Hisagi, the hospital was full to capacity at the moment.

"Huh?"

Rukia quickly summarized the state of the hospital for the eleventh division lieutenant.

"Well hell." Yachiru muttered, putting her hands against her sides, wincing at the pain that caused as she accidentally pressed against ribs screaming in pain.

"You're badly hurt, aren't you?" Muttering about her stupidity everyone gapped in shock as the sixth division captain scooped Yachiru up into his arms and after announcing that he was taken her to the forth division flashed them both out of there.

Sharing confused looks Rukia and Renji could not begin to comprehend why.

They didn't have long to puzzle over it, since moments later they were dragged into the job of assisting with the treatment of the wounded, carrying them off to the academy where the gym was being turned into a temporary hospital. While this was being done Captain Zaraki said not a word, remaining where he was as he surveyed the destruction he'd wrought without flinching. No one approached him, or really gave any serious thought to even attempting something so stupid. That is until Captain Kuchiki flashed back onto the scene, once again immaculately dressed, and marched right up to Captain Zaraki, holding out two large bottle of amber liquid.

"Woman troubles?" Was all Kuchiki said, keeping his voice low enough that no one nearby could hear his words.

Meeting the man's eyes Kenpachi had only one thing to say, not even questioning how Kuchiki had figured it out. "They're all devil spawn."

"I'll drink to that."

Giving Kuchiki a considering look Zaraki shrugged, slowly getting to his feet. With a jerk of his head Zaraki indicated that Kuchiki was to follow him into his office and the two men disappeared from view, Kuchiki closing the door behind him while everyone still conscious gawked in amazement.

"Are they....friends?" Rukia asked Renji, having always thought that her brother didn't have any.

"Hell if I know."

"Rather a beauty and the beast combination." Unohana commented from where she sat, crouched over one of her many patients as she got his body ready for transportation.

"Huh?" Blinking in surprise Renji couldn't begin to get what she meant, any more than he got the fact that his captain was suddenly acting like an actual human being. Was he in some parallel universe or something? Had the world gone mad without him noticing? What was next?

"Well they're both beautiful specimen of the male species, just on either side of the spectrum."

Oh yeah, definitely a parallel universe.

* * *

Slowly coming awake Kira felt as though he'd just been sat on by two overweight sumo wrestlers. Or now that it was all coming back to him, Kira switched that to one very angry eleventh division captain bent on world destruction. Had Zaraki sat on him while he was out? Naw, probably just broken ribs, Kira surmised, recognizing the feeling from past experience. Opening his eyes slowly Kira started to try to sit up, pushed down by a small but gentle hand. Looking up Kira's surprised eyes met Momo's happy ones.

"You're awake! Don't try to move yet." Hinamori added, her voice anxious. "Captain Unohanna said you can probably go home tonight, you just need someone there to watch you and make sure you're okay. I told her I would do it and she gave me instructions and everything already. How are you feeling? Do you want me to get someone for you? I should get someone for you." Moving to rise from her seat beside his bed Momo was halted by his hand reaching out to grab her wrist.

"No, let them take care of the others." And there were a lot of others, Kira thought wryly, with a mixture of humour and envy. Man but Zaraki had just mowed through them like a friggin weed hacker on steroids. They hadn't stood a chance in hell. And what had set the guy off like that? Kira knew the guy liked a fight, but that had been ridiculous. "No one died right?" Kira asked, the idea popping into his head. Kira was pretty sure Zaraki had stopped short of that, and he had to admire the guy's skill to be able to do that so effortlessly.

"No, but you're all running the forth and twelfth division ragged."

"The twelfth?"

"Yeah, the forth division is short on available staff so the General ordered Captain Kurotsuchi to spare some of his medically trained staff. Don't worry, I insisted that anyone working on you had to be in the forth division, though I let Nemu san look you over. She didn't actually do anything to you though." Momo hastened to assure.

Thank God. Call him whatever you liked, he'd sooner be Zaraki's personal punching bag than let any member of the twelfth division get their hands on him, even Nemu san. Lord only knows what they'd add or take out of him.

"I can't believe Captain Zaraki did this to all of you. It's one thing for him to beat up his own division and another thing to massacre your division too, just for trying to help. It was really stupid of you to try and take him out, Kira, what if he'd killed you? I would have never forgiven you!"

Well technically he'd have been dead and beyond caring, but he got the point. Momo had been worried about him. Reaching out Kira patted her hand in what he hoped was a comforting manner, ignoring the protests of his aching ribs. "I knew he wouldn't kill me and he didn't." That actually wasn't true seeing as he'd been pretty sure death was imminent a couple times during his fight with Zaraki but that wasn't what Momo needed to hear right now. Thank God for the man's superior blade control.

"Well I'm going to have a talk with him next time I see him." Momo announced, the set of her jaw indicating that Zaraki was in for one hell of a tongue lashing.

"Just wait a couple days on that okay? Everyone's overworked as it is here and until Captain Hitsugaya and Ran are back I wouldn't stand a chance trying to defend you."

"You think he'd beat me up too?"

"No, but I don't think he's beyond bonking you on the head to knock you out part way through a lecture."

"He wouldn't dare!"

"Uhm, Momo...your naivety and overly idealist faith in people is showing."

"Shut up, Kira."

"Yes, ma'am."

* * *

A couple hours later Rukia ran into the room Nanao had been assigned to, looking like the very devil was after her and Nanao her only possible saviour from certain death. An apt description really, since Rukia was facing a meeting with her grandmother. She was just determined not to do it alone. "Lieutenant Ise, I need your help!"

Looking up from her book Nanao raised an eyebrow. She'd given herself the day off and had been enjoying the peace and quiet for the past couple hours. That was apparently coming to an end since Rukia wasn't the sort of girl to come bursting into someone else's room uninvited. "What's wrong?"

"My grandmother is here and my brother isn't! He was supposed to be and I can't tell her he's off on a bender with Captain Zaraki!"

Okay....what had happened in the three hours since she'd seen both captains? She hadn't even realized the two men talked outside of work. Hell, neither of them talked much during work to begin with. "They went out drinking? Together? At this hour?" It wasn't even dinner time yet!

"Well Captain Zaraki tried to take down his division and the third while he was at it. Big brother went off with him and a couple bottles of liquor to settle him down and he isn't back yet!"

There had to be something in the water. Life had never been this chaotic before. Well, first things first, Nanao thought with a sigh, retrieving her bookmark to mark her place. Setting the book aside Nanao straightened, getting to her feet. "I'll go and distract her then, you and Lieutenant Abari go find Captain Kuchiki and get him back here. If you can't, ask him for an excuse he thinks she'll buy."

"Okay." Silently thanking every deity ever imagined in creation Rukia headed off to find Renji, praying that her grandmother didn't eat Lieutenant Ise alive before they got back.


	33. Women Are The Devil

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original characters and the situations I put all my poor victims in. Thanks so much for reading and I hope you enjoy this latest chapter of insanity!

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!

Women are The Devil

Despite Rukia's dire prediction her brother was not drunk. Neither was Zaraki for that matter, as Byakuya had opted to bring two very fine bottles of whiskey that were to be savoured, not guzzled down like a couple of idiot college boys or Renji. Both men had as deep an appreciation for a good drink as they did silence, so that's exactly what they were doing. Sitting around, not saying a word, and enjoying their solitary drinks without women or annoying lieutenants getting in the way. Or at least that was what they did for a good two hours before Zaraki finally let his curiosity get to him.

"So how'd you know it was over a woman?"

"Nobody causes carnage like that but a woman."

"Aizen causes carnage like that all the time."

"Like I said, nobody but a woman."

Giving a rusty sort of chuckle over that one Zaraki acknowledged the dig with a quick toast in Kuchiki's direction. "True enough. Though most people are going to think I was just being me."

Well that was also true enough. "You might want to consider taking it out on Soifon next time instead of everyone but her."

Okay, now that surprised him. "What makes you think it was over Captain Soifon?"

"Several reasons, the first being that you just called her Captain in a rather idiotic attempt to distance yourself from her. You never address anyone formally like that. Second would be the fact that unlike most people I happen to have had multiple occasions to observe the lady in question and you as well. Keep in mind of course that I'm a great deal more intelligent than the majority of our comrades."

"What gave us away?" He was too used to Kuchiki's overwhelming ego to bother commenting.

"A man who's been in love recognizes people in it."

Well that was almost damn poetic, and not something he'd ever expected to hear come out of the mouth of such a closed minded, icy bastard like Kuchiki. Guess you just never really knew. "Any suggestions on how to stop them from wrapping you around their little finger?"

"Not a one."

"Damn. I figured."

Once again descending into silence the men went back to their silent contemplations for another twenty minutes before Zaraki posed another question.

"You ever beat the hell out of a whole bunch of guys over your wife?"

"Unlike you, I wouldn't have let them off with a beating if I had. I always went Hallow hunting."

"Yeah, that might have been a better idea." Zaraki agreed with a thoughtful sip of his drink. "What's the worst thing she ever did?" Zaraki had never actually really met the woman, but he'd heard she'd been a real mouse. He was sort of curious to hear what she'd done to make Mr. Cool go out ass kicking to relieve the stress.

"She decided to die."

* * *

Rukia, Yachiru and Renji froze with their hands on the sliding door, Captain Kuchiki's words freezing them in their place. The fact that he was having a conversation with Zaraki was weird enough, but about his wife? Kuchiki never talked about Hisana, not even to her own sister. No one said a word as they waited to hear his next words and could only pray that Zaraki kept the conversation going.

"What do you mean, she decided to die? I thought she was sick?"

"You've been close to death, so close that you could literally feel your soul leaving you. We both have. We're both still here. If you want to live, you can beat death, if you want it badly enough. Hisana chose to die..she never fought it even for a minute."

Slapping a hand over her mouth Rukia just barely managed to muffle her gasp of surprise.

"Was she ever a fighter though?" Zaraki finally said after a thoughtful pause. "Sounds like you think she wanted to leave you, but from what I know she was always a quitter, wasn't she?"

There was a long pause then. "She was..often. I thank the powers that be that Rukia takes after Renji in that respect."

"Abarai?"

"The man might be short on brains and plain common sense, but he taught her to live life and to fight like hell for it. She would have died before she left her sister to die the way Hisana did."

"Not complaining…but why are you being so chatty all of a sudden?"

"I have never once been 'chatty' in my very long life."

"Actually holding a personal conversation sort of chatty than. Your social skills are as bad as mine, only you're doing it on purpose. So what's with the change?"

"Your daughter is driving me insane."

"Yeah, she's real good at that."

* * *

As quiet as the men who had once again lapsed into silence, the three eavesdroppers were very much lost in their own thoughts. Renji was in a state of shock over the fact that his captain had said something nice about him, something actually positive about his existence. He wasn't sure his heart could take the shock of it all. Rukia, for her part, was numb over what she'd just heard, not sure what to think about it. Everyone had made her sister and brother's marriage seem like some tragic love story, not like this, not just a sad story of love that had not been what it should have. Yachiru was quite frankly horrified by what they'd just overheard. Captain Kuchiki, emotional and almost downright sappy? Talking all girlie and..oh dear God, had she broken him? Had the amazing sex somehow made him reconnect with his feminine side? Facing the fact that she might have just ruined the sexiest man alive was a little too much for the poor lieutenant to take, especially after having her ass handed to her hours ago by her captain. Yachiru could definitely feel a migraine coming on.

"Are they still in there?"

All three jumping in surprise, not a good thing for Yachiru's ribs at all, the three whirled around to see Captain Kyoraku and Captain Ukitake looking at them questioningly.

Of all the captains to sneak up on them, Yachiru thought to herself, utterly mortified that the two idiots had gotten the drop on them. Kuchiki wasn't the only one being stupidly girlie. "They are." She added as an afterthought to her inner turmoil.

"Are you three okay?" The three of them were looking a little shell shocked, Ukitake observed. "Did we come at a bad time?"

The three shaking their heads yes and then no in perfect sync, they looked like a really bad comedy trio.

"Curly, Larry and Moe." Kyoraku murmured under his breath, thoroughly amused. "Well we were going in to join them, you three coming?"

"Uh....I....I came to tell my brother he's needed at home." Rukia blurted out, finally finding her voice.

Raising her hand high Yachiru wasn't about to pass up liquor, especially when she needed some serious brain numbing. "I could use a drink."

Lifting a bottle in her direction in a mock toast Kyoraku grinned. "Then lead the way."

* * *

Three hours later Kyoraku, Ukitake, Zaraki and Yachiru were well on their way to being plastered and were just starting on the last bottle when the sliding door in front of them was thrown open, the figure standing in the doorway second only to his Nanao chan as Kyoraku's greatest fear.

"Mother!"

"HOW COULD YOU!" Looking ready to reach out and snap her son's neck like a swig nobody in the room could quite remember being quite so intimidated by someone's mother before. "I'VE WAITED OVER A HUNDRED YEARS FOR YOU TO WISE UP AND NOW I'M GOING TO HAVE TO WATCH THAT SELF IMPORTANT BITCH STEAL NANAO FROM RIGHT UNDER MY NOSE!"

"Hello, Mrs Kyoraku." Ukitake said weakly, bravely drawing attention onto hismelf since his best friend looked utterly, and understandably petrified.

"Hello, dear. I'm glad to see you with some color in your cheeks, even if it's from the booze." Not about to be distracted from her goal she was back on her son in a flash. "AND DON'T THINK YOU CAN HIDE BEHIND HIM, SHUN! NOW WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF?"

"What did I do?" Was his weak question. "What about Nanao chan?"

"I'M TALKING ABOUT THE FACT THAT I'VE WAITED CENTURIES FOR YOU TO MARRY THAT GIRL, I EVEN HAD THE INVITATIONS ALL READY WITH ONLY THE DATE NEEDED TO FINALIZE THEM! BUT OH NO, YOU HAD TO DRAG YOUR FEET AND ACT LIKE A TYPICAL, BRAINLESS MAN AND NOW WE'VE LOST HER! I KNEW SHE WAS TOO GOOD FOR YOU BUT I THOUGHT YOU'D REALIZE THAT BY NOW AND MARRY HER BEFORE SHE CLUED IN TOO!"

"How did I lose her?"

"BY LETTING BYAKUYA KUCHIKI STEAL HER FROM YOU, YOU MORON! HOW ON EARTH DID I RAISE A SON SO STUPID!"

"Actually, ma'am, she's just staying at his house for a little bit and-" Ukitake began, only to be quickly cut off with a death glare.

"I just got done talking to his grandmother and according to her she's going to start planning their wedding. Apparently her grandson is VERY SERIOUS about Nanao and she said that SHE APPROVES of Nanao which basically means that even IF he wasn't interested in marrying her, which why wouldn't he be, he'd marry her anyway just because that OLD BAT TOLD HIM TO!"

Okay, no one knew quite how to respond to that one. Kuchiki's habit of curtail to his family was rather legendary, with the exception of marrying his wife which had not ended well for him at all and allowing Rukia into his household. The chances were pretty high that he'd at least listen to her.

"But I'm sure Nanao san wouldn't be interested in marrying Kuchiki." Ukitake assured both Kyorakus, the pair of them looking like they could start hyperventilating. Zaraki, for his part, was looking thoroughly entertained, the bastard.

"ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND!" Forgetting that she was no longer yelling at her son Mrs. Kyoraki gave her son's best friend a disbelieving look, "HAVE YOU LOOKED AT THAT MAN RECENTLY? HE IS A FRIGGIN GOD FOR CHIRST SAKES. I'D DUMP MY HUSBAND AND SONS IN A HEARTBEAT FOR JUST ONE NIGHT WITH THAT MAN. WHO IN THERE RIGHT MIND WOULD TURN DOWN A PROPOSAL FROM BYAKUYA KUCHIKI?"

Well that certainly shut Ukitake up.

"She has a point." Zaraki added, just to stir the pot some more. "He is very popular with the ladies."

"POPULAR? THE MAN IS THE SEXIST THING THIS WORLD HAS SEEN SINCE SHINIGAMIS STARTED BRINGING VICTORIA SECRET BACK WITH THEM FROM EARTH."

"Well I heard he's seeing someone." Okay, so they weren't really seeing each other but Yachiru was just too competitive to imagine HER sex toy in the hands of Ise, especially since Ise wouldn't know how to handle a man like Kuchiki if he came with step by step instructions.

"If his grandmother doesn't know about her she's probably just some mindless twit he's using for sex until they officially tie the knot. I mean I haven't heard anything and if she was from a good family you can bet your ass I would have. There's no way he'd marry another nobody the second time around, they'd kick him out of the family first. No, whoever she is, if she even exists, she's just some side piece he'll keep around for a bit than discard, if Nanao doesn't get rid of her first." Grim Mrs. Kyoraku did her best to keep her temper under control, having already strained her voice beyond its limits. "And when I have to go to that wedding and watch my precious Nanao marry someone else I swear by all that's holy I am going to shave you bald, Shun. She was the best thing to ever happen to you and now look what's happened. Eternal bachelorhood, here you come!"

)

After a hurried escape from Mrs. Kyoraku's screeching and a half an hour later, Ukitake was now faced with a woman who scared him almost as much.

"Uhm…I thought you might want this." Awkwardly holding out the glass of juice Ukitake could feel himself starting to blush like a nervous school boy as Nemu looked back and forth between the glass and his face with puzzlement. "You've been here for hours helping the forth division without taking a break…thirsty?"

"Oh." Taking the glass from him Nemu didn't quite know what to think about the awkward gesture. Why was his face going such a bright color of red? He sort of looked like a candy cane, with his white clothes, red face and white hair.

"What are you thinking?"

"That you look like a candy cane."

Oh but he wished she hadn't said that. Now his mind was envisioning himself as a candy cane and her licking…oh yeah…bad idea…very, very bad idea. Why of why did she have to be so bloody honest about every damn thought that came into her head? He needed to sit down. Taking a seat on the side of the cot she'd just finished assembling Ukitake wished he'd kept the damn juice. God but his throat was dry all of a sudden.

Unsure what was going on Nemu decided the most logical course was to drink the juice. Emptying it in only quick chug she held the glass back out to him. "Thank you very much for the nutritional supplement."

Nodding Ukitake took the glass from her without meeting her eye. God but their courtship was going to be sheer, unadulterated hell. This was going to make Shun's pursuit of Nanao san look normal. Why oh why couldn't he have died before he was reduced to this?

"Are you not feeling all right?"

"I've been better." Was his honest response.

"What's wrong?"

Well, she was always brutally honest, why not him? "You drive me crazy."

"Like my father crazy or like Kusajishi san crazy?" Was Nemu's concerned response to his honest reply.

"What's the difference?"

"My father's evil crazy and isn't aware of it anymore. Kusajishi san just acts crazy to drive everyone else around her crazy."

"Neither."

"That what kind of crazy do I drive you? And how am I doing it so that I can stop. I don't want you to become like my father or Kusajishi san. I like you just the way you are now."

"Uhm...thanks."


	34. The Librarian versus The Midget

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original characters and the situations I put everyone in, poor bastards. Thanks so much for reading my fanfic, I hope you enjoy it as much as I do writing it!

The Librarian versus The Midget

When he heard her enter the room Byakuya mentally began preparing a list of tortures for his security to undergo right before he killed them and framed Renji for their untimely demises. How hard could it possibly be to keep one little midget out of his house, he cursed, sitting un in bed to watch her walk, no weave, over to him. Rather than bounce on him like she normally would Kuchiki watched in somewhat amusement as she walked into a table, stumbled over that, before finally making her way over to fall into his lap like a downed tree.

"Can I help you?"

Sprawled in his lap Yachiru shifted around there until she was comfortable curled up like a kitten on his warm, but hard lap. Yawning, the pink haired girl showed no signs of acknowledging his existence, or even that she was even faintly aware of where she was.

If she didn't smell like booze, Kuchiki might have wondered why.

"Can't hold your liquor, can you?" Not surprising really, in this form she was so small that a decent bottle could probably put her under.

"Can too." Was her sleepy response, absently rubbing his thigh as if that could somehow soften the tight muscles providing her with a rather uncomfortable pillow.

"Do you even know where you are?" She probably had stumbled out, gotten lost, and ended up at his place thinking she was home. The little moron. When she was awake, and hopefully suffering from a huge hangover, he was going to give her the lecture of her life. So long as she stayed in midget form anyway. He was still working on the immunity to her more voluptuous side, which she would no doubt use against him.

"I'm with you, dumb ass."

Was she ever not rude and abrasive? "That's calling the kettle black."

"What kettle? Are you drunk too?"

Rolling his eyes to the heavens, mentally asking them for strength, Kuchiki gave serious thought to simply picking her up and throwing her over his garden walls. She was light enough; it wouldn't take really any effort at all. Unfortunately, there might be some psycho on the other side of the wall to catch her and if she ended up dead, he'd be responsible. Not that he minded the idea of her dead, just the idea of someone else having the undeniable pleasure of causing it.

"Is SHE here?"

"Is who here?" He didn't think she was talking about Rukia; there had been too much distain in her voice for that. He wasn't even sure if the two had even exchanged more than a few sentences to each other. Not that he wanted them to be friends, Renji was a bad enough influence on her as it was. If Rukia started acting like Yachiru..well that was going to happen over his rotting corpse.

"Your perfect little fiancée, that's who!"

Okay, he was definitely missing something here. He had not been, thank God, engaged to anyone in a long while and had no intention of ever being again. Apparently the liquor had killed what little brain cells she'd had left. Big waste there. "Just go to sleep."

"If you think you're gonna throw me over for her you've got another thing coming." Yachiru muttered, as if his words hadn't even registered. "You're my sex toy and I'm not handing you over until I'm good and ready."

Then she proved she had been listening, because she dropped into slumber before he could demand to know what the hell she was talking about.

* * *

To say that Yachiru was not a happy camper the next morning would be an understatement. She woke up not just with a killer hang over, but to find that Captain Byakuya Kuchiki's sense of humour was even more twisted then she ever could have imagined. He'd left her in a basket outside her captain's front door, wrapped up like an infant in a blanket with a note pinned to her chest proclaiming her to be a demon spawn child in need of exorcism. The fact that she'd woken up before anyone else could see what the bastard had done was the only reason she was considering a quick death instead of the long, drawn out one he had coming to him. It was even more unfortunate that on her way to work hours later, she should happen to catch a glimpse of Lieutenant Ise, also on her way to work. Staring at the immaculately dressed, not a hair out of place, downright prissy lieutenant strolling down the street without a care in the world, Yachiru could practically hear the snap as what little self control she'd had snapped like a toothpick. Seeing red, the short lieutenant headed for the eighth division lieutenant with blood in her eye and venom to spread.

"Yo, Ise, tell me something. Does that stick you carry up your ass hurt or give you a nice rush?"

Stopping dead in her tracks Nanao turned on her heels to stare at Yachiru in dumb shock. "What did you say?" She had to have heard wrong, Nanao assured herself, even as her muscles tightened and flexed instinctively. sensing the threat.

"Oh, problem with your hearing? And here everyone thinks you're so perfect."

Okay....the munchkin on steroids was picking a fight with her. Eyes narrowing Nanao crossed her arms in front of her, giving Yachiru her best 'Why do I have to deal with children like you' look. "Might I ask why you're picking a fight with me?" It was always good to know why, then she'd know just how to proceed. The foolish twit couldn't possibly want to actually fight her after all. Everyone knew that all the members of the eleventh division had had their asses handed to them by their captain; she couldn't possibly be in any condition to go one on one already. Then again, Nanao thought to herself as she took in the look in Yachiru's eyes, the girl was dim enough....

"What can I say, I just can't stand the sight of you." Was Yachiru's almost happy response, though her smile was more feral than joyful. "I mean really, what could anyone possible find attractive about a dried up old prune like you? You dress like some spinster librarian, act like a harpy, and really, whose not surprised that your captain has never been serious about you? Hell, he probably just had sex with you out of pity, which is probably why he hasn't tried to get you back from Kuchiki once. Not to mention drinking himself stupid." Yachiru added as she went in for the kill. "Probably trying to dull out the memories of the worst sex he's ever had to have to keep his lieutenant around to do his paperwork."

"When and where, bitch."

* * *

The tapping of the general's fingers on the table was the only sound in the room as the captains waited for Captain Hitsugaya and his lieutenant to arrive. The captain of the tenth division was already late, having apparently arrived in Soul Society half an hour ago. There was no reason for him not to have arrived and the General was more than a little testy at the moment. His Gotei seemed determined to drive him to the edge of his sanity and if Hitsugaya didn't show up soon he was deadly sure that there was going to be bloodshed. The worst of it was, of course, the fact that he'd finally learned what had all of his captains and lieutenants acting like brain dead lemmings. Actually, the worst part was that he couldn't yell at them about it because it was just too...it was not the sort of thing he was willing to discuss with them. If it got bad enough that he did have to talk to them...well then there would be even more bloodshed of mass proportions which he'd then blame on Zaraki.

"Would you like me to find him for you, General?" Kurotsuchi asked silkily, eager to get back into the General's good graces. Probably not as hard to do as it usually was, given how stupidly the other captains were behaving lately, the mad scientist thought smugly.

"Yes."

Getting out of his seat Kurotsuchi pulled out a leather case he carried in his pocket, selecting the correct hardware needed to upload a program into the meeting room's computer. Accessing the satellites he had had placed in their atmosphere Kurotsuchi sent in the request for the machines to search and locate Captain Hitsugaya's spirit signature. When that was completed he had the machines zoom in to give them all a visual.

Captain Hitsugaya stood in a large crowd, flanked on either side by his lieutenant and Nemu. They appeared to be watching something with a great deal of interest. Curious as well, Kurotsuchi sent in the command for sound.

"...she must have been out of her mind." Matsumoto was saying, as the sound was relayed through the computer's speakers. "There's no way she can win."

"I disagree. The hellion has the brawn but Ise san has the brains." Shaking his head Hitsugaya never took his eyes off the spectacle. "So she didn't say what started this, Nemu?"

"No, though she did mutter something about a man and showing Lieutenant Kusajishi who was the better woman." Hands at her side Nemu didn't seem overly concerned about the fight they were apparently watching. "Perhaps Lieutenant Kusajishi said something negatively about Captain Kyoraku?"

"No, you said she was pissed at him, remember?" Matsumoto's face was contemplative now. "Maybe Yachiru chan's got her eye on an ex of Nanao san's?"

Hitsugaya lifted a sceptical eyebrow. "Can you really see a man who was interested in Lieutenant Ise showing remote interest in someone like Kusajishi san?"

"Good point." A thoughtful look on her face Matsumoto winced. "Ouch, that's gotta hurt. I've got twenty says Kusajishi wins."

"I'll take that bet." Nemu answered, seeing an opportunity to support her best friend and get some spending money of her very own at the same time.

"As will I." Hitsugaya added with a nod. "I don't care how protective her captain is of her, Ise san wouldn't have gotten to her rank if she wasn't perfectly able to take care of herself. Add those skills, plus her vastly superior intellect, and Kusajishi san doesn't stand a chance."

Needless to say no one was surprised when Captain Kyoraku flashed out of the room. No, that only made them more interested in what was going on, especially when Kurotsuchi changed the computer setting so that it focused in on Kyoraku, and thus the fight.

* * *

This was a Kyoraku that no one, not even Ukitake had ever seen. In fact, his resemblance to a pissed off Soifon was rather unnerving. Even on screen he was giving off icy, fury barely leashed venom as the crowd parted for him like the Dead Sea had for Moses. For once, people actually understood why the easy going slob held his position of prestige in the Gotei. The only people who didn't seem to notice were the two women engaged in mortal combat that he was heading straight for. Both women were looking less than their best, clothing ripped and filthy, blood seeping from small wounds, nothing serious but still enough to have them both more pissed off than when they'd started. Ise had forgone her glasses, knowing Yachiru was a dirty enough fighter to try to break them straight off, and her hair was down now as a result of Yachiru having yanked her hair clip out of her hair earlier on. Looks wise Nanao had taken the worst of the beating so far, but Yachiru was panting and slower than normal, belaying the fact that Ise's plan to wear her out and then give her a serious ass whooping was still a serious possibility. At least until her captain got in front of her, Nemu appearing seemingly out of nowhere to restrain Yachiru from sliding her raised blade through his thigh. Her arms like banded steel, Nemu held the squirming lieutenant like an unruly child, Yachiru mortified to discover she couldn't get loose.

Staring up at her captain, her mouth hanging open, Nanao didn't even notice what was going on behind her captain. He was pissed off. No, beyond pissed off..there really wasn't a word for the look in her lover's eyes, other than scary as hell. Color leeching from her skin Nanao could literally feel her body seizing up, the way it had when she faced the intensity of the General energy. That he was capable of that....

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" His voice cold as frostbite, everyone within hearing distance flinched instinctively. "You are my lieutenant, a representative of our division. How dare you behave in this manner, disgracing yourself and us with your childish behaviour? I expected better from you, but obviously I was mistaken."

Flinching hard Nanao felt like he'd reached out and back handed her. Eyes going huge Nanao could literally feel herself being consumed with shame and self loathing for her lack of control and discipline. The fact that it was Shunsui of all people made it that much worse. Looking around, really looking, Nanao was mortified to see the huge crowd they'd drawn, members of every division turning out to see her disgrace herself and her captain with her atrocious behaviour. If his eyes hadn't been drilling into hers, she would have hung her head in shame.

"You will return to the office immediately." Kyoraku continued, either oblivious or uncaring of the wounds he'd inflicted. "If you want to fight over some man, you'll do it on your own time, when you aren't wearing a uniform you apparently have no problem sullying."

So upset was she that it took Nanao longer than it should have to pick out the most important thing he'd just said. "A man? We aren't fighting over a....." Trailing off Nanao's eye narrowed, her brilliant mind whirling a mile a minute as she replayed her earlier encounter she'd had with Yachiru, as well as some of the comments and jeers the younger girl had made during their battle. Could it be.....

Sidestepping around her captain Nanao stared into the furious eyes of the small lieutenant, trapped like a mouse in Nemu's arms. "Did you pick a fight with me over a man?"

Yachiru's answer was a low growl and a furious glare.

Than something astounding happened. Nanao's spirit energy exploded, her eyes going wide and furious as she projected an aura of unequalled fury and dark intent. She put her captain and the general to shame in that moment, so terrifying was the look in her violet eyes. "You think you can TAKE him from ME?" She began, her stance rather like a cat's as it prepped its muscles to spring for the throat of its prey. "You think I'll let a whiny, undersized pipsqueak like you have him? He's MINE, BITCH."

"OVER MY DEAD BODY!"

"That would be the idea." Was Nanao's response, shooting her captain a death glare when he attempted to put a restraining hand on her shoulder. "What the..do you want her to take you?"

"Wha?" Dumbfounded Kyoraku stared at her like she'd grown another head.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about you trying to take MY captain from me."

"Why the HELL would I want him? Ewwwww!"

Blinking, Nanao was now as confused as her captain, her spirit energy dissipating as her rage abetted. "Then we aren't fighting over a man?"

"Not him, why the hell would I want him? He's so in love with you that what little brain cells he has, he's had to borrow from you."

"Then what man are we fighting over?"

The light dawning at last Kyoraku, with a dumb ass grin on his face, leaned forward to whisper a name in his lieutenant's ear.

"Wha?" Blinking up at her captain rapidly Nanao had an even harder time processing that than she had Yachiru's motivations for fighting her. "Why on earth would I want to fight her for...wait...she's....he's.....no wonder he's looked so depressed and unhappy recently." Her expression thoughtful now, Nanao suddenly saw a lot of things making sense as they fell into place. "I thought it was just the strain of everything that's been happening recently." Tipping her head to one side Nanao asked what to her was the most confusing part of all this. "Why would you think I would be your competition there?"

"It's a long story." Kyoraku assured his lieutenant as he leaned down to place a tender kiss on her forehead. "I'll explain it to you later."

"It figures that you would be able to understand her screwed up logic. And aren't you supposed to be somewhere right now?"

"Just came to pick Hitsugaya up, Nanao chan."

"Right............"

"So you....really aren't interested in him at all?"

"You'd have to be dead not to be....but don't you think that someone as goal oriented and driven as me would have gotten him now if I wanted him badly enough to humiliate myself in public?"

"Good point."

* * *

Tosen's face was stiff and unreadable as he approached their fearless leader. "Aizen san...the word has just come in. Captain Hitsugaya and his lieutenant have returned to Soul Society. I was asked to inform you."

"Good. I was just thinking that if she didn't hurry back soon I was going to have to give them a reason to." Idly toying with the apple he held in his hand Aizen's face didn't give away the glee he was currently feeling. He only wished he could be there when she got his little package for her. He'd thought about dividing it, giving her half and the other to Gin's former lieutenant, but no, it really was only fair that Matsumoto was the sole recipient of this particular gift. After all, she alone deserved what was left of the man who'd lost so much for her.


	35. Language, Please

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original characters and the situations I put all the unfortunate characters in. Everything else belongs to somebody else and that's just the way it is, people. Thanks so much for reading and please review and let me know what you think!

Language, Please

A woman on a mission, Rukia finally managed to corner Renji in the sixth division office, her brother thankfully absent as she marched up to Renji's crowded and messy desk. She was done waiting in a big way. "Renji!"

Practically jumping out of his seat Renji stared at her like she'd suddenly grown three heads as he slumped back into his chair. "Rukia! Hi..ah..what do you want? Your brother won't be back for another hour or two."

"I know, the captains' meeting. I came here to talk to you."

"Oh." She'd been acting so weird the last couple of days, he hadn't been sure if she was mad at him again or not. He WAS pretty sure his captain was in on it though, which didn't bode well for him at all., Renji thought darkly. As it was, his desk was currently overcrowded with paperwork her brother seemed to be generating for the sole purpose of making him suffer. Not that that was anything new. The last week or so had just been unusually bad.

"Do you know why so many relationships don't go anywhere?"

Okay....wha?

Taking his dumbfounded silence as an answer Rukia nodded superiorly. "Of course you don't, men never do, which is why break ups are so often your dumb, ignorant faults. Not that you guys ever realize that of course. No, you always figure that it was meant to be or all the woman's fault, completely missing the obvious answer that's staring you in your dumb, dense faces."

He should probably be defending his sex here, but Renji was too busy trying to figure out where this was all going to bother. How had this topic come about and what did it have to do with him? Whatever was going on, he was definitely in trouble, big time. He'd never wanted his captain to come back early so much. Save me, please!

"God you're dim." Practically hissing now it was clear that her older brother's ability to kill with his eyes alone was rubbing off on her. "You're probably thinking I'm being stupid here but you're too afraid of what my brother would do to you to tell me so. Well what else is new? You're too afraid to tell anyone anything important, aren't you? Typical testosterone laden male, always ready to fight but way too weak and chicken to talk about important things, important things that need to be talked about! Always leaving it up to the women, typical dumb men."

"What did I do?" Because at the moment, he was drawing one big blank. Of course that could also be because the Kuchiki glare was short circuiting his brain. They were really good at that, almost as wicked as Ise san's.

"What did you do? Like it's all about you?" Sniffing Rukia would have looked down on him if it weren't for the incredible height difference even with him sitting down for the moment. "And like you'd do anything. You just sit back and act like nothings going on, leaving it completely up to me to figure things out for myself, you jerk. A real man would stand up and tell me these sorts of things but oh no, not you. You stupid..stupid man. Well you can forget about me helping you at all, you, you inconsiderate jerk. You want out of this mess, it's all on you now, bub!"

And with that Rukia headed out the door, slamming it closed behind her. For his part, Renji just sat there in dumbfounded confusion, completely out to sea as to what had just happened.

* * *

Once Kyoraku and Hitsugaya returned the meeting began and finished without further incident. Which wasn't to say that the meeting was all that productive, in fact, a waste of time would have been the better word for it. Captains Soifon and Zaraki spent the meeting alternating between glares and the silent treatment while Kyoraku was off in his own little world with the stupidest grin in the history of Soul Society on his face. Captain Ukitake spent a large portion of the meeting fiddling uncomfortably in his seat, when he wasn't looking in Hitsugaya's direction anyway. Hitsugaya, for his part, knew exactly what was going on in the older captain's head and saw no reason to elevate the man's anxiety prematurely, especially since the man had put the moves on his girl, even if she wasn't really his. Not even Captain Unohana was of any help, so sleep deprived from working overtime that she was barely aware of the undercurrents going on around her, driving the few non romantically involved people nuts. Since the main purpose of the meeting had been to catch Hitsugaya up on things and get an update on the condition of things on Earth, the meeting was cut unusually short in order to preserve the General's sanity.

Walking stiffly out of the building Hisagi winced on and off, doing his best to use as few muscles as possible as he moved gingerly towards the stairs. Stopping painfully when he spotted the lone person sitting on the steps, Hisagi had to take a deep breath before starting his descent, aiming for Isane who seemed unaware of his approach, absorbed in the book she was reading. When he was standing within reach Hisagi loudly cleared his throat, amused as she looked up to blink owlishly at him as she struggled to focus. "Good book?"

Nodding dumbly Isane could feel her cheeks getting red, embarrassed that he'd snuck up on her so easily and because things were definitely not resolved between them. In fact, they hadn't been truly alone together since the closet incident.

"Got a question for you, seeing as you're a girl and all." Not that it was important or anything, but he still hadn't figured out what the hell to say to her and appeasing his curiosity seemed like a good alternative while he figured out how the hell to get her naked as soon as possible, having only got some too brief glimpses before they'd been so rudely interrupted by her stupid division drones. He was beginning to get why Kyoraku had been trailing after Ise san for so long. Maybe good girls really were better than bad, at least in the sex department. There sure as hell hadn't been anything prim or proper about Isane once he'd gotten his hands in her robes yesterday. God but he loved them loud. Which wasn't something he wanted to be thinking about, seeing as he was in no condition to do anything but groan in pain. Though if she were willing to do all the work and take the top....

"What's the question?" If he wanted dating advice she was going to find the nearest scapel and get very creative with it.

"Of all the men in Soul Society...whose the one you women would be most likely to fight over?"

Blinking at him Isane couldn't help but give him a 'are you stupid' look. "Captain Kuchiki." Like duh, who else could it be?

"That's what I figured." So the little psycho had her eye on Kuchiki? God help him, Hisagi thought with a faint shudder. If that particular horror had been after him he would have offed himself by now. And wait a minute....... "Let me guess, he's your ideal guy too." Didn't that just figure, typical woman. Just because the stuck up ass had looks and money, he thought bitterly, since Kuchiki sure as hell didn't have anything remotely resembling a personality. There were rocks that showed more emotion than that prick. It was probably the long hair, girls seemed to dig that for some reason. Long hair was sissy as hell in his book but then women never did think right, too emotionally hormonal.

"Uhm no."

"No what?"

"He's not my ideal guy." Though Captain Kuchiki was, without question, a catch, Isane was smart enough to realize that Kuchiki was just too much man for her to handle. Not that a man like Kuchiki would ever be interested in her either, which was really fine by her. She wouldn't know what to do with him if she had him. Okay...that was a bit of a lie...she'd want to do what every other woman in Soul Society would like to do with him...but it wasn't like they could stay in bed forever....

A grinning crossing his face Hisagi now looked damn smug. "Than who is?" He asked, his tone plainly suggesting who he thought, after yesterday, would be her ideal man.

"Edward Cullen."

"Edward Cullen? Who the hell is Edward Cullen?"

Looking up into his now scowling face Isane couldn't decide whether to be amused or insulted that he would think he was her ideal guy. Please, like she wasn't aware that he was a womanizing he-man who had far too much confidence in his own skills and appeal. No, if she'd had any say in the matter, she would totally pick Captain Hitsugaya or Kira to go gaga over. They were so much better husband/father material. No, if this thing between her and Shu went anywhere he was going to take a lot of elbow grease to bring up to snuff. At least out of the bedroom anyway. It was amazing really, to think of how many relationships you could have if all you did was think about and have sex. The divorce rates on Earth would certainly go down. Probably.

"Well? Who is he?"

"Who is..oh right, Edward Cullen. He's a vampire."

"A vampire?" Okay, he must have heard her wrong.

"He's a fictional character." Isane supplied, a small smile on her lips. After all, it was a given that any woman's ideal man couldn't possiblly exist in the real world. "We, the Women's Shinigami Society, read the Twilight series which is a series about vampires, the main male character being Edward."

So in otherwords, she'd rather moon over some make believe guy than date a real man like him. Figures.

"They're really good, we all liked them. Though we were pretty evenly split over which man was better for Bella, Edward or Jacob." Isane added, though she knew the chances of Shu or any man in Soul Society reading the bestselling series was next to nil. Too romantic and mushy for them. Most of them would rather get into a fight with Captain Zaraki. Spotting her Captain motioning to her out of the corner of her eye Isane bounced to her feet. "Sorry, my captain wants me. I'll see you later?"

"Yeah, sure." Watching her hurry off Hisagi had a bad feeling his day was only going to get worse from here on out. But really, what else was new lately?

* * *

Hitsugaya wasn't at all surprised to find Ukitake had waited around for him when he stepped out of the general's office an hour after the captain's meeting had ended. The General had requested his presence as soon as the meeting had ended and Hitsugaya had never doubted for a moment that Ukitake would be hovering in the wing, waiting for his chance. Holding his hand up before the older man could speak Hitsugaya kept his eyes blank, his tone businesslike. "We'll talk at my home." Flashing out Hitsugaya reappeared in front of his apartment, Ukitake right behind him. Letting them both in Hitsugaya absently picked up the tote he'd left in the hallway, having thrown it there when he'd arrived before heading to the meeting with Matsumoto. Bringing it with him he set it down beside his couch before taking a seat, motioning for Ukitake to take the chair opposite him.

Taking the seat, feeling like a kid dragged before the school principal, Ukitake had to hand it to the young man, he knew how to appear older than his years. "I take it...you know why I want to talk to you?"

"Probably, but why don't you spell it out, just in case." Man, this was going to be funnier than he'd thought, Hitsugaya thought with inner glee.

Ukitake wasn't stupid, he knew he was being played, even though the kid did have one hell of a poker face. Relaxing slightly in the chair Ukitake allowed himself one some sigh of relief before giving the speech Hitsugaya was obviously expecting. "I know that I owe you big time, and that I owe you one hell of an apology regardless of the fact that you and Nemu san weren't actually dating. I didn't know that at the time so I have no excuse for putting...for acting inappropriately towards her when I thought she was yours. You're my friend and that friendship means a lot to me...I...my behaviour...well again, no excuse and I can only hope that you'll believe me when I say I've felt...beyond horrible for what I did. And I want to thank you for stepping in as Nemu san's fake..boyfriend...so that she didn't go off and end up doing lord only knows what. I..really bungled things up there too and I'm hoping to fix that too...with your blessing."

Raising an eyebrow Hitsugaya was still as cool as a cucumber. "And if I told you I had no intention of handing her over to you?"

"Then I'm going to have to take her from you."

Approving of the look in the man's eye, Hitsugaya nodded. "Good. But just to be clear, as Nemu san has no father or brother figure to stand up for her, I want you to know that I will not tolerate her being misused. If you hurt her or treat her badly, Captain, you will no longer have lungs to cough up, capice?"

Accepting the hand Hitsugaya held out Ukitake shook it firmly. "And I'll let you."

"That's optional."

* * *

Arriving at Momo's office Renji was feverishly glad to find her in. Absently patting the large amount of cash in his pocket Renji could only hope he didn't have to bribe his friend with some of it in order to get her help. Normally Hinamori was a pretty soft touch, but in the battle of the sexes women generally stuck together like peanut butter and jelly. Plus, maybe if he told her that he'd gotten the money betting on a fight, she wouldn't want any anyway. Momo did not approve of gambling. Especially gambling over the behavior of people they knew and worked with. But really, he still couldn't believe how many people had thought him nuts to bet that Kyoraku would break the women up before anyone could win. Please, he was so obviously stupid enough to get between those two. Stupid in love anyway. Damn women, sucking out a man's common sense like a damn leech. And Rukia blamed it all on them like it was their fault for unknowingly allowing themselves to be sucked dry.

"What can I help you with, Renji san?" Momo asked with a smile, her curiosity plan as he took a seat in front of her desk. Unlike his, you could probably eat off of hers. It even smelled girlie.

"I uhm...need a female translation."

"A female translation?" Raising an eyebrow Momo wondered what trouble he'd gotten himself into now with Rukia Kuchiki. Really, why the man didn't just listen to her and tell Rukia was beyond her. Captain Kuchiki knew and hadn't killed him, what else was there to worry about?

"Yeah....Rukia sorta ranted at me and I don't know why."

Settling back in her chair Mono sighed, preparing for the worst. "What did she say."

Pleased that he wouldn't have to do any bribing at all Renji launched into a pretty accurate recount of everything Rukia had said to him, sure that it must be as confusing to Momo as it was to him. None of it made any sense after all.

"I see." Shaking her head at him Momo could not understand how the man could be this dense. Then again...he was a man and they never did quite seem to grasp the workings female mind. Which was only natural really, since female minds were more complex than the men they were used to.

"Wait...you understood that?" How did women do that? Were they all on FM frequency while men were on AM? Why couldn't everyone just be on one wave length!

"Yes, it wasn't that hard to figure out when you read between the lines."

"I don't even know what that means."

"Obviously."

"A clue?"

"Rukia's figured out that you're in love with her and she's very upset that you didn't tell her." Upset wasn't quite the right word, but Momo refused to use bad language unless she had to. Saying that Rukia was seriously pissed off just wasn't her style.

"Oh shit."

"Language, please."

"Crap?"

"Somewhat better."

"And you're sure about this, right?"

"I'm afraid so. And no, I don't know how she feels about the fact that you're in love with her, just that she's mad she had to learn it from someone or something other than you." Momo added, anticipating the question he'd get around to once his eyes stopped wheeling like a half mad horse with rabies.

"FUCK!"

"LANGUAGE!"


	36. A Bad Penny

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original characters and the situations I put all the poor characters in. Everything else belongs to somebody else and unfortunately that's the way its gonna stay. Thanks so much for reading, please review so I know what you think!

A Bad Penny

"So mind telling me how long you intend to give me the silent treatment?" Soifon asked icily, her arms crossed in front of her chest as she watched Zaraki as he lounged in his desk chair. With the desk between them, Soifon could easily see it ending up as splinters if he kept refusing to talk to her. "I already apologized, didn't I?" And he knew how much she hated doing that, Dammit.

"You did." Zaraki agreed, acknowledging the truth of her statement with a slight nod of his head, his bells jingling with the movement.

A twitch appearing under her left eye Soifon could literally feel her blood begin to boil. "But you aren't accepting my apology."

"I didn't ask for one."

Well that did it. Slamming her fist down on his desk the whole thing threatened to buckle from the blow. "You damn well did when you nearly took out two divisions, dammit."

"Don't flatter yourself. I routinely decimate my division...Blondie boy's division just got in my way."

"Bullshit." Dark eyes flashing Soifon was having some very vivid images of leaping forward and shoving his own bells down his throat, one bell at a time. Or replace his eyes and balls with them..that could be a real nice, decorative touch.

Watching her Zaraki wondered idly whether a vein could literally pop out from too much twitching. Something to ponder at a later date. Leaning forward Zaraki did his best to retain his detached facade. "Look, don't get your uniform in a knot. I wont be coming after your division, if that's what you're worried about. No sport in it."

And another twitch erupted under her other eye at the offhanded insult. Grinching her teeth Soifon was only able to keep back her biting remarks by reminding herself over and over again that he was doing this on purpose, he was so obvious. But damn him, he just knew where best to target. "If you don't want an apology..what do you want?" She finally got out, biting off each word.

So she wanted him to state the obvious, huh? Thoughtfully Zaraki regarded her with an expression reminiscent of the looks others gave his daughter when they were scolding her for behaving like the immature child she was.

Reading between the lines Soifon's eyes narrowed dangerously. "You know you aren't getting that until the deal is met."

"Than expect me to be my usual assehole self for quite a while."

"Oh goody."

* * *

Tapping his fingers on his desk Captain Kuchiki waited patiently for his idiot lieutenant to show up so that he could tear the stupid little prick to verbal pieces. What part of office duties did he not understand? Probably thought he could sneak out without him ever finding out, Byakuya thought darkly, amused at the stupidity of his underling. You'd think by now the man would have clued into the fact that NOTHING got by him. Than again, Renji did have more in common with goldfish than the brightness of their coloring.

Hearing someone walk along his porch Kuchiki thought for a moment it was Renji, quickly changing that thought as he recognized the brisk, no nonsense steps of Lieutenant Ise, one of the two young ladies who'd recently been caught up in a fight over him, though she'd apparently had no idea of it. Kyoraku's face had been priceless.

When the polite knock came at his door Kuchiki called out for her to enter.

Entering Nanao politely closed the door behind her before walking up to his desk, bowing politely. "I hope I have not interrupted you, Captain Kuchiki."

"Nothing important. What can I do for you, Lieutenant Ise?"

"It's more what we can do for each other, Sir. The lieutenant of the eleventh division has made a fool out of me today..and I understand she has been causing you problems as well. I have come to propose that I aid you in...relieving yourself of her."

Now wasn't that interesting. Leaning forward in his seat Ise's had his full attention. "And just what do you propose?"

By way of answering Nanaowithdrew four sheets of paper from a folder and handed them over to him. "Its only a rough draft, but I thought I should see if you agreed that I was on the right track before I fine tuned things." She'd spent the last hour on it and was pleased with the current results, but planned to do much, much better. That little bitch was going to curse the day she thought to take Lieutenant Nanao Ise on.

Reading down the list and timeline she'd presented him with Kuchiki felt a twinge of lieutenant envy. Damn but Kyoraku had really lucked out. The next major thought was that she was a meticulious, shrewd and fearsome opponent, one someone should think twice before ever taking on. "You understand her well." Looking up from the pages Kuchiki acknowledged the brilliance of her idea. "This will send her running for the hills like a Hollow after a cluster of wandering spirits."

"I believe so." Nanao agreed, pleased he understood so quickly what she was proposing.

"Are you always this methodical when you set goals?"

"Yes, Captain."

Handing the pages back to her Kuchiki gave her a small smile. "Than I think you were right."

"Right about what, Sir?"

"That if you'd wanted me for a husband, you would have gotten a ring around your finger by now."

"Yes, Sir."

"Kyoraku's a lucky man."

"He is, Sir."

"May I ask...why haven't you made him marry you yet?"

"You don't reward animals until they've shown some signs of improved behavior. The logistics are the same in that matter."

* * *

Setting his bag on top of his bed Hitsugaya figured now was as good a time to unpack as ever. Unzipping his bag the tenth division captain frowned as he stared at the unfamiliar paper bag that rested atop the rest of his clothes. It had definitely not been there the last time he'd opened the bag, when he'd been packing things up back on earth. Had Ukitake slipped something into the bag while he wasn't looking? The very idea was laughable. Rolling his eyes at the idiocy of the thought Hitsugaya lifted the bag from its resting place and tugged at the folded piece of paper that had been taped to the bag. Opening it Hitsugaya instantly recognized the messy handwriting.

_Toshiro kun,_

_I made these for you and I tried really hard so you have to eat them._

_Karin_

Already having a bad feeling Toshiro set the note down and opened the paper bag, wincing as he looked at its contents. Reaching in Hitsugaya pulled out a rather misshapen cookie that didn't look appetizing in the slightest. Though it did look better than the first cookies she'd tried to bake him the last time she'd gotten it into her head to try to bake him something. These at least were roughly the color they were supposed to be. You couldn't mistaken them for charcoal anyway. Sighing Hitsugaya picked up the bag in question and headed for the kitchen, looking much like a man about to face the gallows. Once there he retrieved some milk, reminded himself that he was a man, and began to eat the disgusting cookies his favorite human girl had made for him. The things he did to make that woman happy.

He was into his third cookie, already considering the likelihood of a trip to the forth division, when he sensed his lieutenant flash into his front hallway. Glad for any excuse to stop eating Hitsugaya rolled up the bag and got to his feet, deciding that he wouldn't even yell at her for not knocking first. Getting to his feet Hitsugaya had just pushed his chair back when his lieutenant stumbled into the room, clutching against her chest what looked to him like a box florists used for deliveries. Her face was as pale as his hair and her eyes were glossy, unfocused, and as wide as saucers. "Matsumoto!" Over to her side in a flash Hitsugaya helped her down to the floor, crouching down beside her while she held the box to her chest like it was a lifeline in a terrible storm. "What's wrong?"

"Kira...Kira's coming. I thought..I thought I should call him too."

As gently as he could Hitsugaya attempted to ease her into some sort of an explanation. "Why is he coming?"

"The note...the note said...I think....I think something of Gin....Gin....in box...in the box maybe....I...I...I can't open it....." Clutching the box even tighter Matsumoto could feel the thin grasp she had on her sanity slipping even more. Only the presence of her captain was keeping her from breaking down completely. But inside..inside she was weeping and wailing like the most pitiful, tortured of creatures. Because even though she hadn't opened the box yet...somehow she just knew.

"Where's the note?"

"Pocket."

"Okay." Watching her carefully for any sign of trouble Hitsguaya reached into her pocket and retrieve a very crumbled up piece of expensive writing paper. Unwrinkling it as best he could Hitsugaya hastily read the letter, his blood going cold as he did. Yes, yes he understood why she had come running to him. Whatever was in that box...it was going to cause Matsumoto unbearable pain.

* * *

Hearing the sound of polite knocking at his door Hitsugaya gave Matsumoto what he hoped was an encouraging pat on the shoulder, than ran to get the door, throwing it open to admit his three new guests.

"Momo and Renji were with me when I got Ran's message." Kira explained, his face pale. "She said...it had to do with Captain Ichimaru?"

Standing on either side of Kira, it was obvious that Momo and Renji had come along to support their friends. Hitsguaya was glad for any help he could get.

As soon as he shut the door behind them Hitsugaya began his explanation. "Somehow Aizen arranged for a package to be delivered to Matsumoto. It came with a letter that states that Aizen figured out that Ichimaruwas the one who gave us information on Lieutenant Ise's stalker...and that he'd done so largely for Matsumoto's benefit. The letter suggests that Ichimaru was punished for his actions...and that the box contains some memento for her...to remember the sacrifice Ichimaru made for her. The box, when I touched it, seemed cool to the touch. I think what ever is in there...has been kept cold for a length of time."

What color Kira had had faded away so that he was now pale as death. "You think...inside the box..."

"Its what she thinks too. We have to keep her together. We cannot allow him to take her from us too." His icy eyes boring into Kira's, his message was clear.

Nodding Kira swallowed hard than followed Hitsugaya back into the kitchen, Renji and Hinamori at their heels. Matsumoto had not moved since her captain had left her side. On a sound of distress Momo squeezed through the men and dropped to her knees beside the older woman, pulling her into an awkward hug, box and all. Matsumoto made no response, simply looking over Hinamori's shoulder to stare up at her captain expectantly.

Everyone crouching down Hitsugaya held out his hands after motioning Momo to move away from Matsumoto so that he could talk to her one on one. "Matsumoto..give me the box. I'll open it for you."

"I'm supposed to open it. The..the letter said so."

She was opening it over his dead body. "And since when do any of us do what Aizen says? You don't have to open it..you don't have to see what's inside. Lieutenant Kira and I will do it."

"No." Shaking her head slightly Matsumoto's eyes welled up with tears she refused to shed. "I..I have to open it. He..Gin would expect me to open it. I have to..for him. I have to be the one." Settling the box lengthwise across her lap Matsumoto stared down at it than turned her gaze to Kira's, her eyes reflecting her terrible inner agony. "You'll help me..if I need help?"

"Of course." His nails digging into the flesh of his hands, Kira couldn't even feel the blood forming to slide down his palms from the crescent wounds.

Nodding Matsumoto's eyes turned back to the box, everyone silent as they watched her slowly lift up the lid, which blocked everyone else's view of what was in the deceptively innocent white box. She stared down at the contents silently for a moment, than on a muffled cry lifted a hand as if to remove whatever was inside.

Reaching out Hitsugaya's hand stopped hers, wrapping around her wrist to prevent her from doing so. Meeting her gaze steadily he reached out with his other hand and tugged the box off her lap, than turned it so that the contents were facing them, all the while still keeping a grip on her, keeping that connection, that bond between them.

Laying obscenely in a bed of greenery and baby's breath was a severed arm, from the elbow down. The size of the hand and fingers, combined with the width of it would indicate a male. Tied around the middle of it was a big pink bow, the bow made from a scarf that everyone recognized as the type Matsumoto always wore around her neck with her uniform.

Hand shaking it was Kira now who reached towards the box, turning the icy cold, blue tinged hand slightly to the side. "The..the scar on...Captain Ichimaru has a scar...its here." The hand...this lifeless limb was his captain's..his captain's....

Whatever might have been said was cut off at the choking sounds coming from Matsumoto's throat. All attention going towards her they watched as she seemed to choke in front of them, struggling unsuccessfully to draw air into her lungs, her eyes desperately frantic as her hands wrapped around her throat.

"Dammit!" Pushing aside the box Hitsugaya was in front of her in a moment, taking her face in his hands as he stared into her eyes. "Breathe, Matsumoto. Dammit, you breathe now, that's an order! In and out, in and out. You can do it, dammit. You can do it."

* * *

Staring blindly as the men joined in with encouraging Matsumoto to breath Hinamori didn't know what to do. What could she do? Her captain...her captain had done this. Matsumoto was being destroyed by her captain..just the way he'd destroyed her earlier. Ichimaru was gone..he was never coming... An idea, a thought flashing into her mind, Hinamori didn't even pause to think about it. Leaping to her feet Hinamori ran out of the room and down Hitsugaya's hallway, heading straight for her childhood friend's bedroom. Praying it was still there she went straight for his closest, practically ripping the box she'd been looking for from its place on the shelf. Hurrying back into the kitchen Hinamori could feel the men's questioning looks as she threw off the lid and emptied Hitsugaya's coin collection onto the tiled floor. Sorting through them desperately the girl gave a cry of victory when she found what she was looking for. Picking it out of the pile Hinamori scooted over to where Matsumoto could easily see it. "What's this, Matsumoto san? What is this coin called? You know, you know what this is. Tell me what it is."

Gasping for breath Matsumoto forced herself to concentrate on the coin for the fleeting moment necessary to idenify the coin. "P..ppp..enn..y."

"That's right, it's a North American penny. And you know what they say about pennies there, Matsumoto san? They say that there's something called a bad penny...they use it to refer to someone who constantly comes back even when they aren't wanted. Captain Ichimaru is your bad penny, Matsumoto san. He always comes back to you, doesn't he? He comes even when you don't want to see him. Bad pennies ALWAYS come back. Has he ever not come back when you needed him? No, he always comes back, doesn't he?" Reaching out Hinamori insistently forced the coin into Matsumoto's shaking hand. "A man can live without an arm, Matsumoto san. A man like Ichimaru could live without all his limbs, he's that strong and determined. He always, always, survives to come back again. You can't believe otherwise, Matsumoto san. You can't believe otherwise until you see some real proof. It's just an arm, Matsumoto san. It's just an arm. He's your penny..so you have to believe in him. You have to believe he'll come back when you least expect him."

"Just...just an arm." As if Hinamori's words had released her lungs Matsumoto drew in air hard, the oxygen hitting her lungs with the same healing affect as Hinamori's words. "He could..he could live without an arm."

"Damn right he could." Reaching out Kira's closed his hand over hers, fisting their hands around the penny. "Not even Death himself would dare try to make him die against his will."

"You just have to believe, Matsumoto." Hitsugaya reminded her. "Just believe in him."

"O..Okay."


	37. Captains and Their Lieutenants

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original characters and the situations I put all the poor suckers into. Thanks for reading and please review and let me know what you think!

Captains and Their Lieutenants

"Welcome back, Nanao chan." Shunsui announced with a wide smile on his face, looking so happy that it was a wonder flowers and hearts didn't encircle his head like a halo. Sitting at his desk he practically beamed love for all mankind as he watched his lieutenant close the door behind her. Absolutely nothing could ruin his day at that moment. She could even go into one of her 'list all his faults in alphabetical order' lectures, he'd smile all the way through and come out happier than a kid in a candy store. All was right in his world as far as he was concerned.

If he kept smiling like that she was going to have to invest in those clip on shades you could attach to your glasses, Nanao thought with the faintest of smile.

"Did Nanao chan get all her errands done?"

"I did." Walking over and around his desk Nanao steeled herself against his smile and her own embarrassment as she surprised him by actually climbing into his lap, awkwardly settling herself there before she looked up to meet his delightedly shocked gaze. She'd much rather do this standing, but she figured she owed him at least a little thrill. "I wish to extend my apologies...for this morning. And for the unkind things I've said in the last couple of days. Some of it was..unnecessarily harsh..in regards to your actual offenses."

Wrapping his arms around her waist Shunsui pulled his lieutenant into a bone crushing hug. "Awwwwwwwww, Nanao chan! You never apologize!"

"I won't be making a habit of it."

"I never thought you would." Amused Shunsui placed a kiss on top of her head. "My Nanao chan is without question the brains of this operation."

"True. And...you're the strength and heart of it."

Tilting her head up Nanao brushed her lips against his. "Now let me go. My back is killing me and you aren't helping it any."

Instantly letting go Shunsui tapped his lieutenant on the nose. "You should have said so right away. It's off to the forth division for you." Standing up and taking her with him Shunsui wasn't about to take no for an answer.

"They're overworked at the moment, as you'll recall. You'll have to patch me up yourself."

Patch her up himself...play doctor....hot damn!

"This is the best day EVER!"

)

"Hey, Kenny! Did you hear about the arm thing?" Yachiru demanded to know, in lieu of greeting as she bounced into their office. "What's wrong?" She demanded to know, coming to a screeching halt as she watched his face shift from something akin to grief to his normal, indifferent face. Her face panicky now Yachiru ran across the room, jumped onto his desk, and began frantically looking him over. "Are you hurt somewhere? Did something bad happen? Did one of our men get hurt?" Perilously close to ringing her hands Yachiru couldn't think of anything that could put such a look on her captain's face. Surely he wasn't upset about Ichimaru?

"I'm fine." Roughly stuffing the box he'd been holding into his pocket Zaraki cursed the fact that she'd caught him off guard so easily. But that's what thinking about Soifon did to him, messed with him to the point where he screwed up and came out looking like an idiot. Damn her. "And yeah, I heard. The arm's been taken to the forth division to be analyzed and there's a meeting scheduled for tomorrow once the results come in."

Pushing aside her annoyance at not being the first to tell him, Yachiru hopped from the desk to land on his knee, reaching out to lay a hand against his tightly muscled forearm. "What's wrong? There is something, I know it. Is it..did I do something bad?" Yachiru couldn't imagine that her fight earlier with Ise had bothered him, but maybe what she'd done had gotten the General riled up. The old fuddy duddy was always looking for an excuse to yell at the eleventh division for what he considered inappropriate behavior. He lectured them almost as much as the creepy twelfth division.

Why was it that she only noticed things when he didn't want her to, Zaraki wondered, wishing there was someone around to beat the crap out of. He'd already put most of his division in the hospital, and Yachiru had definitely had enough, even though she'd be game for a match if he suggested one. She really was a chip off the old block. And right now she was worried about him, which meant he had to come up with some convenient lies and quick. Sure he could spill his guts and tell her everything, maybe even get her to fall in line with all of Soifon's dumb requirements, but that wasn't the way he wanted to do this. He didn't want her unhappy while he was happy, he wanted them to both be happy at the same time. Absently rubbing the back of his head Zaraki met Yachiru's worried eyes with a rueful look, hoping that he could give her just enough to get her to back off him. She was like a dog with a bone where he was concerned and damn if he wanted her after him on top of the argument he'd had with Soifon.

"I'm just having a bad day."

Did he really think she was going to believe that? He must have hit his head on something really hard, to think that that would be enough to get her off the scent, Yachiru thought, worried that he was underestimating her so hugely. He knew better than that.

Seeing that he was going to have to elaborate, Zaraki figured a half truth was in order. "I'm in the mood to kick some ass but there's no one around whose in any condition to let me. And no, it's not going to be you. You've had enough fighting for now."

Pouting at the idea that he thought she wasn't up to it Yachiru was loathed to admit he might possibly be right about her needing to rest up for at least the next twenty four hours. She was sore in places she hadn't even known she had. Ise was tougher than she looked, especially for a four eyed geek. Going for pressure points, the sneaky little bitch. Yachiru had to admire that.

"Tell you what, lets go out for some ribs tonight, all you can eat, my treat."

Nothing distracted her quite like food.

"Sweet. I am so in."

"I thought you would be."

"And then I'll keep questioning you until you spill your guts."

Giving her a considering look Zaraki could only hope she remembered to chew in between questions. If he brought one more person to the forth division Braid Girl would have his head on a platter.

)

Anxiously shifting from one foot to the other Ukitake did his best to play it cool as he waited for Nemu to arrive. Looking around he could make out three visible security cameras, with who knows how many hidden ones recording his every action. Talk about added pressure. Running a quick hand through his already mussed bangs Ukitake could only pray that the damn things didn't have audio as well as visual. Then again, making a fool out of himself in public had become something he'd gotten use to since discovering just how infuriatingly alluring a certain lieutenant could be.

Hearing footsteps Ukitake turned, pleased to see that Nemu was alone as she walked down the long, imposing hallway to where he was waiting. "I hope I didn't interrupt anything important." Ukitake began, since the lackey he'd talked to had seemed very reluctant to go find his lieutenant for him, "Do you have a few minutes."

"My father says you have five minutes before he considers your presence here an indication that you wish to be experimented on."

"No pressure than." Ukitake muttered, seeing that there was no way to warm up to his reason for visiting with idle chitchat. Not that you could really talk about nothing with Nemu, as she either didn't understand the purpose of the conversation or warped it into a topic better left undiscussed.

Thinking he might need prompting Nemu asked what seemed like the most logical question. "You have spoken to Captain Hitsugaya?"

"Ah yes..I just left him a little while ago. I...I do apologize for all the misunderstandings and I hope that you understand I never meant to hurt your feelings or upset you in any way. Nanao san explained that she explained my actions to you..but I wanted to apologize to you personally first..before I asked you..if you...if maybe...if you still would like to...even though I screwed up so horribly...another chance..."

"I don't understand what you're trying to ask me. Would you like a moment to better think out your question, or would you like me to pose my own?"

Delighted with the opportunity to stall Ukitake was all for letting her ask him anything her crazy mind could come up with. "There's something you want to ask me?"

"Yes. Now that you know Captain Hitsugaya and I are nothing more than friends, does this mean you'll finally have sex with me?"

Mouth gaping open like a fish Ukitake finally managed to croak out. "Will you let me buy you dinner first so I don't feel like a complete louse?"

"If you feel you must."

"I do."

)

Approaching his captain both wearily and defiantly, Renji gingerly took a seat on his captain's porch, leaving a good three feet between them just in case. Yes, he had blown off work, neglected his paperwork, duties, AND had forgotten to inform his captain as to his whereabouts, but Renji felt all that was entirely justified. Kira and Ran had needed him, he was their friend and his place had been by their side, not sitting behind his desk filling out forms all day. And if Kuchiki thought for one minute he was going to make him sorry for what he'd done the ice man had another thing coming because-

"How are Lieutenant Matsumoto and Lieutenant Kira?"

Struck dumb by the simple question Renji forgot all his well rehearsed lines. "Huh?"

"I'm asking as to the mental well being of the lieutenants you spent the afternoon with. Captain Hitsugaya can hold down the tenth division on his own, but Lieutenant Kira's isn't in the best shape at the moment, seeing as over half of them are in the hospital or indisposed. If Lieutenant Kira is unable to preform his duties, you may take his place until he is so able."

"Aren't you mad at me?"

Raising one eyebrow Kuchiki decided that, given the circumstances, he wouldn't draw things out longer for his own amusement. "Captain Hitsugaya informed me as to your whereabouts and the reason for your absence."

"I'll..I'll go in early tomorrow to catch up on what I missed."

"I finished everything." Unlike his lieutenant, Byakuya had never seen what was so challenging about the daily reports lieutenants were responsible for. "As I stated, if you are needed elsewhere, I give you leave to leave the running of our division to me."

"But why would you do that?"

"Would you rather I chain you to your desk and make you do Lieutenant Kira's and your own paperwork too?"

Paling at the thought Renji frantically shook his head, much to his captain's amusement.

Lapsing into silence it was a good five minutes before Renji spoke again. "Do you think Captain Ichimaru could still be alive?"

"If he is, we'll know soon enough."

Not understanding, Renji gave his captain a questioning look.

"Captain Ichimaru is a moral less, honor less bastard with sociopathic leanings, who would not only kick a puppy but kick it into oncoming traffic. But if he is capable of feeling anything remotely resembling love, he feels it for Lieutenant Matsumoto. If he's alive, he'll make damn sure she knows it."

Both mens' heads turned at the sound of footsteps, watching Rukia walk over to take a seat between them, bridging the gap between them. Reaching out she surprised both men by linking her arms through them, uniting them into a solid front. She said not a word, and neither did they. Words were not necessary. They were alive and together. What else mattered?

)

"Captain Unohana." Bowing his head in acknowledgement the first division lieutenant surveyed the unusually busy hospital room with disguised amusement.

"Lieutenant Sasakibe." Smiling her usual sweet smile Unohana acknowledged his greeting with a nod of her own. "What brings you here this evening? I hope you aren't feeling unwell." If he was, she was going to have to kick someone out of their sickbed to make room. Then again, Sasakibe had never struck her as the hospital bed type.

"No, the General asked me to stop in to inquire as to the status of the limb sent to Lieutenant Matsumoto."

Figures. Typical men, always wanting what they couldn't have. "Primary analysis indicates it is indeed former Captain Ichimaru's arm. Blood type and D.N.A. are a match."

Considering this Sasakibe knew better than to push for more information. Not that it mattered either way. If Ichimaru was dead of badly injured, the better for them. He would not be a loss by any stretch of the word. "Thank you. I'll leave you to your work then. Quite a mess, isn't it?" He added, jerking his head in the direction of one man in particular, wrapped up like a mummy with several limbs suspended in the air.

"It seems spring came late to Soul Society."

"Pardon me?"

"In nature, during mating season, casualties are rampant as men compete with other men for the attention of the females, often maiming or even killing themselves in their pursuit to curry her favor or warn off a would be rival. I imagine my wards will continue to be unusually full for a while to come." Giving him one of her half little smiles Unohana gave him a questioning look. "Should I be reserving a room for you too, Lieutenant?"

Blushing slightly Sasakibe couldn't get out of there fast enough

)

Absently chewing on the end of her pen Yoruichi look up questioningly from her list making. "I think I've got the list of our wedding guests nailed down..wanna look it over and make sure I haven't forgotten anyone?"

Since he had no family to invite and most of his friends were idiots he could do without, Kisuke didn't see why he should have to look over another list but knew better than to say so out loud. Damn Matsumoto for putting all this crap in her head in the first place. Holding in a sigh as best as he could Kisuke took the list from his fiancee and quickly scanned the list of names there. "What the..why the hell would you want to invite Kuchiki?"

"He was always like a kid brother to me..and since nobody likes you apparently, I have to include enough people to represent both of us."

"Ah." Personally, he'd rather be guest less than admit to being friends with some of the names on the list. "Do you think Soifon and Kuchiki will even be able to come? The General isn't exactly happy with us at the moment."

"I'm send him a note saying that I'll personally come to Soul Society for the sole purpose of castrating him if he tries to stop them."

"That works."

"It generally does with guys. I wonder what Soifon would do if I invited Zaraki." Toying with the idea Yoruichi balanced the pen on the tip of her nose just because she could. "I think he'd come...if just to see what she looks like when she finds out I included him."

"Now there's a match made in hell." Shaking his head Kisuke couldn't imagine anything much scarier than Soifon and Zaraki together in the open as a couple. If Yoruichi hadn't clued him in, he probably would have never known, they were that good. As far as he was concerned, it was truly a testement to their self controls that no one outside their inner circle had figured out that they'd been nailing each other on every available surface up until a few decades ago. Soifon and her damn ultimatum. He was surprised Zaraki hadn't gone caveman on her ass yet. Like Yachiru would ever fall in line with Soifon's demands, please. Snorting at the idea Kisuke could only pray his love was joking about inviting the both of them to a wedding of all things. He wanted it done and over with with as few explosions and maimings as possible.

"There are worse couples out there, you know."

"Like who?"

"Do you really want me to put those kinds of images in your head?"

"I don't. I really don't."

"Didn't think so."


	38. Lay In Your Arms

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original characters and the situations I put everyone in. Everything else belongs to somebody else and that's just the way it's going to stay. Thanks to all my reviewers out there, I hope you like and review this latest chapter!

Lay In Your Arms

Isane wasn't at all sure about the sanity of what she was about to do, but what else could she do. Turning she watched Yas and Chika walk off towards their barracks, having accompanied her to Shu's house just in case. She still wasn't allowed to wander anywhere alone, as they'd reminded her multiple times on the way here. So now here she was, standing in front of Shu's door, waving them off like an idiot seeing as their backs were turned anyway. Procrastinator am I, Isane thought with a sigh.

Once they were out of sight Isane gave up on the waving and turning around stared stupidly at his door, like it would somehow melt away if she looked at it long enough, or better yet, would tell her if she should knock at all. She was feeling more indecisive than a child who'd just walked into an amusement park and caught sight of all the things there were to do. Yup, she really needed to focus here.

When she did finally get up the nerve to knock, no one answered. Normally she'd have looked at this as a gift from the gods, a perfect excuse, but for once this just worried the hell out of her. Why wasn't he answering? It was only ten o'clock at night, there was no way he was asleep already. And he was definitely in there, she could sense him. Of course he could just be being rude, it wasn't like Shu couldn't be inconsiderate, he was a guy after all, but it wasn't like him. He was a captain after all now, he had responsibilities and he took them seriously. Of course he could know it was her too and simply be avoiding her. That idea pissed her off, enough that she reached down, wrapped her fingers around the knob to keep her right hand from possibly splintering the wooden door with the force of an angry knock. It was by sheer chance that her hand slide against the cool metal knob just enough to turn it and reveal that the door was unlocked. A chill running down her spine Isane didn't even think, she simply reacted. Unsheathing her blade Isane opened the door with her other hand and carefully slipped inside, her senses on high alert. Of course some part of her brain reminded her that she was just a glorified medic, but that voice was totally over ruled by the stronger voice that said that if anyone was in there with the intent to hurt her Shu she was going to knock him out, drag him back to the twelfth division, and volunteer the son of a bitch to be experimented on. Leaving the front hallway Isane checked first the main parlor area, than the kitchen, finding nothing out of place other than the usual guy stuff men seemed unable to ever put away in their proper places. Moments later she slide open his bedroom door, took one quick scan of the room which ended when she caught sight on the lone figure, sitting out on his balcony, just visible through the partially open screen door. Sliding her sword back into place Isane went out to join him.

He sat with his knees drawn up against his chest, wearing only a simple pair of black pants. His head was bent, but she didn't have to see his face to know how he was feeling. The aura of pain and misery was taking a seat in front of him, Isane rested on her knees as she waited for him to acknowledge her.

"You know what bothers me the most?" Hisagi finally asked, not bothering to look up at her.

"No, what?"

"I don't care that Ichimaru is missing an arm or even that the bastard might be dead even as we speak. Fact is, the only part that would make me sorry about his demise would be that I wasn't the one to kill the son of a bitch in the first place for all the pain he caused Kira and Ran. What bothers me, if you can believe it, is that it isn't my captain's arm."

Thinking that over Isane caught on quick. "You're hurting over why the arm was sent in the first place."

"Ichimari is, was, a monster. A heartless, gutless, honor less bastard who didn't deserve to breath the same air as people like you. Everything he ever did in his damn life was because it suited him, because he profited from it in some way. And HE was the one who warned us. HE was the one who risked his life to get us that message and HE was the one who saw something wrong with letting that bastard Yami loose to rape and pillage. HE did something...and my captain didn't. MY captain sat back and let a man like that come here and try to hurt you and Ise san. HE let Ichimaru die for doing the right thing. HE might have even been one of the people who killed him. MY captain, the man I aspired to be and looked up to...has less..is less...than a moral less monster like Ichimaru."

Reaching out Isane placed a hand on his shoulder, the muscles under her fingers wound so tight it was a wonder they didn't tear from the pressure they were under, the weight they carried. "Maybe he didn't know. Maybe Aizen skewed it somehow so that Captain Tosen didn't understand what was truly going on, Shu. And even if he did understand, even if he is no better than Captain Ichimaru...that doesn't make the man you've made yourself into somehow less. He helped mold you by example and he's still doing that, if only by his bad example. I know you and Captain Komamura blame yourself, that you think you should have been able to save him..but you can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved."

Finally raising his head Hisagi's eyes were tortured and brimming over with emotion. "Did you know the only reason I took over the division was so that no one could take his place? I always had the idea that somehow he'd come back, somehow we'd make everything right and we could just slip back into the way things used to be. I'd go back to being his lieutenant and that would be that. But now...now I think I hate him so much I could kill him myself. For the looks on Ran and Kira's faces, I could kill him for that alone. Even if he didn't know...he chose to follow a man who would do that rather than stay with us. Who would send them the arm of someone they love just for the hell of it." He was quiet for a moment. "So now I'm sitting here...and I'm saying good bye to all those happily ever after ideas I had about him coming back. I'm joining Hinamori in the 'May My Former Captain Burn in Hell Club'. After tonight..I'm never calling him my captain again. I'm going to burn everything I have that he gave me or reminds me of him. Will you help me do that?"

Leaning forward Isane pressed her forehead against his in a silent show of solidarity. "Of course I will."

* * *

The first thing that came to Zaraki's mind was that this was wholely unexpected. The second was that this was likely to end badly. Very badly. Watching her leave his bedroom balcony to come inside Zaraki remained horizontal, his only acknowledgement of her presence the fact that he had his head turned in her direction, watching her every move. He got quite the eyeful too, as she stopped a metre or so away from his futon and began stripping in that economical, no fuss way of hers that always did delightfully destructive things to his hormones. That tough, toned body, tanned a light gold, visible to him alone from the faint lights from outside the balcony. She was small, almost delicate looking if one was looking from the neck down, Zaraki mused. The honed and well used muscles hidden behind silky smooth skin, unmarked despite her occupation, the tiny hands and feet, like a child's, though they were lethal weapons when required to be. High, perfectly shaped breasts, a mark of her femininity she could not hide despite her otherwise boyish body, so slim and angular was it. But really, as soon as you looked into those dark, almond shape eyes, you knew exactly what you were dealing with. And it was those eyes he'd fallen for, first in lust and than in love. He'd looked into them that faithful day so long ago, alight with fire and passion, and known he wanted nothing more than to look into them until he drowned there.

Unaware of his thoughts Soifon left her clothes where they lie and skirted around him to take her place on his right, thus situating herself between him and the bedroom wall. On the rare occasion she'd slept here, he'd always insisted on that. It had taken her longer than it should have to realize he did it to protect her rather than a stubborn refusal to give her a say in sleeping arrangements. Anyone entering the room would have to get to him first, before they could get to her. Unless of course they came through the wall, which he'd not been amused to have pointed out to him. Sliding under the measly cover he used Soifon shifted over to press up against his side, noting that he'd already shifted so that he was now facing her, still not saying a word. Moving closer she pressed up against him, placing her head under his chin so that her face was up against his neck. Breathing in his familiar scent, Soifon closed her eyes in contentment.

Not moving a muscle, it took a great more restraint then he'd like to admit to not wrap his free arm around her, the other needing to remain free out of necessity, in case he needed to grab his sword from its place beside his bedding. "Is this payback for earlier?" He finally asked, when it became apparent she wasn't interested in talking. He had to hand it to her, she was damn creative in the torture department and torture this was. Deliciously agonizing was the term that best described it, he thought with typical dark humor.

"No."

Well that didn't help much. If she wasn't here to torture him than why was she here? Unless of course he'd whet her appetite before, and she'd decided to come for round two. But in that case, why the hell wasn't she all over him like Yachiru on candy floss?

She didn't have to be able to see his face to get some idea of the thoughts and feelings that were proably running through them. "Do you want me to go?"

Talk about your dilemmas. But no, it really wasn't a hard choice to make. He'd rather suffer with her than without her. By way of answering his arm under her and around her tiny waist, anchoring her to him.

Making a sound of contentment Soion snuggled a little closer. "Hard to believe we pretty much hated each other on sight, huh?" She asked softly, absently kissing the side of his neck out of habit rather than design or intention.

"You hated me. I just wanted to pick fights with you." He corrected, a faint smile crossing his scarred face. Always ready for a fight, he'd been more than eager to test his strength against the other captains, particularly those in the second division who were elites in the ass kicking arts. Soifon had still been a lieutenant than and he'd had a lot of fun squaring off against her captain, but Soifon had refused to rise to his baitings. She'd considered herself so far above him that it made their height difference that much more humorous. It was pretty hard for anyone to look down their nose at him but she'd managed it somehow.

"Typical bully." Which was pretty much how she'd seen him. A violent, brawny, egotistical ass who was as brainless as he was unattractive. She'd pretty much labelled him a blight upon the Gotei and avoided him like the plague, feverishly hoping that he picked a fight with someone who would do the world a favor and send him back to the hell he'd come from. She'd felt that way for a long while before she'd learned differently. It had all started with a fight, which was so often the case with Zaraki. He'd come upon her 'training', i.e. picking a fight with six or so Hollows, ones that were seasoned enough to be at least a little challenging. Just to annoy her, he'd butted in. Before she could so much as glare at him he'd dispatched two of the remaining three, the two simultaneously finishing off the third so that its executioner was debate able. Annoyed and stressed after a very bad day, she'd finally given in to her feeling and gone at him.

It certainly wasn't the first time she'd called him a bully. She'd called him a hell of a lot worse, often in Chinese so that he could never quite be sure what exactly he was being called or accused of doing. She'd certainly had a number of things to call him the night he'd finally gotten her to face off against him. She'd been like a hellcat, out for his blood and so angry she could spit. The fact that he could take her punches and kicks with little show of pain or even annoyance had certainly put the blood in her eye. It had stayed in them when he'd finally managed to pin her between him and a rock wall, flattening her up against it with her arms pinned down at her sides. He'd seen the violence and dark intent in her eyes, just as he had watched them change to awareness, then something that, for the first time in his life, excited him more than battle. Those damn eyes of hers.

God she loved his body, Soifon thought as she relaxed, her mind on old memories. It was that which had first spiked her interesting in something other than killing the son of a bitch. He'd trapped her up against that rock wall and held her there by the strength of his massive body alone. He'd held nothing back in their little skirmish, treating her as he would have any of the men in his division. It had been that which had set him apart from the other men in her life, who treated her different, even knowing that female or not she was their superior upon the battlefield. There was always this sense of disapproval that she didn't fall into acceptable gender lines, and she'd hated to regulate herself by them when she could be behaving as she wished. But all fighters were genderless to Zaraki, he could care less how they were shaped or made so long as they weren't a waste of his time and physical prowess. So with fire in her veins, heat in her blood and a desire to conquer in her mind, she'd been pressed up against that warrior's body and been silently asked to admit defeat with that damn smug grin of his. And somehow that battle of wills had changed, so that rather than wanting to beat each other bloody, they'd instead desired a more dangerous battle of a more physically pleasurable sort. Of course after she'd justified it as miss directed blood lust but the bastard had, as he put it, 'gotten a taste for her', and she for him.

"So does this mean you're rethinking the no sex position? Because if you aren't, you're gonna want to move hands."

Relieving absently that her hands were stroking the hard abs of his stomach, Soifon considered the ramifications than thought what the hell, she had started this. "Call it a temporary suspension due to circumstances."

"In plain English?"

"If you want sex get it now, because it won't be available come morning."

When he was done with her, they'd both be too tired to move even if Aizen and all his annoying minions came bursting into the room, Zaraki thought with a decidedly roguish grin. "If you're in any condition to be conscious for sex come morning I've lost my touch."

"Right back at you."

* * *

Hitsugaya and Himamori sat companionably side by side, each silently watching over their sleeping charges. Stretched out on the floor, Kira's head lay in Momo's lap, her hand gently stroking his head as he slept undisturbed for the moment. Though it had to be uncomfortable for her, in her kneeling position, Momo made no move to move his head or shift from her position. Matsumoto was curled up in a loose fetal position in front of her captain, her head pillowed and a blanket around her shoulders that her captain had fetched for her. He simply sat by her head, guarding her against the darkness and the nightmares that loomed in the dreams of the two sleepers.

"You may go if you like." Hitsugaya offered, turning his neck to meet his friend's gaze. "I'll stay with them."

"I'd prefer to stay here." Was her soft response, her fingers drifting lazily through the silky blonde strands of Kira's head. "I want to be here for them."

Nodding his understanding Hitsugaya didn't push the matter. Perhaps she saw some atonement in staying, and if it brought her some comfort and resolution, who was he to stand in the way of it.

"Do you..think he could be alive?" She finally asked, her voice a quiet whisper.

Considering it Hitsugaya shrugged his shoulders faintly. "We'll know soon enough. They won't tell us of course, but we'll be able to see it on their faces. We know them too well after all."

"You think he'll come for them if he's alive."

"I'd bet my life on it."

"I'd rather you not." Giving him a faint, small smile, Hinamori reached out with her free hand to take Hitsugaya's in her own. "I would hate to lose you too."

Looking from the joined hands to her Hitsugaya made a show of rolling his eyes at her. "As if I dared. Lord only knows what trouble you'd get into without me around to keep an eye on you."

"Well it's your own fault that Matsumoto san and I just can't do without you."

"Of course it's my fault. It's always my fault according to you two."

"Because it always is."

"Women. Can't live with them, can't continue the species without them."


	39. We Go Together

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original characters and the situations I put all characters into. Everything else belongs to somebody else and that's just how it goes. Thanks for reading, hope you enjoy and review.

We Go Together

Arching her back as she stretched out like a cat Soifon was all but purring as she woke up. She was sleep deprived, her muscles had muscle aches, and there was no way she could wear anything less than her full captain garbs for the next couple of days to hide how enthusiastically a certain captain had left his mark over a great deal of her upper anatomy. All was good in her world.

Sliding his hand down her naked back in one long, possessive caress, Zaraki thought she looked just like the cat she sounded like, her almond eyes sleepy and a little unfocused, her lithe body stretching out kinks while her lips curved in a cat that got the cream grin.

"Looks like I can still move." Moving into the caress Soifon thought about mentioning that she'd told him only one night, than thought what the hell, he'd earned some bonus time. "Guess you just weren't up to wearing me out."

"Oh I was up and in plenty." Was his dry response to her teasing. "And stretching isn't the same as being able to walk a straight line."

And that would be difficult before a quick soak in a hot bath, Soifon acknowledged. Straining limbs and muscles was one of the few cons of dating a man who made three of you width wise and one and a half length in height. It just couldn't be helped though, and the payoff was more than adequate. Mindbogglingly amazing was more like it. Plus it pretty much guaranteed her the top position, which was just how she liked it. If she was under him, all he could see was the top of her head towards the finish line, not a view he was particularly fond of. With her on top he had a full body view and pretty much got to lay back and let her do all the work. Not that she minded that either. There were few men who would be particularly fond of the woman always being in charge but he let her because she preferred it and because because it was safer for her to control the pace and penetration, given that she was small and he was large in ever area of his anatomy. Just thinking about how large was giving her thoughts about digging up the energy for one last bang before she left. Leaning forward a little as she considered it, Soifon circled his right nipple with her tongue testingly, teasingly nipping it as it hardened around her roving mouth.

Watching her through half closed eyes Zaraki let her tease him another way, sliding his hands up the very rumpled cover to cup her rear, kneading them between his large, calloused hands, doing some teasing of he own as his fingers made lightning quick slides between her legs for a quick stroke and rub before returning to their earlier place on her ass.

"Mmmmm." A definite purr to her voice Soifon turned her attention to tracing the many scars scattered all over his chest, her shifting to reach them with her seeking mouth and tongue causing her breasts to drag along his chest, much to his delight. This was definitely the way to start the day.

* * *

Eyes opening automatically at six thirty on the dot, Nanao sat up in the bed, absently shoving her hair out of her eyes as she took in the empty place beside her, though the pillow still bore the imprint of his head. Resting a hand on his side Nanao noted it was still warm which suggested he hadn't been gone long. Stretching her arms out above her head Nanao slid out of bed and retrieved her nightshirt from the floor where her captain had tossed it. Redressing in it Nanao figured on heading down to get a cup of coffee before coming back up to shower and get properly dressed for the day. Heading towards the door she stopped when the bathroom door opened and in strolled her captain, a towel wrapped around his waist while he brushed his damp hair. Or at least that was what he was probably trying to do, since he seemed to be ripping the hair out of his head with his impatient brushstrokes than actually smoothing it down. Smirking a little as he absently cursed ripely at a large tangle Nanao changed course to intercept him.

"Ah, Nanao chan." Smiling widely at the sight of his beautifully rumpled woman Shunsui forgot about his hair problems and moved towards her, hoping to start his day with a kiss good morning from his lady love.

This thought was halted as she held her hand up to stop him, than turned the hand over, making a gimme motion with her fingers. "Give me the brush."

"Huh?"

"Your brush, hand it over."

Doing as she said Shunsui couldn't imagine why she'd want it. She had her own brush and was very persnickety about her things.

His answer came shortly in the form of her telling him to get his butt on the bed. Doing so out of curiosity Shunsui took a seat on the edge of his bed, watching curiously as she followed him over, getting onto the bed too to come up behind him. Then a hank of his hair was in one hand and the other carefully sliding the brush through it, gently tugging through the knots as she worked them out rather than simply tugged. Staying as still as possible Shunsui simply enjoyed the feeling of being tended to, her fingers running through his hair when needed, smoothing it out and preventing the damage he regularly inflicted upon it.

The homey ritual soothing Nanao kept it up even when it was no longer necessary, enjoying the intimacy of the act and the pleasure he took from it. He really did have beautiful hair, she thought as she pushed it to the side so that she could place a quick kiss on the side of his neck before putting the brush down. There was still getting ready and breakfast to contend with after all. "All done."

Turning his head Shunsui's hand came up to cup the back of her head as he drew her in for that good morning kiss he'd wanted earlier. "Thanks." He added, after thoroughly enjoying the taste that was uniquely hers.

"Your welcome." Giving him a small smile in return Nanao picked up his brush again with the intent to put it back in its proper place. Getting off the bed Nanao figured that kiss was all the wake up she needed for the moment and might as well have her shower while she was up here anyway. Undressing and getting into the shower Nanao was just finishing rinsing off when she felt his eyes on her bare back. Turning to face him Nanao's smile widened as she took the coffee mug he held out to her when he opened the screen door.

"Thanks."

"You're welcome."

* * *

Eyes open and weary Yachiru stared at his sleeping face the way a mouse looks at a mousetrap loaded down with cheese. She wanted the cheese, but sensed that the price to be paid might be a little higher than she was willing to pay. She hadn't planned to stay the night, hell she hadn't planned to stay longer than a couple minutes at most. Her intent had been to put his ego in check, thinking he would be all puffed up over the idea that she'd gotten into a fight with Ise for him. Instead, he'd..he'd fussed over her, insisting on seeing her injuries and treating them himself with a handy first aid kit he'd had on hand. He had mentioned the fight, but only to scold her for getting into a fight so soon after her bout with her captain, acting like he cared about her getting all banged up and stuff. He'd talked really nicely too, not superior or down to her the way he normally was. He'd just been plain nice to her and that scared the hell out of her. What was he planning?

He'd insisted on her staying because it wasn't safe for her to be roaming the streets at night, and had actually put her into his bed the way you would a disagreeable child who didn't want to go to bed yet. Than he'd slid in beside her and actually CUDDLED her against his chest, stroking her back like she needed to be soothed. She'd about had a heart attack, so the soothing had definitely not happened. Trying to turn the tables and snap him out of it, she'd put the moves on him and he had responded by telling her he didn't want to risk hurting her in her present condition! He'd actually turned her down! What was this world coming to when a guy turned down free sex on demand?

It was like she'd landed in some terrible alternate universe where Kuchiki wasn't his sexy bastard self, but some weak, disgustingly nice guy who probably picked flowers and read poetry in his free time. Maybe she really had broke him, broke his mind so that she was now responsible for turning God's gift to women into God's gift to mothers everywhere. Oh the horror!

His eyes closed it took all Kuchiki's training not to smile, much less burst into the deep, gleeful laughter brewing inside of him. He could practically hear her thoughts, she was thinking and worrying that hard. Oh but Lieutenant Ise was brilliant, Kuchiki thought, just able to keep himself from rubbing his hands together in anticipation of what was to come. Sure he had to act like some lovelorn Romeo, which was admittedly embarrassing, but if it would get rid of her and provide him with this sort of amusement in the meantime...it was more assuredly going to be worth it. Wait till she saw what else they had in store for her. She'd run from him so fast people's heads would twist off.

Eager to twist the knife a little more, Kuchiki slowly opened his eyes as if he'd just woken up. Pretending to focus on her Kuchiki gave her what he hoped was a sleepy, pelased smile. "Good morning. How are you feeling, darling?"

Watching the blood drain from her face was downright priceless.

* * *

Waking up with a wide yawn Rukia sat up and looked around blearily, absently scratching her head as she in her surroundings, glad as always not to be stuck sleeping in Ichigo's closet. Short as she was, it was still a tight fit sometimes and she preferred to be able to stretch out without risking physical injury. Throwing off her covers Rukia got to her feet and headed for the shower to finish the waking up process. After showering and getting changed Rukia turned back to her bed with the intent to make it up before leaving. Sure they had servants who could do it for her, but her brother insisted that having them didn't excuse being a slob. Bending over to grab the sheets, her eyes caught on something purple laying between her pillow and a sheet. Kneeling down Rukia retrieved the item in question, her confusion growing as her hands wrapped around the lilac branch that had mysteriously appeared in her bedding. Now where had it come from? Frowning Rukia brought it to her nose, inhaling the beautiful scent as she contemplated its unexpected appearance. She loved lilacs, but it wasn't her brother's style nor a servant's to leave something like this on her pillow. Looking around she saw no vase she might have missed, no flower arrangements from which it could have fallen. So someone must have put it there but....Renji. Cheeks pinking up Rukia stared down at the flowers, convinced now that he was indeed the answer to the question of how this had gotton into her room. He must have snuck into her room sometime this morning while she was asleep and put it there for her. Why had he done that? Was this his idea of an apology or a call for truce? Did he even know why she was angry with him in the first place?

That wasn't likely, Rukia mused, even as her heart went all gooey at the thought that someone like Renji would make such a romantic gesture. Unless of course he'd had the sense to ask Matsumoto or Hinamori about the fight, they might have translated it for him. Either way, it was nice that he'd done this. Maybe, if he wasn't a complete jerk at breakfast, she'd even offer to take him out to lunch today before the meeting.

* * *

A strange beeping entering into his consciousness Kira slowly opened his eyes, blinking as he tried to orientate himself. Looking to his left and right he clearly made out Ran's living room furniture, which at least explained where he was. He was still a little fuzzy on the why though. Lifting a hand to muffle a yawn Kira casually looked above him, making a choking sound as his vision cleared in a snap.

Waking up to the sound of an alarm of some kind Hinamori's eyes opened and automatically looked down at her charge, who was looking back up at her with eyes the size of dinner plates and a fine blush on his usually pale cheeks. Eyes going a little wide themselves as she thought of the intimacy of their present positions, Hinamori's smile was shy as she tried not to blush. "Uhm...good morning."

"Morning." Was all he could choke out, getting redder by the minute. He'd have moved, but he appeared to be frozen in place. He'd fallen asleep with his head on her lap, and she had let it stay there for the whole night, despite how uncomfortable it must have been. He felt very loved and more embarassed than he'd ever been in his long life.

Looking for the distraction they both needed Hinamori looked for the cause of the persistent beeping, finally spotting a small alarm clock situated on a nearby table. Toshiro must have set it for them. "I'll ah...just turn that off." Waiting until he'd removed his head she got up a little too fast and found out a little too late that her muscles, having been tried sorely through the night, were not in their usual working order. With a muffled cry as they cramped up Hinamori fell forward.

Centuries of training kicking in Kira moved with lightening quick speed, reaching out, grabbing her arm, and yanking her towards him so that instead of falling into the table she landed with a gasp against his chest where he automatically held her tightly, as if there was other possible threats.

Unused to being held so securely in a man's lap, Hinamori wasn't quite sure what to do, much less say. "Thank you." She finally came up with, looking up to meet his gaze. "That would have hurt."

"No problem." Kira assured her.

"Uh..I should turn that alarm off before it wakes up Toshiro kun's neighbors."

"That would be a good idea."

"I...can't...turn it off unless you let me go first."

"Oh...sorry."

* * *

Sitting behind his desk Ukitake absently twirled his pen between his fingers, lost in thought. He'd returned from the meeting forty minutes before and his mind was troubled. The results had come back, the present data indicating there was no reason to think that the arm was a forgery as blood type and DNA had matched up perfectly. In other words, somewhere the former captain was missing an arm and possibly his life. That in and of itself wasn't what was troubling him, but it did mean that the women were once again told to be on high alert, as they could no longer hope for a heads up from the man. What troubled him was that the General had ended the meeting by ordering the twelfth division captain to begin putting the Aries Project into effect. Of course no one else knew what the Aries Project was exactly, but any project headlined by the twelfth division was worth a few bad moments over. Especially when Nemu actually felt the need to speak up and caution the General against initiating the project. She'd indicated that the project was not ready to be implemented, especially without former Captain Uahara's aid and technical expertise. Of course both her captain and the General had ignored her, but the fact that she'd spoken up at all had himself and many of the other captains and lieutenants nervous, especially when the General refused to discuss it further. He'd intended to ask Nemu for more information after the meeting, but her captain had wisked her out before he could get near her. Knowing her captain, she'd be trapped in that lab until the project was done or at a stage where there was no going back.

Tossing the pen back onto his desk Ukitake glared at it. He had a really, really bad feeling about all this.

He was still glaring at it when he sensed her spirit energy just before her brisk knock sounded on his door. Practically leaping to his feet Ukitake called out for her to come in while quickly smoothing out his robes as best he could. Smiling in the direction of the door as it opened the smile dimmed as he saw that Nemu's bottom lip was slightly swollen and red, the faintest hint of drying blood just visible as she walked up to him. "Nemu san." Moving to stand in front of her Ukitake gently took her face in his hands, tilting her head slightly to see the slightly bloodied lip and the faint discoloration around it. "What happened?"

"It is fine, it doesn't hurt."

"It's not fine." Was his fierce response. "Did he hit you?"

Nemu didn't even have to ask who he was, the tone said it all. "He is very angry with me. That is why I am here?"

Since she wouldn't come to him to defend her honor or tear her father to shreds Ukitake was a bit at a loss as to why she would come to him because of it. Not that he wasn't pleased she'd come to him, sought him out rather than Nanao san or Captain Hitsugaya. "What can I do?" He asked, hoping that he was wrong, and she did want him to avenge her. It would be his pleasure.

"You expressed the sentiment that you were not opposed to my residing in your residence. Is that still so?"

"You want to stay at my house?"

"My captain has expressed the sentiment that I am not allowed to return to the offices, labs, or my rooms until I am willing to prostate myself before him and beg forgiveness for being insolent and disrespectful and agree to never question an order of his again. As I am unwilling to do so I require somewhere to reside until such time as I can find other employment to pay rent on a place of my own."

"You're standing up to him?" This was a first. He'd never heard of her ever actively disobeying her father, much less to this extent.

"I am simply following his orders." Nemu corrected with a slight shake of her head. "I am unable to comply with his demands so according to his orders I must not return to my former occupation or residence. So may I stay with you?" If he said no she could always go to stay at Nanao san's, but she'd much rather stay with him.

"For however long you want." Smiling widely Ukitake was so happy he completely forgot to worry about what her captain was cooking up in his labs. No more wondering how they were going to have any sort of relationship with her father in the picture. She'd be living with him, in his house, in his bed and now nothing would stand in there way. Wrapping his arms around her Ukitake hugged her to him. "We'll go out to dinner tonight than."

"Because you insist on feeding me before we engage in sexual intercourse?"

Laughing Ukitake leaned down to kiss her forehead. "You're going to make my life so much more interesting."

"I'm pleased you think so."


	40. Playing Dressup

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original characters and the situations I put all characters in. Everything else belongs to somebody else and that's just the way its gotta be. Thanks for reading, please review!

Playing Dress-up

After exchanging several heated kisses Ukitake and Nemu parted, the first returning to his paperwork with a smile on his face and the latter heading out on a new mission. Captain Ukitake had indicated that he wished to take her to a nice restaurant which would suggest she would need a change of wardrobe before the planned seven o'clock meeting. This was a definite problem, since she had no access to her other clothes, not that she had anything remotely appropriate in her closet to begin with. She did still have access to her father's bank accounts though, since she assumed that he had been too busy and assured of her relenting to go to the hassle of canceling the jointness of their bank accounts. She wasn't even sure he knew which bank they did business at. Other than holding her accountable for every purchase she made each month he didn't show much interest in their accounts unless he needed to buy something expensive. So she had money...and almost zero clothes shopping experience. She never wore anything but her identical uniforms, there was never really any variance, nor had there ever needed to be. She knew nothing about what would suit her or what was even remotely appropriate for the occasion at hand. In other words, she needed the help of someone who did and fast. This in mind, Nemu's first stop was at the tenth division office, hoping to find Matsumoto there and in need of a distraction. Nemu recalled that the woman had once told her that shopping was therapeutic, and Matsumoto could probably use some, given the last twenty four hours.

Opening the door Nemu saw that both the lieutenant and the captain of the division were in, Matsumoto lounging on the couch while Hitsugaya looked hard at work at his desk, as per usual. "I hope I am not interrupting." Nemu said after giving them a respectful bow of greeting.

"No, I'm pretty much not doing anything but taking up space." Matsumoto informed her with a sad little smile. If her captain hadn't insisted she stay with him she would never have left the floor where she'd spent the night. He didn't want her moping around or getting depressed, and she didn't want him to worry. So here she was, Matsumoto thought with an inner sigh.

Hoping that whatever Nemu wanted would distract Matsumoto Hitsugaya was pleased to see her. "What can we do for you?"

"I wish to inquire as to whether or not I could borrow Matsumoto san from you for a couple hours. I am in need of her assistance."

"Mine?" That was enough to get her attention. Matsumoto couldn't imagine a lot of things that she could do better than the efficient and scary intelligent Nemu.

"Yes. I need to go shopping for a formal dinner date. This is not an activity I have previously engaged in and therefore am unsure as to how to proceed garment wise."

"You're going out to a fancy dinner with Ukitake?" When Nemu nodded her agreement Matsumoto found her first real smile of the day. "You go, girl!"

"Go where exactly?"

"She's congratulating you." Hitsugaya explained, a small smile playing across his face. "And she can go with you." He'd make her if he had to.

Sitting up from her lounging position Matsumoto was on her feet in a flash, eager for anything that would take her mind off Gin, especially if that something involved shopping and spending someone else's money. "I am so there. We're going to find you a dress that'll have him coming in his pants on sight." Rubbing her hands together it was clear she was already plotting her female annihilation of the poor thirteenth division captain.

"Guy in the room." Hitsugaya reminded her, giving her a dark look. "And Ukitake doesn't strike me as the type to like his women dressing like sluts."

"All guys do, you just wont admit it." Was her smirked reply. "And I was thinking classy slut, not back alley slut, thank you very much."

Watching as they argued back and forth Nemu had a feeling that this shopping business was fraught with a lot more perils than she'd previously suspected. She had not researched what Captain Ukitake preferred in terms of female dinner wear, and Captain Hitugaya and Matsumoto seemed to vehemently disagree as to his tastes. What if she picked wrong and he didn't want to take her to dinner? He had been very insistent for some reason that there would be no sex until they'd had a meal together. In other words, shopping failure was not an option.

"Well we can ask Captain Kyoraku." Matsumoto suggested after her captain suggested that she needed to stop thinking about dressing Nemu up in her taste in clothing. "I mean the guys are best friends, he'll know what Captain Ukitake likes and doesn't like."

Giving her a 'what do you take me for' look, Hitsugaya was already shaking her head before she'd finished. "And he also has the same taste as you when it comes to women's clothing. She should ask Lieutenant Ise, she knows him just as well."

"Why don't we ask both of them?" Nemu suggested, wanting to break up the fight before it got ugly.

The two reluctantly agreed.

)

Arriving at the eighth division office Matsumoto was relieved to find that Nanao was not in, and that Kyoraku was deep in discussion with Captain Soifon instead. The girls bowed their hellos and apologized for interrupting, especially since their business wasn't even division related.

"Lieutenant Kurotsuchi. I'm surprised to see you." Turning her attentions to Nemu Soifon's eyes were dark and penetrating. "I would have thought you'd be in the lab with your captain." She'd come to see Captain Kyoraku for that very reason, hoping to gain his support in pressuring the general into revealing more about this Aries Project. If she'd known the girl was out and about, she would have waylaid the lieutenant first to question her.

"She's been kicked out of the lab." Matsumoto explained with a smirk. "Have we interrupted something important? We just need to ask Captain Kyoraku a couple of questions."

"What can I help you ladies with?" Kyoraku asked, before Soifon could begin her own interrogation, especially about the whole 'getting kicked out of the lab' thing. Once Soifon got going it was hard to get her to stop, so better find out what they wanted first before the steely second division captain got down to business.

"We wish to learn Captain Ukitake's perfered taste in women's clothing."

Blinking Soifon stared at Nemu. "What?" Was Ukitake a cross dresser? He did wear his hair unusually long for a man, she mused, and he did on occasion act more feminine than she did, which wasn't saying much but still...oh dear. She'd really rather not have known about this.

"She has a date with him and doesn't know what to wear." Matsumoto answered, wondering why Soifon looked so relieved over her explanation. What had she thought Nemu meant?

"Wahoo!" Hurrying over Kyoraku picked a very surprised Nemu up and whirled her around. "Way to go, Nemu chan! That's my girl!"

"Ah...thank you, Sir?" Was the best she could come up with.

Somewhat confused still, since she'd thought the girl was dating Captain Hitsugaya, Soifon was none the less glad to hear that Ukitake was not only not a cross dresser but apparently getting involved with Nemu, who needed all the positive male role models she could get. Soifon was still having nightmares thanks to her bastard of a father. She hoped the circus freak worked himself to death without his lieutenant.

"So which style of clothing does he prefer?" Nemu asked when she was finally allowed to return to her feet. "Captain Hitsugaya also felt that Nanao san should be consulted, he said you and Matsumoto san would dress me up in attire that would be far too slutty."

"Oh dear God." Already imagining just what those two might dress the poor girl in Soifon knew there was no way she could stand by and let that happen. "Lieutenant Kurotsuchi, you most assuredly should not let these two pick out your dress without supervision. Where is Lieutenant Ise?"

"Nanao chan is working with our troops today, going over some schedule changes." Kyoraku informed her a little sulkily, not liking hte suggestion that he couldn't pick out something nice for Nemu chan to wear. Who knew Jushiro's taste better than he did after all? He probably knew Jushiro's taste better than Jushiro. Very sure of himself Kyoraku had no intention of letting his Nanao chan interfere with his and Rangiku chan's fun.

"Than I'm going with you."

"You really don't have to-." The look Soifon aimed in her direction had Matsumoto shutting up.

"I insist. I need to question her about the Aries Project anyway. There's no reason I can't do that and supervise you two at the same time."

"You know, I could just ask her and fill you in later." Kyoraku offered hopefully, seeing all their fun going up in smoke. "You don't strike me as the type who likes shopping anyway."

"People who enjoy shopping are narcissistic ego maniacs who are either obsessed with material possessions or simply have no life, which in turn causes them to seek to fill that void in their lives with the buying of useless items which they in reality have no use for." Was Soifon's opinion on the matter. "But I am going. That's final."

Wincing Matsumoto was willing to let Soifon go just so she wouldn't have to hear any more disparaging remarks.

Pasting a bright smile on Kyoraku motioned towards the door. "Lets go, shall we?"

)

Arriving at a special boutique that Kyoraku recommended, the women entered the store with various reactions. Soifon looked around, felt instantly intimidated by all the girlie stuff, and crossing her arms prepared to scare the hell out of the first clerk that tried to sell her anything. Matsumoto, on the other hand, was automatically in shopper's heaven, as the store was way out of her price range, which meant it was full of the clothes her dreams were made of. Completely forgetting why she was in there in the first place Matsumoto headed for the first rack with undisguised glee. Nemu just looked around and wondered how she was supposed to know what to look for and how long this was all going to take.

"Well Matsumoto looks happy." Kyoraku commented over Nemu's shoulder, the two watching the tenth division captain rush from one aisle to the next.

"She has a coin of some sort in her pocket that she plays with. Before we left the tenth division office Hitsugaya san took me aside and told me to watch for her doing that. She does it when she's upset."

Which explained why Matsumoto was being unnecessarily excited about all this, Kyoraku surmised, since no one could be this happy about a shopping trip that wasn't even for her. All the way to the store Matsumoto had chattered away, but there had been something artificial about her tone at times. "Well this should take her mind off things for a while." Kyoraku assured Nemu, patting her on the shoulder.

Before she could answer a large woman dressed in a shocking pink dress came gliding into the show room, surprisingly graceful for someone of her size as she made a beeline in Kyoraku's direction.

"Shunsui, dear!" Pulling the captain into a quick hug the woman beamed up at him. "It's been too long!" Letting him go Mayu grinned, crossing her arms in front of her considerable chest. "So are you looking for another apology gift for your Nanao chan? I did get a lovely scarf in the other day that would look just lovely with her eye color."

"Ah, I'd like to see it." Kyoraku agreed with a smile. "But no, I'm not here for Nanao chan today. I'm here to help out my Nemu chan."

"If you're two timing that girl she will kill you." Mayu had only met Shunsui's lieutenant twice, but those brief introductions had given her a pretty good sense of what Lieutenant Ise would and would not stand for. You had to have balls of steel to go against that girl, and Mayu was pretty sure that Shunsui, lovely as he was, was not in possession of those.

Paling, because it was true, Kyoraku winced slightly. "No, no, no. Nemu chan is Nanao chan's very best friend, and now Nemu chan has a date with my best friend which is why we're here! Nemu chan needs a dress to go to Dhalashar's tonight."

Whistling under her breath, since Dhalashar was the best of the best, Mayu turned her attention to the girl who was watching her so intently. "And this is Nemu chan?"

Bowing low at the waist Nemu wasn't quite sure what to make of the newest addition to her fashion consultation. "Yes, I am Lieutenant Nemu Kurotsuchi. It is a pleasure to meet you."

"Kurotsuchi? Are you related to Quasimodo?"

"Who?" Kyoraku asked, looking puzzled. What a weird name.

"Is that not the name of the fictional main character in "The Hunchback of Notre Dame?" Nemu inquired, her brows furrowed with concentration. "A disfigured hunchback who lives in the bell tower of the Notre Dame cathedral in 1482."

"Yes, it's what I call the twelfth division captain." Mayu explained with a conspirator wink, pleased that the girl had gotten her literary reference. "I mean really, have you ever seen a more uglier man? I mean the fashion faux paus on top of fashion faux paus. The man has less taste than Elton John, and who ever thought that could be possible, really?"

"Well I've seen uglier men after my father is done experimenting on them...does that count?"

"He's your father? Oh you poor thing!" Moving quickly the woman had her arms around Nemu before the girl saw her coming.

Nemu had never found herself crushed against a woman before, or anticipated that she might face suffocation due to having her face mashed into another woman's cleavage of which there was a great deal. She was not exactly sure what the correct response to all this was, but hoped someone would inform her shortly before she passed out.

Lucky for Nemu, Mayu caught sight of Soifon and let Nemu go in favor of rushing over to take a disturbed Soifon's face between her hands. "What bone structure! Absolutely fabulous!"

"I'm the captain of the second division special ops and I have a license to kill any time, anyone, anywhere." Soifon informed her with cold eyes promising bitter retribution. "We are here to buy a dress for Lieutenant Kurotsuchi. Nothing more."

"I bet the men just love that ice princess, ass kicker routine." Was all Mayu said, though she made no effort to get any closer to the blatantly hostile second division captain. Turning around to beam at Nemu, Mayu saw no reason not to dive right in. "All right everyone, lets get busy!"

Nemu wondered if it was normal to feel shivers down one's spine when Mayu said that.

)

Standing outside the restaurant Ukitake glanced down at his pocket watch for the third time in two minutes. He had ten minutes before they'd agreed to meet, he only hoped he calmed down some before she arrived. He hadn't been this nervous since...well nothing was really coming to mind now that he thought about it. This was even worse than his first day at the Academy AND his first date, which was saying something, because his date's father had hated him on sight and had been a future member of the eleventh division.

"Captain Ukitake?"

Turning at the sound of his name Ukitake was surprised to see Nanao walking towards him, all dressed up in a very nice black dress which was strapless and ended just at her knees. Her hair was even down, a definite rarity. "Hello, Nanao san. Are you out for an evening with Shunsui?"

"I'm not quite sure what's going on. Two hours ago he sent a message telling me to dress up and meet him here." And when he showed up he was going to get hell, Nanao thought as she absently adjusted the strap of her purse. Not only had he skipped out on work, but he'd only given her two hours to get ready! Did he know how long it took to get properly primped for a night at Dhalashar?

"You too?"

Now both Nanao and Ukitake turned their heads to see Captain Hitsugaya walking towards them dressed in a suit, his hands jammed deep in his pockets.

"Matsumoto requested I come. Apparently Captain Kyoraku's paying." And a free meal was a free meal.

"What's going on here?" Crossing her arms in front of her chest Nanao had a bad feeling about this. Just what was her captain up to?

A stray thought crossing his mind Ukitake could see his night getting that much more stressful and nerve wracking. He didn't think Shunsui would do that to him, but you could never tell what sort of crazed logic his best friend could come up with when the mood struck him. "You... you don't think he intends to crash my date, do you?"

"You're here for a date, with Nemu chan?" Nanao asked, both surprised and pleased.

"Wait, she didn't come see you earlier?" Hitsugaya asked, before Ukitake could answer her.

"What do you mean?" Nanao and Ukitake asked simultaneously.

Wincing Hitsugaya started to think there was definite cause for worry and concern. "Nemu san came to my office to ask Matsumoto about what to wear for this dinner. We weren't sure as to Captain Ukitake's taste so Matsumoto came up with the idea of going to your division to ask Captain Kyoraku what to look for. I insisted that they talk to you too...because I was worried what those two would talk her into."

Imagining, Nanao went pale. "Oh dear God."

"Oh God." Ukitake echoed, and would have gotten paler too if that were possible.

"This could end very badly." Hitsugaya agreed.

"Very badly." The other two agreed.

Now Ukitake wasn't the only one fighting the urge to pace.


	41. Night On The Town

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original characters and the situations I put them in. Everything else belongs to somebody else and that's just the way it is. Thanks so much for reading, hope you'll review and tell me what you think!

Night On The Town

The two very worried captains and the extremely worried lieutenant soon got another shot in the form of another captain, mowing his way through the crowd like a lawnmower. In other words, everyone was rushing to get out of his way, knowing instinctively he'd trample them otherwise. Of course his face alone tended to do that.

Watching him Nanao tried to remember if she'd ever seen him in a non ripped and/or bloodied uniform and drew a blank. Not that the change made him seem any less intimidating and foreboding, but it was a nice change to see him in something that didn't look like it had been through a real lawnmower before being donned. Was he out for the evening as well? He couldn't possible be going to Dhalashar though…could he?

Stopping in front of his fellow comrades Zaraki got straight to the point. "Any of you know why I'm here?"

"Should we?" Hitsugaya countered, raising an eyebrow.

Shrugging his shoulder slightly Zaraki gave one of his notorious death glares in the direction of a gapping group of men and women, snorting when two women and a man swooned in reaction. Pitiful, he thought as he sneered at them before turning his attention back to the midget captain. "All I know is Braid Girl sent me a message to be here and be dressed in the best I had. Lucky her that the new uniform I ordered just got in today before I could break it in."

"Braid Girl…Nemu san asked you to come?" What the hell was going on, Ukitake wondered when the burly captain nodded. How were they supposed to have a date with all these people around to muck things up? Did she not understand what a date was? Oh God, he should have taken the time to explain or gotten someone else to do it.

"Well they're coming, I sense them." Hitsugaya informed them, his expression changing to one of surprise when he caught an unexpected spirit energy with the group. "And Captain Soifon seems to be with them."

"She went shopping with them?"

"She went shopping?" Zaraki asked, repeating Nanao's question, than giving a harsh chuckle as he imagined how that had gone over with her. They must have had to drag her kicking and screaming into the store. He was sorry he'd missed it.

"Possibly. With Captain Kyoraku and Lieutenant Matsumoto." Nanao explained, answering her own question and his.

Man, now he really wished he'd been there. Those two would have driven her completely over the edge in minutes. "Bet that didn't end well." He commented after a moment of enjoying the sadist images of what Soifon might have done to the two in retaliation.

"Well we're about to find out." Hitsugaya pointed out as the crowds in front of the restaurant moved and widened to make way for the four members of the Gotei 13.

* * *

Appearing before them first was Kyoraku, Matsumoto and Soifon. Nemu's presence was felt, but she was behind the other three with Kyoraku's superior height and bulk hiding her from view. Dressed in a fancy, well cut suit Kyoraku had wisely let Mayu dress him for the evening so that he actually cut a rather dashing figure for once. His suit, shirt and tie were all black, giving him a cutting edge sophistication he normally lacked. She'd even bullied him into shaving, not an easy chore under any circumstances.

On his left was Matsumoto, looking stunningly beautiful in a dress that wasn't at all her style simply because it covered her breasts completely. The halter top and short skirt of the midnight blue dress drew attention to her other considerable assets, and she'd never really looked more elegant or put together. Mayu had talked her into it and since Kyoraku was paying Matsumoto had let herself be talked into it. A new look for a new phase in her life, Matsumoto reasoned, her back and shoulders straight as they walked through the admiring crowd. She wasn't going to cry, mope or whine for one more minute. That had been done and now it was time to live until she couldn't bear it anymore. She'd continue to carry the penny to remind her. Aizen would not break her, at least so he'd ever know it.

Glaring at anyone who looked her way Soifon was grateful for Kyoraku's arm since more than once it had kept her from falling on her face or ass thanks to the damn heels she'd been blackmailed into wearing. Talking about her being too afraid to dress girlie, suggesting that she only felt she could be taken seriously dressed like a guy. She'd just had to prove the woman wrong and look where it had gotten her. Yeah, Mayu had gotten her number quick and used it against her. Now here she was, feeling like an idiot in her stiletto gold heels with laces that wrapped around her exposed legs to nearly her knees. Her dress, apparently, had been inspired by Ancient Egyptian clothing, but all Soifon could say was that it was white, sleeveless, and damn flimsy. The woman had forced two upper arm bracelets on her too, which now graced her taunt biceps and were accompanied by a gold chain necklace around her neck. Mayu had wanted earrings too, but Soifon's had drawn a line there.

* * *

"Ah, Jushiro!" Waving a greeting at his friend Kyoraku was grinning hugely, flushed with victory and anticipation of Jushiro's reaction when he got a look at Nemu's new look. "Sorry to keep ya all waiting. Soifon chan is still getting used to her new heels, ya see." He added with a grin to his right, not surprised to find her scowling up at him in response.

"Bite me."

"What are you doing here, Shun? Why is Nemu san hiding behind you?" Ukitake demanded to know, running a nervous hand through his hair. Just how badly could Shunsui and Matsumoto san traumatized her in only a few hours?

"We aren't here to spoil your date, don't worry." Matsumoto volunteered before Kyoraku could draw out the man's suffering. "We're all here to make sure that Captain Kurotsuchi and the General don't interrupt your date. We figure we can all hold them off long enough for you two to escape." She added with a knowing wink. "We'll explain more once we get inside."

"And now, presenting our lovely Nemu chan!" Kyoraku announced, unlocking his arms from the women as they all moved away to reveal the finished product of their hours of labour.

Standing alone with her hands nervously clamped in front of her Nemu had no idea if she looked acceptable or not. The dress was a deep, old gold color that ended just above her knees, the whole dress hugging her body like a lover's eager hand. It was held up from a single strap over her right shoulder, the other left bare and inviting. The bodice skimmed over the top of her breasts, and the only jewellery she wore was two delicate hoops in her newly pierced ears. She was also wearing make up for the first time, just as hew hair was in a new style, gathered up high on the back of her head in a high ponytail that let the length and beauty of her hair finally show through. The final touch to the ensemble was high, black stiletto heels that were topped off by a saucy little anklet as a added touch.

"Wow." Was all Ukitake could think to say, since following normal procedure his brain and higher mental functions had all shut down to bare basics at the sight of her.

"You look beautiful." Hitsugaya added, since the girl looked so nervous and obviously needed all the reassurance she could get.

Side stepping the rest as they all hurried to assure Nemu how wonderful she looked Soifon made a beeline for Zaraki. "What are you doing here?"

Looking down at her Zaraki did his best to concentrate on her words and not the fact that she smelled like something that made him think about dragging her into the nearby brush to see what she could possibly have under that flimsy thing she apparently had somehow mistaken for a dress. "I was asked to come." He finally said, forcing himself to behave long enough to find out why he was here in the first place. He really doubted they were all there to act as date bodyguards. Kyoraku was probably just using that as an excuse to hang out and oversee the date, the moron.

Eyes narrowing Soifon looked around them for anyone who might have thought or in this case not thought to ask Zaraki out to a fancy place like this. This was so not his scene, hers either for that matter, though her social standing made it necessary. And surely he or someone would have told her if there was someone interested in him romantically. She knew it wasn't Lieutenant Kurotsuchi who'd asked him, the girl was obviously head over heels for Ukitake or at least well on her way. There wasn't anyone else she could think of who would be remotely interested in her scarred warrior. "Who asked you?" She demanded to know, seeing no one else who showed the least interest in her man.

Amused by her Zaraki made sure the others in their 'group' weren't watching before he lifted a hand to give her styled hair a quick, careless caress, preferring it a little mussed up. "I think I'm your date."

"Wha?" Eyebrows shooting up in surprise Soifon turned to see Nemu give her a small smile before taking the arm Ukitake offered her, eager to get her in the restaurant and away from all their nosey, somewhat well meaning friends. "She….?"

"I'm guessing."

"You told her?"

Smirking Zaraki offered her his arm, since that apparently was what men in Soifon's social class did if Kyoraku and Ukitake were anything to go by. "She sees things better than most. So are you coming or not? I'm starving for food and terrified Frenchie waiters."

Laughing Soifon took his offered arm and the two followed the others into the posh restaurant.

* * *

Holding out her seat for her Ukitake was thankful to see that the table his best friend had reserved was on the main floor rather than the second where they were seated. At least that was one less thing to worry about. Watching her slide into the seat Ukitake could think of any number of more pressing worries for him to have. Taking his own seat once she was settled in Ukitake did his best to remember the social graces of dating. It had been a while. "I hope you're hungry." He began, with what he hoped was a charming smile.

"Not particularly, but I will eat."

Reminding himself that her blunt honesty was just something he'd have to get used to, Ukitake did his best to shrug it off. "Did you have fun shopping?" He asked, thinking that a safe topic.

"It was a learning experience. It will take much study on my part before I am able to dress myself properly. Apparently I lack any sense of what suits me."

"You always look lovely." Ukitake argued, reaching over the table to take her hand and squeeze it. "Don't let anyone tell you otherwise."

Blinking in surprise Nemu felt pleased, though she thought his logic flawed. He might not think she didn't know how to dress but Captain Kyoraku, Matsumoto san and Mayu san had all agreed that she did not. Therefore, statistically, it was illogical to take the word of one over three others. Captain Soifon hadn't had an opinion but she apparently had no fashion sense either.

Knowing when he was being placated Ukitake figured he'd just have to have a word with anyone continued to try and convince her she was anything less than perfect, exasperating as she was. "You shouldn't listen to Shunsui especially; you should see how many of his presents Nanao san gives away because nobody in their right minds would wear them."

That got him a small, knowing smile, as Nemu herself had witness the man's questionable taste in some of the attire he'd thought would suit her. "He is a very...enthusiastic shopper."

Smiling back Ukitake chuckled. "That's a polite way of putting it.

"He cares about you very much. You are lucky to have him, Captain Ukitake."

"Jushiro, please."

Surprised Nemu gave him a questioning look. "Jushiro san?"

Shaking his head Ukitake brought her hand to his lips. "I'd prefer simply Jushiro, at least between just the two of us."

She had never been given permission to call anyone by their first name without at least an honorific afterwards. Only someone very special was allowed to do that. Captain Ukitake wished her to call him by his first name alone, which would indicate an intimacy between them equal to his relationship with family or Captain Kyoraku. "It would please you, for me to do so?" She asked slowly, wanting to make absolutely sure she understood. When he nodded Nemu shuffled this new information in her mind than nodded, the change registered and completed. "Then I shall do so, Jushiro. You will do the same?"

"I'd like that very much, Nemu."

* * *

"Well things seem to be going all right so far." Kyoraku announced, craning his neck to get a better look at his best friend and Nemu. "Good thing we gave her all those dating tips, huh, Ran chan?"

"In other words it's going well despite that." Hitsugaya murmured as he continued to look over the menu. He'd never been to the place before, and was very glad he wasn't paying. When they wouldn't tell you how much something costed it usually meant they were aiming to bankrupt you at evening's end and didn't want to give you time to bolt until you'd eaten something they could charge you for.

"Quit spying on them." Nanao told her captain, giving him a little nudge with her elbow. "Do try to remember we're in public."

Agreeing with Nanao's reprimand Soifon nodded than looked across the table at Zaraki went he started mumbling under his breath. "Can't decide?" She asked, though she was pretty sure that she knew what the problem was. Restaurants like this were very good at offering dishes which actually contents were obscured by fancy names and talk of infusion and sautéing.

"You order for me." Was his curt reply as he set the menu down.

Nodding Soifon knew better than to comment or rub it in. "So do you really think the General or Captain Kurotsuchi will show up here?" Soifon asked Kyoraku, partially out of curiosity and partly to get him to stop trying to catch glimpses of Captain Ukitake and Lieutenant Kurotsuchi. Knowing their luck his neck would get stuck at that angle and they'd have to leave to get him medical help before dinner even arrived.

"It's a possibility." Was his quick response, though in truth he really was just using that as an excuse. He figured it would be a couple days before someone as single minded as Kurotsuchi realized his faithful servant wasn't coming back any time soon. Than he'd go into denial and try to force her to come back which wouldn't work either. Kyoraku figured it would be about a week or two before Kurotsuchi went to the General in order to try and force Nemu's hand.

"Why would they?" Zaraki asked, still at sea as to why the Old Man and The Creep Show would come here to break up the date anyway. Certainly not for the food, which sounded as weird and messed as Creep Show's head.

"It turns out that the reason why the General's regular searches of Kurotsuchi's computer databases hasn't turned up anything horrific in the last few decades is because the information is all in his lieutenant's head." Soifon explained as her eyes went serious. "According to her all his top secret ideas and experimental findings are memorized by her and than deleted so that no trace of them remain for anyone to find. The more dangerous aspects of the Aries project are stored in her head and soon it's going to occur to Captain Kurotsuchi that he can't get past the preliminary stages of the project without access to her memory banks."

"Which he doesn't have since he kicked her out of his division for refusing to co-operate." Kyoraku added, since Nanao chan didn't know about that part. "And the kicker is that because he told her she couldn't return to work unless she begged, he effectively prevented her from ever being able to give him the information due to the fail safe."

"Fail safe?" Hitsugaya repeated.

"Yeah, the bastard's bastardness came back to bite him in the ass." Matsumoto informed her captain with a feral grin. "Apparently he's encoded her somehow so that she can't relay the highly classified information she has stored in her brain unless her 'Captain' orders her to. She self destructs somehow if she fails to do so though I really didn't understand much about that part of the explanation. But anyway, Kurotsuchi's kicked her out of the division until she co-operates right, which means he ISN'T her captain anymore and thus she CAN'T tell him even if she wanted to. She'd self destruct before she'd finished the second sentence."

"So no matter what he does…he can't get at the information she has until he's her captain again." Nanao reasoned, thinking this through.

"Exactly, and since she isn't willing to acknowledge him as captain now that he won't acknowledge her….." Soifon's small grin said it all.

"All that evil data locked in her head is out of his reach forever." Zaraki finished with a grin. "I hope I'm there when he figures that out."

"I think we're all hoping that." Was Matsumoto's opinion as she smiled widely at the waiter who was pouring her what looked like a very nice glass of champagne. "Keep that coming, Mr. Waiter." She advised him with a wink. "We're celebrating."


	42. A Matter of Fate

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original characters and the situations I put them all in. Everything else belongs to somebody else and that's just the way it is people. Thanks so much for reading, hope you enjoy and review!

A Matter of Fate

Watching his sister out of the corner of his eye, Byakuya didn't know whether to be amused or annoyed by her indignation. On the one hand, he didn't mind that she was insulted on his behalf, but on the other, no true Kuchiki should show their emotions so clearly on their faces the way she was. Any minute now she was bound to explode into flames, her presence and sensibilities' were that inflamed. Even Renji was keeping a slight distance from her, not wanting to be caught in the crossfire.

"There is no need for you to come with me." Byakuya reminded her for the third time, fully intending to send her home with Renji if she continued her childish behaviour. He was the one being insulted after all, not her, and he was perfectly capable of handling Yachiru on his own.

Flames practically bursting out of her eyes Rukia had a very different opinion on that. Lieutenant Yachiru Kusajishi had gone too far this time. Rukia didn't know what the little brat had done to her brother before, but she sure as hell wasn't going to let her do it again. And imagine, just imagine the munchkin having the gale to send a message to THEIR home DEMANDING her brother's presence at Dhalashar IMMEDIATELY. Who the hell did she think she was, Rukia thundered to herself. Daring to send a message like that to someone so far above her, they weren't even in the same stratosphere. Oh she was going all right. The midget was going to leave her big brother alone of else!

Renji wanted to ask why his captain was giving in to the squirt's demands but was too scared to. His captain's moods had been unpredictable since that day at their office with Yachiru and Renji was in no hurry to place himself in firing range if his captain lost his notorious cool. Plus, he really wanted to know why Yachiru had called Kuchiki to the restaurant in the first place. Sure the restaurant was the best of the best, but it was more a place to see and be seen than a fine dining experience. Yachiru was more the all you can eat buffet type.

"Does she really think you'll take her there to eat?" Rukia muttered under her breath, so caught up in her indignation that she didn't care if they heard her or not. "She'd never get through those doors without you." She added knowingly.

"We'll find out shortly." Hopefully. He wasn't expecting her explanation to make sense, but hopefully his lieutenant could translate, seeing as their brains were equally inferior to his own. Come to think of it, he and Rukia were plagued by idiots intent on worming their ways into their lives, Byakuya realized with indignation. The sheer number of them was more than a little worrisome. Something would have to be done.

Absently tugging on his robes Renji could only hope they didn't have to go inside. They'd let him in because of who he was with, but his uniform wasn't exactly the sort of thing worn at places like this. Rukia's purple, Chinese style dress wasn't exactly fancy, and his captain was in his uniform too, but they carried the Kuchiki airs that made them seem classier than their clothes suggested. He wasn't even sure why Kuchiki had remained silent when Rukia had announced that they were going with him.

)

The three arrived at the famous restaurant to find Yachiru in an argument with the manager of the restaurant just outside its crowded doors. Spotting them Yachiru made a rude gesture in the manager's direction than ran over to meet them while the manager was still in mid sentence. "It's about time you got here!" She announced by way of greeting. "What the hell took you so long?"

Lifting an eyebrow Byakuya had no intention of being spoken to that way in public. "You'd do well to remember who you speak to, Lieutenant Kusajishi ."

Putting her hands on her tiny hips Yachiru was not in the least cowed. "I know who I'm speaking to, I'm not blind, you moron. Now get me into that restaurant or else!"

Byakuya thought about asking what her ultimatum was but didn't want to risk her bringing sex into the argument. Renji he could browbeat into keeping quiet but he didn't want his sister exposed to Yachiru's crude and low brow way of speaking about such things. "Why do you need to go in there?" He asked instead, doing his best to remain polite but aloof from the attention they were garnering. If his grandmother heard of this, Yachiru was going to pay dearly for whatever he suffered at his matriarch's hand.

"Because Kenny's in there!"

What the hell was Zaraki doing in there? All three of them having the same thought, at the same time, none of them could think of a logical reason for the eleventh division captain to be in there. He would be even more out of place than Yachiru, who at least cared about what she ate most of the time. There was nothing in Dhalashar that could possibly interest the battle hungry maniac.

"You're sure he's in there?" Rukia had to ask, the idea was just too ludicrous to imagine.

"Of course I am. He's in there with some of the other captains and lieutenants and they won't let me in to find out why. I can't AFFORD to make them let me. The tables alone are probably worth more than a month's pay." Yachiru rarely thought about these sorts of worries, but even she realized that breaking things in the restaurant behind her would come with a hefty price tag. Which she was going to have to pay if Kuchiki refused to get her in because she was getting in there come hell or high water.

Eyes narrowing thoughtfully Kuchiki centered his attention on the restaurant for a moment, registering and identifying the various spirit energies coming from the building. Interesting. Perhaps they'd come together to discuss the meeting and the Aries Project that had caused such worrisome reactions. He knew that his fellow captains Kyoraku, Soifon and Ukitake had been particularly concerned, and they and others were all there with Lieutenant Kuro as well. But if that was it why hadn't they invited him along as well, if for no other reason than to help pay the extremely large bill at the end of the evening.

"Do you know why he's in there?" Renji asked.

"I don't know. All I know is that the guys told me that Kenny got a message to come here from someone and that he left his place dressed really nice."

"He's wearing formal wear?" Okay, now he saw a really good reason to go in after all. Seeing the tough ass brute dressed up fancy was something Renji considered worth a little personal embarrassment.

"Of course not." The very idea of her Kenny wearing some monkey suit was laughable. "But he changed into a clean uniform and everything!" That meant serious business as far as she was concerned.

They had vastly different ideas on what constituted nicely dressed. Shaking his head Byakuya was torn between curiosity over this apparent meeting and denying her entrance simply to teach her a lesson in manners.

"Should we go in and assert whether there is a meeting in progress you need to attend?" Rukia asked, though she couldn't imagine why her brother wouldn't have been invited if there was a meeting going on. Her brother had just as much power and social clot as the Kyorakus and Captain Soifon's family. Perhaps whatever was being discussed was considered something he wouldn't be involved in, like opposing this Aries Project she'd heard her brother and Renji talking about.

"We'll inquire with them as to whether or not they need our assistance." Byakuya finally decided, feverently hoping that they would be in and out in minutes. "But if they do not require our help we will promptly leave." He added with a stern, 'no arguing with me' look in Yachiru's direction, to which she just rolled her eyes.

"Move it or lose it." Was her response as she marched towards the doors once more with the others reluctantly following.

)

Needless to say, their arrival at the dinner table of their fellow captains and lieutenants came as quite a surprise to all parties. Yachiru headed directly for her captain, bouncing up and onto his shoulder as she looked down at his plate in confused disgust. "Gross. What the hell are you eating, Kenny?"

"Hell if I know." Was Zaraki's bad natured reply, partly because of the fancy food he was stuck eating, and partly because Yachiru's arrival signalled a possible premature ending to the evening which wouldn't include getting his woman naked. Life just wasn't fair at all, he thought wearily, seeing all his night plans go up in smoke. He hadn't even gotten a chance to see what little she had under that dress of hers.

Byakuya thought about reminding her of her promise to behave but thought better of it. What was the point, given her inability to retain anything in that small head of hers. "We apologize for intruding." He began stiffly, getting the definite feeling that this was indeed a social evening rather than a business one. "Lieutenant Kusajishi asked my assistance in getting her in here to see her captain. I thought to avoid unnecessary violence by doing so."

"So why are you here, Kenny?" Yachiru wanted to know, unable to comprehend why her captain would willingly be in a place so obviously consumed with appearances rather than providing meals that didn't look like abstract paintings. Who seriously wanted to eat food that had obviously been handled by too many hands to count. It wasn't even like it would stay fancy for long, seeing as it was bent to be consumed and mushed up in someone's stomach. Not that it could look much worse that way in her opinion.

"We're on guard duty." Kyoraku informed her with a wink before pointing his thumb above them in the direction of Ukitake and Nemu's table. "We're here to make sure the date isn't interrupted."

Following Kyoraku's ill bred gesture Kuchiki studied the pair for a moment, thought that they would actually suit each other, then prepared to take his leave as quickly as possible. "I see. Then we will leave you to it. Would you like me to remove her?" He added, jerking his head in the direction of Yachiru, who was helping herself to some of Zaraki's champagne, the only appetizing thing in her opinion.

"Good luck with that." Was Soifon's muttered opinion, also seeing an end to her evening plans. Why oh why had she had to go and fall for a guy who had a kid as irritating as Yachiru? The girl wasn't even biologically theirs, so why should she be allowed to screw up their sex lives like this? At least if Yachiru was her own flesh and blood she'd have no one to blame but herself and Zaraki for bring the hellion into their lives to ruin it.

"Would you care to join us?" Nanao asked, knowing Yachiru was likely to throw a scene which would effectively end the evening and possibly get them barred from Dhalashar for life. "We can fill you in on what we've learned about the Aries Project and the trouble ahead."

"And you can help us with the date protection duty while you're here." Kyoraku added with a grin, the more the merrier after all. Plus, this way he could get maybe get Kuchiki's help paying the bill. Miracles could happen after all.

"We're joining you." Was Yachiru's decision for her group, her look just daring them to disagree with her.

)

And so, after a great deal of shuffling around, the table's occupants swelled from six to ten. Menus were passed around for the new arrivals and were translated for Yachiru and Renji, who were far from educated in the language of priss. Once that was taken care, of the rest of the group quickly filled the new arrivals in on the information gathered about the Aries Project and the couple above them. Everyone was well into their meals when a woman a little older than the majority of the group came up to the table, her clothing elegant and simple. She smiled at them as they turned their attention to her, though her gaze was primarily focused on Captain Kyoraku.

"I am Madame Cynthia. I am a palmist hired by the resturant. Would any of you ladies care to have your palm read this evening? There is no extra charge for you tonight as a special, though donations are always appreciated."

"Well that's a new gimmick." At least they were smart enough not to let her ask for payment outright, Nanao thought as she sipped her wine, having no intention of letting the woman near her even just for fun. Con artist should never be encouraged.

Raising her hand Matsumoto had no such reservations. "I'll have mine done."

Walking over the woman took Matsumoto's hand in hers, studied it for about a minute, then looked up to meet the lieutenant's smiling gaze directly. "You are a warm hearted person, capable of great love and loyalty. You are also someone who would rather laze about than work, but will and do move with lightening speed to come to the aid of others, both strangers and friends. You had a sad, often wretched childhood, but you were not alone in this journey, a protector walked with you who kept you safe. His life is entangled with yours still, and it is your destinies to meet and part, but always to return to each other once more. You will see him again."

Mouth open Matsumoto couldn't force out any words, though her eyes spoke volumes as to her reaction to the woman's words.

Angered at the woman's manipulation of Matsumoto's feelings, since her relationship with former Captain Ichimaru wasn't a secret in Soul Society by any means, Soifon bluntly glared at the woman who was attempting to gain from the girl's pain.

Far from fearful, the woman simply returned Soifon's gaze unflinching. "Would you like your hand read as well, Captain Soifon?" She inquired softly. "You do not believe that I am for real. You have a reputation as a hard, logical woman who is not easily fooled. Perhaps I can see something that will show you I am not what you think. After all, someone as private as you has your secrets well hidden."

Defiantly Soifon held out her hand, her eyes daring the woman to try. If she'd thought for a minute the woman was genuine she never would have done it.

Taking the hand the woman studied the hand closely, running a finger down it in contemplation before letting it go. "Interesting indeed. You are all I said before, as well as someone as driven and loving of battle as the man sitting across from you. In many ways, you are each other's ying and yang, balancing each other out while maintaining a core of solid commonalities." Since she was picking up on the fact that Soifon would snap her neck like a twig if she delved into the woman's romantic life, Cynthia thought it wise to instead give the woman something to look forward to. "You will only truly love one man in your life, and with him you will have a long and happy life. You will have only one child, but he will be your greatest pride and joy."

Mouth opening and closing Soifon didn't know whether to demand to hear more or get the woman as far away from her as possible. How the hell could she know to pick Zaraki for the comparison of yin and yang, hinting quite blantly that they were...and surely they weren't giving off those sorts of vibes, Lieutenant Ise at the very least would have picked up on it. And what was this about a son? Could they..would they...a little boy?

"Me next!" Waving her hand in the air Yachiru was eager to be read as well. The woman was obviously not terribly bright, suggesting that Cat Lover and her Kenny were a good couple, but that didn't mean Yachiru didn't want to know what crazy story the woman would cook up for her.

Smiling at the girl's eagerness the palmist moved around the table to where Yachiru sat by her captain at the end of the table. Taking the waving hand in her own firm grip to keep it still, Cynthia found the girl's hand to be as interesting as the woman's before her. "Your present form is not your true one, it is a disguise against the world so that it underestimates you, thus lessening the danger its inhabitants might present you. You are smarter than people credit you for, you hide your intelligence in order to gain your way. Your life has not always been easy, but you maintain a high love of life regardless. Would you like to know about your love life?" The woman inquired, since the man in question happened to be in the room, and the romance was in the beginning stages after all.

"Fire away." Was her response, fascinated and curious as hell.

"Yours will be a fierce love/hate relationship, a constant, never ending fight for dominance and power over the other. You are both strong willed and stubborn, things will never be easy or mundane in your dealings with each other, but you will find true happiness only with each other."

"Poor bastard." Renji whispered to Rukia, who smiled a little as she nodded in agreement.

Byakuya, for his part, felt a little ill.

)

"Wow you're good." Was Yachiru's opinion, who couldn't imagine living peacefully happily ever after with anyone, even Kenny. They were both independent people after all, and had never lived in each other's pockets, though she'd occasionally rode around in his.

"Nanao chan, you should get yours done." Kyoraku announced, grinning over at her before motioning Cynthia over. "Please." He begged, when she didn't look convinced. "For me?"

Giving him a not at all amused look Nanao none the less held out a hand to the woman when she'd made her way over. "As you wish, Captain." Unlike the others, she saw nothing so far that couldn't be fabricated or accurately guessed at by a professional. People were easily duped for reasons other than gross stupidity. Hearing what they wanted to hear or believe was often best.

Taking the hand the palmist knew she had another sceptic but wasn't surprised. Nanao Ise was not the sort of woman to be convinced by anything but hardcore, well researched facts. "You're a person who thinks with her head more than her heart. You often take the role of teacher with others, leading them in the right direction or towards that which they seek. Your heart is choosy but once given is absolute. You will be happy in love, though there will be bumps along the way. Your guidance and protection will see you both prosper, and your children with you. The powers that be obviously have a sense of humour." She added with a wink.

Suspicious Nanao's eyes narrowed. "What do you mean?"

"Your love is a womanizer, one who spent a great deal of time chasing skirts before settling on yours, breaking hearts and upsetting their fathers. It is ironic then, that you will give him six daughters to worry about."

"Wha?" Blinking rapidly with his mouth hanging open Kyoraku was quite the sight with Nanao not far behind.

Then Cynthia dropped the kicker. "And you should strive to improve your relationship with Captain Soifon, Lieutenant Ise. Her son will be your son in law one day."


	43. In Your Loving Hands

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original characters and the situations I put everyone in. Everything else belongs to somebody else and that's just the way its gotta be. Thanks so much for reading, hope you enjoy, and please review to let me know what you think!

In Your Loving Hands

While everyone was still reeling from that little shock Cynthia moved to stand near Rukia, who automatically looked up to meet the palmist's eyes. "Would you like your palm read, Miss. Kuchiki?"

"She will not." Was her brother's response, the look in his eye making it clear to Rukia that there was to be no argument from her.

"Oh let her." Yachiru called out from her position at the other side of the table, further irritating the man in question with her poor table manners. "Don't be such a stick in the mud."

"I don't wish mine to be read. Kuchikis make their own destinies." Rukia stated, before things got out of hand. Actually, she was tempted, but sort of didn't want to hear it either. What if the woman said something horrible about her future, or something to do with her unresolved feelings for Renji? She definitely didn't want to hear that she was never allowed to move up the ranks in her division, or that she'd be doomed to be a spinster for the rest of her life thanks to Renji's stupidity and her brother's..interesting personality.

Disappointed, since he'd been hoping she'd get hers read, Renji did his best to hide his disappointment. Now he'd never know if the palmist saw him in Rukia's future, preferably as someone of romantic importance to her.

Reading his lieutenant easily enough, Byakuya took some small comfort in the easy familiarity of making the idiot unhappy.

"We should get you to read Nemu san's hand." Matsumoto suggested, delighted with her brainstorm. Everyone else was too busy thinking about what a son of Captain Soifon's would be like, especially if he proved to be the kind of guy a mini Nanao would be interested in.

"I cannot read her palm as it was created by her father, not the creator of all." Cynthia explained with a small shrug of her shoulders. "Her father also placed barriers around her mind that prevent readings by anyone with psychic abilities . Or at least that's what she said after I tried and failed to get anything from her. A definite first for me." She added with a rueful look.

Eager to get rid of her, and knowing Kyoraku was too deep in shock to think of it, Byakuya reluctantly got out his own wallet, withdrew a generious donation and handed it over to Cynthia with a well phrased thanks that made it clear she was to make like a tree and leave.

)

Once Ukitake and Nemu left their table an hour later with the intent to head back to his home, their would be protectors paid for their own meals and headed out as well. Everyone splitting up into smaller groups Kyoraku and Nanao headed for his home, while Byakuya, Rukia and Renji headed for the Kuchiki mansion. Zaraki had volunteered to see Soifon home, much to Yachiru's annoyance and so she played right into their hands by announcing that she was going to walk with the Kuchiki group in order to harass the sixth division captain until they passed her place. Amused observers, Hitsugaya and Matsumoto watched the groups leave before heading off as well to their own solitary beds.

Having gotten over her shock much quicker than her lover, Nanao was at peace with the possibility that she might, just might, one day have a daughter who would end up marrying Captain Soifon's son. She liked and respected Soifon, Nanao was sure any son raised by the woman would be honorable and well able to look after his wife, her daughter. The idea that she might have to go through labor and the rigors of child rearing SIX times was a little harder to swallow, but she'd come from a big family to begin with. It could be worse. It could be six boys. Just like their father. Now that would be something to lose sleep over.

"I could always kill the little bastard as soon as he was born." Kyoraku muttered under his breath, not even aware that he was speaking his plans to protect his unborn daughter aloud.

Easily picking up on where his mind was heading Nanao decided to point his thoughts in another direction. "You couldn't kill a child if your life depended upon it. Besides, who's to say you need to worry? The woman just said MY daughter would marry him."

Eyes narrowing slightly Kyoraku frowned down at her. "What do you mean?"

"Well she might not be your daughter." Nanao pointed out reasonably, doing her best to hide her smile at his outraged expression. He really was cute sometimes, she thought sentimentally.

"She damn well is going to be my daughter. They all are." Kyoraku countered, crossing his arms stubbornly in front of his chest. "You aren't having anyone's kid but mine."

"And I have no say in this?" Was her amused query.

His response to that was to throw her over his shoulder and to her astonishment inform her that there was no time to knock her up like the present.

)

Tuning out the arguing between her brother and Yachiru Rukia was too busy thinking about her future now to care about their various bones of contention against each other. She wanted to be married someday with a husband, kids, the whole ball of wax. And really, what did a ball of wax have to do with anything? She couldn't even recall seeing a ball of wax ever. Just one of those stupid phrases senile old people came up with because they had nothing better to do.

"What are you thinking about?" Renji asked her, hoping to break their silence and drown out Yachiru at the same time.

Shrugging Rukia was not about to admit she'd been thinking about something so stupid. "Just thinking about the future." Which was what she had been thinking, before her mind had wandered.

"Oh." Trying to be as casual as possible Renji gave her a curious look. "Think we'll still be...friends a hundred years from now?"

"If we are it will be no thanks to you." Was her reply. "Your height is all wrong." She tacked on absently.

"What's wrong with my height?" Renji demanded to know, having always been proud that he was tall as opposed to short like Captain Hitsugaya.

"You aren't the right height for someone like me. I barely reach the middle of your chest." She pointed out in a low voice, just in case her brother was capable of following their conversation and lecturing Yachiru at the same time. "We're too ill matched, whoever created us obviously didn't plan for us to be...together comfortably. I even get cricks in my neck from looking up at you all the time."

Staring down at her Renji couldn't believe what she'd just said. "You won't think of me as someone to be...close to because I'm too tall?"

Color coming to her cheeks Rukia looked straight ahead when she answered, too embarrassed to look at him. "What? You know I'm right. I'd need a step ladder or for you to lift me up just to kiss your..cheek."

Doing a little blushing himself Renji thought it wise not to mention his cheek wasn't where he wanted her lips. "I wouldn't mind...lifting you up."

"I'd rather not be treated like a doll, thanks."

"If...if I kissed you...you wouldn't be thinking about dolls."

Whatever else might have been said came to an end when Yachiru gave a loud squawk behind them, due to the fact that Byakuya had picked her up by the collar and literally thrown her in the direction of her third story bedroom porch.

Her response to this was not a positive one.

)

Strolling down the street like any couple Zaraki and Soifon would have probably have drawn some weird looks if they hadn't deliberately chosen the least scenic route with a lot of unnecessary detours that made what should have been a fifteen minute walk stretch out to almost a half an hour. Not that either of them cared or even noticed the time. Zaraki had surprised Soifon by taking her hand early on, holding it carefully in his much larger one as they walked in companionable silence.

"So what did you think of that psychic lady?" Zaraki asked when they were within a block of her home.

Looking up at him Soifon was tempted to roll her eyes but didn't see the point. "Well if she turns out to be right I'll seek her out and apologize for thinking she's a greedy little grifter."

Since that was exactly what he'd expected her to say Zaraki couldn't help but smile. "You don't want a son?"

"I want a big family. Heaven knows what he'd turn out like with only Yachiru for a sibling."

"He could do worse. He could look up to Omeada too."

"Or beat the hell out of him and then replace him so that I can finally have a decent lieutenant." She rather liked the idea of working alongside a son, training their troops and generally kicking Hollow ass together. Plus, if he was in her division, she could always keep an eye on him and make sure nothing happened to him durign a battle. Heaven help the Hollow or Arrancar that tried to hurt their baby boy, Soifon thought darkly. She and Kenpachi would squash the bastard like a bug.

"Or maybe he'll join my division." Zaraki countered, just to be contrary. He actually liked the idea of the kid in her division too. She needed a keeper and any son of his would fit that bill nicely. Not even Soifon could sissify a son of his, he reasoned. His boy was gonna be one hell of an ass kicker, no question about it. They could beat on all the other divisions together and use Aizen's head as a baseball. They'd play catch, it was the father/son thing to do.

"I called him first."

Chuckling Zaraki looked down at her with something very close to a leer on his battered face. "Since you want him so bad, what's say we get busy making him?"

Raising an eyebrow Soifon grinned back, amused by him. "Only if you promise I can have him for my division." Was her prim response, her mood light and playful after a surprisingly laid back and entertaining day.

"Sounds fair enough to me."

)

Sharing a booth in a popular pub that catered to the Gotei, Kira and Hinamori were just finishing up their dinner when Hinamori made the casual observation that the place was a lot emptier than usual considering the hour.

"All out on dates." Kira guessed with a small smile, not at all surprised. "Since word got out what the women think of the Gotei men I've noticed a significant increase in guys looking for a woman to hook up with. A lot of guys are desperate to prove their manhood apparently." He would have been one of them, if he hadn't been so wrapped up in other things lately. Nothing killed thoughts of romance like assassins, body parts and paperwork. In his case anyway. It hadn't seemed to stop several of his fellow lieutenants and their captains.

"That's so stupid. I wish we'd never had that stupid discussion." Hinamori groaned, her cheeks red.

"Nobody thinks less of you." Kira assured her. "Nobody would ever think any of that was your idea."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that you aren't the sort of person to come up with something like that, much less talk about it. You're too..you for that sort of thing."

Hinamori wasn't sure why, but she was getting the distinct impression that she was being insulted. "And just what am I exactly?"

Searching his mind for the right way to answer that Kira couldn't really come up with something that wouldn't make her mad at him. "You're the sort of girl guys take home to meet their mothers." He finally decided, thinking that a safe and somewhat complimentary answer.

"What does that mean?"

"Well uhm..it means what it sounds like." Kira hedged, starting to get the feeling he was digging himself into a deep ditch. "It's a compliment, really."

Not about to take his word for it Hinamori frowned, deliberately turning her head to see if Hisagi was still sitting in a booth near theirs, having previously declined their offer to join them. Getting his attention Hinamori waved him over, pleased when he obligingly got up and ambled over to their table. "What does it mean to be a girl who men want to take home to meet their mothers?"

Not catching Kira's panicky look in time Hisagi answered her with a casual shrug and little thought. "Usually it means the girl's a goody two shoes, the sort of girl that every mother wants for her son. You know, the type who never wears revealing clothes or swears or been around the block. The sort of girl guys marry once they've sown their wild oats with the bad girls. Why?"

High color in her cheeks Hinamori barely heard Kira's audible groan. "That's what people think of me?"

Only now getting what was going on Hisagi took a slight step back, sensing that he was about to join Kira in that deep, potentially deadly ditch. "There's nothing wrong with girls like that. I mean we marry them, don't we?" Thinking how that sounded Hisagi blurted out the only thing he could think of to distract her from plotting his demise. "And hey, Izuru is the male version of you so at least you're in good company right?"

"Hey!" Staring up at his friend in disbelief Kira joined Hinamori in her indignation. "Why would you say that?"

"Izuru, you're one of my best friends and all but if you've done anything remotely kinky with a girl I'll eat your sword."

Mouth gaping open Hinamori naturally jumped to hers and Kira's defense. "There is nothing wrong with us in that area thank you very much!"

"I'm sure that's true." Hisagi gamely replied, then ruined it by muttering under his breath. "A little boring maybe."

"What was that?" Hinamori demanded, her eyes narrowing dangerously.

"Nothing." Was his quick response.

"It would not be boring. We could have great, spectacular, mind blowing sex if we wanted, so there!"

"With each other?"

Neither Kira nor Hinamori knew quite how to respond to that one.

)

Walking into his home with Nemu at his side Ukitake could feel his hands start to sweat and shake a little, hopefully the only things betraying just how nervous he was about this. In the first place, he knew that this was the first time Nemu had been with a man and therefore he wanted it to be perfect, to be perfect for her in every way. But even though she had no practical experience, he did know that she'd likely done research on her own as well as asked for information from a variety of sources, least of all the hooker her damn father had hired. She could have all sorts of ideals and expectations, techniques and ideas of foreplay that were completely out of his range or expertise. Not only was he not very flexible, but he'd spent most of his adult life avoiding dating for fear of throwing up blood all over them. Definitely a mood killer, as he'd found out the hard way. And now, here he was, walking down his hallway with the girl he could very well see himself spending the rest of his considerably long life with, and he was terrified he'd do something to have her looking elsewhere. She'd never even said she liked him as a person, simply that she thought he'd suit her best. Oh God, if he was alone in all this...

Watching Jushiro out of the corner of her eye Nemu could practically smell the nerves on him. Normally this would have confused her, but Captain Soifon had taken her aside and given her an explanation of what she was to expect and say to get the poor man, as she'd called Jushiro, through the whole ordeal. "Jushiro?"

"Yes?" He responded, clearing his throat.

"Would it be all right if I left this first time up to you? I heard so many variation of what is supposed to transpire during sexual intercourse that I am unsure as to how to proceed. I thought it best for you to teach me and take my cues from you, as you will be my lover rather than someone else whose taste might be different from your own. Logically, I only need to learn to do what pleases you."

Staring down at her Ukitake had to smile as he took one of her hands and brought it to his lips, kissing the back of her hand. "Understood."

Pleased with herself Nemu made a mental note to thank Captain Soifon and commend her for her excellent understanding of the often confusing male psyche. Captain Soifon had told her that men liked to teach women things because it made them happy to think they knew something their women didn't, so long as the women don't let the men see how easily their women surpass them in skill once they do learn.

)

Leading her into his bedroom Ukitake slide the door closed than turned to face her, lower his head to kiss her and being met half way. The kiss was soft and gentle, a tasting rather than a devouring of each others unique tastes. When Nemu's lips trembled open Ukitake slid his tongue in to take a deeper taste, wrapping his arms around her to pull his closer as their tongues slide and curled around each other, absorbing the need and desire they felt for the other. Lifting his hands from her waist Ukitake carefully unzipped the back of her dress, Nemu helping by sliding the single strap off her shoulder so that the dress slid down her body to pool at her feet. His robes soon followed suit, their lips never leaving each other as he slipped out of his own clothes so that he wore only his pants while she wore what could be laughingly called panties and the sexy little ankle bracelet. Scooping her up into his arms he carried her over to his futon and gently lowered her down onto his covers, his lips finally moving from her lips to trail gentle kisses down the side of her cheekbones and then neck.

Her arms wrapping around his neck Nemu drew him closer, his weight settling down on her as she watched him through half closed eyes. Was there anythign more wonderful, Nemu thought, than the feel of being surrounded and cared for by someone you cared for? It was so different than before but still the same in the way her heart raced and her body heated and cried out for more of his touch. But she felt cherished at the same time, not like before when he'd seemed to want to devour her. He was savouring her and she liked it very much.

His kisses moving down to her breasts he gently took one tip into his mouth, delicately playing with it with his tongue while he brushed his knuckles carefully over the other, sroking it into painful arousal. The way she moved under him, arching into his caresses encouraged him on, changing his attention from one breast to the other, never letting up his careful assault on her senses. Whatever else happened between them, they would always have the memories of this perfect night together.

Fingers moving to stroke through his hair as he made her gasp and moan in pleasure Nemu raked her nails through the thick strands, arching into his body, wanting nothing separating them from each other. When he moved his head to once again capture her mouth Nemu welcomed him enthusiastically, kissing him back with equal feveor as she slid her legs open to welcome him between them, moving so that he was settled more fully against her, chest to chest, hip to hip, mouth to mouth. Her hands left his hair then to tug impatiently on his pants, attempting to push them further down his lean hips so that she could feel more of his flesh against her own.

"No hurry." Ukitake chuckled, moving his head to nibble the side of her right ear. "We have all night."

"Given our track record that may be wishful thinking." She pointed out, his answer a loud groan as she punctuated her opinion by wrapping those mile long legs of hers around the hips she sought to uncover.

"You have a point." Was his weak response.

"I don't want to be separated from you again. I did not react well to that." Nemu explained, thinking perhaps she should explain her boldness in the face of her earlier request for him to take the lead.

"I'll leave you well satisfied tonight, I promise."

Giving in to her demands Ukitake untangled himself from her just long enough to discard his pants and her panties before once again settling between her thighs, her arms and legs wrapping around him to keep him from leaving her again anytime soon. The air thick with their sighs and moans they touched and caressed, hands learning each others bodies while their mouths mated and tasted the smooth skin gleaming with the sweat and passion that scented the air around them. When his hand finally moved down her quivering body and between her silky thighs he found her more than ready for him, her body crying out for him to join her in her hot, wet heat. Groaning he cupped her, stroking her closer and closer to climax, wanting her to know only the pleasure of the climax they were heading towards. Pressure building up, driving them both past reason and thought, Ukitake took possession of her when he could bear the separation no more, his powerful thrusts driving them the rest of the way over so that they came together, two becoming one so seamlessly, neither could imagine a world without this ever again.


	44. Could Get You Killed

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original characters and the situations I put all characters into. Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoy this latest chapter and review.

Could Get You Killed

Walking up the lane to their captain's house, the two third seats of the thirteenth division were arguing as per usual. Neither liked the fact that they'd been given the previous night off, which would seem strange to anyone who didn't know of their tireless devotion to their ill captain. They were especially peeved because they knew that Lieutenant Kurotsuchi was now in residence, and both thought that they should have been allowed to remain in house to insure she didn't cause him any problems. She was part of the twelfth division after all; she might try to experiment on him, telling him it was for his own good. Their captain was the gullible sort, it could happen, he could believe her. Right now he could be caught in her twisted clutches, crying out for his loyal and trusty third seats to save him. Both picking up the pace they entered to find the house quiet, too quiet.

Passing the eating area Kiyone frowned, any change to her captain's schedule an unwelcome one. "This is the time Captain Ukitake has his morning tea. Why isn't he in here drinking his tea?!" Her mind assuming the worse Kiyone looked ready to start hyperventilating at any second.

"I'll go see if he overslept." Sentaro announced authoritatively, puffing up his chest. "You go check on Lieutenant Kurotsuchi."

"Why do I have to check on her?"

"Because you're both girls, that's why." He pointed out with a smirk. "I can't just walk into a girl's room, it wouldn't be right. Why? Are you afraid of her or something?"

"No!" Though she was a bit, who wouldn't be? Her mother had always taught her not to listen or believe in rumours, but Kiyone had heard enough from her sister to know that you had to be one messed up individual to want to remain in the twelfth division, and Kurotsuchi san was the lieutenant of it! Of course, Kiyone acknowledged, Kurotsuchi san had been born into the division, and she had helped her sister out by punching out Captain Hisagi.... "Okay, fine. I'll check on her."

Pleased that he'd won the argument the two parted ways, the room assigned to Lieutenant Kurotsuchi being next door to the captain's. Sliding open the door leading into his captain's room after his knock received no answer, Sentaro shared a concerned look with Kiyone before stepping in. His gaze sweeping the room Sentaro saw signs that his captain's bed had been slept in, the twisted sheets suggesting a very restless night. Frowning at that Sentaro had a moment to think his captain would have surely slept better without Lieutenant Kurotsuchi next door when he heard a loud groan coming from the bathroom. Recognizing his captain's voice Sentaro put one hand on the top of his blade's hilt and rushed towards the partially open door, pushing it open and hurrying in thinking his captain was either ill, under attack, or maybe had slammed his head on the shower head again.

Eyes going wide as saucers, Sentaro took one look at the scene in front of him then got out of there so fast he was a blur. Kiyone, on her way to find Sentaro and the captain, was swept up in Sentaro's arms as he literally picked her up, threw her over his shoulder, and carried them out into the hallway, sliding the door closed behind them.

Face bright red Kiyone squirmed, cursing her lack of height as she stared into space. "Put me down! What are you thinking, you idiot? Where's the captain?" She added as an afterthought.

"We need to make breakfast. Now." He informed her, heading down the hallway with her still slugged over her shoulder like a sack of flour.

Only fear of being dropped kept her from hurting him bad. "Did Captain Ukitake ask us to?" She asked prissily, crossing her arms in front of her as they went into the kitchen. The fact that he finally put her down wasn't winning him any points either. Glaring at him her eyes said plainly that if this wasn't under captain's orders she was going to unleash the now famous Kotetsu fury on him. She might even pull an Isane and ask Lieutenant Kurotsuchi to punch the moron for her. She was living here now after all. It was the least she could do. About to threaten him with just that Kiyone finally got a good look at her companion's face. He was pale as a sheet, his eyes were huge, and his pupils were majorly dilated. "Are you okay?" Reaching out a hand Kiyone carefully touched his arm. "Sentaro kun?"

Struggling to focus on her Sentaro just looked at her, his brain too fill with specific mental images to process her words.

Getting a little worried now Kiyone grabbed his arm and yanked hard. "I asked you a question, moron!"

"They're going to kill me." He finally said in a horror struck voice. "I can't decide which is worse. Dying by his hand or by hers. Both ways are too awful to imagine."

"What? Who's going to kill you? Why?" She was, after all, obligated to protect him since they were unfortunately in the same division. But if she ever died protecting him she was going to be seriously pissed off wherever she ended up.

"Maybe she won't care." He continued, like he hadn't heard her. "I mean even though she's a girl..she's not really a girl…and I don't think he even noticed me….maybe she won't tell him? I only saw her legs after all. Yeah, maybe she won't tell him." The look he aimed in Kiyone's direction was as pleading as a child walking by a toy store and wanting to go in.

"Tell who what? And whose legs are you talking about?" The idiot was making even less sense than usua,l which was seriously no small feat. Had he hit his head on something when she wasn't looking? "Do you want me to get the captain for you?" She finally asked, thinking he'd calm down with Captain Ukitake in the room. Sentaro wouldn't want to look like an idiot in front of the captain after all. Or no more idiotic than usual.

Shaking his head rapidly Kiyone's words were finally entering and being processed in his conscious thought. "No, no, don't do that!"

Standing there with her head cocked to the side and a considering look on her face Kiyone tried to put his rambled dialogue into some sort of perspective. Sentaro had seemed normal up until he'd come out of the captain's bathroom, where their captain presumably was. Now he was muttering about seeing some girl's legs and worrying about being killed for- "OH MY GOD!" Slapping a hand over her mouth Kiyone stared at Sentaro with a mixture of shock and horror. "Did you walk in on our captain with…with..with a woman? In the bathroom?" All sorts of images entering her mind Kiyone immediately went as red as Sentaro was pale.

Nodding his head slowly Sentaro looked like a man awaiting the guillotine.

"Who was it? Do you know?"

"Lieutenant Kurotsuchi."

"Are you sure? You said you just saw her legs!"

"Nobody's got legs like her."

"OH MY GOD!"

)

"I wonder what all the yelling is about." Ukitake casually wondered aloud, leaning in the doorway of the room he'd assigned Nemu for propriety's sake. Watching her getting dressed was almost as stimulating as undressing her, so he was in no hurry to find out what his third seats were up to now.

"She does seem to be quite excited about something." Nemu agreed as she attached her choker before turning to give him her full attention. "Are they always this..exuberant?"

Shrugging Ukitake gave her a 'what can you do' look. "Pretty much."

"I see." Nemu considered offering to discipline them for him but thought better of it. She only knew how to punish others the way her father had taught her, Jushiro might frown on many of those practices as he had ethics her father did not. It was probably a good idea if she asked Nanao san what were acceptable disciplinary actions in regular divisions before meting out any herself. She did want Jushiro's people to like her after all. He wouldn't have kept his noisy, disruptive third seats around if he did not consider them people of importance to him. Personally, she thought muzzles might be in order, especially as Jushiro did not seem pleased about all the noise the female third seat was making in the kitchen.

"I'm going to see what all the noise is about; I'll meet you in the dining room?"

"I am ready now." She informed him, walking over to join him in the doorway. "And I prefer to remain with you as much as possible."

Ridiculously pleased and flattered Ukitake leaned forward to brush his lips against hers, reining himself in since there were now two nosey, gossipy children in the house. "I prefer you with me too." He assured her with a grin. "Now let's go see what's going on."

Walking side by side the two followed all the noise to find the two third seats in the kitchen, Kiyone hyperventilating and red, Sentaro white as a sheet and leaning on one of the granite countertops for support.

"What on earth is going on?" Ukitake demanded to know, hurrying in, thinking something terrible must have occurred. "Are either of you hurt?"

Since neither two seemed capable of answering him Nemu did it for them. "They are uninjured physically." Looking them over Nemu noted that the male seemed to be deliberately not looking at her. He was being foolishly obvious about it. Had no one ever taught him anything resembling tact or control over his actions?

"Kiyone chan?" Placing a hand on her shoulder Ukitake gently forced her to look at him by carefully grasping her chin so that she couldn't keep looking at her shoes while struggling to breath. "Take slow, careful breaths. You're going to pass out if you aren't careful."

Tears welling up in her eyes Kiyone shocked everyone when she hurled herself into him, latching her arms tightly around his waist. "Say it isn't so, Captain. Say it isn't so." She blubbered, burying her face in his robes.

"Say what isn't so, Kiyone chan?" He demanded, reflexively wrapping his arms around her in a show of comfort. Knowing the usual culprit Ukitake gave Sentaro a stern look. "Are you responsible for this?"

Miserably meeting his captain's eyes Sentaro looked like a kicked puppy. "Sorta. I'm sorry, Sir. I'm so, so sorry. Please don't be mad at me. I didn't mean to see, honest."

"See what?"

Looking over at Nemu Sentaro went red now and couldn't look at anyone or answer.

"Kiyone chan?" Ukitake couldn't begin to think what was going on, but both of his third seats seemed un prepared to answer him any time soon. "Why don't you two go sit down at the table and I'll make the tea today. You two just rest and..get a hold of yourselves."

He knew something was seriously wrong when they immediately ran out of the kitchen like a herd of arrancars were after them. They hated to let him do anything for himself, much less for them. Yes, something was definitely going on here.

)

Scratching his head Ukitake went over to the kitchen cupboard that held his tea selection. "I don't know what's gotten into them." He told Nemu as he retrieved the canister of chai tea. "They were fine yesterday." A little shocked over the fact that Nemu was coming to stay with them, but he'd made it clear that she wasn't replacing them in any way, which had seemed to pacify them. Perhaps they'd somehow figured out that he was toying with the idea of asking her to be his lieutenant, if she was serious about not returning to her father's division. That WOULD send them into a tizzy of this proportion.

"Perhaps they are upset because they dislike the idea of us in a sexual relationship?" Nemu suggested, walking over to watch him fill his kettle with water.

Blinking in surprise Ukitake looked over at her questioningly. "But they have no way of knowing about that. I would never tell them such a thing." He'd been hoping they'd just figure it out so they wouldn't have to have a very embarrassing conversation about it.

"The male knows. He walked in on us in the shower."

Setting the kettle down hard on the burner Ukitake turned to stare at her. "He what?"

"He walked in while we were in the shower." Nemu repeated, not understanding how he could not have understood her the first time. "I think that that was perhaps what he was apologizing earlier."

"When did he walk in?" Ukitake had a lot of very momorable images of the time they'd just spent in the shower together but none of them included Sentaro, thank god.

"You were in the process of climaxing, it's only logical that you would have missed him." Assuming his expression was horror over having missed the extra presence in the bathroom Nemu hurried to reassure him. "And he came and went very quickly."

Staring at her a new thought entered his mind that had Ukitake seeing red. "He saw you naked."

"No, he saw you naked." Nemu contradicted reasonably. "As you'll recall, you had me pinned up against the back of the shower with you standing in front of me. At the most he saw my legs and arms. You are, after all, a lot bigger than I am. Perhaps he thought you would punish him for seeing you in such a state?"

Leaning back against a counter Ukitake rubbed his hands over his face as though to erase the mental images he was now getting. "Please tell me Kiyone chan didn't come in too?" That would just be too much for him to deal with right now.

"No, the female was not with him."

"Talk about your small favours."

)

"You look like hell." Isane stated by way of greeting as she caught sight of Hisagi slumped over his coffee at a cafe near his division head quarters. As she'd been on her way to find him she took a seat across from him, wondering absently if she could convince him to share the muffin he was playing with as opposed to consuming.

"I feel like hell." Was his weary response as he looked at her over the rim of his white coffee mug. "Last night was not a good night."

"Oh?" Raising an eyebrow Isane did her best not to look too interested. Just what had he been up to the night before? Had he gone out drinking or partying, knowing he still wasn't a hundred percent? Had he picked up some girl because he'd decided she was too complicated for him? Had her shot about Edward Cullen somehow ruined everything before it could begin? He could still be mad about her asking Kurotsuchi san to punch him? She imagined the men were ribbing him something awful over it.

"Yeah, Kira and Momo are out for my blood. Big time."

"What? Why?" Lieutenants Kira and Hinamori were two of the most happy go lucky people she'd ever met. Nothing fazed them and she didn't think she'd seen either of them truly out for blood, ever. Well except when Hinamori thought her captain had been murdered, but that was completely understandable.

Setting his cup down Hisagi gave Isane an exasperated look. "I said something I shouldn't have. But I was set up, how was I to know why Momo asked me that damn question? It's all Kira's fault really, when you think about it. I'm the innocent party here. But oh no, somehow they ended up ganging up on me like a pair of ravenous wolves."

Since there was always more to the story Isane leaned back in her chair and gave him her full attention. "Okay, spill it. What happened and no fibbing or editorializing. That is if you want my help saving your ass, since you know they could amass a force against you to rival the one I did without even trying."

Paling at the thought Hisagi quickly blurted out the whole mess, including the fact that Momo had smacked him upside the head for putting such mental images in their heads.

Lips twitching Isane had to use all her strength not to break out into laughter. It was just too funny, she thought as she covered her mouth with her hand to hide the smile she just couldn't control.

"You think this is funny, don't you?" Looking less than pleased Hisagi gave some thought to flicking some muffin crumbs in her direction. "You know, after all I've been through these last couple of weeks, you'd think you could have some sympathy for me. Especially since the hell that was this last two weeks was largely your fault." Flinching a little at the look she aimed at him Hisagi amended that last part a little. "Okay, somewhat your fault."

Letting him get away with that Isane gave him a considering look. "Have you considered trying to apologize to them?"

"Tried and failed. If Momo were less a lady I think she would have thrown her drink in my face along with Kira's."

"Ouch." Wincing in sympathy Isane had to agree that it seemed to her he really was in a tight spot if Momo was that mad. "I'd wait and let her calm down some. You know she can't stay angry at anyone was long. They'll forgive and forget by the end of the week."

"Here's hoping."

The two hearing Hisagi's name called the two turned to see Hisagi's third seat approaching them at a light jog.

"Cynna san." Nodding in acknowledgement Hisagi gave her a questioning look. "You're looking for me."

"Just wanted to let you know that it was a quiet night in our assigned sector, Captain." She reported promptly after bowing an acknowledgement of the forth division lieutenant. "Nothing out of the ordinary...except one small thing." Here she hesitated for a moment, obviously undecided. "But it's probably nothing."

"What is it?" He trusted her judgement, if it bothered her then it was worth his time to listen.

"Blood, Captain. I found an area where someone lost a lot of blood...in a trail headed towards the city." Cynna answered, her indecision still on her face. "I tracked it as far as I could...but it was difficult with the morning dew and whatever is injured seemed apt at hiding its tracks."

"An animal perhaps?" Isane suggested, biting her lip.

"It would have to be a large one, to lose that much blood and keep moving. I reviewed all our men assigned to that area and none reported an injury of any kind, and it was too fresh to be from the eighth division men who were in charge of the area the night before."

Getting to his feet Hisagi's eyes narrowed, all business now. "Show me."


	45. Gifts That Keep Giving

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original characters and the situations all characters end up in. Thanks for reading, please review and let me know what you think!

Gifts That Keep Giving

Sorting through the correspondence he'd been handed by a servant, Byakuya paused over an envelope with his name scrawled across it in familiar handwriting. Now what would Yoruichi be sending him, he pondered, slitting the letter open with some curiosity. She was not one for an idle, how are you doing letter. In fact, she wasn't the letter writing type at all. Must be serious. Pulling out the single sheet of paper Byakuya's only reaction to what was written upon it was a slow raising of his eyebrow, along with the faintest hint of a smile on his handsome face. Well this was certainly unexpected, he mused to himself.

"What is it, big brother?" Rukia asked him from her seat across from him. She, her brother, and Renji were all eating their midday meal together, and she wanted any excuse not to look or talk to Renji. Now that he knew that she knew about his feelings for her she wasn't sure how to proceed. All her best laid plans were deserting her.

"The three of us have been invited to a wedding."

Looking up from his eggs Renji blinked in confusion. "Who would invite all three of us to a wedding?" He sure as hell didn't hang out with the uber rich set, and the Kuchikis certainly didn't hang out with the lower classes, of which he was certainly one. They had no mutual friends that he knew to be marriage minded, and none of their fellow officers were getting married as far as he knew.

Accepting the invitation from her brother Rukia read it for herself, a smile lighting her face. "Ah, Yoruichi san and Urahara san are getting married!"

"Seriously?" Genuinely surprised Renji absently scratched his head as he pondered the idea of the two as a married couple. "She must have threatened him with bodily harm to pull that off."

"Well she's threatening bodily harm if we don't show up." Byakuya informed his lieutenant, while Rukia glared at Renji for his little crack. "I'll make the necessary arrangements." He wasn't about to miss this wedding for the world, and normally he avoided weddings like the plague. But he did agree with Renji after all. It took a hell of a lot to get Urahara moving, much less out of the lab. This was sure to be a most…entertaining event.

"Well I think it's great." Rukia stated hotly. "When is it?"

"In about two weeks. Hopefully General Yamamoto will be too busy dealing with the Kurotsuchis to care about some of us descended to the human world for a day."

"I doubt he'd risk their wrath by forbidding us." Renji pointed out logically, a small smirk on his sharp face. "I mean he hasn't exactly made up for all the crap he put them through because he couldn't see Aizen for what he was. Letting their friends come to their wedding is the least he could do."

Nodding in agreement Rukia turned to her brother with a questioning look. "What should we get them for a wedding present, big brother?"

"We'll find something appropriate." And speaking of gifts, his should be arriving at its destination right about now. He was only sorry he had to miss it.

)

The eleventh division members were in fine form. That is to say, they were training like men and women utterly obsessed beyond reason or sanity. Even more so than usual. Having their asses handed to them by their captain earlier had lit a fire under their numbers and they were all now trying to repair the damage to their massive, considerable egos by training like possessed demons of hell.

Was it any wonder then, that it was a good ten minutes before any of them noticed they were being watched?

Standing off to one side, hiding behind the large brick wall circling the training area, stood a pale, scarecrow like man, the poor thing shivering and shaking, too terrified to leave his present spot. In fact, it was taking all his courage just to stand there at the entrance. The truth was he'd sooner impale himself on his pen than deal with Lieutenant Kusajishi, but if she found out he'd run off rather than complete his delivery, who knew what she'd do to him. Especially given what he was delivering. Who would send such a thing to her was a complete mystery, but the man could only assume it was from someone in her division still suffering brain damage from the earlier massacre everyone was talking about.

"You just going to stand there all day, punk?" Ikkaku demanded to know, making the man jump a good three feet in the air. Eyes narrowing, Ikkaku took in the civilian clothing, made that much worse by the flowers stitched onto the guy's breast pocket. Maybe he'd come to be put out of his misery? He'd certainly come to the right place, Ikkaku thought wickedly, his hand moving to the hilt of his blade. Wouldn't be very sporting though, like shooting a fish in a barrel.

"D..D..Del…delivery for Lieutenant Kusajishi!" The man finally got out, not liking the look in the third seat's eye. The whole division was insane, everyone knew that.

Raising an eyebrow, Ikkaku crossed his arms in front of him. Intimidation was something he did very well, and was always happy to exercise. "And what do you have that you think she'll want, little man?"

"Unless it's your head on a platter." Yumichika added, having come over to see what had caught his friend's attention. Grinning evilly he immediately found the man guilty of terrible crimes of fashion and thought they really were duty bound to end the man before he could offend any more eyes.

"WHY AREN'T YOU TWO TRAINING??"

Both flinching, Ikkaku and Yumichika turned and met the less than pleased gaze of their fiercely evil lieutenant. Both were quick to inform her of the man's apparent reason for entering their grounds, talking over each other so that Yachiru had to actually concentrate to understand what the heck they were blabbing on about. As soon as they were sure they'd gotten the situation across they stepped back to watch her verbally, perhaps physically annihilate someone that wasn't them. It would be a nice change.

Turning her attention to the trespasser Yachiru's grin was anything but welcoming as she sized him up and found him incredibly lacking. "You got something for me, string bean?"

Nodding his head in a good imitation of a bobble head, the man practically sprinted over to his battered bicycle, which he'd propped up against the wall and out of harm's way. Retrieving the item from the bike's basket he returned at lightning speed to hold out a bouquet of roses in her shocked direction. "These are for you!"

The three members of the eleventh division looked at the flowers like the man had just attempted to hand Yachiru a lit stick of dynamite. Other members who crowded in to see also ended up slack jawed and silent as they stared at the item being held towards Yachiru who continued to simply stare at the delivery.

"There's…there's a card." The florist said weakly, wondering if people really could die from fear alone. If he wasn't allowed to hand over the merchandise and leave soon he'd have his answer on the way to the next life. How could something so small be so evil, he wondered, his knees knocking together.

"It could be a trap." Was a suggestion from the growing crowd around Yachiru, all eager to find out what was going on, especially if it resulted in injury or loss of life. "They look like roses but their pollen or thorns are poisonous."

"Or maybe they smell really bad?" Another suggested, struggling for a possible explanation. "Or joke roses from a joke shop?"

"You'd have to be suicidal to send joke flowers to the lieutenant."

As a group the members of the eleventh division nodded in unison. Whoever had sent the roses to their lieutenant was dead meat. A dead man or woman walking. It wasn't like their lieutenant was a real girl after all. She stomped on flowers, she didn't smell them. There couldn't possibly be a man stupid enough to want to court her, the very idea was ludicrous.

"Give me the card." Ikkaku finally ordered, stepping protectively in front of his lieutenant.

Retrieving the pink card from the bouquet the florist handed it to the third seat, hoping this would meet with the still silent lieutenant's approval.

Taking it from him Ikkaku's gaze quickly skimmed over the elegant, old fashioned script printed upon the heavy paper. His jaw dropping, Ikkaku stared at the card like it too was a piece of dynamite set to explode in his face. How could this be?

"Well what does it say? Is it a challenge? Does someone want to rumble with her? Who is it, Sir?" One of the other seats asked impatiently, the others calling out their need for answers as well.

Rather than answer any of them Ikkaku bent down and handed the card to his lieutenant.

Curious, as well as a little shocky, Yachiru snatched it out of his hand and quickly scanned it herself for some much needed answers. Her own jaw dropping, Yachiru could only look at it with growing disbelief and horror. What the fuck?!

"I'll take those. Get lost." Easily lifting the flowers out of the florist's hands Ikkaku gave the man a look that plainly advised him to get lost. Now.

Taking that advice the man hurried over to his bike, practically leaping onto the scarred seat, and was halfway down the street before any of the other members thought to call him back to demand some sort of explanation from him. All attention going back to their lieutenant, their gazes' blantly asked her for some sort of explanation to what the hell was going on here.

Taking the flowers out of Ikkaku's grasp, Yachiru turned on her heels and strolled back onto the training grounds, the flowers over one shoulder, soon to meet their untimely end.

Yachiru's thoughts were dark and focused, all centering on just what she was going to do to the man who'd dared to send her roses with a card saying 'Thinking of You.'

There was going to be hell to pay.

)

As soon as it was lunch time Matsumoto hurried out the office door and onto the street before her captain could even acknowledge her departure. She knew she was probably just kidding herself, reading more into the memo, what little there was to begin with. So a little blood had been found, so what?

The so what was that she was holding onto the possibility that the love of her life was alive and making his assehole way back to her, possibly on death's door. That it had been during the ninth division's shift was like a giant neon sign, what had her even entertaining the idea that it might be Gin. What better time to infiltrate a city full of people who wanted you dead than through the guard of individuals you knew like the back of your hand? Captain Tosen had been one of the traitors; it stood to reason that Gin would know something about their way of operating than the other divisions. His own division would have changed under its new command, and the same went for the fifth division. Of all the lieutenants, Hisagi was the least likely to have revamped things since his captain's desertion. People generally saw Tosen as Aizen's dupe; he was someone many of the ranks thought could return to them once he realized what he'd gotten himself involved in. Aizen and Gin were the threats, so their divisions would have been scrutinized and altered beyond their recognition. The ninth division however, that was the division Gin would put his money on if he were to risk it. Which he would, because he was just that stupid.

Hurrying down the block she stepped into a deserted alleyway and flashed herself into her apartment, her heart beating wildly in her chest as she strove not to hope too much or the impossible.

As soon as she arrived in her home Matsumoto's nose automatically picked up the opposing scents of blood and harsh cleaning supplies. Eyes looking around she noted the drops of blood littering her hardwood floors, just as she sensed Nemu, not Gin's spirit energy. Following the blood trail into her kitchen Matsumoto didn't know what to think of the sight of her friend scrubbing away at her kitchen floor, which was bloody, though not nearly as bad as one of the cabinets, situated behind her fellow lieutenant. That was covered in it, like something bloody had pressed up against it.

Stepping carefully into the room Matsumoto gave Nemu a questioning look. "What…what happened here?"

"I'm erasing the evidence." Was Nemu's reply, looking up from her work for a brief moment before going back to her task. She would have thought her actions self explanatory, but Matsumoto had had a rough week and apparently wasn't up to some lines of reasoning.

"Evidence of what?" Matsumoto asked slowly, walking closer as her eyes wearily took in the mess. What had happened while she'd been away and what did it have to do with Nemu?

"That he was here of course. When they finally deduce that he was here in the city they'll search everywhere for him and he'll surely be found if they have any leads to go on." Going back to her scrubbing Nemu completely missed Matsumoto's shocked look.

Putting a hand over her mouth to stifle a sob, Matsumoto stared down at Nemu without really seeing her. "Gin? Gin was here?"

"He was." Setting her brush into the cleaning solvent she was using Nemu cleaned it off before going back to her scrubbing. "I had to move him though. Once everyone stops to think about it they'll come here to check. They know he'd come to you."

Kneeling down so that she could look Nemu in the eye Matsumoto asked the obvious. "Why would you hide him?"

Surprised, Nemu looked up to meet her confused eyes. "You love him. You're my friend. I have to protect him for you."

Reaching out Matsumoto placed a hand on top of hers. "Thank you."

"He might still die." Nemu informed her bluntly, not about to give her false hope. "He's lost massive amounts of blood on top of his injuries, which are severe. And I'm not really trained to put people back together again. I'm actually usually the one causing the injuries. I closed the major wounds and hooked him up to machines to replenish his blood and deal with his dehydration. He was mostly dead when I got here. Time will tell."

"The arm….the arm was his?"

Nodding her head Nemu looked up once more. "But he was smart. He cauterized the wound as soon as he had the chance, thus preventing any more blood loss. Luckily you had air freshener, the smell of chard flesh is not a pleasant one."

Swallowing hard Matsumoto changed the subject, needing to concentrate on the fact that he was alive. "How'd you know he would be here?"

"It has been my experience that when given a choice, the dying come home to die. It was logical to assume that as long as there was breath in his body he would strive to return to you."

"And where is he?"

"He's in one of my father's abandoned labs on the outskirts of the city. He hid its existence from everyone but me; it's not likely anyone but ather can get passed the security without setting off the alarms and failsafe programs. My father has no reason to use it."

Nodding Matsumoto didn't know how she was ever going to repay Nemu for this. The debt was the sort a person spent a lifetime trying to honor. "Will you take me there?" She asked, wanting, needing to see him. She didn't care what he looked like, so long as she had him back.

"After work. It wouldn't bode well for you to act out of character. I'll pick you up at your end of shift and take you there."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

)

Playing with his chop sticks Kira waited for Momo to arrive. Personally he'd rather forget all about what Hisagi had said, but Momo was on the warpath and expected his help and cooperation. Staring into the glass of water in front of him, Kira wished there was some way to erase the images Hisagi had put in his head but they were stuck there, like annoying, repetitive pop songs. He could only hope that they'd eventually fade, he didn't want to think of Momo as anything other than a friend. They could never be anything but friends, Kira reminded himself sternly. They were just starting to really repair the friendship their captains had damaged so badly with their betrayals. Captain. His captain. Damn.

The sound of something hitting his table Kira automatically looked down, his head snapping up as soon as his mind had processed what had suddenly appeared on the wooden top in front of him. He caught only a glimpse of Ran, and then she was lost in the crowd. With a visibly shaking hand Kira reached out and lifted the small, brown piece of metal off the tabletop. Letting the coin slide into his palm, Kira could do nothing about stare at it, knowing instinctively what Ran had meant when she'd passed it off to him. His captain was alive. He was alive.

"Kira, are you okay?"

Staring up blankly, Kira looked into Momo's concerned face, a slow smile crossing his face as he looked at her. Then, without warning, the third division lieutenant burst to his feet, gave a loud war whoop of joy and grabbing a shocked Momo placed one hell of a kiss on the startled girl's lips.

Life was good.


	46. Learning To Be Couples

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original characters and the situations I put all characters in. Everything else belongs to somebody else and that's just the way it's gotta be. Thanks so much for reading, I hope you enjoy and let me know what you think.

Learning To Be Couples

The room was sterile and cold, its function clear as soon as you walked through the sealed doors. Everywhere there were machines and wires, many of them hooked up to the lone person residing in the underground laboratory. Covered only by a thin white sheet, former Captain Gin Ichimaru lay still as death upon the metal table Nemu had laid him out on hours before. He had not woken once even before she'd arrived, and found him passed out in Ran's kitchen. He was still there as far as his mind knew.

The sheet that covered him was entirely for Matsumoto's sake. Lieutenant Kurotsuchi was anything but squeamish or shy around naked bodies. He was covered up because he was currently in a state that would make many a grown man run out to gag. The smell alone could do it, even though the twelfth division lieutenant had washed away the blood, fluids and grim he'd accumulated getting back to Soul Society. But the scent of death still hung in the air, would hang around and grow unless Kurotsuchi could save him.

Either way, he would never be called a fox faced demon again. His right eye was now useless, the blade having cut though it as well as a large portion of that side of his face during the battle that had nearly killed him. Had he not been the demon they claimed him to be he definitely would not have survived with his life. He'd have to keep the other eye wide open at all times if he wanted to be able to walk with any proficiency. That was if he would ever walk again. The lower half of his right arm was missing as well, which would throw his equilibrium off even more. As a swordsman, these handicaps would mean the end of battle and his life if challenged ever again. Since he would definitely be challenged again if he lived, ever hour of recovery was going to be that much worse for him.

If he'd had immediate medical attention his chances would have been much better, but healers generally didn't heal traitorous murderers who couldn't even pay for services rendered before or afterwords. The rest of the wound would heal well enough, though they would leave scars that would bring Zaraki's chest to mind. He would never be considered remotely good looking again if he lived. But as he drifted in the drug haze Kurotsuchi had put him in Gin thought of none of these things. His thoughts were all for her, as they always had and always would be.

)

Spotting Hisagi making his way through the crowded street on her lunch break Isane had to call out his name a few times before he heard her and stepped off to the side so that he was out of the way until she could get to him.

"Thanks. I just wanted to ask you if there was any news about that blood your seat found this morning." Actually she just wanted an excuse to talk to him, but he didn't need to know that.

"No, so far we're at a loss. We turned in a sample of the blood to the forth division, that at least should tell us something about what we're after. Like if it's even a person." Which was exactly what his gut was telling him. And that worried the hell out of him.

Nodding in understanding Isane didn't imagine that the blood would be given top priority. Gut feelings didn't mean much when it came to division politics and procedures. "Tell you what, when I get back from my lunch break I'll see if I can't get a hold of the sample and check it out for you."

Grinning Hisagi leaned down to kiss her cheek in thanks.

"Lieutenant Kotetsu, ma'am."

Blushing bright red over the fact that Shu had kissed her cheek in public it took Isane a moment to work up the courage to look into the eyes of a man she recognized from the eleventh division. She'd had to patch him up plenty in the six months since he'd joined. "Yes?"

"Uhm…you might wanna get over to the Shot in The Heel. You're sister's there…and she's pretty drunk."

"My sister?" The idea was ludicrous…unless someone was trying to get her sister the way they'd almost gotten her. Her eyes meeting Shu's the same thought was there in his darkening eyes. "Thank you." Grabbing Shu's hand the two quickly flashed out and into the rather infamous bar.

The bar was packed, even though it was only lunch time, and it took them a while to make their way over to the main bar where they found her sister deep in her cups, her fellow third seat passed out in the seat beside her, head on the bar, snoring away. Someone appeared to have dumped something resembling salsa all over Sentaro's head, for reasons neither of them probably wanted to know.

Snatching the glass her sister was holding Isane quickly set it aside, eager hands grabbing it up milliseconds after she set it down. "Kiyone! What do you think you're doing? You're on duty today!"

"Captain gave us the day off." Kiyone blubbered, her eyes going all watery as she stared up at her sister. "We're…we're going to lose him to that….that Barbie doll Captain Kurotsuchi created, the BASTARD!" If there had been a bottle nearby she would have started guzzling from it, but none were in reaching distances thanks to her meanie sister.

Slapping a hand over her sister's mouth to stop the yelling Isane didn't know what to think. Her sister was not a big drinker under any circumstances. She also held her liquor about as well as she did, which meant both avoided serious drinking in public for fear of embarrassing the hell out of themselves. What had driven her to this, especially with Sentaro for company. It just didn't make sense.

"Barbie doll…do you mean his lieutenant?" Hisagi asked, trying to follow the situation, relieved to see that Kiyone was apparently just depressed, rather than being targeted by some new, psycho maniac.

Nodding miserably Kiyone looked like someone had just blown up her whole family in front of her and then backed a car over her for good measure. This was one unhappy little pipsqueak.

"Why would you think that Kurotsuchi san would take away your captain? I mean it's not like the General would let her father experiment on him, even if the Psycho wanted to. Ukitake's like a son to him. Plus, I think she sorta likes him so- huh." An idea occurring to him Hisagi considered the events of the past couple of weeks. "Are those two a couple now? Is that what's got your tail in such a knot?"

Kiyone didn't have to nod this time, her face said it all.

"And why are you so upset about this?" Isane wanted to know, pleased as could be that Nemu had finally landed her man. It had taken Jushiro long enough, sheesh. The only one slower was the idiot she'd come in with. "It's not like you like him that way, Kiyone; don't you want him to be happy?"

Ripping her sister's hand off her mouth Kiyone glared at her. "Of course I want my captain to be happy. I want him to be the happiest captain in the whole wide world! I just don't want her taking over our division and turning it into another division twelve!"

Shaking his head Hisagi reached out to give her a little pat on the head, amused by her silly fear. "Do you really think Ukitake would ever let that happen?"

"Lot you know. She'll just use sex to wrap him around her little finger and make him her slave. She was laying the ground work this morning, Sentaro saw them."

Hisagi and Isane could just stare at her in dumbfounded silence.

)

Ten minutes later Isane and Hisagi had successfully transferred Kiyone and Sentaro to her apartment where she'd given them both something to insure they'd sleep the alcohol off and not wake up with the mother of all hangovers.

Staring at the two of them passed out on Isane's bed Hisagi couldn't help but smirk, imagining their reactions to waking up beside the other. Isane had thought it a fitting punishment for drinking so much so early in the day. His childhood friend had a mean strek to her.

"So what do you think about what your sister said? Do you think he really would make her his new lieutenant?"

"It's possible." Isane admitted as she closed the door behind them. "I don't see how that would be a bad thing either. I love Kiyone, but someone really needs to put her and Sentaro in their place and Jushiro's not tough enough to do it. If she were his lieutenant the division would be a lot more organized and better run, especially when he's out sick and can't run herd over those two."

So Ukitake was getting some action…which meant he was quickly becoming the only guy in the ranks not getting any. That was so not going to happen.

A shocked as hell Isane suddenly found herself swung around so that her back was pressed up against the wall while Shu pressed up against her front as his lips descended to take hers in a kiss designed to short circuit her brain by way of intense, all consuming heat. Making a muffled sound of pleasure Isane's hands dived into his hair, gasping when his hands cupped her ass and lifted her up to settle her against his obvious erection, her legs wrapping around his narrow hips automatically as he made love to her mouth.

Sliding one arm under her rear in case she needed the support Hisagi turned his attention to using his now free other hand to yanking her robes out of place so that he could move his mouth from her lips to her now exposed neck and shoulder. When he was down she was going to look like a leopard, he thought wickedly as he ravaged.

Clutching him close Isane held on just as tight to that last bit of sanity she still possessed. "Shu…we have to get back to work."

He was too busy sucking on her neck to care.

)

Looking up with a smile on his face Ukitake looked like a little boy who'd just found his lost puppy as Nemu stepped into his office. Getting to his feet as she closed the door behind her he was in front of her in three long strides, pulling her into his arms for a kiss that wasn't nearly as quick as he'd intended. He just couldn't seem to get enough of her, he thought as he pulled back to grin down at her.

"So what have you been up to today?" Since she was currently unemployed, she'd been out and about without any duties to perform. Something he gathered she didn't often get to do. He'd been a little worried about what trouble she'd get into without company.

She'd performed several tricky and potentially life threatening procedure on former Captain Ichimaru, cleaned up the bloody mess he'd made all over Matsumoto's kitchen and then gone back to his house to clean up afterwards so no one would know what she'd been up to all day. By doing that she'd commited high treason and could be potentially executed for those actions.

"I can't tell you." She informed him bluntly, hoping he wouldn't be offended. "Girl stuff."

Assuming the girls who had been giving Nemu dating advice had met up with her to make sure everything had gone okay, Ukitake was just fine with not hearing how they'd rated his performance. Knowing Nemu, she might have given them a blow by blow retelling. Or thrust by thrust in this case. He'd rather not think about that, especially after that morning.

"I have to go somewhere at five with Lieutenant Matsumoto and I will return to our place of residence no later than seven. Is that acceptable to you?" Nemu asked, glad that he didn't seem to feel it necessary to push her about what she'd been up to. Her father had always wanted to know where she had been and what she'd been doing while out of his sight.

"I'll hold dinner for you." He assured her; lower his head to take a playful nip out of her bottom lip. "And you can be my desert."

"Are you going to put caramel or chocolate sauce all over me? I read about someone doing that in a book Matsumoto loaned me."

"Well now that you put the idea in my head…"

)

When his office door slammed open Byakuya didn't have to look up to know who had just stomped into his office like she owned the place. Looking up anyway he noted with displeasure that she was in her little form, meaning that while he'd have no problems telling her off, he also would be unable to continue this courting charade with any believability. Not even he could pretend to find a three year old attractive, even knowing intellectually that she was only as annoying as one. But you could not look at the urchin and think of her as the woman she actually was, it was simply beyond him.

"You have to stop doing this." Getting to his feet Renji thought he deserved serious brownie points for putting himself in the line of fire. "If you want to talk to my captain, make an appointment with me first!"

"Shove it, or I'll shove you. Into the nearest wall. Now get the hell out or I'm helping you out, Flame Head."

"Go for a ten minute walk." Byakuya informed his lieutenant before the two got into a pissing match, which would simply prove that neither had remotely evolved in the last few centuries. That he knew already.

"You sure?" Renji asked, clearly thinking about what his captain had been like the last time his captain had ordered him to leave him alone with the hellion. He was just starting to mend things with Rukia; she definitely would blame him if her brother sank into another depression because he'd left him alone to deal with Yachiru.

"Go."

So he went. Closing the door behind him, Renji could only pray that Rukia would understand after the shit hit the fan. Probably not.

Once he was sure Renji was out of hearing distance Byakuya got out of his seat and came around to stand in front of his desk. Looking down at her Kuchiki could only marvel at how she'd effected his orderly existence. Like a pebble in still water, she was certainly making waves.

"And the problem this time is?"

"You sent me flowers, you evil, black hearted bastard!"

Was Zaraki to blame for how screwed up she'd become, or was it simply bad genetics, Byakuya wondered as she launched into a spiel about how he'd embarrassed her in front of her men earlier. Maybe her parents had been related, inbreeding could produce some pretty nasty mental imbalances. Any other woman would be thrilled to receive anything, much less flowers from him. It had been incredibly out of character for him to do that, he hadn't even been this demonstrative towards his wife when he'd been courting her. He had even called her by her last name up until they'd gotten married.

"Are you even listening to me?" Her tone of voice indicated there would be hell to pay if his answer was no.

So of course it was. "If you want me to listen to you, you should try talking and looking like an adult."

"I'll talk and look however I want!"

"In other words your past lovers were all pedophiles that got off on the fact that you look like you should be in kindergarten learning to draw inside the lines." He observed coolly, watching bright color come to her cheeks. "Well I'm certainly not one of them. If you want any chance of meeting me toe to toe you need to do it in a form that doesn't inspire me to never have children."

"Who would want your children?"

"Would you like a list? I'm sure my grandmother has one somewhere."

"Your grandmother is as messed up as you are!"

"I wonder which of us should be more offended that you of all people think we're messed up."

"Bite me."

"Normally I'd ask where but in your present form the idea of it is nauseating."

"You're nauseating." She informed him, sticking out her tongue at him.

"And you're missing your nap time, little girl. Go have one before your father comes and spanks you for your crankiness. I'll send my lieutenant to get him when he gets back if you'd like."

"Again, BITE ME!"


	47. Nighttime Rendezvous

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original characters and the situations I put all characters in. Everything else belongs to their original creators, and I hope you like all and let me know what you think!

Nighttime Rendezvous

Standing over what remained of her former lover Matsumoto was vaguely aware of Nemu behind her, but only in the sense that a trained warrior was always aware of her surroundings. She couldn't have said what she'd expected him to look like, but not like this. This was almost obscene. If he'd been covered with blood and grim he would have at least looked alive, but all stitched up and attached to countless machines he didn't look completely human. The rise and fall of his chest were so subtle it was easy to miss, the only visible indication of the lungs that still breathed life into the body they resided in.

Only someone who knew his body intimately would see who he'd once been in the man lying so still and lifeless before her.

"Is it…is it okay if I touch him?"

"He won't feel it." Nemu answered, casually observing while trying to understand and interpret her friend's face and voice. She herself couldn't begin to guess what the other woman was feeling or thinking, having only recently begun to learn what it was to care for a man at this level.

Taking that to mean yes Matsumoto leaned over and gently brushed his silvery bangs away from his battered face.

"Look at you now, you jerk." She began softly, her eyes never leaving his face for signs of life. "Look what you did to yourself. Didn't I always tell you to talk stuff over with me before hand, so I could talk you out of doing stupid stuff? Didn't I always say that two heads were better than one? How was I supposed to talk you out of joining Aizen's stupid group if you didn't tell me you were going to do it in the first place? You assehole. You unbelievably huge assehole. You deserve this, you know. You totally deserve this for being such a stupid idiot. You're lucky I'm here at all, you prick. You bastard prick. You second only to Aizen bastard prick."

"He can't hear you, you know." Nemu pointed out.

"Oh he can hear me alright." Matsumoto shot back, the fierceness in her voice at odds with the hands stroking the sides of his ruined face. "He always heard me. He just never listened worth a damn."

"My research indicated that many women complain that their men have that problem."

A small chuckle escaping Matsumoto's white lips the woman managed a little smile for her. "Ain't it the truth?" Sighing Matsumoto allowed her gaze to slide over towards where his right arm should have been. "The arm is going to seriously piss him off when he wakes up. He won't care about his face or its resemblance to Zaraki's. The arm will be a whole other story."

"I could make him an artificial one. Or perhaps that friend of yours, Orihime san, could heal him if there was a way to get him to her."

"No, I wouldn't ask her for that. He deserved this. He does." Matsumoto said firmly, looking up and over to meet Nemu's questioning gaze. "He was wrong to do what he did, joining up with Aizen and the rest. These scars, his arm, they're going to remind him to the end of his days how stupid he was. Men are all about visuals after all." She added with a shake of her head. "So just make sure he lives, okay Nemu chan? Make sure he lives so that I can spend the rest of his miserable life reminding him how stupid he was to leave me behind."

"I'll do my best."

"Thanks."

)

Fussing in front of the mirror Isane flicked the corner of one of her earrings, watching it sway and shine under the light while she critiqued her dress. But no, she was NOT changing her outfit again. Besides, if Shu got his way she probably wouldn't be wearing anything but the earrings soon enough. God but she was nervous.

Pressing her hands to her stomach Isane could easily imagine a million butterflies there, fluttering around, desperately trying to get free. Actually, that was the sort of thing she had nightmares about which was another thing to worry about. Of course Shu knew about her weirdo dreams and was interested anyway. Or at least interested in having sex with her for the time being.

She wasn't stupid. Isane knew that Shu wasn't suddenly interested in her because he'd woken up one morning and realized he'd always been hopelessly in love with her. No, he was looking to get laid and she was available. And if it were anyone other than Shu she'd have put them in the hospital wing for thinking she was just some easy lay. But it was Shu, and she was willing to be an easy lay for a chance to know, once and for all, if she'd spent countless decades fantasizing about a man who was or wasn't worth it. She would have known earlier, but blood curling screams from her bedroom had kept Shu from taking her up against her hallway wall that morning. Coming in to find out Shotaro had thrown up all over her sister and her bed had finished killing the mood completely.

Which was probably why their 'date' was at his place.

Ordering herself not to fuss anymore Isane made herself leave the room and after one more look over in her hallway mirror flashed herself to his front door before she lost her nerve. Knocking with a hand that wasn't entirely steady, Isane's jaw dropped when the door was opened by a soaking wet Hisagi wearing nothing but a towel and a scowl.

"Why the hell are you on time? Women are never on time! I thought I had at least another twenty minutes."

Lips twitching Isane felt her nervousness completely vanish thanks to his childish pout. "Would you like me to come back in twenty?" She asked politely, giving him her most innocent, good girl look.

Raising an eyebrow the slow grin that slid across Hisagi's face couldn't be described as anything less than wicked. "No, I'll just put a hold on that shower…we'll both need one after I'm through with you."

Letting go of the towel Hisagi snatched her up, threw her over his shoulder, and headed for the bedroom, kicking the door shut on his way as his towel hit the floor with a damp thud.

Enjoying the view of his beautifully sculpted ass Isane teasingly reached down to pat it. "Very nice muscle tone." She informed him dryly.

Laughing Hisagi gave her own butt a teasing pinch. "Where as yours is very nicely rounded." Massaging the cheeks in question Hisagi enjoyed her squirming under his hand all the way to his hastily cleaned bedroom. Once there he lightly threw her down on the bed before following her to sprawl out on top of her lush body. Grinning down at her Hisagi braced himself up on his elbows for a better view. "So where was I before your sister went and shattered my eardrums?"

"I believe you were in the process of making my chest look like I'm half leopard." She informed him as she did her best to hide the nerves that were starting to return. In her gut she knew there were going to be no more timely interruptions and the thought had butterflies returning.

"I believe you're right." Hisagi agreed as he settled back on his knees so that his hands were free to reach behind her neck to undo the ties of her pretty pink halter dress. "I got sidetracked marking my territory."

Pulling the material away from her chest Hisagi blinked as he took in the strapless bra she was wearing, seeming to be made up of small clusters of pale blue flowers covering the nipples and with just enough lace to keep the flowers and the breasts somewhat in place. It was both incredibly sexy and sweet at the same time. Just like her. "Very nice." He informed her, reaching out a finger to trail down the center of one flower cluster.

A fine blush spreading over her cheeks and the top of her breasts Isane's eyes closed to half mast at the intimate caress, heat spiraling in her belly at the look in his dark eyes. "Thank you."

Meeting her gaze Hisagi read the nerves there, as well as the passion that competed with it. "You sure about this?" He was as amazed as she was that he'd ask. But this was Isa, so he had to ask.

With hands that shook only a little Isane reached up and undid the front clasp of the bra, pulling the material back to bare her breasts to him. "I'm sure."

"Thank God."

Lowering his head to take one of the bared nipples in his mouth Hisagi took his time, worshipping every inch of naked skin he uncovered as he removed the rest of her clothing. Loving her with ever bit of skill he had he kept her under him, writhing with uncontrollable needs, Isane's head shaking back and forth with unreleased pleasure as she begged him to take her before she died from the heat they were generating.

And when he did finally move between her legs and make her completely his, Hisagi saw nothing but overwhelming passion in her beautiful eyes.

)

"All right, so I'm in my big form now." Glaring at Byakuya as she strolled into his home office, it was clear Yachiru was pissed off that she was being made to conform to his earlier wishes. But he'd refused to listen to her in her little form and she had to get it through that stupid head of his that girlie gifts were not to be sent to her under penalty of death.

"I can see that."

"Well? So now will you promise not to send me stuff?" Yachiru demanded to know, hands on her hips as she unleashed her most fierce of death glares.

Looking up from the scroll he'd been reading Byakuya regarded her offensive aura without much concern. He was starting to build up an immunity to her large, much more alluring form, and hoped someday to be just as immune to it as he was to her questionable charms in her small form. Until that happened, there were worse ways to end an argument than having angry sex. "You know, most girls enjoy receiving gifts."

"Most girls are stupid." Was her blunt response. "And I mean it, Kuchiki, stop sending me stuff or else!"

"Yes, you've been quite descriptive about what you'll do to me if I don't."

Since she got the distinct impression he had no intention of stopping just because she was asking him too Yachiru gave serious thought to breaking a vase over the man's stubborn head. "What is this, Kuchiki? Seriously? Some sort of weird ass thank you for screwing your brains out or something? Cause if that's it just give me the money you would have spent on stupid gifts and we'll call it even!"

That had him raising one perfect eyebrow. "You wish to be treated like a common whore?"

Rolling her eyes Yachiru thought it was a crime of nature that the hottest guy in the city was also one of its biggest fuddy duddies. "I would have to be putting out for a bunch of guys to be one of those, moron. I just mean that if your conscience is making you think you've got to buy me stuff the least you could do is give me the money so I could buy stuff I actually want instead of girlie crap."

Propping his head up on his hand Byakuya regarded her with a mixture of amusement and puzzlement. "You know, lieutenant, when you aren't driving me to the brisk of insanity I find you rather fascinating."

"Yay for you." Was her sarcastic response, not caring in the least what he thought about her so long as she got sex without strings. "So does this mean you'll just give me the money?"

"Of course not. I've never paid for sex and I never will. The idea is laughable."

"What's laughable is the fact that you actually think I'll let you treat me like a girl."

"Then I guess we'll just have to wait and see who dies laughing first, won't we?"

)

The next week passed by in a flurry of activity. Matsumoto was constantly disappearing whenever she had the time off but as yet no one had been able to track her thanks to the security around the lab that hid her spirit energy signature. Nemu, on the other hand, was constantly appearing now that she was no longer under her father's control and therefore being put to work in the labs all day. She could usually be found at Ukitake's side and it wasn't long before everyone thought she'd soon be nominated as the new lieutenant of the thirteenth division. It took the whole of that week for Captain Kurotsuchi to accept the fact that he was actually going to have to force her to come back to him.

Now this pissed him off enough that he would have said to hell with her but unfortunately the general wanted information that was stored only in his disloyal lieutenant's head. So swallowing his pride Kurotsuchi set out to inform her that she was to give him the information of else.

Unfortunately, she was not in the thirteenth division office when he arrived there in a huff. Its captain was though.

Knowing who and what the other man had come for Ukitake's manner was less than welcoming as he watched his unexpected guest enter his office. "No, she isn't here, and no, she's not going to give you the information you want so you'll just have to tell the general the project is canned. Indefinitely."

"I will do no such thing and she will tell me." Was Kurotsuchi's curt reply, not about to believe for one moment that things could have changed so much, so soon. He'd spent years upon years making her as perfect an assistant as was possible. She was not going to fail him now.

"You yourself put in the fail safes that prevent her from telling you anything." Ukitake pointed out, getting to his feet to come around his desk and stand in front of his woman's only father figure. "You know it, and I know it."

"All she has to do is recognize me as her captain and the information is mine. And she will do that because if she doesn't I'll use her for scrap metal." All but her head, Kurotsuchi thought darkly. That he'd mount on the wall of her former bedroom so that the new lieutenant he would replace her with knew what was in store for him if he screwed up the way she had. Definitely a male lieutenant this time around, he thought darkly. He was swearing off women in his labs after this debacle.

"You'll have to get through me first."

"Do you think I don't have a failsafe in her? Do you think I'd really be that stupid, Ukitake? All I have to do is say a few key words within her hearing distance and she self destructs like a rocket on New Years."

Going cold Ukitake stared at the other man in horror. "You wouldn't."

"Wouldn't I?"

"You bastard." Moving towards the man with dark intent Ukitake had some wild idea to tear the man apart so that there was never any chance of those 'key words' ever being spoken in Nemu's presence.

"There's no need to be concerned."

Both men turned to see Nemu calmly let herself in as though she hadn't just walked in on her lover moving in to kill her father as violently as possible. "Captain Kurotsuchi, your presence here is upsetting Jushiro. I'll have to ask you to leave now."

"You will give me what I want, Nemu."

"No, I will not. What you want to do is wrong." Nemu informed him as she came over to stand between him and Ukitake. "You did not make me with a conscience, Father. But I would like to develop one, and I can't pick and chose what I tell you out of fear of the consequences."

"You'd choose death?"

"Yes. Though that's not an issue here, since I deactivated my self destruct mode weeks ago. I never saw a need to do so before, but you see I find that I actually want to exist now and therefore I cannot allow you to end my life without my consent. I've also rerouted my mainframe so that none of your old codes will work anymore, if you attempt to try and force me."

"That's not possible." The very idea that she could do that, could break his codes and replace them with her own was inconceivable. She'd have to be as intelligent as he was to do that.

"You made me too smart for my own good."

That Kurotsuchi was beginning to believe. "I could get the General to force your hands. If you want her for your lieutenant you're going to need him on your side, Ukitake."

"He won't go against me on this, regardless of whether or not she becomes my lieutenant." Ukitake informed him, reaching out to take Nemu's hand in his. "But whatever happens, you both are going to have to get through me to get to her. And you can tell him that for me when you go running to him to complain."

Silently glaring at the both of them Kurotsuchi stomped out of the office without another word, slamming the door as hard as he could on his way out.

Looking down at her Ukitake squeezed her hand. "There's nothing he can do? Really?"

"He gave me access to all of his work. Apparently he never realized that that meant I had access to all my own data too. That or he didn't think I'd ever have a reason to undo something that he'd done."

"But you have a reason now?" He asked as he brought her hand to his lips.

"I do."


	48. Important Little Discoveries

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original characters and the situations all characters get put in. Everything else belongs to somebody else and that's just the way it will always be. Thanks so much for reading, hope you enjoy and let me know what you think!

Important Little Discoveries

Eyes opening slowly, her nose scrunched up in annoyance, Isane mentally prepared to give Snoopy a scolding for batting at her face with his paws again. But instead of her dog she saw a male finger sliding teasingly down her nose. Looking over and up she blushed when she saw Shu grinning at her from his perch on the edge of the bed.

"Morning." She looked pretty cute with her hair sticking out every which way. All the rolling around probably hadn't helped, he thought with wickedly, tempted to engage with some more rolling around. But they both had to be at work in an hour and she'd be seriously pissed at him if he made her late.

Clutching the sheet over her breasts Isane knew she was blushing like an idiot as she mumbled a good morning back. You'd think after a week of this she'd be used to it. No such luck. Her stupid brain still couldn't process the fact that this might just be turning into a relationship after all. Not that she was going to ask him where he thought this was going. Her mamma hadn't raised no fool.

Amused by her and still a little nervous too Hisagi reached over to snag the breakfast he'd prepared from the dresser table. Holding the plate out to her he watched her blink at it like she'd never seen scrambled eggs and toast before. Not hungry?" He asked. She'd always had a hearty appetite before and he'd certainly worked up an appetite the night before. His plate had twice what he'd put on hers.

"You…you made me breakfast?" She'd never had a guy make her breakfast before. She hadn't even known he could cook. Why on earth did he go through women the way he did if he cooked for them on top of the amazing sex?

"It's not much but it should be edible. Or would you rather go out for something?"

"Gimme." Taking the plate after tucking the sheet under her arms Isane was prepared to lie if necessary. He'd made her breakfast and he wasn't trying to shoo her out of his bed like he didn't want her there now that the sex was over. Life was good.

And the food was actually pretty good too, she thought as she sampled it, smiling at him shyly as he settled in beside her with his back pressed up against the wall. Isane watched him dig into his breakfast and thought she could definitely get used to this.

Surprisingly enough, Hisagi found himself thinking the same.

)

Nemu knew where he was as soon as she exited the elevator and stepped into the room. Bracing she whirled to face him, her body instantly relaxing as soon as she got a good look at him. She'd underestimated his possible recovery time but hadn't been off by much. He wasn't going anywhere. He sat propped up against the wall, observing her through his one good eye as his arm hung useless at his side. He had nothing and they both knew it. Just as they both knew that if she laid a hand on him he'd do what he could to fight her off, even if he had to stoop to biting her.

"I suppose you would logically assume that the General would turn you over to my former captain for punishment, but I am not acting under his orders. I healed you as a favor to Matsumoto san. No one but the two of us knows you're here."

"And I'm supposed to take your word for it?" They both knew lying was as natural to her as breathing. It was one of the things they had in common.

Nemu wasn't stupid enough to think it would be. She would have thought HIM stupid if he had. "I will contact her now and request her presence to confirm what I have said."

Considering this Gin would have shaken his head if he'd had the strength to do it. "Has she seen me?" He asked, having gotten a good look at himself in the reflection of the many shiny metal instruments now strewed around the room. He'd wasted all his strength getting free of his binds; otherwise he would have left already. If possible, he didn't want Ran seeing him like this.

"Yes. She has requested I perform no cosmetic surgery on you because she feels you need the scars to physically remind you of what happens when you don't listen to her."

The hint of a real grin crossing his face he looked a little like his old self for a moment. That certainly sounded like something his Ran would say. Not that he cared what he looked like; Ran was vain enough for the both of them. If she wasn't repulsed by how he looked then he was fine with scaring small children everywhere he went once he got free of wherever the hell he was. She'd cared enough to get him patched up, to be this indebt to someone like Nemu. That was enough for him.

"I will contact her now. Would you like me to help you back onto the table before I do so?"

"Fine where I am, thanks."

)

Screwing up all his courage, which he desperately needed, Renji forced himself to walk over to stand with Rukia on the small bridge that crossed over one of the many ponds artistically scattered throughout the Kuchiki's decorative gardens. Loudly clearing his throat he waited until she looked up at him before blurting out his request like the idiot he so often was in front of her. "Will you go to the wedding with me?"

Confused Rukia watched his face go as red as his hair. "I'm already going to the wedding. Or did you mean a different wedding?" Who else could be getting married?

"I know…I mean will you go with me…as my date. As a couple. Together."

Now she was really flustered as well as confused. He did know her brother was going to be there right? He couldn't be stupid enough to think that her older brother wouldn't notice them staying together during the whole wedding and reception. Maybe he thought that her brother wouldn't make a scene because he wouldn't want to ruin the wedding or risk Yoruichi's wrath. That might work in the short term but they would have to come home sometime and then all bets would be off.

"Never mind, it was stupid to ask." Taking her silence as a no Renji turned to leave, only to be stopped by her getting a good grip on the back of his robes. Turning his head to look over his shoulder he blinked to see her blushing as she looked up at him.

"You do realize what my brother will be like if I go with you."

"I have a pretty good idea." Did he ever. His captain had made it quite clear and even if he hadn't Renji had any number of nightmares to recall if he needed further reminding. But he was tired of being a coward, damn it. Tired of wondering the what ifs and could bes.

And he wanted to go with her anyway. He wanted to go with her even knowing that her brother was likely to come after him with a one way ticket to hell. When a guy was willing to risk that just to go on a date with you, there really was only one appropriate response.

"I'll go with you."

)

Entering Zaraki's office Soifon raised an eyebrow when she found him with his feet propped up on his desk and a ball in his hand, which he continued to toss up against the far wall and catch despite her presence. Giving some thought to catching the ball and withholding it until she was done talking Soifon walked up to his desk, ignoring the ball for the moment.

"Is your lieutenant expected back soon? Since she'll be in charge of your division while you're away for the wedding I want to speak to her about the instructions I've left for my own lieutenant." Omaeda had practically foamed at the mouth when she'd informed him that the pink haired menace was to be obeyed if she requested the help of their division. It was a sad truth that of the two of them Yachiru was the better leader and lieutenant, not that she'd ever say so out loud.

"I'm not going so any instructions can be left with me."

"But you have to come. You were invited." She knew he'd been invited because Yoruichi san had specifically mentioned it in her own invitation. She'd blown serious money on a kimono she didn't need just to impress him. She'd had plans to get him drunk and take horribly advantage of him. How was she supposed to do that if he wasn't going to be there?

Amused Zaraki absently tossed the ball between his hands as he watched her quietly fume. "The General said no. Apparently he doesn't want too many of us going down to earth, especially not both the captains of his top combat divisions. I've already sent them a note saying I'm not coming." Normally he would have just not shown up but he knew better than to risk Yoruichi's wrath, especially since the lady was well aware of his feelings for her former lieutenant. She'd make him pay for the rest of his existence and she would actually be somewhat successful at it. So he'd written the apology letter, blamed it all on the General, and even sent them a present Yachiru had picked out for them. He'd been sure to mention she'd picked it out too, just in case whatever his hellion had picked out wasn't appropriate.

"That's ridiculous. There would only be five of us including Kuchiki's sister."

"Six. Apparently the Shortie put in a request to go. Five was the old man's limit apparently."

"Shortie? Captain Hitsugaya?"

"Yup. Kid's someone's date apparently. Heard it was one of Kurosaki's sisters. Sorry I'm going to miss those fireworks."

So not only was he not going to be there but she might end up spending the whole wedding trying to keep Ichigo Kurosaki and Captain Hitsugaya from coming to blows. Oh yeah, this was going to be a real swell time. She might just be the one getting drunk in order to get through it.

)

Feeling eyes boring into his side Byakuya casually looked over and down, having easily recognized the intensity and pissiness of the stare. "Was there something you wanted?" He inquired politely, since they were in public. His grandmother frequented this particular shop often and the last thing he wanted was for it to get back to her that he'd disgraced the family name by lowering himself to Yachiru's level. Not that that was even possible.

"I told you not to buy me stuff." Yachiru hissed, intimidated by all the lace and frills around her. It made her twitchy.

"That you did." He agreed, turning his attention back to the display case. If they were just going to argue about that again he'd multitask and just let her rant while he shopped. It wasn't like his arguments had changed any since the last time she'd brought it up for the hundredth time.

Eyes sliding over in the direction of a large china vase filled with dried roses Yachiru gave serious thought to picking it up and bringing it down on his head.

"I wouldn't if I were you." He said softly, reading her intention easily enough. "The price tag on that vase would be more than you make in a year."

The mind boggled. Eyes weary now Yachiru looked at all the things she could accidently knock over or crack without even meaning to. Wondering how anyone could come into the store without aging twenty years from the stress Yachiru made a mental note to never step foot in the place again. But since she was in there anyway…

"There's nothing I could possibly want in this place so let's get out of here ASAP and you can buy me a new pair of sandals instead."

"Who says I'm shopping for you?"

Arms crossing in front of her Yachiru sent him a dark look as she considered the possibility that he was buying girlie stuff for a girl other than her. She didn't share after all. Never had and never would. As long as she wanted it it was hers and heaven help anyone who tried to change that. Something for his sister maybe? But why wasn't she here to give her opinion if that was the case? A surprise present? Kuchiki didn't strike her as the type to give a gift without a reason.

Byakuya gave some thought to just telling her he was looking at wedding gifts for Yoruichi's upcoming wedding, but didn't see why he should. Better to keep her off balance and confused. She was less aggravating and more amusing that way. Besides, it would occur to her eventually. Probably.

So he kept shopping, ignoring her as she followed him like a shadow through the store, wanting to know just what he was buying for someone other than her.

)

Whistling as he let himself into Isane's office Hisagi winked at his girl as he took a seat on the edge of her desk. "You wanted to see me?" He asked, very much hoping she'd called him in for some mid afternoon nookie. She didn't seem the type, but he was quickly learning there was a lot he didn't know about his girl.

"It's about those blood samples you took."

"Oh?"

"Like I told you, Captain Unohana gave them to one of our trainees before I could get a hold of them to do my own testing for you. The kid's one of those eager beaver, perfectionist types and it took him this long because he felt the need to remove all the foreign contaminates before he did anything with them. I just got the results from him today. He marked it as human, but he didn't have the authorization codes to run it through our databases to see if it belonged to anyone we have on file. I do and I did. The blood, according to our database, belongs to former Third Division Captain Gin Ichimaru."

He didn't ask her if she was sure. She wouldn't have brought this to his attention if she wasn't. Ichimaru. Damn. He should have known. He'd hung out with Ran and Izuru plenty, which meant he'd been around Ichimaru enough to have gotten a firm handle on the relationship between the three. Ran and Izuru were the only people in the world Ichimaru cared about. Hisagi had never had a doubt that everyone else in the known universe could die and the man would have cared less. That the fox faced man had betrayed them all had come as no surprise, the only surprise was that he hadn't taken his lieutenant and Ran with him. And then that hadn't seemed like such a surprise because it was what was best for them.

"I did some rough estimates and he can't be alive, Shu." Isane said softly, unable to read his thoughts. "Given how much blood your squad estimated he lost just getting into Soul Society alone, and factoring in how long ago he was attacked…without the help of an extremely skilled healer he shouldn't have even been able to make it as far as he did. I think… I think he must have just come home to die."

He knew that lately Ran and Izuru had seemed a lot more at peace than they had in a long time. He'd assumed that their faith in Ichimaru was so overwhelming that they'd talked themselves into believing Aizen would somehow not have realized that he hadn't finished the other man off. Now he was thinking their calm was based in something far more factual. The traitor had made his way back to them, perhaps giving them some cock and bull story about why he'd done what he'd done and pleaded forgiveness. They would have given it to him too. They would have had their closure, being able to say good bye to him properly and see him buried, rather than imagine him rotting wherever Aizen had dumped him. They hadn't told anyone, and that was a serious offense, but he could understand that. He would have probably done the same.

Isane let him draw his own conclusions, having already drawn her own. She had left out a vital piece of information, one that she knew could come back to haunt her so easily it was scary. She'd left out the fact that she knew someone with the medical training and ingenuity to save someone as close to death as Ichimaru must have been. Someone who had recently been let go from her division and therefore had all the time in the world to save Ichimaru's life if she wanted to. Someone who wouldn't have any moral or loyalty hang ups if asked by Izuru or Ran to save him. Former twelfth division Lieutenant Nemu Kurotsuchi. She could do it. And had done it if it were possible, Isane felt in her gut. Was it possible though, that was the question. One she would never ask any of them. She would simply keep her mouth shut.

"Are you going to report this?" Hisagi asked softly, breaking into her thoughts.

"I wasn't planning on it. Everyone thinks he's dead already, that he died here instead of in Aizen's latest lair doesn't seem important. Ran and Izuru have suffered enough."

"Thank you."


	49. Very Different Women

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original characters and the situations all characters are put in. Everything else belongs to people with very scary lawyers. Thanks for reading, hope that you enjoy and let me know what you think.

Note: I'm at an impasse as to where I want to take this fic so sorry nothing big happens in this chapter. As soon as I get over the writer's block where this fic is concerned I'll try to start updating regularly again. Sry.

Very Different Women

Arriving at the laboratory as soon as she could Matsumoto stepped out of the doorway, her eyes going automatically to the table where Gin should have been. When he wasn't there she looked over at Nemu, who pointed over to the wall where Gin still lay against, having refused her offers of a chair. Without a drop of emotion crossing her face Matsumoto walked over and knelt down in front of him. When his good eye opened to meet hers Matsumoto drew back her hand and slapped him across the face.

"ASSEHOLE!"

And having said what she felt needed to be said Matsumoto collapsed against him, bawling her eyes out as he sat there, letting her let it all out. All he was capable of doing at this point was lean his head against the top of hers, so that's what he did, inhaling deeply her scent like a drowning man gasped for air.

Waving a good bye to Gin, since she doubted very much Matsumoto was even still aware of her presence, Nemu headed out for the day, trusting Matsumoto to lock up after she left. Relationships were a funny, complicated thing, she thought as the doors closed behind her.

It was a good fifteen minutes before Matsumoto was officially cried out enough to be reduced to hiccupping, something that brought a smile to Gin's ruined face as she tried unsuccessfully to tell him further just how pissed off she was at him.

"What are you smirking about?" Matsumoto hiccuped, her arms wrapped tightly around his neck as she leaned her head against his bandaged chest. Right over his heart, she thought, her ears tuned to the irregular beat.

Trying to lift his left hand and failing miserably Gin had to content himself with moving his cheek a little against her hair. That was the most affectionate thing he was apparently capable of doing for the moment. "Who says I'm smirking, Ran chan?" He asked, trying to lighten the mood. He hated it when she cried. He'd much rather she be mad at him.

"I say."

"You're the boss." He agreed, the smile remaining on his face as he pictured her scowling at him. He loved that face, not that he'd ever tell her that. She'd stop doing it to spite him, his Ran chan would. His woman was vindictive that way."I'm just happy to be with my Ran chan is all."

"Compliments aren't going to save you, Buster. As soon as you're healed up I'm going to put you right back on the operating table, don't think I won't."

"Never doubted it for a minute." He assured her. "You gonna let Nemu chan patch me up again after that?"

"Maybe I will and maybe I won't. Guess you'll just have to wait and find out."

)

Meeting his mentor's gaze without flinching Ukitake wouldn't be swayed. He'd listened to the Generals arguments out of respect but nothing that had been said had swayed his opinion. He was not going to use his influence over Nemu to get her to rejoin the twelfth division. If he had his way that was most certainly never going to happen.

Seeing that his words were doing nothing to sway Ukitake Yamamoto accepted that he would have to play hardball in order to get the seriousness of the matter across. "I could order you to obey my wishes on this. I don't want to do that but don't think I won't." His young captains were getting too damn cocky, the General thought in annoyance. Impudent whippersnappers.

"Do you think I'm so weak willed that I would set aside my moral code because of an order?" Ukitake responded softly but firmly. "You taught me to be strong, to do what's right despite any personal cost to myself. You helped make me a man who's dedicated his life to the protection of others. There's nothing you can threaten me with that will make me yield to you in this matter. You're wasting your time thinking otherwise."

"And you think the same can be said for her? She was not raised with those same values." As it was he couldn't believe things had escalated to this point. He'd never thought in a million years that Kurotsuchi creation would turn on him. He'd always considered the girl too whipped to even have a disobedient thought in her head.

While it was true that Nemu had a unique view of the world, Ukitake believed in her and the person she was working hard to become. "She won't recognize Kurotsuchi as her captain and she certainly won't give him the information you two want so badly. And frankly, Sir, if she thinks it crosses too many lines than we both know something is seriously wrong." Her idea of a bad idea was more like a disaster of epic proportions to him after all.

Hands linked behind his back Yamamoto's face gave nothing away. He had no intention of speaking any more of just what the Aries Project entailed. Or had entailed, before they'd hit this damn snag. "I won't allow her to become your lieutenant if she continued to refuse. I've heard through my sources that you've been thinking of submitting such a proposal." Though why his former student would want Kurotsuchi's science experiment for a lieutenant was beyond him. Unless Jushiro's conditioned had worsened and he thought former Lieutenant Kurotsuchi could act as a nurse as well as lieutenant. But who in their right mind would want her to be his nursemaid? Had Unohana perhaps started Jushiro on a new medication that had addled the boy's brains, Yamamoto wondered.

Ukitake had seen this threat coming and had accepted it. "Then I will continue to refuse anyone you nominate for the position. And if you force my hand I will simply retire. It's not like people haven't been telling me to for decades because of my health."

"You'd give up your career for her?"

"I'd give up everything for her."

)

Looking up at the sound of a knock at her door Captain Unohana smiled at her unexpected guest, giving him her full attention as she set aside her paperwork. "Good afternoon, Lieutenant Sasakibe. To what do I owe the pleasure of your visit?"

"Good afternoon to you as well, Captain Unohana. Am I disturbing you? I require only a moment of your time."

"Please have a seat." Motioning towards one facing her desk Unohana got to her feet. "I was actually just thinking about making myself some tea. Could I perhaps interest you in a cup?" She knew he was a great tea lover and she could see he was feeling more than a little stressed. For it to be showing she imagined the distinguished man must be under considerable strain. The situation with Lieutenant Kurotsuchi no doubt.

"That would be most appreciated, thank you."

Smiling her calming smile the forth division captain had the tea brewing in no time. While they waited for it to steep she turned her attention to her unexpected visitor, her eyes missing little. She supposed it was the current romantic atmosphere, but she couldn't help but wonder why it was she'd never seen the first division lieutenant with a lady friend. He was quite handsome after all and a fine gentleman. She thought his mustache quite dashing actually. Not wanting to be caught staring she turned her attention back to the tea, setting aside her silly thought as she got out her tea cups.

Sasakibe had always felt comfortable in Captain Unohana's presence, which was strange given her profession. Most people, even tough soldiers, were weary of doctors and their offices of torture in his experience. One generally didn't come to their workplaces unless they required medical attention after all. But there was calming, warm quality about her that always put him at ease. It also helped that he'd never had a serious injury requiring her to poke and prod his wounds, he thought dryly as he watched her pour their tea into cups. Accepting his with thanks he lightly blew on his to cool it a little while she took the chair beside his rather than going back behind her desk.

Shifting their chairs so that they were facing each other fully Unohana gave him an encouraging smile, waiting to hear the purpose behind his visit.

Belatedly remembering that this wasn't a social visit Sasakibe took a sip before explaining the reason behind his presence. "My captain wished me to inquire as to the state of Captain Ukitake's health."

"Does he have reason to be concerned?" She herself had been thinking about the thirteenth division captain's health a great deal, but not in a bad way. It had been almost a month since he'd seen her, a record since he'd contracted tuberculosis. She had her theories about that, but would require him to actually come in for tests to confirm them. She did wonder just when the man would realize just how much healthier he'd become lately. Would he make the correlations she had? If he had, that could be why he was staying away, she thought in amusement. Or perhaps Lieutenant Kurotsuchi had figured it out; the girl had considerable medical knowledge after all. As it was, if Ukitake san wasn't allowed to have the girl as his lieutenant she hoped to apply for the girl's addition to her own division.

Whether Captain Ukitake needed medical attention was a matter of debate. Apparently the thirteenth division captain had started a relationship with the former lieutenant of the twelfth division. His general felt this was cause to question Captain Ukitake's sanity. Personally he didn't think it was as horrible as his boss made it out to be, but he had wisely kept those thoughts to himself.

"The General didn't specify the reason behind his interest." He said instead, hoping she didn't see through his white lie. Somehow he thought she did, nothing much got past her.

"Well if it would put the General at ease he could always request that Captain Ukitake have a physical. He isn't due for another three months but if the General has concerns…" Here she trailed off, trusting the man to get her meaning. Her suggestion would set the general's mind at ease AND get her some of the answers she sought. A win win situation as far as she could see.

"I'll pass along your suggestion. I apologize again for interrupting your work schedule."

"Not at all. You're always a pleasant interruption." She assured him, finding it absolutely charming when a hint of a flush dusted his cheeks at her words.

Turning his attention back to his tea Sasakibe couldn't think of a single reason not to stay and enjoy it, since she didn't mind his company.

And she didn't.

)

The entire eleventh division stood in a rough half circle behind their lieutenant, no one daring to breathe as they waited for her to implode. They were all too scared to move as they watched her small form shudder with repressed rage.

The reason for her fury sat in front of Yachiru, bigger than she was and even pinker. The huge pink pig would be called adorable by most people, with gleaming black button eyes and a cute curly tail. There were two problems with the stuffed animal though. The first being that it had been delivered to their lieutenant, the unfortunate delivery boy laying unconscious nearby after being thrown into a cement wall. The second problem was the sign hanging off of the pig's neck. It said simply 'Reminded Me of You'. No signature.

With a blood curling scream Yachiru broke, attacking the stuffed pig with all the fury and violence of a ravenous carnivore. Stuffing and fabric flew as she tore the stuffed animal apart, her laughter chilling as she separated the head from its shoulders with a loud rip.

Having come over to see what the crowd was about Zaraki and Soifon raised an eyebrow at the sight of Yachiru tearing off the button eyes, something that seemed to make her quite happy for some reason.

"She doesn't like stuffed animals?" Soifon asked slowly, more than a little worried about the girl's mental state. What had the…whatever it had once been ever done to the brat?

"She did. Guess not anymore." Also a little concerned too Zaraki looked over at his third seat questioningly, hoping for some valid reason for his lieutenant to be acting like Omaeda at a buffet table. "Is there a reason it had to die?"

"Her secret admirer again."

"Ah."

"Okay…." Shaking her head Soifon was glad the palmist had predicted she was only going to have a son. If this was an example of how her lover raised daughters she wasn't about to give him another one to mess up.

"We have got to find out who keeps sending her this stuff before she kills us all in frustration. Every time something arrives she gets more rabid." Ikkaku muttered, still annoyed that Yachiru had knocked out the delivery boy before they could adequately question him. How she thought they were supposed to find and kill her admirer without some information to go on was beyond him. Though at this rate, there wouldn't be a delivery person in the city willing to come near their compound soon. It was only a matter of time before it got out that broken bones were Yachiru's way of signing for something.

"I need a box."

"A box?" Ikkaku repeated, looking down at his lieutenant questioningly. At least she was talking, that was somewhat human and normal.

"I need to RSVP." Holding what remained of the pig's head if her hand Yachiru's eyes glittered in a way that had even Soifon and Zaraki thinking about taking a couple steps back.

Eager for a reason to get out of there Yumichika hastily left to get her what she wanted. The others wished they were that lucky.

Nobody breathed while Yachiru finished dismembering her pig.

)

Arriving home after a long day Byakuya headed straight for his study, intending to relax with a glass of brandy and a good book. The General was in a majorly bad mood and he'd put a number of extra demands on all those attending Yoruichi's wedding in two days time as a result.

Entering the study Byakuya raised an eyebrow when he spotted the unsightly cardboard box sitting ominously on his desk. He hadn't put it there and his servants would never leave a package unattended in his personal study without his permission. Dark eyes narrowed the sixth division captain withdrew his sword, carefully using it to lift up the flaps of the box so that whatever it contained would be visible. When nothing exploded he took it as a good sign. Lowering the sword to his side Byakuya moved closer and looked down at what at first glance appeared to be a pile of stuffing and rags. It was the color of said rages that tipped him off as to what he was probably looking at.

Re-sheathing his sword Byakuya reached in and picked up several pieces of his 'gift', seeing right away that any hopes of reconstructing what it had once been was out of the question. There would have been less damage if she'd put it through a paper shredder, he thought in amusement as he allowed the material to slip through his fingers and back into the box.

A hint of white catching his attention he reached in and pushing aside the stuffing withdrew a single sheet of paper that seemed to be stained with someone's blood. The note was short and to the point.

THE NEXT DELIVERY BOY DIES

Yup, couldn't get much more to the point than that.

Not that that was going to stop him.

Chuckling Byakuya tossed the note back into the box and closed it.

Maybe he could find someone to make her something out of the rags, he considered as he poured his brandy into a sniffer. That would send her blood pressure through the roof for sure.

He couldn't wait.


	50. Wedding Bells Are Ringing

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original characters and the situations I put all the characters in. Thanks so much for reading, I hope you enjoy this latest chapter, and I look forward to hearing what you think of it.

Wedding Bells Are Ringing

Lying on the examination table, his 'nurse' having put him there when he was out earlier, Gin looked up at the ceiling and than over in Nemu's direction. "Is she coming today?" He asked her, hoping to distract himself from whatever she was planning to do with the medical instruments she was sorting through.

"No, she'll be busy for the next couple of days." Nemu answered without looking up from her work. "Toshiro kun in on earth and she's in charge of the tenth division until he gets back. She said she'd try to stop by to see you tomorrow."

"What's he doing down there?" He didn't like the idea of the kid being away from Soul Society right now. Aizen had said that setting Yami on the city had been a test for him, but Gin knew better than to ever trust anything that man said. And if the bastard was planning more trouble, he sure as hell wanted the white haired squirt around to take a death blow in Ran's place.

"He's attending a wedding. Yoruichi Shihōin san and Kisuke Urahara san's. He's Karin Kurosaki's date."

Well what do you know, the hathead and catgirl were getting married, Gin thought as he pictured the two together. Who'd have thought it? Though he guessed by now the she devil had castrated the man enough that marriage didn't seem like it could be any worse.

"So what else is new around the city?"

"Well…my fellow female shinigamis came up with the hypothesis that the higher one ranks in the Gotei the less sex drive they have. This led to the vast majority of our captains and lieutenants hooking up with their male counterparts in an attempt to prove this theory wrong and soothe their egos. Most everyone is seeing someone now. I've been thrown out of my division too, that's why I can be here to take care of you. Jushiro says that he wants me to think about becoming his lieutenant instead, but the General has made it pretty clear that he won't allow it since I have information he wants and I won't give it to him or Father."

Since he knew he was it for Ran Gin wasn't worried, but he was curious. "So who's hooked up with who? Kyoraku and his lieutenant of course, since he'd never let anyone else date her. But who else?"

"Captain Soifon is seeing Captain Zaraki, Captain Hisagi is seeing Lieutenant Kotetsu, Captain Hitsugaya is seeing Karin Kurosaki, Ichigo Kurosaki's sister, I'm seeing Jushiro, and Captain Kuchiki and Lieutenant Kusajishi are apparently seeing someone, though no one knows who they're going out with."

Damn, the General must be pissed, Gin thought, surrounded by all that sexual heat and romancey hearts. He was sorry he was missing it. Not to mention the fact that it was a damn shame that he couldn't help his Ran chan confirm that they both still had in going on in that respect. Or he had, right up until he'd gotten worked over like a human punching bag. And he wasn't up to proving his manhood just yet, especially since he figured Nemu chan wouldn't appreciate him ruining all her hard work. And given how long it had been since he'd had sex, re-ripping open wounds would be a definite possibility in the heat of the moment.

"So my shy little lieutenant hasn't hooked up with anyone?" Big surprise there, Gin thought with a faint smirk.

"Well Matsumoto did tell me that Izuru san was so happy to hear you were alive that he kissed Hinamori san on the mouth. Does that count?"

Okay, he had to laugh at that. His stupid boy, Gin thought with a mixture of affection and pity. Talk about your irony.

"Well, here's hoping she's finally learned that blondes are more fun."

)

It seemed to be her week for being visited by old school gentlemen, Unohana thought in amusement as she motioned for one of her favorite patients to take a seat. Again taking the seat beside her visitor's chair, rather than returned to behind her desk, Unohana smiled as Ukitake took the offered chair.

"So what brings you here today? Are you not feeling well?" Because he looked healthier than he'd been in a very long time, she thought as she looked him over with a healer's eyes. There was a hint of color in his cheeks, and he was moving with his old grace. His eyes were clear and pain free, you'd never think for a minute he was ill.

"That's why I'm here actually. I only realized today how…healthy I've been feeling lately. I still have times when I have problem breathing, but I haven't had a severe attack in weeks. And when I do cough up blood it's not nearly as bad as it usually is. I know sometimes the body just cuts a person a break…but I thought maybe some tests were in order. I need to know my limits, now especially." He had someone he had to protect now, someone he couldn't imagine living without, though she'd only become a part of his life a short time ago. If anyone tried to take Nemu from him they were going to have the fight of their life on their hands.

"Well we can certainly do some tests, I've been wondering about your health as well. I have a theory too. First though, let's test your blood, shall we?"

Soon enough Unohana had her sample, studying the results with a small smile on her lips. It was good to be right.

"Good news?" Ukitake asked, somewhat anxiously.

"I think my theory has merit, especially given the substances currently occupying your system."

"Substances?"

"Do you know why it's theoretically impossible for Lieutenant Kurotsuchi to get sick?"

Ukitake didn't see how that applied to him, but he answered her anyway. "She said that her body is full of toxins, that her immune system is so advanced and aggressive that nothing harmful can exist in her body for long. She's never even had a common cold before. That's why it's so hard to kill her too, because her body is designed to survive damage that would kill most people."

"Exactly. Any foreign or harmful matter is absorbed or destroyed by her body naturally. Her body was designed to produce the antibodies that keep her healthy…and I believe that that is why you are getting better. She's exposing you to those antibodies in small doses. If we were to theoretically inject you with them it would probably kill you, your system wouldn't be able to handle something so aggressive and potentially lethal. But you're getting long term exposure now in incredibly small but regular doses, and your body is slowly adapting and accepting the antibodies into your system. It might even be possible that these antibodies will cure you someday."

Blinking at her, Ukitake shook his head. "But she's not. I'd know if she was injecting me with these antibodies. She'd never do it without telling me."

Unohana's lips twitched just a little before she was able to school her features. "She might not even realize she's doing it, Jushiro san. I doubt very much she's doing it on purpose. She, at least if my hypothesis is correct, is giving you the antibodies through her own bodily fluids. You're absorbing them through your own skin when you are intimately in contact with her. Sweat, saliva, the joining of your bodies during intercourse…That's what I meant by small doses. Bottom line…you having sex with her has built in health benefits."

)

Walking down the street towards Karin's house Hitsugaya hoped that that he hadn't made a mistake wearing his dress robes this early. It might have been a better idea to dress in battle gear, have it out with Kurosaki, and then get changed once they got patched up by Ichigo's father. Provided of course that Karin's father was willing to patch them up, since for all he knew the man would be as eager to beat the crap out of him as his son.

He was almost to the house when someone came up behind him, Hitsugaya sensing who it was so that he didn't even bother to look behind him. He simply let the member of the forth division fall into step with him before greeting the other man.

"Yamada san."

"Captain Hitsugaya, good morning." His nerves making his voice quiver Hana fiddled with the front of his robes, relieved beyond description that he wouldn't have to face the Kurosaki men alone. Actually, he'd been waiting nearby, hoping the other man would appear before he was scheduled to pick Yuzu up. There was safety in numbers after all.

Picking up on the guy's nerves Hitsugaya easily guessed why the other man was nervous. Karin had mentioned that her sister had asked the nervous boy to be her date.

Not one for useless chitchat Hitsugaya didn't bother to make conversation, figuring that it was enough that he was probably going to have to protect the boy as well as himself. That and the kid looked so nervous he was bound to be a stuttering mess anyway.

Arriving on time Hitsugaya and Hana were relieved to be met at the door by Yuzu, looking very pretty in her sunflower patterned kimono. "Hi, you two. Please come in. I was just finishing putting the last touches on Karin's hair. Just take a seat in the living room."

"Your older brother?" Hitsugaya asked, since Hana was too busy gapping at Yuzu like a trout to speak.

"Oh Yoruichi san took care of big brother and father. They're already at the church; she came to get them early this morning." Yuzu had been in the kitchen, making breakfast, when she'd caught sight of the woman walking towards the front door with her big brother and her father on her shoulders, both men unconscious. Shed been assured they would recover in no time, and had frankly been so surprised that she hadn't been able to find her voice long enough to ask what was going on.

Raising an eyebrow Hitsugaya had to hand it to the woman. She was smarter than the average feline.

The two men taking seats as Yuzu had requested they had only five minutes to wait before Yuzu appeared again, dragging behind her a very nervous Karin.

Rising to his feet Hitsugaya bowed, clearing his throat since it suddenly felt rather closed off. Her long dark hair was down with intricate braiding giving it a more elegant touch, and he'd never seen her look…well girlie before. "You look beautiful, Karin. It will be my honor to escort you today."

Going bright red Karin was suddenly very grateful that her sister had chosen Hana to be her escort, in case she needed a medic. If Toshiro kept saying things like that to her she was liable to keel over or faint. All she needed to die of embarrassment and nerves was for him to realize she'd picked out this kimono specifically because it was the same shade of blue as his eyes.

)

When they arrived at the church the sisters' eyes went big as saucers when they saw that Yoruichi had hog tied the two men in their family to their chairs, gagging them for good measure. Both looked plainly furious, probably partly because they both had signs around their necks that stated they weren't to be released without the permission of the bride.

"Do you know why they're tied up like that?" Rukia asked, coming to stand with them. She'd gone over with the intent to untie them earlier, but she'd been warned by the redheaded kid Jinta that they weren't to be released until they promised to behave.

"My guess is Yoruichi san wanted to make sure her wedding didn't turn into an all out brawl." Was Hitsugaya's dry response, amused despite himself. "I guess even she realizes that blood shouldn't be shed until after the 'I dos'."

Which would probably explain why Yoruichi had asked her big brother to come see her as soon as they arrived, Rukia thought with a sigh. She didn't think her brother had clued in to the reason why Renji was sticking by her side, but it would click soon enough. Then the blood really could fly. Her brother was smart enough to let the Kurosakis distract everyone else, then sneak up and finish Renji off while no one was looking. Her brother had said he was willing to put up with Renji in their family, but that could be a trick. He was sneaky that way.

"Boy are they ever going to be pissed off when they get loose." Renji commented, standing directly behind his date. It was actually a pretty cool idea, though he doubted he could convince the cat lady to do the same to his captain if things got ugly.

"Well we all better get into our seats." Yuzu announced, her hands twitching with the impulse to go and untie the other two members of her family. "It will be time shortly and I promised I'd take lots of pictures."

)

The wedding was very simple but classy, not really a style most of the guests would have attributed to a wedding planned by Yoruichi. But then the woman barely resembled herself, dressed up in her wedding finery looking very beautiful and female as she was led down the aisle by Captain Kuchiki. The former captain of the twelfth division was also looking very smart for his wedding, Urahara hatless and sandal-less for the first time that most of the guests could remember. He was dressed in traditional robes and looked very handsome, if very uncomfortable in his new attire.

And like all weddings, the women in the crowd sighed and teared up, while their men patted their shoulders awkwardly while worrying just a little that this was giving their women ideas.

Seating beside his sister now Byakuya wondered how he would feel when the day finally, in a few centuries came, when Renji got up the nerve to ask Rukia to marry him. He'd walk his little sister down that aisle and forever give her over to the idiot she was in love with, whether she realized it or not. And then he would be alone, he thought, in his house full of servants. Looking down at his sister, Byakuya couldn't imagine it. He'd just make it a condition that they had to come live with him if they wanted his blessing, he decided, instantly feeling better about the whole thing.

Tearing up in her seat Soifon discreetly dabbed at her eyes, watching her former captain exchange vows with her man. She was so glad she and her captain had made up, that she was here for Yoruichi san and could wish her all the best. And when she finally got her moron to the altar, it wouldn't hurt for her to remember her mentor's solution to dealing with potential troublemakers. Imagining tying Yachiru to a chair definitely had the tears drying up as Soifon fought the urge to laugh.

Thinking along the same lines Yuzu and Karin wondered if they were going to have to get Yoruichi to tie their father and brother to some chairs at their weddings. They were both pretty sure they would. Their brother at least, their father would probably be too busy prostrating himself in front of their mother's portrait to step in and object to anything, they both thought, sharing knowing grins with each other through their happy tears.

Sitting between Yuzu and her father Hana didn't know who needed comfort more, his date or her father. Apparently the possibility that this could be either of his daughters had hit the man and hit him hard. Going with the one who was crying harder Hana gently patted the older man's shoulder.

Sitting beside Karin Hitsugaya couldn't begin to understand why women got so choked up at these things. He was just grateful that Matsumoto had bowed out of coming too. Now she would really be bawling her eyes out. Then she'd be upset about her make up and it would just all snowball from there. He hated to think what she'd be like at her own wedding, provided of course that Nemu successfully managed to put Ichimaru back together again and the assehole ever got around to making things official. That no one had connected the dots between his lieutenant and Izuru san's good moods and Nemu and Matsumoto's frequent disappearances were beyond him. It was times like this he wondered how Soul Society functioned at all when he wasn't around.

Unable to pat Orihime's hand or shoulder since he was tied up for the moment Ichigo had to suffer not only the stares of curious onlookers but the fact that his friend was crying and he couldn't even offer a single word of sympathy. Damn gag. Yoruichi just never missed a trick, Ichigo thought darkly. And his Yuzu had had to ask Hana to be her date, Ichigo thought in annoyance. There was no way he could browbeat or threaten Hana. That was like kicking a puppy into ongoing traffic. The white haired shortie was another story though, and he was itching to get his hands on him. Unfortunately, since he wasn't nearly the idiot everyone seemed to think he was, Ichigo couldn't justify possibly ruining his teacher's wedding by getting into a fight with the tenth division captain. Of course Yoruichi loved a fight as much as he did, but Ichigo had had it drilled into his head by his sisters and Orhime that a woman's wedding day was sacred. So he would behave…and beat the heck out of Hitsugaya after the reception.


	51. Talking Things Over

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original characters and the situations all the poor characters get put in. Everything else belongs to someone else and they probably want to keep it that way. Thanks so much for reading, hope you enjoy and let me know what you think!

Talking Things Over

Walking back towards the eleventh division office Yachiru was in a foul mood. She still didn't know who Byakuya had been shopping for in that fancy store, and he hadn't sent her anything other than the stupid pig since that day. Had the pig been his way of saying he was done with her? Guys didn't compare girls they were interested in to pigs after all. Even fluffy ones.

The idea that she might have been replaced already left a sour taste in Yachiru's mouth. Of course it went without saying that she could take down the unknown competition, but if the girl liked girlie stuff than what sort of challenge would she be? She couldn't just beat up some sissy girl, that was too low even for her. She could beat up Kuchiki though, that would at least make her feel somewhat better. Especially if she forced him to let her kiss his bumps and bruises all better afterwards.

Kicking the dirt under her feet bad temperedly Yachiru wished her captain could have gone to earth for the stupid wedding. Then, if Kuchiki had brought someone with him as his date, Kenny could tell her when he got back so she'd know for sure. But Kenny was at the office, and she'd rather cut her own tongue out than ask Soifon. She could ask Abarai maybe, beating it out of him wouldn't be hard. But he might tell his captain, and that would go straight to the smug bastard's head.

Just because she was a girl didn't mean she had to act like one.

And so Yachiru was in one hell of a mood when she arrived outside the office, her spirit energy well contained since she'd decided about a block away to try one of her sneak attacks on Kenny. A good fight in the office was just what she needed. She'd work off her anger and destroy her much hated paperwork. Not to mention how fun it was to turn those mangled papers into the General, knowing there was no way they would be legible. The better for them not to see all the mistakes she tended to make anyway.

Sneaking up to one of the windows Yachiru was just about to jump up and onto the sill when she recognized the fact that Kenny had company. Jumping up anyway she only did it so that she could grab the sill, dangling there so that she could hear what was going on but not be seen by the girl's all seeing eyes.

)

Having completed the task given to her by Jushiro, Nemu turned the topic to a task of her own as she watched Zaraki stuff the papers she'd just delivered into one of his overly crowded desk drawers. So much for her efforts to keep them pristine and without creases. She'd apparently been wasting her time, Nemu thought as she made her inquiry.

"Captain Zaraki, might I ask you a question?"

"If it's how I get anything done paperwork wise I don't. The Old Man's pretty much given up all hope in that area. He bribes Ise to come in here once in a while and organize, but that never lasts long. She said she wasn't coming back the last time and she's generally a woman of her word." He wasn't worried, he could really care less.

"I see. But no, that wasn't the question I wished to ask you. The question I wanted to ask was why you and Captain Soifon hide your relationship from the rest of Soul Society. I've been puzzling over that and have come to very few conclusions."

"And just what makes you think that she and I have a relationship at all?" He asked.

"Because I've done extensive research on relationships and you two have all the signs commonly suggested to be indicators of a close, intimate relationship. That was why she got angry when I kissed your cheek before, and why you got so upset when she was depressed during that meeting. Is it that you won't ask her to marry you? My research indicates that a lot of men end up dumped because they refuse to make that sort of commitment. You should, she is probably the only woman tough enough to deal with you."

"She dumped me when I asked her to marry me."

"Oh." Brow furrowing Nemu thought that one over. "Then she's afraid of commitment?" Soifon hadn't struck her as the type to be. In fact, when her father had hired that prostitute to talk to her, Captain Soifon had stressed how one shouldn't have an intimate relationship with someone you wouldn't consider marrying one day.

Zaraki studied her for a long moment. He had given Soifon his word that he wouldn't discuss any of this with Yachiru, but she hadn't said anything about anyone else. Probably because she knew there wasn't anyone else he would have a heart to heart chat with. Not that he was the type to have heart to heart talks either. But the way things were going he'd never get his girl on his own brain power. He needed all the help he could get. And who did he know that was smarter than the brainiac in front of him?

"This goes no further? Just between us?" Soifon would scalp him if she got wind, no question.

Nemu nodded her head, pleased that he would trust her. Most people didn't. Of course that might be because of her father, which meant maybe more people would be trusting her in the future. It was a nice thought.

"She didn't say no because of the commitment, she said no because of Yachiru. She thinks Yachiru would be hurt by us getting married, and she said she wouldn't marry me until we could be sure that wouldn't happen. When the cat girl left her and went off with Urahara Soifon was pretty devastated. Yorouichi was the most important person in her life, the way I'm the most important to Yachiru. She doesn't want the kiddo hurt the way she was. She said she doesn't ever want to be responsible for hurting anyone that way. Even someone she seriously doesn't get along with."

Gaze thoughtful Nemu gave him a questioning look, trying to understand the whole situation clearly. "I take it she doesn't know about this? I would think that Kusajishi san would be most displeased if she knew." And that was an understatement.

"No, that was part of the bargain. She doesn't want Yachiru pretending to be okay for my sake. Basically she made it clear that until Yachiru stops acting like a five year old our relationship is on hold. Though she is weakening a little, I think. The lack of sex is getting to her. She just doesn't get the fact that Yachiru doesn't want to grow up. Will probably never grow up." And that's what had him seriously worried. "I just keep hoping that what I'm doing is enough. She's moved out at least, and she's interested in a guy, sort of. But she hates her big form, and Soifon mentioned that as part of her ultimatum. A lot of what she wants is never going to happen, unless Yachiru suffers extreme brain damage sometime soon. I'd rather that not happen."

"I can see your problem. If you like, I'll think hard about it and get back to you." Nothing was coming to her, but it might once she had more time to think about it.

"Thanks. I'd appreciate it."

"If I comes down to the brain damage thing….I have done extensive studies on the various parts of the brain and what controls what. And I do owe you for all the advice you gave me before. "

"I'll keep that in mind." Reaching out Zaraki patted the girl's head.

She really was growing on him.

)

Dropping down off the sill Yachiru flashed herself away from the office, not wanting either to know she'd been there and overheard. Back on the deserted street Yachiru started walking aimlessly, in a daze as she tried to process everything that had been said and the implications of those things. Before she knew it she was standing outside of Soifon's apartment, like her body had known where she needed to go. Taking a seat in front of the door Yachiru crossed her arms in front of her, staring intently straight ahead.

She wasn't leaving until Soifon got there.

They had things to discuss.

)

Kyoraku slipped into the room, knowing his presence wouldn't go unnoticed. His Nanao chan noticed everything. She continued to work away at his desk, her dark head bent to her task. She looked so at home in his study that it made his heart ache. But this was his home, and she could leave it at any time. They both knew it, and he'd like to think that neither of them liked that idea very much. So he was going to do something he'd been planning to do for decades, and dreaded doing the whole time. But as his mother had been reminding him constantly, it was him or someone else. And he'd be damn if it was going to be someone else.

"What did you do?"

Blinking to clear his thoughts Kyoraku walked over to stand beside her, shoving his hands in his pockets nervously. "Sorry, what did you say?"

"You're acting like a little boy who's come home from school after detention and is worried his mother knows. So I repeat, what did you do?" Setting her pen down Nanao turned her chair so that she was facing him, folding her arms automatically in disapproval.

"Why do you always assume I've done something wrong?" And now he sounded like that little boy, Kyoraku thought, torn between amusement and self deprecation as he removed his hands, knowing she'd take the hands in pockets as a sign of his nerves.

"Because I know you too well." And now a hint of a smile played across her face. "Now just spit out whatever it is you don't want to tell me and we'll both feel better."

Reaching into his pant pocket Kyoraku pulled out a small, wrapped box and put in on the desk in front of her. "I uhm….I've had this for a while and…if you don't like it you can…I mean I'd be happy to get you another one….it's for you."

Turning her attention to the package Nanao cocked her head to the side as she studied the package. Generally he wasn't the least bit nervous when it came to giving her gifts. He was usually pretty damn eager actually, even when he knew the present was inappropriate and bound to piss her off. This was big and really important to him, to get him so jittery. Fingers moving nervously Nanao slowly unwrapped the package, hands starting to shake like mad when the wrappings were removed to reveal a jewelry box inside, one designed for holding rings.

When she just stared at the box instead of opening it Kyoraku felt like doing some hand ringing of his own. Was she already rejecting it, without even seeing it?

Finally Nanao looked up and met his eyes squarely, struggling to keep her voice calm and even. "Just in case, on the off chance that this is what I think it is, there's something you should know. Women have been known to kick massive ass when their engagement rings are presented to them in half assed ways. Men have to at least ask if they expect even a chance of having their proposal being accepted. Capice?"

"Oh man. Seriously?"

If looks could kill…

Well at least she hadn't thrown it in his face. Screwing up his courage Kyoraku picked up the box, got down on one knee, and opened the lid, revealing the elegant amethyst ring inside, the gems in the shape of a flower's petals. "It's uhm…the same color as your eyes…when you're mad….which you usually are with me… It seemed symbolic to me."

"And?"

"And…uhm…maybe, possibly, would you….would you marry me?"

Hurling herself out of the chair and into his arms Nanao buried her face against his neck, her arms tight enough to crack ribs as they wrapped around his waist.

"Is that a yes?"

"That's a hell yes, you stupid man." And leaning back Nanao framed his face between her hands and gave him one hell of a kiss to top it off.

)

Watching his sister dance by with Captain Hitsugaya Ichigo had to work hard not to scowl. Crossing his arms in front of him Ichigo could only find his smile by thinking about all the ill fates that could befall the spikey haired captain. And even he knew his thoughts were not wedding appropriate.

"It really bothers you, doesn't it?" Orihime asked, coming over to stand beside him, handing him a glass of champagne.

"Maybe."

"Is it because it probably won't work out or the fact that if it did work out it would be like it was with your parents?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well they only see each other every once in a while and Karin chan is alive and Hitsugaya kun isn't. And even if he was willing to come live here permanently their children would be like you and Karin chan. They'd have gifts, gifts that would attract Hollows and others that might come after them they way they come after you. You don't want what happened to your mother to happen to Karin chan."

Was that why he had such a hard time with their relationship, Ichigo wondered, considering her words. That was probably part of it. The other part was probably just his natural dislike of the idea of his baby sister with any guy, even if she was graduating from high school soon enough. Sometimes it seemed like only yesterday he'd first met Rukia and his sisters were still his little rugrats. How time flew when you were constantly killing Hollows and saving the world.

And now he was starting to think all nostalgically like his father, Ichigo thought with a wince. "So how come you aren't dancing?" He asked, wanting to change the subject.

"You haven't asked me to dance." Was her shy response.

A slow, real smile crossing his lips Ichigo held out a hand in her direction. "Would you like to dance?"

"I thought you'd never ask."

)

Champagne in both hands Soifon stopped beside Byakuya, giving him a smile as she handed a second glass over to him. Together they turned and watched Renji rather ineptly lead Rukia across the dance floor. They'd both seen worse, but not by much. The height difference really didn't help.

"So you gonna let him live?" Soifon asked with a small smile, taking a sip from her glass.

"I'm afraid I must. But at least he's not enjoying himself as much as he should, worrying about what I'm going to do to him once there are no witnesses around."

"Well on the A side I'm pretty sure Inoue san has convinced Kurosaki san that picking a fight with Captain Hitsugaya is a bad idea. Breaking up that fight wouldn't have been much fun."

"Especially once Yoruichi got involved." Byakuya agreed. "Sorry your man couldn't make it." He added. Not that he could see Zaraki willingly dancing across a dance floor with her. He couldn't imagine Zaraki dancing period. It would probably be very, very frightening.

"Thanks. This isn't his scene though anyway." Kenpachi had mentioned that Byakuya had figured out that they'd been seeing each other. Pulling the wool over his eyes was not nearly as easy to do as it was with others. Most people thought she was a lesbian in love with Yoruichi san. Of course she had encouraged that assumption, since it meant that people didn't try to set her up on blind dates when the only one she wanted was Kenpachi. He would likely kill anyone she might try to date for appearance sake.

Sipping from his own glass Byakuya gave her a considering look. "You're pretty brave by the way, to willing take on his holy terror as your step daughter." He knew that now more than ever.

Wincing Soifon gave him a rueful look in return. "It will be interesting." She agreed, not looking forward to that part of her happily ever after. She could not see the little pipsqueak taking the news well. That is if they ever needed to tell her. The ways things were going they'd both be reincarnated before that happened.

"Just do what I do and constantly have sugar around to shut her up with."

"Excellent advice." Soifon agreed as she tapped her glass to his. "So, since you and I are too intimidating for anyone to ask us to dance, care to show these young things how it's done?"

"I'd be delighted."

)

Watching the party Yoruichi thought that things had turned out pretty good. Planning parties had never been her thing, but her childhood training had prepped her well enough. All in all, she could have done a lot worse, she supposed. Things would be a little more interesting if someone would pick a fight with someone, but she figured just this once it would be good to bypass her second favorite pastime.

Smile widening when arms came around her waist Yoruichi leaned back against him.

"This is quite a party you've pulled off. Your mother would be impressed."

Grinning at her new hubby's words Yoruichi had to agree about the first part at least. She was willing to bet her mother would not have approved of the guests, location, much less the groom. She and her mother had very rarely seen eye to eye about anything. Yoruichi supposed she should be sorry her mother wasn't around to see this, but she really wasn't. All who were important to her were there, and that was what mattered.

"So are you going to dance with me, Mrs. Urahara?"

"I would love to dance with you, Mr. Urahara."


	52. She's A Scary Thing

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original characters and the situations all the characters get put into. Thanks for reading this fic for so long, hope you enjoy the latest chapter and let me know what you think!

Note: As is obvious from how long it took me to update this fic I've sort of lost my interest in it. I will be cutting short my original plans but will strive to finish it with a decent ending in the next few chapters. Thanks.

She's A Scary Thing

Since neither Soifon nor Byakuya was the party type they both opted to leave the party early and let the younger generations enjoy the loud music, drunks, and the antics of embarrassing acquaintances.

Heading into her district they sensed the eleventh division lieutenant's spirit energy before they caught sight of her. Looking at each other, neither Soifon nor Byakuya could think of a good reason why Yachiru would apparently be camped out on her doorstep when it was only nine in the evening and the hellion wasn't working. So the reason had to be bad, they both thought, Soifon worrying for moment that something might have happened to Kenpachi. But no, Soifon told herself, if that were the case they wouldn't have been able to get the brat away from him with the Jaws of Life. Yachiru wouldn't know to inform her anyway, especially since if Kenpachi was aware enough to talk coherently than he'd be too busy claiming that all his injuries were just flesh wounds to ask for her. The moron.

"Have you pissed her off recently?" Byakuya asked curiously, since she would have no way of knowing he'd be the one to see the second division captain home. Normally only he made her this angry though.

"I'm still breathing, so probably." Was her sarcastic reply to his query. "You can bail now if you want. I wouldn't blame you." She never dealt with Zaraki's lieutenant unless she had to. They'd both live longer that way.

Byakuya had been raised a gentleman. "I'll see you to the door."

The porch lights were on and both Soifon and Buakuya were a little taken aback as they watched the notoriously restless lieutenant rise from her cross legged position. She was in her small size, but she seemed bigger and a great deal more threatening somehow. Probably because neither could remember ever seeing her so focused and coldly furious. Her eyes were icy pools as she watched them approach, Yachiru moving with a cat like grace to meet them at the top step as they came up the main path.

"This ends here." Yachiru began, her words practically forming icicles in midair. "She's taken, Kuchiki, and if you try to change that I'll slice and dice you up like sushi, then serve you to your grandmother raw. Now get lost, this no longer concerns you." And now she pointed a finger in Soifon's shocked direction. "And you, in the house, NOW!"

Soifon was so shocked she just stood there with her mouth open, unable to process what was going on.

Not doing much better Byakuya raised a questioning eyebrow. "Have you by chance been into your expired candy lately?"

"Like I don't eat it all before it goes stale." Was her less than amused reply. "Now if you don't want to end up in your grandmother's digestive tract I suggest you beat it, ASAP."

Brain reengaging enough to see that Byakuya had no idea that the kid really was capable of turning Kuchiki's grandmother into an unknowing cannibal the second division captain thought it best to move him along too.

"Thank you for seeing me to my door, Captain Kuchiki." Ignoring the tapping of Yachiru's foot Soifon bowed her thanks, Kuchiki doing the same automatically.

"Sure you can handle her?" He asked, not bothering to lower his voice so that the she in question wouldn't hear. He didn't care how she took it since she was already pissed off at him anyway. She always was unless she was screwing his brains out, the captain thought darkly.

"I'll survive."

And hoping that that wasn't a terrible lie Soifon joined Yachiru up on the porch, allowing the girl to herd her into her own house while Kuchiki watched them both with a mixture of amusement and concern.

Oh to be a fly on the wall.

)

Walking into her parlour Soifon took a seat in one of her chairs, Yachiru taking the one directly across from her. The girl hadn't cracked a smirk yet so she was definitely serious about something, Soifon thought as she set her evening bag aside. Since neither of them was the sociable sort Soifon got straight to the point. "Why were you waiting for me?"

"First off, this thing with Kuchiki ends now, got it? You're Kenny's and you got no business sniffing around Mr. Sexy. He may be loads handsomer than my Kenny but if you're what Kenny wants than you're gonna be what Kenny gets, got it? If I have to kill him then I will, that's how serious I am. I won't have Kenny upset because you can't keep your pants on. You're marrying him and staying faithful if I have to shadow you twenty-four seven."

"How do you…"

"How do I know that Kenny asked you to marry him? I heard him talking about it with Braid Girl. And you using me as your excuse not to commit ends here, by the way. You are not going to hang your relationship phobias on me. If you aren't willing to make him happy spit it out now and I'll get busy finding him someone loads better. I doubt it will be that hard either."

Braid Girl? Lieutenant Kurotsuchi? What did she have to do with any of this? And why was Kenpachi telling her about their relationship problems? Discussing their private business, letting Yachiru overhear them…

Now Yachiru wasn't the only one who was pissed off.

)

Rukia didn't know whether to grimace or laugh as she and Renji attempted to take a whirl around the dance floor. She was so small compared to him that she felt like she should be standing on top of his feet like a little girl. He probably wouldn't even notice if she did, since he was too busy trying to get the hang of dancing period.

And if she was on his feet than least they'd be safe from being stepped on, Rukia silently thought as her slippered right foot just barely missed another trouncing. The man was finely coordinated on the battlefield but the dancing arena was a different story.

But he did look rather handsome all dressed up and he was trying his best, Rukia sternly reminded herself.

Forcing herself not to keep her eyes on the floor Rukia looked up to find her partner's lips silently moving, deep concentration in his dark eyes. Brows furrowing in confusion Rukia broke out into a wide smile when she realized what he was doing. He was counting off the steps.

"Renji?" It took a couple tries but he finally turned his attention to her with a questioning look. "Relax. Just listen to the music and enjoy moving to it."

"Easy for you to say." He muttered with a grimace. "You've taken lessons."

"Yes, and the first thing they teach you is that it's more important to move to the music than it is to go all fancy. Better to move well then show off moves that are at odds with the beat. Besides, this is supposed to be fun. If it isn't we shouldn't be dancing but doing something else."

"I want to dance with you." Was his stubborn response.

Going a little mushy at his words Rukia decided a few crushed toes was worth getting to dance with him too.

)

No more apt than Renji at dancing Karin was fiercely glad that Toshiro was the one leading. As long as she had someone leading her around she was pretty sure she wouldn't land on her butt. That and when she was staring into his beautiful eyes she had no problem forgetting she was dancing at all, moving naturally against him as they danced.

"It's a lovely evening." Toshiro commented, a little unnerved by the way she was looking at him so intently. Not that he minded, but her brother would. And ruining the reception would lead to the bride dedicating herself to ruining their lives.

Blushing a little Karin nodded. "It's a perfect night after a perfect wedding."

Toshiro nodded his agreement in return. "I'm glad I had a chance to come. This is the first wedding I've been to in a while. Matsumoto was sorry she couldn't make it."

"Yeah, it's too bad your General wouldn't let her come to. I like her a lot. She loves to talk about you."

Toshiro grimaced, easily imagining his talkative lieutenant talking Karin's ear off about him. She wouldn't be subtle about it either. And the last thing he needed was Matsumoto playing matchmaker. Things were complicated enough between him and Karin without adding Matsumoto's well intentioned meddling to the mix.

"I'm just glad you could come." Karin said softly, her blush intensifying as the song ended and a new, much slower song began.

"Me too." Toshiro agreed, doing a little blushing of his own as he let go of her hand. Registering the look of disappointment in her eyes Toshiro's blush intensified as he moved to circle his arms around her waist, drawing her closer. "I can have this dance too, can't I?" He asked as she stared at him in surprise.

Shyly nodding her head Karin wrapped her arms around his neck, a beautiful smile crossing her face as they swayed to the romantic ballad, both forgetting they were dancing this time.

)

Studying the readouts from the various machines Nemu was pleased with the results, all indicating that her patient was well on the way to recovery. Matsumoto san would be pleased to hear that, Nemu thought to herself. This was her second and last visit for the day and she wasn't going to leave him for the night without being sure everything that could be done had been.

Putting the papers away after she was done looking them over Nemu walked over to where her patient lay, still and quiet. He was awake though, and he opened his eyes when she was standing over him. "Do you require anything before I head home? I promised to be back before ten."

Gin shook his head with his usual, deceptive grin. "I'm good."

"All right then. I imagine Matsumoto san will be in to check on you in the morning. When she does you can tell her that you're healing nicely and will be able to leave here within a week or so if my calculations are correct. You've always been a quick healer according to your data."

That he had. Weakness got you killed.

"Good night, Captain."

Nemu was almost to the door when he called out her name. Turning to look back at him Nemu gave him a questioning look. "You require something?"

"Why are you helping her help me? Your father did too good a job programming you to follow the rules and even though Ran wants me alive...most people would assume it was in her best interests for me to be permanently erased from her life."

"I think I know why you did what you did." Nemu responded with a slight shrugging of her shoulders. "And I believe that while your logic was somewhat flawed, I can still understand your reasoning. Your actions speak fiercely of your love for her. That's a good thing worth saving."

Now Gin raised himself up on his remaining elbow, struggling to remain like that despite the strain it put on his body. "What do you mean?"

"Captain Aizen was liked and respected by all the Gotei. You were liked and respected only by Matsumoto san and Izuru san. His word carried much weight while yours would only illicit suspicion. You couldn't hope to go to the Gotei with what Captain Aizen was because no one besides Matsumoto san and Izuru san would have believed you. And if you had tried to rise against him he would have killed you and both of them to keep you silent before he was ready to unveil his true character. You could have taken them and run, but they would have never left their friends. You probably didn't want them to have to spend their considerably long existence running in fear of Captain Aizen and the army he was raising either. So you played along. You joined his group for good and counted on Matsumoto san's loyalty and love for Toshiro san to keep her here. You enlisted Izuru san's help because Captain Aizen ordered you to, but you deliberately went at Lieutenant Hinamori, knowing he would not be able to forgive such a dishonourable thing. This would also ensure that he didn't seek you out later due to his loyalty to you. He would never follow Captain Aizen, but he'd have followed you anywhere and you didn't want him to end up like you."

"You give me too much credit, Nemu chan." Was his weak response.

"Do I?" Nemu considered that. "Perhaps. I don't think I'm wrong though. You're a loner by nature, you aren't a pack creature. You joined the Gotei because it would provide you and Matsumoto san with protection and avail you to the skills that would guarantee your wellbeing. The only logical reason why you would join Captain Aizen's side in this war was if you thought it would be equally beneficial to you. It isn't, which suggests you felt you had to stay with him rather than desert. The only logical explanation is that you stayed because it provided you with a way of ensuring the safety and wellbeing of the only two people who matter to you. Captain Aizen and his Arrancars pose the greatest threat to them, so you kept their enemies closest so that you would know when and if they were in line to be harmed."

"If you're right...looks like my plans to keep the three of us in good health failed horribly."

"All three of you are alive...when he knows this that will surely peeve Captain Aizen off a great deal."

"Now there's a happy thought." Gin's grin was genuine as he pictured it. "And he is ugly when he's angry."

)

Sitting at his desk, throwing darts at his dart board, Zaraki felt a chill unexpectedly go down his spine. Straightening in his seat Zaraki had been a warrior too long to ignore when his senses were telling him his days were potentially numbered. Tossing the dart he'd been holding onto his desk Zaraki was out of his seat and headed towards the door when it slammed open, two very pissed off women standing in his doorway.

Instinctively taking a step back Zaraki said the first thing that came to mind. "Whatever it is I didn't do it."

The two women walking into the room, Zaraki had a moment to think of the irony of this. Here he'd been hoping for decades for them to get along and now they were finally united over something.

A mutual desire to beat the hell out of him apparently.

Tapping her fingers against the sides of her crossed arms Soifon's gaze was scary as hell. "Oh you did so do it, You Bell-headed Ass."

Blinking, Zaraki looked down at Yachiru who also had her arms crossed, a look very similar to Soifon's in her eyes. Not a good sign. Yachiru was a lot easier to manage when she was angry or mad. Then she didn't think things through and you stood a chance of outthinking her. But when she was in control and all methodical she was dangerous as hell. Lethally so.

"I'm sorry for what I did?" Zaraki tried, not stupid enough to ask what he'd done wrong. That never ended well and usually only made the women madder. They were mad enough.

"Do you know what you did?" Soifon asked sweetly, her tone of voice completely at odds with her demeanour.

Oh yeah, he was a dead man, Zaraki thought as sweat began to roll down his back. If they tag teamed him he was so dead. He loved them both too much to fight back and even then…with these two it was entirely possible they could take him out if they worked together at it.

And Yachiru wasn't talking. A very, very bad sign.

"You have two options here, Zaraki." Soifon began, walking closer to him, hiding her amusement when he backed up a little. "The first option is that Yachiru and I kick your ass, strip you naked and leave you on the General's doorstep."

The threat was such that Zaraki almost missed the fact that she'd called Yachiru by her first name without any honorific. Soifon rarely even called his lieutenant by her last name. Usually his lady used less than flattering terms for her. Since when were they talking about each other nicely?

"Did you hear me, Zaraki?" Soifon demanded to know, not appreciating his puzzled look. She'd thought her threat was pretty self explanatory.

Immediately turning his attention back to her Zaraki quickly nodded. "And my second option would be?"

"The second option is you marry her." Yachiru told him bluntly, speaking up for the first time. "If you do that then we'll let you off the hook just this once. You have my permission, FYI."

Sure he'd heard wrong Zaraki turned his questioning gaze to Soifon, who simply looked back at him coolly without saying a word.

It took several minutes, but it finally sank in. Yachiru knew somehow...and the girls had worked it out between them. He was going to get everything he'd ever wanted, completely out of the blue.

"I'll take the second option." He said finally, embarrassed as hell to find himself a little choked up as he looked at the two most important people in his life.

Nodding with the hint of a smile Soifon held up her bare left hand. "Then ring me, Zaraki."

"One ring coming right up."


	53. The End Results

Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the original characters and the situations all the characters find themselves in. Everything else belongs to someone else with lawyers. Thanks for reading, hope you enjoy and let me know what you think.

The End Results

It was a beautiful night for a walk, Renji thought absently to himself. A perfect night for a romantic stroll with that special someone you just couldn't do without. Unfortunately his special someone was in no condition to enjoy their beautiful surroundings and was barely conscious as it was. Of course it was sort of romantic to be carry Rukia home in his arms, she was snuggled up against him with her arms around his neck after all. But again, thanks to whoever had spiked the punch at the wedding, the romance of the situation was lost on his girl. And even if it wasn't Rukia was edging towards being drunk and therefore was completely off limits anyway.

"It was a beautiful wedding, wasn't it, Renji?" Rukia asked sleepily, unaware that this was the third time she'd asked him that question since they'd returned to their world.

Doing his level best to find the whole situation amusing Renji smiled as he nodded. "Yeah, it was beautiful." He agreed. Again.

"Small weddings are good." She continued as she nuzzled her face against the soft material of his robes, enjoying the appealing scent of his skin and clothes. "I like small weddings better than big weddings. When it's small only the people who really matter are there. At big weddings the room's usually filled with people you don't know who are there because they have to be or they just want the free food."

"The food tonight was pretty decent."

Rukia rolled her eyes at the sentiment, though it didn't surprise her. She might be mostly drunk, but she still had enough brain cells working to know that men just didn't get weddings. They showed up and that was pretty much it. Which was probably for the best, but still…

Thinking it best to keep the girl awake and conscious Renji looked for a way to keep the conversation going. "So you want a small wedding when it's your turn, huh?"

A phfft sound was Rukia's response to that. "Like I would have that option, Renji. I'm a Kuchiki. My wedding is going to be massive. The talk of the decade. The century maybe. And I'll have about as much say in it as I do over the weather. I'll be like the groom. I'll just be expected to show up and do what they tell me."

"You aren't tough enough to make them do things your way?" Renji teased, even while he silently acknowledged that he wouldn't want to go up against her grandmother either. "What kind of Kuchiki are you?"

"Hah. Fine then, when we get married you can try and talk them into making it a small one. Good luck with that, you numbskull." Ending on a low yawn Rukia was fast asleep by the time Renji's brain cells had regenerated enough for him to frantically ask her what she meant by that.

)

Comfortably curled up against Jushiro's chest Nemu placed her hands over top of his. It was very nice to feel connected and bonded to someone, the lieutenant thought with a content sigh. It was hard to believe how much her life had changed since she'd first approached the man about becoming her lover. Not just leaving her father and division, but finding someone who made her so happy. She hadn't known what it was to be happy until now.

She liked the feeling very much.

Lowering his head Ukitake placed a kiss on her shoulder, the taste of her skin against his lips bringing a blush to his cheeks as he remembered his earlier talk with Captain Unohana. "You seem deep in thought." He said to take his mind off his thoughts. "Something happen before you came home?"

Home. She had a home now, Nemu thought to herself with almost childish glee. Not just a place to sleep and keep her few meager possessions, but a place where her presence was needed and wanted. Where she was a part of something indefinable but that most people probably took for granted. She never would though. "No, nothing bad happened. I'm just thinking about how my life has changed since you've become a part of it."

"Any regrets?"

"No. I very much like the changes." Was her matter of fact reply.

All was quiet for several moments before she spoke again, her mind having turned to their future together and the plans that had yet to be made. "Jushiro…how many children do you wish to have?"

He'd been in the process of slipping into comfortable slumber but Nemu's words drove all thoughts of sleep from the captain's mind as Ukitake's eyes all but flew open. It took considerable effort on his part not to stutter as he chose his words very, very carefully. "What do you mean?"

"Well I'd like to use some of the rooms here to make myself a small lab. I don't want to infringe on your office space unless I have to. And I find my experiments to be very relaxing, I'm used to being able to work on something in the night if I can't sleep. That's why I need to know how much space we need to set aside for the children. How much room do children require, do you know?"

Ukitake had to smile, even as he marveled at how easily she threw his world off its axis without even trying to do it. He never really knew what was going to come out of her mouth next, and figured it was probably always going to be that way. And strangely enough, that thought suited him just fine.

"You can have as big of a lab as you want. We can always add on to the house if necessary."

"Excellent."

)

Isane couldn't see how things could get much better in her life at the moment. She was stretched out on top of her man, both of them warm and naked under her covers. Snoopy was snoring away at the foot of the bed; they'd taken him for a long walk before turning in that had worn the little guy right out. Which had kept her dog from interfering with their late night fun, Isane thought with a small smile, which only grew wider as she felt her lover start to stroke her back.

"What are you thinking?" Hisagi murmured, caressing her back as he enjoyed the perfection of the moment and the smoothness of her skin. He couldn't remember being this relax and content in a very, very long time. At the moment he couldn't see how it could get any better.

Isane's cheeks flushed a little as she nuzzled her face against the side of his neck, hiding her embarrassment over her very girlie thoughts. "I was thinking there's nowhere else I'd rather be than right here with you, Shu. How about you? What are you thinking?"

"What you're thinking. Well that and the fact that I really need to become more self aware."

Shifting to prop herself up on her elbows Isane gave him a questioning look, the statement worrying her. "More self aware? Are you still feeling guilty over former Captain Tosen? That wasn't your fault, Shu. Nobody saw what he was going to do. Kira and Hinamori didn't see their captains deserting either."

"I wasn't talking about that. Okay, no, I was sort of talking about that, but you too. I mean I failed to notice that my captain was going over to the dark side, but I also failed to realize what I had in you. We've been together since we were kids, but we're only now getting together. I mean how could I miss that you're the one for me? If you hadn't punched the sense into me who knows what would have happened."

Isane leaned forward to press her lips against Shu's in a sweet, loving kiss, her heart all but singing at his words and the meaning behind them. "Don't worry, I've got no problem punching sense into you now that I know how great we are together." She assured him with a delighted laugh.

"Sounds like a plan to me." Hisagi agreed, rolling them over so that he could kiss her back with some more heat, savoring the feel of her lush body under his. "Now what's say you remind me why you're so great, preferably without punching me." He added, kissing the tip of her nose.

"I think I can manage that." She agreed as she leaned in for another kiss.

)

Lying in bed with a sniffer of whiskey in one hand, Byakuya wasn't even that surprised when the outside door leading to his room was slid open, a familiar forming stepping in before closing the door behind her. But at least she was in her big form, that was some progress, he mused thoughtfully, making no move to react as he sipped.

Marching over Yachiru's hands were already on her hips, looming over him threateningly. "My future sorta mother says there's nothing going on between you two. So who's the bitch you're screwing behind my back so that I can bitch slap her into the next century. I want a name. NOW."

"Your future sorta mother?" A raised eyebrow was all the surprise Byakuya showed. "Soifon? I see." So Zaraki had pulled it off after all. Good for him.

Yachiru's eyes narrowed threateningly, not liking his reaction one little bit. "You knew about her and Kenny."

"Unlike you I'm not blind."

Walking over to sit beside the futon cross legged Yachiru propped her head up on her hands as she watched him. "It's partially your fault you know. If you hadn't distracted me so much this last little while I would have put things together sooner. And DON'T say they had this thing going for a long time now, I don't want to think about that."

Sensing the misery behind her words Byakuya wasn't all that surprised. She was a rabid, pink haired menace to society, but she loved her captain more than anyone else in existence. And right now she was blaming herself for not realizing sooner that the big oaf was in love with the second division captain.

Pushing aside his covers the sixth division captain set aside his own glass and walked over to a nearby cabinet to retrieve another one, which he topped off himself before walking over to her, handing the drink over. "Don't gulp it down." He warned, knowing her well. "It's meant to be appreciated."

Yachiru sniffed at that but did as he suggested. "It's okay."

Amused by her Byakuya returned to his sit on his bed, his eyes widening ever so slightly as she got up and followed him, taking a seat beside him like she had ever right to just crawl into bed with him. Well technically she wasn't even under the covers, but she was still sitting on his bed like she owned the place.

And sensing his thoughts Yachiru smirked up at him, her eyes daring him to comment. "Try and kick me off and there's going to be liquor and glass all over your bedding."

"I'll kick you out when you're done with your drink then."

"You're welcome to try."

Slipping into companionable silence the two sat side by side and drank their whiskey.

)

It was morning already, and Matsumoto was pretty much dead on her feet. But she'd wanted to make sure that she wasn't spotted going to Nemu's secret lab by anyone. She'd felt the stares, listened to the prodding questions, and she wasn't an idiot. She didn't work with idiots as a general rule either, which was why she had to be extra sneaky so that none of them realized the secret she and Nemu shared. And for once she was very thankful that once upon a time she'd been a street kid, she and Gin forced to fend for themselves in the streets full of adults who'd been as dangerous as they were necessary to their survival. Not that she thought or sensed the presence of anyone or anything near the lab, but she felt better for being cautious and careful as she let herself in.

Letting herself into the lab room Matsumoto kept as quiet as possible, even though she knew to her bones that on some level Gin would be aware of her presence. No one snuck up on him. No one escaped his notice.

Walking over to stand beside the operating table that was still his bed, Matsumoto took comfort in the decrease of machines and tubes. He was getting a lot better it seemed.

Reaching out she stroked his scarred face, her man's features barely visible in the dim lights that encircled the walls of the room.

"Shouldn't you be home about now, Ran chan? The wolves come out at night to feast on pretty little ladies like you."

"I'd say I eat wolves for breakfast, but I can't imagine them tasting very good."

The sound the man made might have been a chuckle.

"Nemu chan says it's only a matter of time before you're out and about again." Matsumoto said softly, unable to keep her fingers from stroking his warming skin. "What are you going to do when that happens?"

"I'll find a way to stay close, Ran." Was his simple, somehow poignant response.

"Promise?"

"Promise."

"Break that promise and I'm breaking you, FYI."

"Yes, Ma'am."

)

General Yamamoto sat at his desk, feeling very old and tired as he stared off into space. His once proud and warrior Gotei had turned into a society of matchmakers. All his ranked officers were engaged in romantic entanglements with each other, which could only mean that for the foreseeable future they were all going to be more interested in each other than the work they were all charged with doing. Captain Kyoraku and Lieutenant Ise, and Captain Zaraki and Captain Soifon had all stopped in to officially notify him of their engagements. Which meant, the general thought darkly, that before long his Special Ops captain would be too distracted with wedding plans to do her job, and Lieutenant Ise too busy to keep Shunsui in line and doing his job.

Than there was the fact that it was only a matter of time before Captain Ukitake ended up posing the question to former Lieutenant Kurotsuchi, who wouldn't be a former lieutenant much longer if the head of his thirteenth division had anything to say about it. Lieutenant Kotetsu and Captain Hisagi were also involved according to the grapevine, which wasn't as bad, but still spelled trouble as far as the old man was concerned. Not to mention Lieutenants Hinamori and Kira had been spending a lot of time together apparently.

He needed their heads in the game after all, not up in the clouds with hearts and birds buzzing around their noggins.

At the knock on his door General Yamamoto looked over warily, mentally praying that it wasn't another 'happy' couple. Bidding his interrupter to enter the general breathed a small sigh of relief as Sasakiba stepped in. At least he could still count on his second in command, Yamamoto thought as he nodded in greeting.

"Sorry to interrupt, General. I just wanted to let you know that I was stepping out for lunch. Would you like me to bring you anything back?"

Yamamoto shook his head. "No need. I have my lunch with me. Thank you for asking."

The head lieutenant nodded his head back in acknowledgement. "You're welcome. I'll be going now. Captain Unohana informed me that she'll be bringing your medication with her, so there's no need for you to send someone to pick it up today. Enjoy your lunch." He added, waiting to be dismissed.

A bad feeling coming over his old bones the general watched his lieutenant carefully. "You're going out to lunch with Captain Unohana?"

"That is correct, Sir."

"A business meeting?"

"No, Sir."

Yamamoto stared at the man for several long, drawn out moments. "Et tu, Sasakiba?"

The other man's raised eyebrow was his only sign of amusement as he answered. "It's only lunch, Sir."

The general's face said clearly that he wasn't buying that for a moment. "Dismissed then."

"Thank you, Sir."

Being a very wise man Lieutenant Sasakiba didn't allow himself to smile just a little until he was out the door and out of his general's sight. Then, with a slight spring to his step, the older man headed out for his lunch with the forth division captain.

The general, meanwhile, continued to sit at his desk and brood over the whole mess.

Or he did until it occurred to him that with all his captains and lieutenants pairing up and getting married, he could expect down the road a whole broad of children who could in turn replenish the various divisions with new blood and high skill levels.

A child with Kyoraku's skills but Lieutenant Ise's work ethic and drive.

Another one with Ukitake's loyalty and strength of will, combined with Lieutenant Kurotsuchi's genius and indestructibility.

There was a rumor too, now that the old man thought about it, that suggested that Captain Kuchiki was seeing someone on the side too. He would definitely need some children from him, the general thought sagely. One could never have enough Kuchikis.

And just thinking about what sort of fighting machine Captain Soifon and Captain Zaraki would create between the two of them had the old general fighting back the urge to develop a happy dance.

Oh the possibilities, Yamamoto thought almost gleefully, battling down the urge to rub his hands together as he considered the recruits his captains and lieutenants could even now be creating for him. Of course he strongly disapproved of such things during work hours, but it was lunchtime after all. No time like the present to get on with the production of the next generation.

And wouldn't it just stick in Aizen's craw, the old general thought with a wide, foxy grin, if he knew that he had only himself to blame for the super shinigamis that were going to be after his traitorous ass before he knew it.

Yeah, today was a good day after all, Yamamoto thought as he leaned back in his chair.

And it was only going to get better as the years went by.

The End

* * *

Thank you for reading, and for sticking with me for such a long time. I'm sorry I couldn't give you more, but the time for this story has passed. I hope these last couple chapters have tied up most of the major loose ends, and that you enjoy imagining what could be in the future for the cast.

Thanks again. CQueen


End file.
